Episodes
Wednesday May 13, 2020
Wednesday May 13, 2020
We just did the show of the decade with Neale Donald Walsch, modern day spiritual messenger, and NY Times bestselling author of Conversations with God, over two-and-a-half years on the bestseller list. In our times of turmoil and fear, Donald was gracious and loving in his answers as he taught us what God taught him: We are loved and can live joyfully, despite the circumstances. Here are some nuggets of wisdom we learned from the show:
*We’re spiritual beings having a physical body experience. When we’re tempted to feel angry at our partner, or sad about a setback, we can ask ourselves: “What does my reaction have to do with my soul agenda?” and “What would I do from my highest self?” Quickly, we see that our life has greater meaning than a momentary dispute or setback: We are souls in human clothes and our mission is to spread love and goodness in the world.
*Ask with Gratitude. God has one word in God’s vocabulary: “Yes.” When you ask for something, ask as if you are grateful for already receiving it (love, money, health, happiness), and God’s answer will be “Yes.” You will be asking from a prosperity mentality instead of one of lack, and you will receive what you already have (abundance).
*We are One: When Neale was homeless and suicidal at 50 years of age, he asked God for answers. God replied: “Your life is not about you; it’s about the people you touch.” Neale tells us that we can ask ourselves the question: “Is there anything going on over there that is happening here with me?” In this way, we can develop empathy—the ability to put ourselves in the shoes of another. As we are all now in the same position worldwide—isolated from our loved ones and treasured activities; worried about our health and finances—we recognize that we are all one. As humans, we share the same fears, doubts, joys, pleasures, and love for ourselves, our loved ones, and our Higher Nature. The more we recognize this unity of thought and spirit the more we can heal ourselves and the world.
According to Neale, we are all having conversations with God, although we may not always recognize or apply God’s wisdom (our intuition, genius, or hidden inner voice). During the current world crisis of isolation and fear, Neale’s message from God is enlightening and uplifting: We are loved, we can love, and we can be love. All we have to do is recognize our true authenticity as divine creations of a higher source. Our mission: to spread love and leave a lasting legacy of goodness on earth.
Tuesday May 05, 2020
Tuesday May 05, 2020
Would you like to live victoriously and achieve your goals and dreams despite the circumstances? Now you can. In today’s uncertain and anxiety ridden-world, you learn to live with the Mind of Invincibility—with absolute confidence, peace, and power, regardless of the turmoil and anxiety around you. Here are some tips for overcoming obstacles and living to your fullest, as we learned in our new series: “Invincible You”:
*Give What You Want Most: You may be disappointed and frustrated that you are not getting what you want—in your relationships, career, finances, health, or personal happiness. You ask: “Why do people get all the luck and I don’t?” If that’s the case, here’s a simple solution: Give what you want most. If you want love, be more loving to others. Find the loneliest or shyest person and smile at them; talk to them; comfort them. If you want more money, give some money to charity or a humanitarian organization. Give away some of your material items, volunteer your time. You will find that the more you give what you want, the more abundant and fulfilled you will feel. Instead of approaching the world form a mind of scarcity (“never enough”) you will realize that when you can give to others, you have more than enough for yourself. Now, the Universe will work in your favor to give you the exact same things you are giving away—love, money, happiness and more.
*Forgive Yourself for Your Past and Your Future. You may be hard on yourself for your past mistakes, and regret may fill your mind. You ask: “Why did I stay with that incompatible (abusive) partner for so long?” “Why didn’t I stay with the person I truly loved?” “Why did I stay with that unfulfilling career so long (or not pursue the career I really wanted)?” On and on, regrets can torment you if you don’t forgive yourself. When you forgive yourself for your past mistakes (and any mistakes you may make in the future), you suddenly feel lighter, freer, and stronger. When you are weakened by regret, you tend to repeat the same mistakes—over and over—because you don’t feel that you can do any better, that you deserve any better. On the other hand, self-forgiveness opens the path for you to have a brighter future that is not burdened by regret. Think of it this way. When you were in 6th grade psychologically, you made 6th grade mistakes (maybe you hurt people without realizing it); now that you are in college, you won’t make those 6th grade mistakes again. You have learned the lessons from your errors and you will act differently because you are different. You have moved beyond past regrets and errors into a complete acceptance of yourself as someone who can learn and grow from your past. You are regret-free.
*Make Gratitude Your Best Friend. Gratitude is the understanding that the good that comes to you comes from outside you—perhaps a higher power, your loved ones, or even a stranger who helps you when you’re stranded on the side of the road. Psychology tells us that gratitude is a tremendous tool for self-growth. Research shows that people who keep a gratitude journal—write down things they are grateful for every day—have 30% less depression and 40% better sleep. Start right now: What are you grateful for? For your life, your loved ones, your body, your health, your career or talents, your ability to breathe fresh air, hear the birds sing; for the love of lovers; the love of parent and child; the bliss of communing with a Higher Nature, and for the slice of eternity (your life) that you have been given to make a difference in the world and leave a lasting legacy of love and goodness. These are just some of the things you can be grateful for. Even if you think that your life sucks right now, chances are, you can find a few things to be grateful about (maybe you have a loving pet). When you uplift your mind to gratefulness and count your blessings, you focus suddenly changes from “Poor me,” to “Blessed I.” You move away from thinking constantly about how unfairly life has treated you to reveling in the good of the Universe and the Higher nature (God/spirit/nature) that takes care of you and loves you. Now your mood is brightened and you can go out and achieve your dreams.
Yes, you can have an Invincible Mind—a mind that is incapable of being defeated. Being invincible in the psychological sense doesn’t mean that you will be perfect, or that you will never face loss, pain, or suffering (you will). The difference is that your Invincible Mind gives you resilience, the ability to bounce back from any adversity so you can love yourself and others, despite the turmoil and problems you face. In the end, your psychological and spiritual strength will envelop you as you extend your loving energy to others, without expectation—helping to make this world a better place because you were in it.
Tuesday Apr 28, 2020
Tuesday Apr 28, 2020
On Love University, I had the pleasure of being interviewed by a special guest host, Kelly Sullivan Walden, the Dream Doctor. She interviewed me about dreams, love, and the meaning of life. Here are some nuggets of knowledge we shared on the show:
*Dreams can guide you. You may think that you don’t dream, but research shows that you spend approximately two hours per night in the state known as REM sleep, where dreams are most likely to happen. The key to remembering your dreams is to keep a notebook next to your bed and write down everything you can think of about the dream when you wake up. Write down any emotions, colors, or sequences. The more you write down, the more you will remember. Dreams can provide insight into problems and can be a type of hidden intuition that guides you in what to do about relationships, careers, or lifestyle decisions. To learn more, read books, listen to podcasts and videos about dream interpretation, or talk to a dream coach (dream therapist) about your dreams and what they mean. You may be surprised about how much you can learn about yourself and your life when you interpret your dreams—"the royal road to your unconscious.”
*Accept yourself as you are. In my classic bestseller, LoveTypes (shorturl.at/qxFU3), I taught readers how to determine and embrace their unique LoveType, one of 16 romantic personality styles, so they could find lasting love. The first step is to accept yourself as you are. Maybe you are the Idealistic Philosopher who loves psychology, philosophy, and the meaning of life. Or, you are a Caretaker who loves to take care of people. Perhaps, you are the Craftsperson who enjoys hands-on excitement, or the General who has a commanding presence. To find a compatible mate, you first need to appreciate who you are. If you’re an Idealistic Philosopher, be a proud one who takes pleasure in finding the meaning in life and talking about higher level ideas to help humanity. If you’re a General, embrace your powerful nature and don’t worry that some insecure people may be intimidated by your; there are plenty of individuals who will respect and admire your inner strength. In the dating world, don’t try to change yourself to win someone’s heart—what I call the “Dating Masquerade (putting on a psychological mask to impress a potential mate).” Instead, from the beginning of meeting someone, express your true, authentic self, and naturally connect with the person who resonates with your style.
*Find a similar type to love. Although opposites may seem to attract in dating situations, research shows that couple similarities in values, preferences, and beliefs seem to work better for successful long-term relationships. The reason is that similarities in key areas of a relationships tend to minimize conflict and ensure a more compatible and harmonious love partnership. This doesn’t mean that you have to be exactly the same as your mate—you may love bowling while your partner craves opera—that’s perfectly fine. The important thing is that you share similarities in the important things in life—how you view the world, how you make decisions, how you organize your life. In my latest book, GuyTypes (shorturl.at/gjoP2), I talk about the four Love Groups—Meaning Seekers, Excitement Seekers, Security Seekers, and Knowledge Seekers. Once you know which group you fall into, you can network and get involved with groups, activities, and organizations that have a significant number of individuals who share the same type. If you’re a Meaning Seeker, for example, you can meet a like-minded Meaning Seeker at psychology or spirituality talks, events, or meetup groups. If you’re a Knowledge Seeker, you can find a fellow Knowledge Seeker at activities and groups related to science, technology, business, and innovation. Regardless of your type, the good news is that there is someone for you who matches your nature and can be a wonderful long-term compatible love partner.
Yes, you can make your dreams come true—in love, finances, career, health, and happiness. You need to embrace who you are—your unique personality style—and make the effort to understand your complete nature, including the unconscious parts of our mind that are expressed in your dreams. By fully acknowledging who you are—your wishes, dreams, desires, values, and goals—you can achieve what you want in life, including finding and keeping a lasting love relationship with the person of your dreams.
Thursday Apr 23, 2020
Thursday Apr 23, 2020
Would you like to have great sex and romance? Now you can by fully understanding your partner with the power of Enneagram personality analysis. We just had a wonderful guest on Love University, Ann Gadd, who illuminated the secrets of wonderful sex and love through the power of Enneagram Types—a fascinating system of human understanding and connection. The first step is to discover your own type and your partner’s type. Next, by applying the knowledge of Enneagram types, you will be able to harmonize with your partner, help them grow, and deeply connect with them. In the end, you will learn how to fully appreciate, and be grateful, for each other’s uniqueness as you work together to build an amazingly loving and sexy relationship that lasts.
Here are the 9 Enneagram types in sex and love:
#1’s: Structured Perfectionists: These are the meticulous people who love to organize, mobilize, and keep the rest of us safe. Their challenge is that they may put perfectionism over pleasure. During lovemaking, they may criticize you for leaving clothes on the floor, instead of enjoying the moment. KEY TO GREAT SEX AND LOVE: Teach them to let go of their need for control and, instead, to focus on the moment—to think about what is going right with the relationship right now.
#2’s: Considerate Caretaker: They are the earth mother or earth father who takes care of you and have a strong desire to please you. In sex, they are eager to please but may not ask for their needs to be met, eventually resulting in frustration and resentment. KEY TO GREAT SEX AND LOVE: Show them how to acknowledge their own love and sexual needs, and encourage them to receive.
3’s: Achieving Promoters: These are the irresistible people with enormous drive, ambition, and charisma. They can light up any room they walk into. KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Show them that sex and love is not always a performance (“Look at how many orgasms we got”). Teach them how to relax and let go of the need for control so they can fully enjoy passion and romance.
4’s: The Romantics: These are the sensitive, artistic, creative, and spiritual souls. They often suffer from the feeling that something is missing in their relationships—even if it is an excellent one. KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Help them focus on reality instead of fantasy, so they can learn to appreciate the good things they already have in the relationship—without always yearning for an unattainable and unrealistic fantasy world in their heads.
5’s: The Lonely Intellectual: These are the brilliant thinkers who believe that knowledge is power, competence is everything, and brains are sexy. KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Help them realize that sex and love consists of more than just mind—it encompasses body, mind, and soul. Perhaps have them study up on Tantric sexuality, soulful sex, or romantic love expressions (poetry). Even though they may not grasp the emotional aspects at first, they can begin to think their way to their deepest emotions.
6’s: Loyal Lovers: These are the security conscious people who are loyal, committed, and long-term lovers. They believe they must always do things right. They worry a lot, “Will the condom break? Will I lose my erection? Will something go wrong in the relationship. Will my partner will leave me?” KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Help them let go of the need to earn love; reassure them that you will always have their back as they have yours. Your love is secure.
7’s: Spontaneous Enthusiasts: These are the playful, spontaneous, and fun-loving types. They are always looking at the future—how to have more fun, joy, and pleasure. KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Give them an outlet for their quest for more—whether it’s in career, hobby, or entertainment pursuits. You can join them or give them their “individual hobby” time. Then, they can come back to you with more sexual passion because they have indulged their need for freedom, fun, and spontaneity.
8’s The Big Boss: These are the powerful, commanding, and larger than life people. They can tend to dominate and shine in any situation, and they don’t like losing. Ever. They know what they want, and they will do anything to get it—rejection is not something they even consider. KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Teach them to embrace the vulnerable side of themselves (it’s there deep down), so they can be your equal as opposed to your superior.
9’s Sensual Sweethearts: These are the sweet, good-natured, and flexible peacemakers of the world. They can merge into whatever their partner is into, and they are a calm, healing presence in the relationship. KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Teach them how to recognize their needs as much as they want to please you. In this way, they will not be sexually and romantically frustrated, and they can settle into a comfortable feeling of satisfaction and contentment.
There you have it. Which type are you and which one is your partner? You may see yourself in one or more of these types and you may be attracted to someone who is opposite to you—that is perfectly fine. Often, opposites do attract in the Enneagram approach because they are looking for the hidden part of themselves—they want to harmonize and balance (for example a Big Boss female with a male Sensual Sweetheart). The one exception is the 4’s (Romantics), who tend to do well with each other because they are both yearning for that perfect, higher love.
Regardless of your type (and your partner’s type), the good news is that you can have an amazing relationship with your mate by deeply understanding and respecting each other’s personality styles and harmonizing together to create a strong relationship. It’s your turn now: Make it your mission to have the best sex and love possible with the partner of your choice. No matter what is going on in the world, you can appreciate the awesome truth: Everything is better with Love.
Wednesday Apr 15, 2020
Wednesday Apr 15, 2020
Has the world got you down—making you feel anxious, sad, and worried? Now, there is hope and promise in a new way to live. It is called Psychological Utopia—a mental and emotional state of inner invincibility, love, and joy. You’ve heard of a Utopia—a perfect and loving world. Now, despite the turmoil and fear faced by the world in the current health crisis, you can learn how to create your own Inner Utopia, a state of peace, love, confidence, and emotional security. Here are some things you can do to bring this Psychological Utopia into your life and the lives of those you care about:
*Recognize the Paradox of Adversity. When you face adversity, you may suffer from fear, worry, and sadness. But, you are also able to learn from your circumstances and become a stronger and more loving human being in the process. After a tragedy or serious challenge, you can start to recognize the importance of simple things: hugging and kissing your loved ones; time spent with friends, children, and animals; doing the things you love; exercising, having a spiritual or meditative practice, helping others. Once our world goes back to normal, you will have a greater appreciation of these things that you may have taken for granted in the past. Like a breath of fresh air, you will feel elevated.
*Beware the Second Arrow. The first arrow of life is the difficult or painful circumstance—a health or financial setback, a broken relationship, frustration in career or work. You feel the pain of losing something you consider important in your life. This is normal and natural. The problem occurs when your mind adds the second arrow—your negative and even catastrophic interpretation of the event. A friend stops calling—you feel pain from the lost friendship. Now, you can stab yourself with a second mental arrow—“I will never have another friend like this,” or “I’m not lovable.” You have added to your own pain by your mental interpretation. A more healing approach is to say to yourself, “I will not allow the second arrow to hurt me. Maybe, it was time for our friendship to end. Although it hurts now, I know this experience can open the door for an even stronger and more beautiful friendship to enter my life. I am content as I am right now.” Now, you have cancelled the second arrow and have brought more peace into your life.
*Practice Virtual Closeness: In our current times, we are called to be physically distant from each other for health reasons. Although we need to be physically separated, we can still be emotionally connected. Research shows that loneliness and emotional isolation is one of the biggest causes of depression, poor health, and even an early death. Our goal is to maintain emotional closeness to people, regardless of how physically apart we are. We can still do virtual hangouts or virtual game nights; we can exercise, worship, and play together by video chatting. We can connect with long-lost friends and relatives and share our favorite things online—movies, books, songs—with others. Although we are physically apart, we can be connected through our hearts and minds and the advantages of technology. We can feel that we are united and connected, no matter where we are.
*Extend Loving Energy Without Expectation. One of the most beautiful mindsets to have for Psychological Utopia is to give love without expecting anything back. Smile at others, offer sincere compliments, help them with practical or financial matters, and listen attentively and empathetically to their concerns. Strive to bring light and goodness into other people’s lives, without asking for anything in return. The person you are kind and compassionate to may not return your favor, but perhaps someone you don’t even know will offer you loving energy when you need it the most. Your goal is to be like the sun—shining your loving energy everywhere you go. Of course, some people don’t like the sun—they cover up—but the sun doesn’t mind; it never gets mad. It just keeps shining on everyone. Although some may avoid the sun, there are plenty of people who love the sun and will lie out to receive its rays. In the same way, you can listen, volunteer, help, and love people like the sun—no matter what happens—because that is who you are: Loving energy.
Although this is a difficult and challenging time for many people, the good news is that our world society can become stronger and better once we come out of this crisis. As we all suffer from a common malady, we can become closer as human beings—as we recognize that we all share the same fears and pains, but we also share the same joy and love for our loved ones and our place on this earth. Also, this crisis is allowing us to go within—to become more internal—and ponder our place in the world and the meaning of our lives. This can also be a healthy and productive development. Finally, we begin to fully realize just how much we need each other, and how the power of love can transform lives.
Our mission at Love University is to help eradicate loneliness by the year 2025. At we unite as one world, one people, one love, through the power of technology, we can begin to accomplish this grand goal. As people learn how to love themselves, others, and a Higher Nature (God/spirit/nature), we can begin to eradicate loneliness, fear, and despair. Love indeed becomes the ultimate power for good. Share in it, and make this world the Psychological Utopia that will bring hope and light for all.
Tuesday Apr 07, 2020
Tuesday Apr 07, 2020
In times of trouble and turmoil we often turn to the things that brings us comfort and guidance: Our higher power, family, loved ones, and country. With our special guest on Love University, J. Thomas Rompel, award-winning military thriller author (“Citizen Warrior”), we discussed how love can get us through the darkest days. Here are the important types of Love that can make life worth living:
Love of A Higher Nature: Many of us believe in a higher power or nature that loves and guides us. Some call it God, spirit, nature, essence, or simply the goodness of humanity. Regardless of what you call it, it’s important to commune with this Higher nature on a daily basis—expressing gratitude, faith, hope, and loving connection toward the Higher Nature and receiving the same in return. When life gets difficult, and we feel like we can no longer make it on our power, our Higher Nature is what we can rely on to carry us the rest of the way. Every day, make sure you pray, meditate, read spiritual blogs, listen to inspirational YouTube videos, and share your spiritual views with like-minded individuals. Most importantly of all, but your faith and spirituality in practice by being kinder to others—patient, forgiving, gentle, and loving. Strive to help people in any way you can and live by the higher principles you study. When you do this, you put your spirituality into application, and you will see amazing results in your life. Where before, you may have felt depressed, now you feel contentment and joy. Where before, you may have had doubt and uncertainty, now you have purpose and mission. Now you have the best of all worlds: You are living through your Higher Nature and your Higher Nature is living through you.
Love of Family and Friends: This is the rock-solid part of the lives of many: their spouses, children, family members, and close friends. We rely on these people as our rock-solid emotional and spiritual support. Of course, the reality is that not everyone has a family they can count on—due to divorce, illness, death, or addiction/mental health problems. Perhaps, you don’t have much of a family you can trust, but you have close friends who are like family. Or, you may feel lonely and let down because you believe that you have no one to love. If that is the case, you can create your own adult family—join an online group that relate to your favorite hobbies or interests and connect with like-minded friends. Perhaps, adopt a pet—dog, cat, bird, or fish—and express your affection toward your new animal friend. Get involved in a spiritual practice you resonate with and get to know those who share a similar tradition or belief. Spend as much time—online or off—with your loving family of biological relatives or friends doing the things you love to do, and your life will be much brighter.
Love of Country: Sometimes we forget the marvelous privilege of living in a country that provides us with the opportunity to be our best selves. A country is a collection of human souls who have either been born into, or came to a place, which they believed offered them and their children the best possible opportunities for love, security, and the pursuit of happiness. When an international crisis occurs, people can band together within their country, and worldwide, to help each other, and express a collective spirit of caring, compassion, empathy, and contribution It is a beautiful thing to feel part of a united whole in which we recognize the humanity and similarity of our values, beliefs, and dreams. No matter where we are from, we understand that we all want the same things: to love and be loved, to provide for our children, and to make a meaningful impact and contribution during our time on earth. The truth is that we belong to each other, and, working together, we can make the world a better place.
Yes, love in its many forms is the psychological vaccine that can save us from feelings of despair, regret, and fear when we face troublesome and challenging times. And, of course, to make it all work, we need to love ourselves as well. We love ourselves, not in an egotistical or self-centered way, but in a self-caring way that allows us to generate more energy and strength to help others. In your everyday life, make sure you practice self-care—good diet, exercise, sleep, spiritual practice—and forgive yourself for any errors you have may have made. Be self-compassionate just as you are compassionate to others and you will have more love to give to the world.
Remember: Love and the whole world loves with you. That is the best way to live.
Monday Mar 30, 2020
Monday Mar 30, 2020
With recent events and the current pandemic gripping the world, many people are in shock, panic, and sadness. Yet, there is reason for hope and positive expectation as the human spirit has survived mind-bending catastrophes in the past and will continue to thrive in many times to come. This is the lesson we learned from our guest on Love University, Mia Kingsley, author of the award-winning post-apocalyptic novel, Survivors of the Sun. Here are some tips we learned from Mia about how to survive in the worst of times—even when we think the world may be coming to an end.
*We have to evolve: The world is constantly changing, and we need to change with it. As humans, we try to hang on to mental and emotional security, only to realize that constancy is fleeting. Everything changes and evolves. We grow older, hopefully wiser, and the things we had before we may not have tomorrow. Yet, we can also expand our consciousness, give and receive more love, and make a positive contribution—no matter what type of world we live in. Growth is an absolute.
*We need to be prepared: Catastrophic world events are no longer just seen in science fiction or some futuristic scenario. We are currently living in a world where dangers may come from unknown and different directions. In the current health crisis, we must have needed supplies, practice good hygiene, and limit our exposure to the virus until the health authorities tell us it’s OK to carry on as usual. Preparation eases our minds and helps us face the new challenges that await.
*Make something beautiful. All of us have something beautiful inside—perhaps a talent, ability, or attribute. Maybe, you’re good at music, sports, art, science, writing, teaching, business, crafts, or caretaking. Perhaps, you’re humorous and can make people laugh, or you’re an inspiring and motivating person who can help others be their best. Or, you just may be a strong, silent type who comforts people by your presence. Whatever your talent—in Spanish it is called “Don,” (gift from God)—use it to help yourself and others. If you’re stuck at home, engage in your hobbies and interests to enliven the lives of those around you. Make a new song, artwork, or crafts handiwork that you can give to others; bake a cake, write a story, teach a child something. Whatever you do, make it come from inside your own beauty, and you will enliven everyone’s day.
*It’s all about love. In the end, love is the ultimate prize and the ultimate solution. Spending time with your family and loved ones in difficult times is the silver lining behind the clouds of fear and despair. Giving love to others without expectation is one of the golden secrets to your everyday happiness. Smile at people, give them sincere compliments, do a video chat session with a hurting friend as you attentively listen to their problems. These are all ways you can extend loving energy to others on a daily basis. The key is that you will give love without expectation—without expecting that others will smile back, like you, or even be attentive to you. You give loving energy because you have it inside—and the more you give it, the more it grows. It’s true: Love is the only thing that can combat the darkness of fear and despair. Use it as your sword against suffering and you will be victorious.
Yes, it is possible to survive, and even thrive, in difficult and dark times. Whether you are suffering because of the current world health situation, or because you may have other personal challenges in your life, there is a solution—there is hope. Loving yourself, others, and a higher nature; putting your talents to use for the good of humanity; and evolving into the best human being you can possibly be. These are all solutions to fear, sadness, and loneliness. You will have joy in your heart and confidence in your step when you fully become who you were meant to be and project a shining example to all who cross your path. You will not just survive—you will prosper and a leave a lasting legacy of love and goodness to the world.
Tuesday Mar 24, 2020
Tuesday Mar 24, 2020
Do you ever feel sad, depressed, or down-in-the dumps? It’s a common feeling for many people at certain times in their lives. Now, there is hope in the form of a new approach to self-love, as explained to us by a joyful woman, Jennifer Ayers-Belinkis on Love University. After recovering from Major Depression—a severe depressive disorder—she wrote a book of self-love and awakening called “Me.” Here are some of the lessons we learned for how to turn sadness into triumph:
See people as your teachers. Everyone we come into contact with—even difficult, annoying, and mean people—have a lesson to teach us. Instead of losing our mind with anger and frustration in our interactions with difficult people, we can slow down our mental movements and become aware of our thoughts and feelings, as we begin to understand the lesson we need to learn. Perhaps, we need to develop the skill of patience, or we need to have more compassion for the suffering of others—realizing how much the angry person destroys themselves with their own anger. When we learn the lesson, we can move our minds to a higher and safer place.
Smile every day. Make it a point each day to smile at family, friends, acquaintances, even strangers. When you smile, you express loving energy; you create a daily habit of extending your joy to others. As you do this, you may see different reactions: some will smile back and start a conversation; some will mumble a quick “hi,” and others will avoid your smile and walk hurriedly away. Regardless of their reaction, you will keep smiling because you have an inner warmth that you are expressing outwardly. The more you smile, the more joyful you will feel inside, and eventually you will discover those individuals who resonate with your smile.
Ask yourself: Was I in connection to my joy? Before you go to sleep at night, reflect on your day and think about whether you did the things that brought you happiness. Did you meditate, pray, exercise, listen to music, create something, play, or express love to your loved ones (humans or animals)? Did you take the time to savor that cup of your favorite drink; smell the flowers; breathe in fresh outdoor air? If you find yourself rushing around and spending most of your time on distracting and petty things that don’t contribute much to your happiness, then resolve to make tomorrow different. As you lie in bed, write down the one most important thing you can do tomorrow that will bring you joy; resolve to do that one thing at the very beginning of your day. Maybe it’s as simple as sitting quietly outside and reading your favorite book, while listening to the birds. Strive to do one thing you love, or have a strong affinity for, each day, and you will be a happier and more joyous person with more love to give to others.
*Ask yourself: What am I grateful for today? When you wake up each morning, think about all of the things you are grateful for. Now, you may say, “I don’t have much to be grateful for.” Perhaps, you’re struggling in your career, finances, relationships, health, or emotional well-being. Maybe, people have let your down and betrayed you, or you have been your own worst enemy as you let bad habits, poor mental thinking patterns, and out-of-control addictions hinder and enslave you. Yet, no matter how far down you have fallen down in the well of despair, if you look up, you can still see the sun. Think about it: Are you alive? Yes, then you can be grateful for that. Can you breathe fresh air; yes, you can be grateful for that. Can you savor the taste of food; if so, you can be grateful for that. Do you have anyone in your life—human or animal—that you can call a friend? If it’s “yes,” then be grateful for that. Have you been given any talent, ability, or advantage in life? If so, you can be grateful for that. Regardless of your current condition in life, chances are, you can find one or more things to be grateful for. The power of gratitude is that it lifts you from feeling sorry about yourself into feeling good about the gifts and blessings you have been given while you’re on earth. Research shows that keeping a gratitude journal—writing three things you’re grateful for every day—can reduce depression by 30% and increase sleep by 40%. Practice gratitude every day and you will find plenty in your life to be content about.
Yes, you can start to change your life by loving yourself, “Me,” not in a selfish or egotistical way, but in a way that renews your inner power so you can give more love to others and contribute to the world. Too many people sacrifice themselves to please others, or maintain the image that they think the world wants them to be, while neglecting their true authenticity—who they really are inside. Now, it’s time to “unmask yourself”—drop your artificial personality meant to impress others—and be your true self. Understand yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself. Once you do that, you can shine your loving light to others and make this world a better place.
Wednesday Mar 18, 2020
HOW THERAPY CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE: JOY AND CONTENTMENT CAN BE YOURS
Wednesday Mar 18, 2020
Wednesday Mar 18, 2020
For the average person, the idea of going to a therapist for psychological help can be intimidating: “I’m not crazy; I’m not talking to a shrink.” Yet, therapy can be very helpful and healing for people with psychological issues (anxiety, depression, PTSD), as well as for those who are OK psychologically, but want to reach higher levels of happiness and success. In my work as a forensic psychologist, I help a lot of people recover who have suffered trauma from a personal injury or accident. In my work at Love University, we have helped many individuals eradicate loneliness and fear to achieve a higher state of excellence. In our current state of mass worldwide anxiety due to the Coronavirus, it is reassuring to know that therapy can help many of us reduce our feelings of anxiety and helplessness so we can create a brighter future for ourselves and our loved ones.
Here are some ways you can get the most from psychotherapy:
*Screen Your Therapist Carefully: After receiving a referral from a friend or family member, or searching online for highly reviewed therapists, set up a phone interview. See how comfortable you are talking to them by phone. You can also try them out for a couple of sessions in person to see how well you connect and if you feel empathy and understanding from them.
*Be Authentic: In your therapy sessions, express how you really feel—don’t hold anything back. If you’re angry or intimidated by your therapist, let them know. If you don’t think therapy is helping you, speak up. Your therapist, if skilled, can use everything you tell them as material to help you psychologically, even unpleasant or shameful things you are feeling. Don’t try to please or impress the therapist—be open to who you really are and what you’re really thinking.
*Think of Therapy Like a Mental Laboratory: Try out things in therapy you would never do in public. If you’re shy, roleplay being assertive. If you’re too aggressive, practice being more patient and a better listener. A good therapy session is like a laboratory of the mind in which you’re free to experiment with being whoever you want to be—in a safe and nonjudgmental place. With the lessons you learn from the therapy session, you can then go out into the world and try out your new persona: Ask that attractive person for a date; request a raise at work; take a risk on a new business or lifestyle venture.
*Set Milestones: With your therapist, you can establish a treatment plan—detailing what you want to accomplish in therapy. Set goals such as getting a new job, finding a compatible romantic partner, getting rid of bad habits or addictions, and developing a more positive mindset. You can even rate yourself on a scale—for example you’re currently a 5 out of 10 on self-confidence, but your goal is to get to a 9 out of 10. Each week after your therapy session, reflect on the lessons you have learned about yourself, and apply them to your daily life. As you track your progress with a journal or notebook, you can derive additional motivation to achieve even more internal and external objectives.
*Be Prepared to Work Hard and Grow: Therapy can be hard work. You may face parts of yourself that you’ve kept hidden for a long time—painful elements of your life that you’ve tried to forget. Feelings of regret, fear, sadness, and futility may all come up as you strive to become the person you really are inside. Yet, all the work you do in therapy will definitely be worth it. Just like the pain of childbirth yields a beautiful child, the struggle of therapy done well will create a new “You,” and help you accomplish everything you have ever wanted in life.
Although therapy may not be for everyone, many people can use this powerful tool to solve everyday problems and foster human growth and contentment. Start by choosing the right therapist—someone you can have confidence in—doing your work weekly and applying what you’ve learned in your daily actions. With the right therapist, you can perform wonders in your life, as you begin to reach your highest potential and live joyfully.
Tuesday Mar 17, 2020
Tuesday Mar 17, 2020
On Love University, we had the pleasure of talking to our good friend, Dr. Paulette Sherman, Love Psychologist Extraordinaire. In these times of uncertainty and turmoil, we all need more loving relationships as a buffer against uncertain, fear, and doubt. Dr. Paulette has written 22 books on love and relationships, and had these words of wisdom on how to have great love and passion in our relationships:
*Marry Yourself First: When choosing a mate, make sure you are certain about your must-haves (and deal-breakers) before you let yourself fall for the chemical attraction to a person. If they don’t have what you need, it may be time to look elsewhere. What is your must list? Does your ideal partner need to be gentle, kind, and caring, or do you prefer someone who is smart, powerful, and committed? Nobody has every single personality quality, and your partner doesn’t need to be perfect, but you want someone who can match you in your deepest values, preferences, and lifestyle choices (i.e. your LoveType—your compatible personality style).
*Be Authentic: Some dating programs suggest that you play hard to get and hide your true feelings about the person—some research indicates that doing so may make you more attractive to others. However, this approach also creates a mask of insincerity that later comes off, potentially leading to hurt feelings and thoughts of being manipulated. On the other hand, being too vulnerable and open in the beginning can be a turn-off because you may come across as too needy. The best approach is to choose a middle ground—be authentic and honest about your interests and feelings, yet wait until you have an established relationship until you completely open yourself up emotionally.
*Pay Attention to What Your Partner Likes: You don’t have to like everything your partner enjoys; they may love football, while you love opera. But, it’s important to acknowledge their interest and passions even though you don’t share them. Although you know very little (and don’t care much) for the topic, you may ask “How was the opera (ball game)?” No, you are not being insincere or feigning interest in what they like. Instead, you are paying attention to your partner’s feelings about what they like—and giving them validation for being your unique partner who has their own interests, which makes them a more well-rounded and interesting person.
*Make Your Date Night Sacred: According to Dr. Paulette, research shows that couples who have a weekly date night have two to three times better sex and tend to divorce three times less often. Whether you are married, living together, or have been partnered for a long time, it’s important that you renew your love and connection by spending special time together. As of this writing, people are staying home because of the Coronavirus, but you can still have your special time. One reenergizing activity you can do at home is the sacred bath. While in the bathtub together for 20-30 minutes, you and your partner can relax as you lie in detoxifying bath salt and enjoy beautiful scents. You can center your minds around a positive intention of togetherness as you bring higher energy to your relationship: combining romance, intimacy, relaxation and spirituality into your time together.
What a wonderful relief and comfort it is to have a great love relationship in times of strife and trouble, as well as in good times to celebrate milestones and mutual accomplishments. The secrets of lasting love are as simple as loving yourself, putting yourself in the shoes of your partner (empathy), and extending loving energy without expectation to your mate.
And, of course, working on your relationship is very important. Think about it: You may work out several hours a week on your body, 40 hours or more on your job, but how many hours do you actually work on your relationship: talking, doing fun things together, expressing “I love you’s,” and engaging in sexual intimacy, romantic gestures and affection? The secret is that the more you invest in your love relationship, the more benefits you will receive. Your relationship can become like a never-ending gold mine that keeps bringing you treasure daily: love, happiness, and fulfillment.
Wednesday Mar 11, 2020
Wednesday Mar 11, 2020
We had the pleasure of having a brilliant mind, Steve Almond, on Love University. Steve is the bestselling author of Candyfreak, and former cohost of the multi-million listener advice podcast, “Dear Sugar” with Cheryl Strayed, #1 NY Times bestselling author. Approaching his writing with a deep psychological understanding, Steve shared some fascinating insights on society, life, and happiness in America today.
*What Would You Tell Your 20-Year-Old Self? According to Steve, you could tell them to read, explore, and try different things to discover who they really are and want in life. But, Steve cautions, the 20-year-old self probably wouldn’t listen to the older self because they want to do things “their way.” The good news is that there is no need to regret mistakes you made in the past because when you’re in 2nd grade psychologically, you make 2nd grade mistakes. When you’re in college, you won’t make those same mistakes. Therefore, as you grow with life experiences, you will act differently than before—better and more aware—as long as you learn from your mistakes and help others learn from your mistakes (mentor them). As you do this, you become a happier human being.
*You Have an Obsession for a Reason: Steve admits that he is addicted to candy, and he went cross-country finding candies from his youth, as documented in his bestseller, Candyfreak. He says that we have obsessions for a reason—to try to end pain and struggle—things that are unbearable. Whether it’s a food or substance addiction, relationship addiction, or work addiction, we use the thing, person, or activity as an attempt to mask the pain we have deep inside. The problem is that the pain doesn’t go away; it is only temporarily covered up. The solution, Steve says, is to face the issue behind the pain (low self-worth, abusive background, and so forth) through reading, therapy, and self-analysis. Once we start growing inwardly, the obsession will tend to fall away by itself because we have something new to take its place: self-love.
*Pay Attention to Your Own Life: In book, William Stoner and the Battle for the Inner Life, , Steve talks about one of the biggest problems in society today: We’re so focused on getting attention from others, that we neglect to pay attention to our own inner life. Consequently, we make unhealthy and even self-destructive decisions. We think consuming a product or trying to win other’s approval will make us happy. It won’t. Steve say we need to be aware of who we are and what we stand for, so we can take the necessary steps to fully accept and represent our authentic selves, as we strive to help make the world a better place.
Yes, you can be happy and healthy as long as you accept who you really are, with full acceptance, and without regrets. Instead of covering up your fears and pains with external things, and trying to put on a false appearance to be appealing for others, you need to look within and develop love and courage as inner forces for good. When you do this, you can be truly authentic to your pure nature, and you can bring more love and happiness into your world and the worlds of those around you.
Tuesday Mar 10, 2020
CODEPENDENT OR CARING? HOW TO AVOID A RELATIONSHIP CATASTROPHE
Tuesday Mar 10, 2020
Tuesday Mar 10, 2020
Have you ever found yourself in a codependent relationship—in which you sacrifice yourself for someone who is emotionally immature, addicted, or underachieving? Codependency goes beyond just caring for someone; it can become an unhealthy relationship pattern in which you give up your own needs to try to fill your partner’s needs (which can’t be met). Here are some ways out of a codependent relationship:
*Establish Boundaries and Practice Direct Communication: Make your partner know that you won’t tolerate substance abuse, addictions, or emotional/physical abuse in the relationship. You will not allow your partner to use shame and guilt into pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do (“If you loved me, you would do this). Also, communicate directly. Codependent people tend to “beat around the bush” instead of saying what they really feel (they don’t want their partner to dislike or disapprove of them). When you say what you really think and feel, you are authentic with yourself and your partner, and you feel better as a result.
*Be Like a Visitor At a Mental Zoo: Recognize that you’re not responsible for your partner’s negative emotional reactions (anger, fear, sadness). You can be compassionate and empathetic to a point, but you also need to protect yourself from their negativity and attempts to manipulate your feelings. To do this, imagine that you’re a visitor to a zoo, and you see a lion who is roaring. Instead of feeling fearful, you are relaxed because you know the lion is in its cage, and you are safe. In the same way, when your partner roars at you and tries to intimidate you, visually imagine that there is a solid steel cage that protects their negativity from entering you—you are entirely safe and comfortable.
*Practice Self-Compassion: Love yourself and you can love others in the right way. Instead of making your life revolve around your partner, rediscover your passions in life—what makes you happy. Maybe, it’s writing, art, crafts, science, psychology, exercise, travel, caretaking, being with animals or children in nature, a spiritual practice. When you do what you love, you will rejuvenate yourself and recognize that you don’t have to rely on someone else to make you happy—you can find contentment within.
Caring and compassionate people can fall into the trap of being in a codependent relationship in which they try to “change” or “rescue” another person. This usually leads to emotional pain and turmoil because the other person may not want to be rescued, and you waste your time, energy, and spirit trying to change someone else. The key to having a healthy relationship is to extend loving energy to yourself, directly communicate your needs and desires, and set up psychological boundaries to protect yourself from someone else’s negative energies. When you do these things, you can be caring without being co-dependent; compassionate without being stuck in a bad, emotionally draining relationship. You can be free and loving and the same time.
Tuesday Mar 03, 2020
Tuesday Mar 03, 2020
We were pleased to have on Love University: Andrea Bartz, acclaimed magazine editor, author (The Lost Night and The Herd, March 2020), and expert on “Hipster” culture. Here are some of the interesting tidbits we learned about the new generation of Hipsters (emphasizing style, authenticity and uniqueness), and the impact they’re having on society.
*Hipsters don’t call themselves “Hipsters.” Because they value uniqueness and “out of the box thinking,” they don’t like labels or attempts to categorize them or “put them in a box.” They are simply free-spirited, authentic, and creative individuals.
*Hipsters sprang from disillusionment: In the late 2000’s, the real estate collapse and recession in the US wiped out the stability dreams (education, job, house, security) of many young people. Many youths began to question the myth that society would take care of them if they did the right things (get an education, work hard). Consequently, the Hipsters began to develop an anti-consumerism/anti-commercialism outlook, while emphasizing equality and fairness in both economic and social terms.
*Hipsters are creative and look for new patterns: Much of our new technology and lifestyle innovations are driven by Hipster demand for creative, egalitarian, and eco-friendly ways of living, working, and loving. Hipsters today are positive and hopeful, making calls for saving the earth and creating progressive change in society—making things better for all people.
Although there are challenges in our new technology-driven world (more time demands, higher expectations), we can learn positive things from our younger generation of Hipsters. With an innovative, fair-minded, and hopeful outlook, they can inspire people of all ages to search for their best life and give back to those who need it the most.
Tuesday Feb 25, 2020
Tuesday Feb 25, 2020
This week, we posted a great interview with a special friend of Love University, Bob Eckstein, America’s beloved cartoonist, humorist, and New York Times bestselling author. Through his funny tales and whimsical sense of humor, we learned some valid truths about love and life, as follows:
*Humor is a Turn-On: Research shows that having a sense of humor can attract a romantic partner. We tend to recognize humor as a sign of intelligence, which is also an attractive trait to have in a mate. Moreover, when we laugh, we release the hormone cortisol, which lowers our stress level and makes us feel better. It’s true that we like to be around others who make us laugh. If you’re single, expand your “funny muscles”—go to comedy clubs, listen to the best comedians, read funny books, take an improv (improvisational acting) class. Try writing someone of your own jokes and humorous stories, and practice them first on people you know and trust. Then, tell them to people you don’t know. Eventually, you can become a funnier person who brings light and joy to others—and can potentially attract someone who resonates with your sense of humor.
*Marry Your Enemy and Get Them to Love You: In Bob’s case, he met his wife in college, but they were “competitive enemies” who disliked each other. 12 years later, they reconnected by random at a funeral and the romantic sparks flew between them—today they are very much in love and happily married. According to Gottman’s groundbreaking research on marriage success, couples who fight and have conflicts don’t necessarily get divorced or have bad marriages. Sometimes, the passion in the relationship sparks conflict, but the happy couples are equally skilled at defusing and softening conflicts (humor, a timely physical touch) so that it doesn’t escalate into something mean-spirited and hurtful. Some differences, and even conflict at times, can add a touch of energy and passion to a relationship as long as the couple fully understand and respect each other, and place each other first in each other’s hearts.
*Look for the Joy and Wonder in the World: Bob wrote two well-received books on topics he was passionate about: bookstores and snowmen. He traveled around the US finding small independent bookstores and interviewing the owners—learning about the passion they had for that endangered species: the brick-and-mortar bookstore. Then, he spent 7 years traveling around the world—museums and libraries—to discover the history of the snowman (figure made from snow). He learned that prehistoric man made snowmen as a form of communication—covering a variety of topics from social to political. Also, according to Bob, going to a snowy place, and making a snowman, can have therapeutic benefits. You can recapture the childhood spontaneity of play and develop your creativity. According to Bob, all of us can benefit by making a snowman at some point in our life.
Bob’s message is simple, but powerful: Find your passion and become an expert at it, whether it’s cooking, writing, gardening, meditation, exercise, art, technology, and so on. You can do it for a living or just for fun. The key is to learn as much as you can about your passion, and immerse yourself in the thing you are most fascinated about. It’s true: the more you practice and apply your passion in your daily life, the happier and more joyful you will feel, and the more love you can give to yourself and others.
Thursday Feb 20, 2020
Thursday Feb 20, 2020
Sunday Feb 09, 2020
Sunday Feb 09, 2020
On Love University, we had the great pleasure of having an amazing interview with Dr. John Gray, one of the most influential self-help/relationship authors in the last century. In a jam-packed and enlightening discourse about Dr. Gray’s groundbreaking new book, Beyond Mars and Venus, we learned great wisdom about male-female relationships and how to have deeper love and greater sex and intimacy. Here are some of the secrets we discovered at Love University with Dr. Gray:
Why Women are Becoming More Masculine and Men More Feminine: According to Dr. Gray, society has guided women onto their male side by encouraging work and independence (which is a great thing), but has not supported them to return to their female side of nurturing and love when they get home from work. Therefore, women are more stressed than ever, suffering from more health problems usually seen in men, and having difficulties in their romantic relationships. In the same way, men have been guided by society to their feminine side (which can be a wonderful thing) by embracing home chores and child care, but they are not always encouraged to replenish their male energies (go into their “cave” and tinker with toys, driving, sports, aggressive humor with other men, competitive activities based on competence, and reading and meditating for more Introverted men). If men don’t replenish their male side, says Dr. Gray, they feel weaker, less capable of protecting and providing for their loved ones, and less attracted to their mates.
How to Balance our Masculine and Feminine Energies to Have Great Relationships: Dr. Gray teaches that both men and women need to balance their masculine sides (assertive, competent, confident) with their feminine sides (yielding, nurturing, receptive) to be happy with themselves and in their relationships. According to Dr. Gray, men have 10 to 50 times more testosterone than women, and it’s important that they keep their testosterone levels high to be healthy and happy by feeling successful and needed. On the other hand, women need 10x more estrogen than men for their well-being and they need 20x more estrogen to fall in love when they’re with a man who makes them feel safe and secure.
Why A Man’s Ejaculation During Sex Can Lower His Charisma and Confidence: According to Dr. Gray, when a man ejaculates during sex, his testosterone levels decrease significantly (as much as 50% by the next day). As a result, after ejaculation during sex, he feels the need to pull away and be by himself for a while to replenish his testosterone, while the woman usually wants to cuddle because the bonding hormone, oxytocin, has increased her estrogen levels (she feels good). Dr. Gray says that by not ejaculating during the first 6 days of the week, on the 7th day, the man’s testosterone level doubles—thereby making him more charismatic, confident, and attractive. Dr. John talks about his program that can help men have satisfying sex daily without ejaculating, while helping a woman have multiple orgasms.
*How A Man Can Contribute to a Woman’s Emotional and Sexual Happiness: According to Dr. John Gray, there are a few simple things a man can do to help raise his woman’s emotional and sexual happiness. These include complimenting her (“I love you; you’re beautiful”), hugging her in a nonsexual way, and listening to her expressing her emotions without judgement. These activities increase estrogen in her and make her feel more attracted to him. In one excellent exercise for couples, Dr. Gray outlines an estrogen-increasing paradigm for women in their relationships. Step one: She vents emotionally about something aside from her partner (he listens) for about 8 minutes. Step Two: She talks for two minutes about positive things; what’s she grateful for in life and in the relationship. Step Three: He hugs her. Step Four: They separate for a while (to prevent him from trying to fix things)—then they come back together again.
The Secrets of Lasting Soul Mate Relationships—the New Mating Paradigm in the Age of Technology: According to Dr. Gray, the old paradigm of role mate relationships (woman relies on man as a provider to be happy; he relies on her as a homemaker to be happy) has given way to a new soul mate relationship: men and women provide emotional support to each other through intimacy and authenticity. The soul mate relationship fosters a greater sense of freedom, interdependence, passion, and sexual intimacy because the partners are not tied to a specific role to be happy. According to Dr. Gray, a couple can still have a traditional relationship (he’s the provider; she stays home with the children) within a soul mate relationship in which both partners help each other grow emotionally and psychologically.
Yes, it is possible to have lasting passion and romance in our love relationships today. The key is to balance our male and female sides and take time to replenish our masculine/feminine energies (respectively for males and females), while respecting our partner and giving them loving energy without expectation. By developing a greater sense of empathy, we can see our partner’s side and needs, and by fostering greater compassion, we can do what we can to relieve their suffering and bring them joy as they bring us joy.
Here’s to a forever Valentine’s day for you and your present (or future) soul mate. Enjoy!
Thursday Feb 06, 2020
Thursday Feb 06, 2020
By Dr. Alex Avila
Is your dog a possibility dog—a marvelous creature that can help humanity? If so, it can be not only be an amazing companion but can also help save lives—both emotionally and physically. Our special guest, rescue dog expert extraordinaire, Susannah Charleson, trains dogs for three purposes: 1) to find lost people with special needs (e.g. Alzheimer’s), 2) to serve as service dogs to help people with psychological disorders, and 3) to help find other lost dogs. Here Susannah shares some fascinating inside information on how special “possibility” dogs can help save us from the worst and inspire us to be our best.
*Dogs can help find people with special needs. According to Susannah, some people with conditions such as Alzheimer’s, dementia, and autism don’t even know they’re lost—they could be wondering in the street far away from home without a clue as to how they got there. Specially trained dogs can help find them by scent (pillow or shoe, for example). Also, because they are super loving and nonthreatening (golden retrievers are a favorite), they don’t scare the lost person and give them comfort when they find them.
*Service dogs can help those with psychological disorders. Specially trained service dogs are taught to perform specific tasks that counteract the person’s psychological disability. For example, a dog can put their paws on their obsessive-compulsive owner to break their pattern of constantly checking things in the house (stove, e.g.). Another dog can nudge the owner with their nose to play with them (or bring their leash to go outside) when the owner is suffering from depression and doesn’t want to get out of bed.
*Dogs can provide us emotional support and help us reconnect with others. Susannah shares the story of how she reconnected with her separated family through a small rescue dog that they shared love for. When we pet a dog, the bonding hormone, Oxytocin, is released in us and the dog—making us feel more loving and loved. In fact, rescued dogs can be the most loving because they are immensely grateful to be rescued and have a safe home.
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Overall, Susannah says, dogs can teach us marvelous lessons of unconditional love (dogs love us no matter what), forgiveness (they forgive earlier abusive owners), and patience (they wait forever for us by the door). In fact, we can even follow the example of “magnet dogs” (caring dogs that find other lost dogs), by being “magnet people”—we can make others feel comfortable and at ease by providing empathy and compassion to them. By giving love without expectation, we can model the nature of that most marvelous of creatures, one of our best friends in life, the dog. Go play with a dog today and feel the love!
Tuesday Jan 28, 2020
Tuesday Jan 28, 2020
Would you like to live gloriously and achieve your heart’s desires? Now, you can, with the help of our special guest on Love University: Macarena Luz Bianchi, esteemed author, spiritual teacher, and lighthearted empowerment coach. In our everyday life, many of us feel distracted and stressed; anxious and sad that we are not worthy enough to get what we truly want. With the marvelous truths we learned from Macarena, we can begin to reclaim our birthright as the Kings or Queens we really are.
*Think of Life as a Theme Park of Experience: Consider your life to be like a theme park in which you try different rides. Some are relaxing; some are scary; some are boring; some are tremendous fun and joyful. If you’ve had enough of a particular ride, then you can switch to a new one—from fear to joy; from anger to forgiveness. Always remember that you are the amusement park operator of your own mind, and you can get on the ride that will bring you (and those around you) the most contentment and peace.
*Shine Your Love to Attract Love: Many people desperately look for a love partner to fill their heart. The solution to finding a true loving romantic partner is to first discover what you love inside yourself. Maybe, you have a talent or gift—writing, technology, persuasion, technology, speaking, entertainment, crafts—whatever it is, express it and meet people like-minded people who resonate with your talent. Chances are, you will eventually discover a partner you can share your love with as you learn and grow together—shining brighter together than you do individually.
*Measure the Energy in a Situation: Many times, we are focused on action—doing, accomplishing, achieving—yet we often feel stressed, overburdened, and confused. When we try to impress other people in a work setting, or win over a potential romantic partner, we may feel too eager, or even desperate, to make a good impression. The solution is to take a moment and ask yourself: “What is the energy I’m experiencing at this moment? Is it a happy and flowing energy, or do I feel tight, constrained, and joyless—forcing something that is not natural?” By taking an energy inventory in any situation or social encounter, you can center yourself in a calm and loving way. You can play instead of being tense; giving positive vibes, instead of retreating into your own self-consciousness. When you do this, you will naturally influence others and attract the right people and circumstances into your life.
*Claim Your Birthright as a Queen or King: By virtue of being born into this world, you are a miracle of creation. You are a Queen or King in your truest nature. The problem is that we don’t often claim our own inner worth. We ask questions out of fear or anxiety: “What will happen to me?” “Why don’t I get what I want?” The correct approach is to make statements to the Universe: “I will love to the fullest; I will create, give, and experience everything I possibly can.” “I will live a glorious life.” When you make statements like this, you claim your place in life—you take a stance and say, “This is what I love; this is what I have now.” Now, you are establishing a firm foundation for who you really are: a wondrous creation of joy and love.
Yes, you can experience glorious living. With persistence and play (being spontaneous and authentic), you can reclaim your inner royalty and be the best, happiest, and most loving person you can possibly be. Start today and decide that you will live gloriously every single moment—giving as much love and joy as you receive in return.
Tuesday Jan 21, 2020
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: IS IT POSSIBLE IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
Tuesday Jan 21, 2020
Tuesday Jan 21, 2020
It is said that unconditional love is possible between pet owner and pet (and parent to young child), but is it possible in adult human romantic/love relationships? Many of us would like to have that type of deep, intimate, and spiritual love with our chosen love partner or spouse. For those of you who are single, you may look at the divorce rate and wonder if unconditional love—love that stands the test of obstacles and differences—is possible in our fast-moving, multi-option society. After all, the next partner is only a click away—can love last?
Yes, unconditional love between romantic partners is possible if you follow these steps:
*Love Yourself Unconditionally: It’s important to love yourself unconditionally first—without constantly attacking yourself or regretting your past mistakes. You may be harsh and critical with yourself—which then may resonate to the people around you (including your love partner), as you criticize them for their flaws. When you love yourself unconditionally, you are more gentle and forgiving with yourself and others. Also, when you love yourself in the way we are describing, you are not doing so in a selfish or egotistical manner, but in a way that is self-healing. When you take care of your emotional core, you have more energy and power to give to others—to help others—especially your love partner.
*Buy or borrow a pet: Whether you’re a dog lover, cat lover, or some other type of animal lover, being around an animal can give you a glimpse of unconditional love. Your pet will love you—no matter what, even if you kick them out of the house for a while. They are always eager to be petted, to lick you, to jump on you, and to play with you. In turn, you can have love for them as you care for, and play with them. If you have no one else in your life to love unconditionally, start with a pet—the more you give love unconditionally and receive it, the more your unconditional love muscles will grow.
*Practice Loving Kindness Meditation: Research has documented various physical benefits (decreased headaches, stress, and effects of aging) and psychological benefits (increase positive emotions) for those who practice Loving Kindness Meditation (LKM). Even ten to fifteen minutes a day can do wonders in your mental and physical health if you practice LKM. Try this: Close your eyes, sit in a comfortable position, and imagine that you are sending love without expectations to a loved one (parent, child, love partner) sitting in front of you. Imagine that you are shining a light with a certain color (perhaps yellow or blue) that represents that loving energy. Now imagine that you are spreading that loving energy to other members of your immediate circle (family member, close friends), then to acquaintances and coworkers, and finally to people you don’t even know (everyday people; homeless, neglected, lonely, sick, abandoned). Take a deep breath each time you expand your loving energy to more people. Then, open your eyes and feel the love you just projected filling you up inside.
*Express Love Unconditionally Daily as an Action: Realize that love is more than a feeling—it is an action that should be practiced daily, even when it’s uncomfortable to do so. Listening with love to your partner when you’re stressed or angry at them is not easy, but it’s important to do so to keep the relationship strong. When you set up a hot bath for your tired mate or surprise them with their favorite musical CD; when you take the time to solve a problem they have—without expecting anything in return—that is Unconditional Love. Strive daily to express unconditional love to your romantic partner, and to those around you (family, friends, acquaintances, strangers). Practice, being kind and helpful to others—smile, say “hello”; help people with practical or psychological issues. Every day can be a training ground for you to express more loving energy without expectations to your love partner and the world around you.
Yes, it is possible to love your romantic partner or spouse unconditionally, as they do the same for you. You can also express love unconditionally to others, and the world itself. Loving unconditionally doesn’t mean that you accept abuse from others, or that you agree with everything they say. It means that you will understand and accept them as they are. In a love relationship, you will love your partner in sickness and health, in wealth or poverty, despite disagreement, conflicts, and problems in life. Your love will flow from your inner nature—as their love flows the same way—until you both intersect in the zone of pure, unadulterated joyful love; the greatest feeling in life.
Wednesday Jan 15, 2020
Wednesday Jan 15, 2020
We had the pleasure of having a distinguished guest on the show, Ricard Blanco, the inaugural poet for President Barack Obama’s second inauguration in 2013. One of only five inaugural poets ever selected, and the only gay and Latino poet to recite a poem at a President’s inauguration, Richard spoke to us about this great honor and the work he has done to help unite all Americans through the written word. Here are some nuggets of wisdom we learned from Richard:
*He was selected to be the Obama’s Inaugural Poet Out of the Blue: There was no competition, no notice, no formal process for being selected as the Inaugural Poet. He was simply called by the administration to write three poems for President Obama, and they selected “One Today,” a poem about how all Americans—from all backgrounds—can unite to make this a great country. According to Richard, presenting his poem and speaking personally with President Obama for over twenty minutes was one of the greatest honors of his life.
*His grandmother wanted him to be a “man”: In his funny and poignant memoir, The Prince of los Cocuyos: A Miami Childhood, Richard talks about being raised by a traditional Cuban grandmother who constantly told him to be more “manly.” His grandmother bribed him to go to a Quinceañera (15th birthday celebration) with a girl, and told him that American oatmeal wasn’t manly. Although he loved his grandmother, Richard started to explore who he was and what he belonged to during his upbringing. In the end, he went from hating, forgiving, and then loving his grandmother in his inspiring coming-of-age story.
*His advice to writers and readers: Journal and write something every day. Even if you never publish it, you will learn something new about yourself, relationships, and the world. Writing makes it so that life doesn’t pass you by—you press the pause button, and question your existence, as you make amazing discoveries along the way. The power of the written word is that you learn how to accept yourself. The power for the published writer is that your words can live forever—in the heart and souls of those who read your work.
*Find time for life: In our busy world, you may say, “I don’t have enough time.” Instead, you can say to yourself that you have time for the really important things in your life—for your loved ones, your craft, your personal health and happiness, and to give love to others.
In the end, as Richard eloquently expressed in his Inaugural poem, we are all One. Regardless of our gender, sexual orientation, race/ethnicity, age, or socio-economic status, we are all Americans who live in the US, we are all humans on the planet, and we are all souls in the higher existence. Our ideal aim is to live in the country of our choice—peacefully, lovingly, and happily—by contributing to make it a better place for all.
Tuesday Jan 14, 2020
REINVENT YOURSELF IN 2020: THE POWER TO BE TRULY YOU
Tuesday Jan 14, 2020
Tuesday Jan 14, 2020
It’s time to become the best you can possibly be. Here are some tools to help you reach your greatest potential in 2020 and beyond:
*Discard the Little Bads: Be aware of the all the little negative and nagging thoughts in your mind: “I can’t afford it.” “I don’t have enough time.” “I can’t find love.” These are the “little bads”—self-defeating small thoughts that proliferate in your head. Replace them with “big thoughts”: “I have enough time and money for everything I need.” “I am love, and I will attract the right love into my life.” Switch a few small thoughts for big thoughts daily, and you will see a world of difference in your attitude, vision, and motivation.
*Take Easy Action: 90% of New Year’s Resolutions fail because people try too many things and expect too much, too soon: “Lose 50 pounds in a few months,” “Find a soul mate in 6 months,” “Make a Million this year.” Although big goals can be motivating, you also need to take easy, digestible steps toward those goals. If you want to lose weight, agree to go to the gym for 15 minutes a few times a week. If you want to save more money, start by paying yourself first—a certain percentage of your income—and put it in a separate investment account. Whatever your goal is, focus on taking small, easy-to-do steps daily. The cumulative effect of the simple actions will lead you to achieving great goals.
*Write Your Future Story: Meditate on your greatest self—how you will be in one year or five years as you become who you were meant to be. Close your eyes and visualize what you will look like, where you will be, what you will be doing, who is around you, and what you will be feeling in the near future as you achieve your goals. See yourself surrounded by loved ones, doing the work you love, and looking and feeling great. You can also write this in a journal or put it up on a vision board with pictures that represent the new, best you, and the type of life you’re leading (beautiful home, travels, creative and humanitarian ventures; great friends, a loving partner, happy and healthy children and animals). The more you visualize greatness, the more you can actualize your dreams—making them come true.
*Extend Loving Energy Without Expectation: This is one of the greatest secrets to success and happiness: Give to others without expecting anything back. Volunteer, join a charitable or humanitarian organization, help the people around you (friends, loved ones, business associates), or even those you don’t know (homeless, strangers). When you extend your loving energy, you are learning more about yourself—your ability to give; the resources you never thought you had. You will also elevate your mood, connect better with others, and serve as a positive role model to elevate the mood of those who see your loving example.
Yes, you can reinvent yourself in 2020 (and beyond). You may still have the same body and name, but your spirit and mind will be different, better, and more fulfilled. Take steps every day to make each year better for yourself and others. Give of your greatest self and you will receive everything you need in return. Enjoy the new You!
Tuesday Jan 07, 2020
Tuesday Dec 31, 2019
Tuesday Dec 31, 2019
In a world of strife and stress, what can we do to live peacefully, lovingly, and with power? Our special guest, Buddhist Minister Anthony Stultz, gave us some excellent pointers on how to master our “Monkey Mind” (chattering thoughts) and start the year with true excitement and contentment. For a great new year of patience and peace, practice the 4 Steps of Mindfulness (awareness of our thoughts and human experience):
*Recognize Your Emotional Hooks: All of us have something, a psychological trigger or hook, that lures us (chocolate cake) or makes us angry (bad drivers), sad (we’re getting older), or fearful (financial concerns). These events, circumstances, or people trigger self-defeating thoughts in us that limit us and make us feel bad. The solution is to be aware of these “emotional hooks” as they arise. For example, when a rude driver cuts you off on the highway, be aware of the thought, “That idiot cut me off. How dare they?”
*Realize That You Don’t Have to Act on the Negative Thought: In the example of the rude driver, you can realize that you don’t have to yell, flip them off, or do anything about your anger thought and reaction. You can simply feel the burning sensation of anger, and even see it as a color (perhaps red), without having to do anything about it; just look at it as a foreign mental entity that is invading you for the moment.
*Do Something to Bring You Out of the Negative Space: When the negative thought attacks you, take an action that moves you away from the present negativity. Be aware of your breath, think of something absurdly humorous about the lousy driver and laugh, breathe deeply in and out as you visualize breathing out anger and breathing in peace. Put on some of your favorite music; think of a beautiful place you can go. Realize that you can lift yourself from your stuck emotional place at the very moment that the negative feeling (excessive anger) is attacking you. This gives you tremendous power.
*Extend Compassion and Empathy: Although it may be difficult to do at first, your final step is to extend compassion and empathy to the person or circumstance that is causing you distress. See the impatient driver as a frenzied mother or father who is having a bad day. Feel compassion for their suffering—see how much they suffer from their own impatient and frantic nature. Extend loving energy to them—even have an inner smile—in which you wish them peace, joy, and happiness. When you do this, an emotional miracle occurs in which you no longer feel the self-destructive feelings of unreasonable anger; now you experience the healing and light feeling of loving energy.
Yes, it is possible to get out of your own way mentally and master the inner workings of your mind. Awareness, meditation, breathing, and realizing that everything is impermanent—all things change—are excellent tools of inner transformation and growth that you can apply to make your life better on a daily basis. Regardless of your faith belief or spiritual practice, the truth is simple: The energy you bring to a situation usually influences the way it turns out. If you see the world with eyes of love, compassion, and success, you will attract more of the same into your world. Do this every day, and vow to make this your best year ever.
Wednesday Dec 25, 2019
CONQUER BURNOUT: RECAPTURE YOUR JOY IN WORK AND LIFE
Wednesday Dec 25, 2019
Wednesday Dec 25, 2019
Are you burned out? It’s the end of the year, and you may have had a tough or challenging time. Perhaps, you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, depleted. Now, there’s a way to conquer burnout—that feeling that you have nothing more to give—and recapture your energy, joy, and motivation again. Apply these tips to your life and get back on track to a powerful new year:
*Focus on Your Don: All of us have a “Don”—a God-given gift or ability. It may be teaching, writing, business, science, the arts, working with your hands, or taking care of people. This is the activity or ability that comes natural to you and brings you joy. Focus on doing more of it at work, or find work that allows you to express your passion and talent on a daily basis. Even if you only exercise your Don as a hobby, the energy and joy that comes when you do it will fill you up and reduce any feelings of doubt and frustration.
*Say “No” to Overcommitment: Maybe you’re a people-pleaser who finds it hard to turn down assignments at work or unwelcome social invitations. If you have a hard time saying “No” to people, start by saying “No” to small requests for time, money, or energy. Say “No” to people who want to gossip and waste your time; say “No” to tasks that are better delegated to people who can do them better than you. As you do this, you will begin to liberate your time and energy for the things that really matter—your loved ones, your passions, and your health and spiritual practice.
*Practice Self-Compassion: Take time out every day to take care of yourself—mentally, physically, and spiritually. Recognize your “resistant” point—the moment when you have no more energy for a task or social encounter. When you reach that point, stop and take a break. Get a massage, facial, or go shopping. Write, read, meditate, listen to music. Exercise, engage in a spiritual or meditative practice, spend time with animals, children, or loved ones, take an excursion into nature. Tell yourself that you have done enough work for the day; you have dealt with enough problems or difficult people; now it’s time to take care of yourself and recharge your batteries.
*Take a Power Nap: One of our greatest inventors, Thomas Edison, had over 1000 patents, including the incandescent light built. His secret: Power naps. Although he only slept a few hours a night, he would take periodic 15 minute naps during the day to energize himself so he could get back to his creative and brain intensive work. You can do the same. Perhaps, you can put a cot in your office, or go to a park or quiet place where you can take a short nap during the day. Doing so will re-energize you and get your back on track for a great day.
*Give Love Without Expectations: This is one of the greatest secrets, not just to reduce burnout, but to live a fantastic and contribution-filled life. It is also a great reversal. When you’re feeling burned-out, find a burned-out person and help them feel better—give them comfort, advice, and practical help (maybe help them organize their office or house). If you’re lonely or broke, find a person who is lonelier and more broke, and help them in any way you can. By doing this, you will reverse your flow of energy from inward—tight, scared, frustrated—to outward: Loving, giving, and helpful. By extending your loving energy outward, you will replenish your own inner energy, and you will find that the Universe of people will often give you back more than you give them.
Yes, you can diminish and even eradicate the feeling of burn-out. You can have maximum energy, desire, and joy to live your best possible life. As the New Year arrives, decide that you will live with passion, purpose, and power, and you will not let anything get in your way. This is your year: Live with maximum power and absolute love.
Thursday Dec 19, 2019
FOR THE LOVE OF DOGS: HOW DOGS CAN IMPROVE YOUR LIFE AND GIVE YOU JOY
Thursday Dec 19, 2019
Thursday Dec 19, 2019
Does your dog love you? Research shows that it probably does. In one study, they showed dogs how to open a box, then put the dog’s owner in the box. When the owner screamed for help, the majority of dogs went to the rescue. In another study, the brain of dogs had more activity in their reward centers when they were close to their owner—even more than when they had food in front of them. And, of course, your dog may cuddle and lick you when you’re feeling down—a loving feeling if there ever was one.
Of course, not everyone loves dogs, but it you’ve thought about getting one, here are some good reasons to put a Fido into your life.
*Increase Your Mindfulness: The dog can teach you how to live in the moment. Forever smelling everything in their way, dogs can teach you to “slow down and smell the roses”—to be aware of your body and all the sensations you’re feeling; to relax and take time out of your busy schedule to appreciate the beauty of life. Relaxation and feelings of joy and well-being will follow when you live in the moment.
*Improve Your Physical Health: Being around a dog can reduce your stress, lower your blood pressure, and improve your cholesterol levels. It can even help you recover quicker from a heart attack. And, walking a dog will give you needed exercise—studies show that dog owners take 2700 more steps daily, which translates to nearly ½ hours of exercise daily. Walk your dog and live healthier.
*Improve Your Mood: The affection and companionship dogs provide have been shown to reduce depression and anxiety, and increase feelings of well-being, comfort, and meaning. Lonely and depressed people feel better when they have a dog. Instead of being stuck in their own negative thoughts, they can focus their attention outwardly on their furry friend—playing with them, taking care of them, and receiving love in return.
*Give You Unconditional Love: Dogs offer the rarest of gifts: Love without conditions. They love you no matter what—even if you put them in the doghouse for a while. Also, being around a dog increases the presence of the love bonding hormone—oxytocin—in both you and the dog. Through the power of touch—caressing and hugging your dog—you will have more of these feel-good chemicals in your brain and experience the warm feeling of being close to another creature who loves you back.
Yes, dogs can be smelly, messy, and require a lot of time, money, and energy. But, the payoffs of dog ownership are more than worth the investment you make. If you choose the right dog for you and take care of it in the way you need to (plenty of attention and exercise), you and the dog will benefit greatly—physically, emotionally, and psychologically. After all, they say, it’s a dog’s world, and we’re just living in it.
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Tuesday Dec 10, 2019
Tuesday Dec 10, 2019
We had the privilege of having M.J. Fièvre, Haiti’s beloved author, educator, and publisher on Love University at the Miami Book Festival. Raised in an environment of silence, trauma, guilt, and violence, M.J. Fievre signed her first book contract at age 19 and was able to find the love within—inspiring many people worldwide with her fiction and nonfiction artistic creations.
Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom we learned from M.J at Love University:
*Own Your Past: When M.J. wrote her memoir about her difficult childhood, many of her family members turned against her—she had violated the taboo of speaking up about personal issues. Yet, her advice to would-be writers and those who need to tell their story is this: “You own everything that has happened to you.” In other words, don’t hide, deny, or feel guilty about your past, share your story with others—whether in written or verbal form—and you will discover relief, peace, and inner acceptance.
*Tomorrow will be better: Growing up in Haiti, she was exposed to protests, looting, shooting, and home invasions. Fear was her daily companion. Yet, M.J. advises us to realize that, although life can be difficult at times, the bad things will pass—good things will come. Our aim is to work daily to bring good, optimism, love, and gratitude into our lives as we do the same for others. That is one of the true secrets of happiness.
*Light Your Own Fire/Accept Your Nature: M.J. describes her lifelong struggle with depression, and gives readers hope in her book of poetry about mental illness: “Happy, Ok?” She says we can shake off the stigma of mental illness and accept who we are—and that we can get better—by finding our unique inner voice. If we constantly look toward others to validate our happiness, we will rarely be happy for long—people disappoint us, leave us, and eventually die. The key is to accept our true selves—the good, the bad; the beautiful,. the not-so beautiful, and love ourselves as the special divine creatures that we are.
*Lovingness is Greatness: M.J describes how she helped soldiers find survivors after Haiti’s earthquake and gave writing workshops to children in Haiti so they could use writing and reading to escape negativity and live creatively and joyously. She says that, although some of these activities were hard and cost her a price, by giving love to others, she tapped into an ultimate healing force. She says our society encourages the self-centered ego to flourish, but giving to, and helping others, allows our inner greatness—our lovingness—to flourish—as we humbly use our special talents and abilities to make this world a more loving and better place.
The beauty of M.J.’s message is simple: Give a voice to others and you give a voice to yourself. Love others, and you love yourself. Look in the mirror and say, “I can help and I can grow and I can give,” and your life will be a rising tide of contribution and joy, washing away the seeds of discontent and the mist of sadness. Together, we can help create a world worthy of love.
Tuesday Dec 03, 2019
Tuesday Dec 03, 2019
We had a wonderful time interviewing Book of the Year acclaimed author, Pedro Cabiya (Historias tremendas, Wicked Weeds, Tercer Mundo). Pedro, originally from Puerto Rico, and now living in Dominican Republic, brightened Love University with his advice on love, life, and literature.
Here are some nuggets we learned from our time with Pedro:
*How Do You Marry the Most Beautiful Man or Woman in the World? Find someone whose rose-colored glasses matches your own: Someone who thinks you’re the most beautiful and wonderful person in the world, just as you think the same about them. Also, look for the beauty in the heart of the person—even more than their physical nature—because that is what stands the test of time.
*Be Addicted to Kindness: Pedro says that he has one fatal flaw: He will do anything for kind-hearted people. He says, “We all have love inside; the more we express it, the more it comes back.” In the same way, you can focus on being kind-hearted—generous, patient, and loving—toward others. Every day, smile, give advice, try to help people. You will see your kind-heartedness reflected into the world and it will be returned to you by meeting other kind-hearted people. Unlike other addictions, being addicted to kindheartedness makes your grow, prosper, and live joyfully.
*Find the Angels on Earth and Be With Them: Pedro writes fantasy as well as satire that incorporates spiritual elements. Although there may be dark forces on earth, there are also angels (healing and loving beings) in the persona of human beings. Strive to associate with those type of individuals who want to make a loving impact on the world, and you will start to absorb their positive energies.
*Do What You Love Daily: In one of Pedro’s classic books, a human is walking around like a zombie—cut off from feelings and desires. In modern society this happens too much—people go through the motions of living without really living. The antidote: Realize that you have a certain limited amount of time in your life to express your talent and gifts for your good and the good of others. If you’re a writer, strive to write as much as you can in a certain allotted time each day. Do the same for whatever hobby, passion, or interest inspires you. If you want to be a great parent or spouse, strive to spend quality time with your loved ones each day—tell them that you love them. Remember, every day counts, every minute counts, as long as you have the precious gift called life.
Yes, you can marry the most beautiful (inside their heart) person on earth, find kindness and love, and express your truest creative talents. All it takes is desire, persistence, and loving energy.
Wednesday Nov 27, 2019
Wednesday Nov 27, 2019
Would you like to contribute to the world—starting with yourself, your family, and your community? Now you can if you apply some words of wisdom from our special guest on Love University, Christian Horvath, Redondo City Councilman, artist, and singer/songwriter. Here are some tips we learned from Christian on how to make a positive difference in our community and daily life:
*TAP INTO THE GOODNESS OF PEOPLE: With so much negative and divisive news on TV and other media, our task is to turn off the news and do our own research. Ask yourself: What are the issues that really affect people today and what are some real solutions? Also, study those people who are helping others in a compassionate and kind way, and strive to emulate their work and way of thinking. There is more goodness than badness in the world—we just need to focus on it more, and expand it.
*START WITH A BLANK SLATE AND REALIZE YOUR GOALS AND VISIONS: Every day believe that you are starting fresh in your life. Although you may feel burdened by the pains, regrets, and losses of the past, realize that every day is a new day. Strive to better yourself and others every day. Learn from your mistakes, make peace with the past, and be creative in finding solutions. Realize that you have the greatest gift of all—LIFE—and decide to put this gift to good use to help yourself and others.
EXPECT THE BEST AND TAKE THE WORST TO THE BEST: Optimism is the art of looking at life through a clear, but positive lens. Although optimists recognize the pain and bad of the world, they don’t focus on it. They realize that all things that happened to them—good, bad, or neutral—propelled them down a path that made them who they are today. As Christian advised, “Be grateful for even negative situations and for losses because they created who you are and led you to meeting new people and encountering new situations that transformed who you are.”
VOLUNTEER A LITTLE PIECE OF YOURSELF EVERY DAY: Research shows that people who volunteer and helps the less advantaged have higher self-esteem, more meaning, and less loneliness and depression. When you give in service, you will do more and receive more. Start today in a small way—find ways to help you community; volunteer at a library or elderly center. Take a class on public policy; sign up to participate in local politics. Get engaged at any level you can look to contribute your talents to provide improvements, solutions, and betterment for society. The more you help others, the better you will feel inside because you are contributing a piece of yourself for a higher cause.
BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD (GANDHI): We can complain all we want about how things don’t work out for us and others; how life is unfair. But, if we want to see true change in the world, we need to start with changing ourselves, our own mindset. If we see a lot of anger and mean-spirited people in the world, we need to resolve to banish unnecessary anger and impatience in our own life. If we see selfishness in the world, we need to eradicate selfishness within ourselves and develop more compassion and love. Once we become what we want to see, we will be moving forward into a new world.
It is possible to contribute to those around you, create meaning in your life, and leave a legacy of goodness and love. All it takes is the desire to be a difference maker in your family, neighborhood, and community. Give love to others without expectation, and your life will be an ever-increasing joy.
Saturday Nov 23, 2019
DECLUTTER YOUR SPACE AND LIVE FREE AND EASY
Saturday Nov 23, 2019
Saturday Nov 23, 2019
In our busy and cluttered world, we are often overwhelmed, stressed, and tried. Now, there’s an antidote to the dilemma of “too much” stuff and excess things in your life. It is called Decluttering, the new art of living with less and enjoying life more.
Here are some decluttering tips to make your life free and easy:
*Visualize an Organized and Clean House: If your house is a mess, visualize what it would look like if it were clean and tidy. Think about how you would feel (relaxed and energized).
*Feel the Emotion of Things: Pick up and hold objects that you no longer use much (clothes, books, personal items). Ask yourself if it brings you joy. If not, donate or discard it—it doesn’t have a place in your personal space.
*Hang Your Clothes Backwards: Hang your clothes on the hanger in the reverse direction. Every time you use a clothing item, put it back the right way. If you find that you don’t use clothes for several months, throw them away or donate them.
*Give Thanks for the Thing: Before you donate or throw something away, give thanks for the joy it brought you when you first got it, or the service it provided. In that way, you can give away (throw away) even gifts because you already received the joy from it.
*Invite a Friend for a Throwaway Party: Have a friend come over to help you get rid of items in your house. If both of you don’t agree to keep something, you will throw it away or donate it.
You can be free of excess clutter in your house and life. Start today to get rid of one item you don’t need or use every day. Before long, your house will be uncluttered and free of things you don’t need. At the same time, you can get rid of negative thoughts and emotions (“I’m not good enough,” “I’m not organized) and replace them with empowering thoughts (“I have great blessings,” “I can be free of clutter and negativity”).
It’s your choice: Get rid of inner and outer clutter and be free.
Wednesday Nov 13, 2019
Wednesday Nov 13, 2019
When life gets you down, how do you keep it together? By being true to yourself and putting a smile on other people’s faces. These are just some of the wise words we learned from our special guest on Love University, Scrilla King, 26-year-old rapping sensation, director, and producer. Winner of singing awards as a child, musical prodigy Scrilla also suffered the pain of death and loss as his brother was killed on the streets of LA. With his music and positive energy attitude, Scrilla is striving to make a difference and shared some of his insights on life and music with us:
*Don’t let the Hater’s “hate” on you: When he was younger, Scrilla had a beef (public dispute) with Chet Hanks (Chet Haze), a rapper and son of esteemed actor, Tom Hanks. Now Scrilla says that he focuses on spreading good instead of focusing on other people’s negative energies. He says, “Bad energies don’t need to attack you. Just put as much positive energy into the world as you can, and the good will come back for you. Forgiveness is not just for others; it’s for you too, so you can be free.”
*Every Day Put a Smile on People’s Faces: Scrilla says that positive energy can unite the world. Whatever your occupation or talent is, share it with others. Strive daily to be a good friend, mom, dad, brother, sister, son, daughter, coworker, or member of the community. Every day, smile at people, say nice things, make people laugh or feel good about themselves (sincere compliments). The more “emotional sunshine” you bring into their day, the better you (and others) will feel as a result.
*If You Can Master This Word, You Can Rule Your World: “Consistency.” Being consistent, and doing the right thing every day, builds good habits and success. If you floss every day, you will have better teeth. If you work out and eat well daily, you will have better health. If you tell your loved ones that you love them (and show it to them) daily, you will have more loving relationships. If you work to improve your craft and business daily, you will be better at what you do. When you’re consistent, and work hard and steady, you can succeed anywhere.
*Every Second, Every Minute, Every Day, Is Not Promised: Live Each Day as If It’s Your Last: Scrilla’s brother was killed tragically in Los Angeles—a young life taken. It’s part of human nature to somehow believe that we, and our loved ones, will live forever. Then, we’re surprised or shocked when we see that’s not the case—when lives are taken from this earth too soon. Use this reality of death as a wonderful motivator to do everything you want to do—to say everything you want to say. Think of today as your last day on earth and you’re being interviewed by a news anchor—wouldn’t you want to say the last important words you want to say, to your loved ones and to the world? Every day, strive to help people and express your true feelings as you give others something positive they can take with them—helping them walk in their authentic shoes and be their ultimate selves.
Yes, you can be a King or Queen in your own life; you can own your true nature, communicate love and peace to others, and walk in the shoes of success, love, and contribution. Just take a few moments every day to remember the truth: You are a King or Queen by birthright—by having the blessing of life and being born into this world, you are already royalty. As a psychological King or Queen, remember that you can accomplish a great deal on earth as you leave behind a legacy of love and creativity. Live your best life every day.
Thursday Nov 07, 2019
YOU CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS: ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS NO MATTER WHAT
Thursday Nov 07, 2019
Thursday Nov 07, 2019
Would you like to achieve your dreams no matter what stands in your way? Now, there’s a way to do that by using psychological proven ways to achieve excellence, success, and sustained joy. No matter what obstacles and problems you may be facing in life, you can overcome them to reach your deepest dreams.
Apply these techniques of sustained excellence and notice the changes in your life:
*Summarize Your Life Vision in 6 Words: Don’t wait until you are dead to summarize your life purpose. Practice distilling your life vision or mission—what you want out of life—into six words or so: “To Love Without Expectation.” “Best Parent in the World.” “Leaving a Legacy of Smiles.” Although it may seem difficult at first to boil yourself down to a few words, it’s an important way to focus your energies while you’re on earth. Instead of getting caught up in petty setbacks, arguments, or problems, always keep your eye on your higher mission and purpose for being alive. This will motivate you and protect you from the hindrances and negativities of life as you achieve the mission you were destined for.
*Use Scarcity and Negative Emotions as a Positive Fuel for Growth: If you lack something—money, relationships, health, happiness—use that missing ingredient as a motivating force to propel you to growth and excellence. Many of our great inventions and discoveries have resulted when frustrated and upset people used that energy to come up with solutions to real human needs. Don’t try to drown your negative feelings with temporary distractions (food, drink, entertainment, social times). Instead, fully examine the negative feelings from your failures and setbacks and write down the things that frustrate, annoy, or disappoint you—brainstorm ways for fixing them. Then, after an emotional cooling down period, analyze the best approach or solution to the problem/need solution and apply it. Maybe, you come up with a new business, a way to invigorate your social/romantic life, a new health regimen. Whatever you discover, realize that it came from an initial need or scarcity that you turned into a solution.
*Find Meaning in the Mistake: A job interviewee wasn’t prepared and didn’t get the job. Later, they realized that they had sabotaged themselves because they really didn’t feel worthy of getting the job, even though they had the ability. This insight spurred them to implant the idea in their mind that they deserved a great career and would prepare thoroughly for their next interview as if they were the best candidate alive. In the same way, write down the lesson in a setback or “failure” you experienced. Maybe you were too hasty in that business deal; you trusted a person you shouldn’t have trusted, or you waited too long to talk to the person you were romantically interested in. Whatever lesson you learned, write it down and apply it to the next opportunity you have so you don’t repeat the same mistake.
*Practice the Art or Right Association: It is well known that we often become like the people we most associate with, whether for good or bad. Therefore, strive to associate with psychological healthy and upwardly striving people who want to make a positive difference in the world. These are the nonjudgmental friends who listen to you empathetically and give you the space to grieve, learn, and grow. The more you associate with individuals of a higher nature (psychologically and spiritually), the more you will raise your level as you contribute to their lives and they contribute to yours.
*If You Take 2 Steps Forward and One Step Backward, You Are Still Making Progress: We are often too hard on ourselves when we make a mistake. We chastise ourselves and drown in regret: “I should have done better. I’m a failure/loser, etc.” The solution is to give yourself the space to occasionally go back—on your diet, discipline, regimen. As long as you recover and keep moving forward, you will be OK. On the other hand, if you get emotionally stuck in your failure or setback, you may be tempted to give up because it seems like too much for you to overcome. Forgive yourself, be self-compassionate, and realize that, no matter what happens, you can still keep taking the right steps to grow and reach your best self.
*Expand Your Positive Ki Energy Daily: In the east, life energy is known as “Ki” or “Chi.” We can either extend/expand our Ki energy (smiling, giving to others, being creative) or we can withdraw/contact it (self-absorbed, “poor me mentality, feeling futile). Every day, decide that you will extend and expand your positive and loving energy. You will smile at others, be kind to them, help them with their problems, listen attentively—you will do this even if you don’t feel like it. Think of extending your positive energy as a positive discipline or habit you are developing—like working out at the gym. The more you do it, the easier it will become, and the more the activity will reinforce (reward) you to keep doing it even more. When you extend your positive energy outward into the universe, the results will be astounding—you will feel more joyful and the world will often reciprocate good things in your favor.
Yes, it is possible to move psychological mountains and achieve your dreams. You can develop positive qualities such as faith, optimism, gratitude, hope, and higher will (God/nature). Soon, you will no longer think about Love, Success, and Happiness. You will be Love, Success, and Happiness, and everything else you need to fuel your existence on earth and make this a better place for yourself and others.
Monday Nov 04, 2019
Monday Nov 04, 2019
The times has never been better to be an entrepreneur and start your own business—utilizing technology to make money and find fun and happiness along the way. Our special guest on Love University, Amaliny Hasselbeck, serial entrepreneur and founder of BunchUP world-wide community sports network, gave us some tips on how to start your own business and live your fullest life:
*Make Money From What You Love: Amaliny loved sports and realized that many adults would benefit from a sports community of like-minded friends. Her idea became BunchUP adult sports leagues that combine athletic competition with community and friendship building. Her advice: Decide what brings you joy and start a business from it. Maybe you love animals and you want to start a nonprofit rescue organization. Or perhaps you love technology, and you want to provide a solution to a real human need. When you do what you love, the money and success flows to you because it’s not just work; it’s a mission.
*Mentally Floss Daily: Just like you floss daily to save your teeth, work daily to improve your knowledge about business and the topics you are passionate about. Listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos, read blogs about the things that interest and fascinate you. Find a mentor—online or off—who can inspire your entrepreneurial desires and provide advice on what to do (and not do) in business—saving you a tremendous amount of time, energy, and money in the process.
*Start Now: Many people think a long time about starting their own business, but never do so. The key is to begin today and take a small action toward your entrepreneurial goal. You can start an ecommerce store, be an influencer on social media, or write a blog. Instead of trying to have the perfect business plan before you start, decide that you will take steps to start your business today and learn as you go. In this way, you generate momentum that will take you to the next step.
*Believe You Can Have What You Want: An optimistic and positive attitude is a must for entrepreneurs. Pick a motivational phrase or motto that you can put on your bathroom wall and recite it to yourself daily, perhaps something like “Live Fast and Die Old.” In other words, don’t delay your success and happiness—go for what you want now and keep doing it as long as you can.
Here’s the bottom line for entrepreneurs who want to change the world and help humanity: There is no failure in trying; there is only failure in not trying. Decide that you will aim for success and give your business ideas your best shot. Create the ideal business structure, raise money, and hire the right people to get your business off the ground. As you do this, you may be surprised at how far you can go in realizing your entrepreneurial and personal dreams.
Thursday Oct 31, 2019
Thursday Oct 31, 2019
Would you like to be healthy and get in the best shape of your life. Your body can be a dungeon or a temple depending on how well you take care of it. Now you can be as fit as you want to be with the help of our guest on Love University, Master Trainer, Brittany Noelle. We learned some of the secrets of great health and fitness from her appearance on the show. As 2020 rolls around, here are some tips to help you be your best self, mind and body:
*Practice Mindful Eating: Be aware of when and why you’re eating—are you really hungry, or are you eating emotionally (sad, bored, angry)? Rate your hunger level on a scale of 1-10 (1 is very hungry; 10 is not hungry). Your goal is to eat when you are a 3 and under and stop eating when you hit an 8. In this way, you will control your caloric intake and lose the weight you need to lose.
*Do Fitness That Fits You: Don’t just look a recipe or exercise program online and copy it because it seems interesting or appealing. Find out what motivates you; perhaps, it’s weightlifting, dance, or martial arts. When you do an exercise you enjoy, you are more likely to continue doing it and get in better shape.
*Choose Your Initial Best Route: Exercise or Diet: Ideally you would both exercise and maintain a healthy diet. But sometimes we get overwhelmed and tend to overcommit to our exercise and diet regimen—we try to do too much and then get frustrated and give up. The better approach is to initially choose to either work on your diet or your exercise. For example, you can start by eating less of your favorite junk food (pizza) and more healthy food (salad), or by exercising a couple of times per week for 15-20 minutes at a time. As you get more fit and feel good about it, you can combine (and increase) your exercise and diet program.
Reward Yourself: Give yourself a reward whenever you hit an exercise goal (a certain amount of weight lifted or aerobic time) or diet milestone (cut down on fatty foods; increase vegetables). Maybe you will buy yourself a new outfit, get a new CD, book, or DVD, or treat yourself to a massage or social outing. When you reinforce yourself for reaching your exercise and diet goals, you will feel motivated to continue setting even higher goals for yourself.
*Find an Accountability Fitness Partner: Find a workout or diet buddy, or just have someone you can report to about your daily exercise and diet milestones. Doing so will help you achieve better results. When you have someone who is cheering on your fitness success, and keeping you accountable when you slip, you will have a good support system to keep you moving toward your ideal body and health.
Yes, it is possible to get into great shape and live a healthy lifestyle, no matter how much you have failed to do so in the past. Forgive yourself for any past diet and exercise setbacks, and decide that you will move forward to achieve your ideal body and health. Decide to make 2020 the year that you will lose the weight you want to lose, get in the best shape possible, and enjoy your healthiest and happiest year yet.
Wednesday Oct 23, 2019
THE POWER OF SHY: USE YOUR SHYNESS TO GET WHAT YOU WANT
Wednesday Oct 23, 2019
Wednesday Oct 23, 2019
Are you a shy person in certain situations? Up to 50% of people say that they’re shy, perhaps in dating/romantic encounters, public speaking, social situations, and the like. Now there’s a way to use your shyness as a gift, a power, that can help you achieve your goals in life. Here are some practical tips we discussed at Love University to help you transform your shyness into a great advantage:
*Embrace Your Shyness: In Dr. Avila’s classic book, The Gift of Shyness (put amazon link), he redefines shyness as “extraordinary sensitivity” and “deep reflection.” Research shows that shy people are often more sensitive, empathetic, deep thinkers, modest, and loyal (they’re likely to stick to the few relationships they have). Think of the positive traits you have as a shy person—write them down—reflect on them. When you do this, you will realize that you are a unique and gifted person who has a lot to offer to others and the world.
*Develop the 80-20 Actor-Observer balance. The Actor is the part of your personality that is spontaneous, natural, and fun-loving. The Observer is the self-conscious, judgmental part that tells you that other people will criticize and reject you if you say or do the wrong thing. The socially content person has approximately 80% of the Actor and 20% of the Observer (the socially anxious person has 80% Observer and 20% Actor). Focus on developing more of your Actor (while reducing your Observer), and you will be more confident and socially successful.
*Get Your Fools Out: One way to develop more of your Actor (while minimizing the Observer) is to practice acting foolish and silly in private so you can be more confident in public. Get in front of a mirror at home and make silly faces, jump up and down, create funny and weird noises. Act like the funny fool. When you do this in private—get the foolish parts of you out—you will be less worried about acting foolish in public since you’ve already done so in private.
*Practice Micro-Interactions: Whenever you go out, focus on engaging in small energy exchanges with people. Smile. Say “Hi.” Compliment someone on their dress. Although it may seem awkward at first, especially if they are strangers, doing these small interactions can give you confidence to engage in more conversation and deeper connections with others. When you realize that other people are human just like you (with similar worries about being liked and approved of), you start to realize that it’s no big deal to talk to people and make connections. Develop a sense of curiosity about others and you will have more fun interacting with them (and you will become more of the Actor and less of the Observer).
*Be Like The Sun: Give Loving Energy Without Expectation: One of the greatest pieces of social advice is to “Be Like The Sun.” The sun doesn’t get mad or take it personal when some people cover up because they don’t like the sun. The sun keeps shining—on everyone: the old, the young, the beautiful, the not-so-beautiful. The sun shines because it is the sun. In the same way, practice extending loving energy without expectation to others; be kind, loving, and helpful. Volunteer at humanitarian and charitable organizations; help the homeless, listen attentively to a friend or acquaintance who is hurting. Find the shyest person in the room and help them feel comfortable. The more you extend your positive energy to others—without expecting anything back (not approval, friendship, or relationship)—the stronger and more confident you will feel. You will be like the sun—shining your loving energy to everyone—and eventually you will find people who resonate with your style and will reciprocate with their own warmth and friendship.
Although the Observer (self-conscious) side of shyness can be a challenge, there are many ways for you to tap into the positive gifts of your shy nature as you become more of the Actor, the natural spontaneous side of you. You may always be a shy (sensitive) person, but you can claim your personality as a power and use it to accomplish your dreams and help other people feel calm, safe, secure and loved. Then, you can offer the greatest gift of all: pure acceptance of yourself and others.
Wednesday Oct 16, 2019
Wednesday Oct 16, 2019
Would you like to find your soul mate—that compatible love partner who makes your heart sing with joy? Now you can with the help of our illustrious guest on Love University, Arielle Ford. Formerly America’s top publicist, launching the careers of Deepak Chopra and the Chicken Soup for the Soul guys among others, she had an amazing realization at age 43: She was single and wanted a soul mate. Utilizing the law of attraction to find her own wonderful husband, Brian, Arielle moved from publicity matching to soul mate matching as a bestselling author and teacher. Here are some of the powerful tips we learned from Arielle that you can use to find your own soul mate.
*Use Feelingizations to Attract Your Soul Mate: It’s important to add feelings when you visualize or meditate on your soul mate. Light some candles, play some soft music, and visualize that you are extending love to the world, and to your prospective soul mate. See him or her as already being in your life as your experience joy, gratitude, and love. When you add feelings to your visualization about your soul mate you unleash a powerful magnetic force that will attract him or her to you.
Prepare for Your Soul Mate/Clean Out The Negative Past: Prepare for your soul mate by cleaning out self-doubts (“I’m too fat, too old, too unattractive to find love”), as well as negative energies about past relationships. Write down and repeat your positive traits (funny, smart, loyal, loving). Visualize that your exes are vanishing from your life (like popped balloons), create a treasure map in which you post pictures about the incredible life you are having with your soul mate, and clean out your house of negative energies from your past relationships (imagine sweeping out the negative energies with a broom). Buy extra blankets or sheets for your soon-arriving love partner, leave room in your garage for an extra car to park (your soul mate’s), and buy a bathrobe for your soul mate (male or female). Once you leave a space for your soul mate to come, he or she will arrive.
‘Live “As If” You Already Had Your Soul Mate: A single man was invited to a wedding and he replied with a “plus one.” Although he didn’t have a date, he visualized that he was attending with his soul mate, and soon thereafter, he met her in person. Live in gratefulness as if you already have your soul mate in your life. Buy two tickets to a great event (anticipating your soul mate joining you), write them a beautiful card they will receive when you meet them, and so on. You are sending out a message to the Universe: “I am ready for my soul mate—they are here now by my side.”
Savor the Waiting: Instead of growing impatient and frustrated that your soul mate is not here yet, think of being in a wonderful restaurant waiting for the delicious food you love. You would wait in anticipation as you think about all of the mouthwatering food you will eat. In the same way, think of the waiting period for love as a savoring time in which you look forward to meeting your soul mate on the physical plane while enjoying the last period of time of your singlehood. Enjoy your single freedom while you have it as you anticipate transitioning to a beautiful life of couple love.
Open Your Mind to Frequencies of Love: Many singles are too picky and judgmental potential romantic partners—deciding within a few minutes if they want to continue dating someone. Usually, it takes various encounters to know if this person could be your soul mate, so it’s important that you don’t immediately reject someone after a brief meeting. At the same time, when you’re out in the social world, don’t just think of meeting a soul mate; consider that you may meet different people in your life for different reasons: the funny friend, the advice friend, the activities friend. Although they may not be your soul mate, your friendship with them may open you up to meeting the love of your life. Perhaps, you meet your soul mate through your friend (their friend or family member), or when you’re out with your platonic friend doing some enjoyable activity. Be open to expressing fun and loving energy in many forms with different people and your soul mate will manifest themselves when you least expect them.
Remember that finding a soul mate is a two-part process: Action and Surrender. One, you go out and take action steps to meet your soul mate—clean out your negative energies, visualize your soul mate’s presence in your life, participate in social activities, make new friends. At the same time, you relax and surrender your desire for a soul mate to a higher nature—God, universe, destiny. You have faith and belief that the right person will come into your life when the time is right.
Finally, when you create a true soul mate partnership, it can last even beyond life and death—as many beautiful stories have been told of departed partners who still speak to their soulmate on earth (and reunite with them in another realm).
Here’s the good news: If you have the seed of soul mate love within you, you can attract the love of your life and create a light-filled relationship that fulfills your destiny and makes a positive contribution to the world.
Thursday Oct 10, 2019
Thursday Oct 10, 2019
Would like to get fit starting now and entering the big year, 2020? If so, our special guest on Love University, Tiffany Rothe, Dr. Oz fitness expert and YouTube sensation (120 million hits), can help with some psychological advice on how to achieve maximum health and fitness. No matter how much you have struggled with exercise and diet in the past, there is hope for you to achieve the look and health you desire. Here are some tips we learned from Tiffany Rothe that you can use in your personal life:
*Reprogram Your Habits: Emotional eating is a big part of weight gain. You may eat when you’re bored, lonely, tired, or stressed. The key to healthy eating is to associate positive (non-calorie producing) activities with negative feelings. Instead of munching down that rocky road ice cream when you get home stressed from work, work out for a few minutes, meditate, listen to music, read, or spend time with loved ones (or loved animals). By feeding your emotional hunger for relaxation and well-being, you reduce your actual physical hunger.
*Take a Daily Internal Shower: Think of each workout you do like an internal shower in which you cleanse yourself of toxins, stress, and negative energy. Even a 10 minute workout—pushups, sit-ups, running, or walking—can help your feel reinvigorated and re-energized with a more positive outlook. Just like you take a daily shower to cleanse your body, take a daily “internal exercise shower” to refresh your mind, body, and soul.
*Surround Yourself With Health-Affirming People: Mood contagion theory tells us that people’s negative (or positive) moods can be contagious. As a result, it’s important that you surround yourself with people who are positive about fitness, exercise, and diet. They don’t have to be as fitness-orientated as you are, but they should be accepting and encouraging of your desire to get into the best health and shape possible. With their support, you can achieve even greater fitness gains.
*Commit to Get Fit: You may say to yourself, “I will get fit when I have fewer responsibilities at work,” or “When I get someone to watch my children,” or “When I have more energy.” All of these reasons can hold you back. The better approach is to make a commitment to your health and fitness—losing x number of pounds, looking better, feeling healthier—and then arrange your schedule and lifestyle to accommodate your fitness goals. Also, visualize yourself looking slim and trim (or muscular) for a vacation, to attract a soul mate, to be more energetic and confident at work, or to feel like a more confident and loving person. Mentally connect your fitness and health goals to your strongest desires, and you will be more motivated to keep going and achieve the look and health you desire.
Yes, it is possible to lose weight and keep it off. Yes, you can be fit, toned, and healthy. It will take effort, discipline, and commitment but the results are well worth it. The healthy mind and body philosophy is this: You can choose a little pleasure now (eat unhealthy junk food, be a “couch potato”) and a lifetime of pain (poor health and appearance). Or, you can choose a little pain now (get off your rear and exercise; eat some healthy food that may not be as tasty) and experience a lifetime of pleasure—being fit, attractive, energetic, and confident while increasing your likelihood of having a longer and healthier life.
It’s your choice. Choose the fitness and health route and you will enjoy a more loving, happy, and productive life.
Tuesday Oct 01, 2019
Tuesday Oct 01, 2019
We had the pleasure of having my friend, Claudia Duran, uber luxury matchmaker, on Love University. Claudia has put together a fabulous free program called the Modern Dating Movement, in which she interviews the top 21 relationships experts in the world to teach people how to find and keep love in our high-tech, fast-moving world.
Here are some nuggets of wisdom we learned from Claudia and her Modern Day movement, now available, FREE (including gifts) at tinyurl.com/y3f8cef2.
The Problem With Singles Today: We’re so digitally connected that we’ve become lazy and want instant gratification. Old school ways of dating—working through relationship issues; being more open and vulnerable—have turned into branding and trying to put on an image of what we think others want to see.
Be Authentic: The key to true love and connection is to recapture and exude your authenticity as a human being and dating/love partner. Wear what makes you feel sexy and attractive; go to meetings and events that resonate with your true interests. Resolve to express your true nature to everyone you meet and you will naturally attract the one who resonates with the true you.
Slow Down and Find Your Ideal LoveType: The speed dating plan—apps and technology—is not necessarily the right approach because singles get to know each other superficially and quickly—once the initial attraction fades, the relationship may go nowhere. Find out your true personality style and the person who resonates best with you (take the LoveType quiz at lovetype.com), and aim for a lasting relationship that builds over time.
Add Kindness to Your Beauty Regimen: Many people want to find an attractive partner yet beauty is variable depending on the person. One of the most attractive things in a person are their inner traits: humility, kindness, and patience. Strive to develop these inner traits and you will be more attractive to yourself and others.
The Masculine and Feminine Blend: In Eastern philosophy, Ying is the receptive and feminine energy; Yang is the masculine and take-charge energy. Some women have more Yang; some men have more Ying. The key is to find someone who resonates with your own Ying-Yang style and your desires. Two Yangs—strong energies—can do well if they take turns wielding the power. A Ying male and a Yang female can work things out if they respect each other’s style. The key is respect and acceptance (of your self and your partner).
Combining Love and Business: Yes, it is possible to find a soul mate and build a business and humanitarian empire at the same time. Some examples of couples who have successfully combined love and business include Grant and Elena Cardone (real estate and education), Bill and Melinda Gates (technology and philanthropy), and Sara Blakely (Spanx) and Jesse Itzler (owner Atlanta Hawks NBA team). The key is to be clear about your goals and your desire to build a legacy with your entrepreneurial love partner that will help people and last beyond your time together on earth.
Yes, it is possible to create an amazing and beautiful lasting love connection in our frenzied technology-obsessed “selfie” world. Whether your goal is marriage or a loving partner, you can achieve this by tapping into your true authenticity and connecting with the person who resonates with your inner nature.
To receive your free gifts and videos from the Modern Dating Movement, click on to tinyurl.com/y3f8cef2
Thursday Sep 26, 2019
LAUGH YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS: INTERVIEW WITH STEVE KAPLAN, WORLD-RENOWNED COMEDY EXPERT
Thursday Sep 26, 2019
Thursday Sep 26, 2019
Has life got you down? If so, it’s time to laugh your way to success. Laughter has been proven to reduce stress, increase optimism, mood, and motivation, and make your more attractive to other people. Plus, you feel so good while laughing.
Recently, we had world-renowned comedy author and teacher, Steve Kaplan, on Love University, as he shared some great tips for applying comedy and humor principles into our daily lives:
*Laugh and the World Laughs With You: In psychology, mood contagion occurs when you are affected by others people’s moods (happy, sad, angry), or they are affected by your mood. Applying this principle, it’s a good idea to smile and laugh frequently, and others will tend to respond in the same jovial way to you (except for a few of the humorless types). At the same time, surround yourself with kind, good-hearted people who have a good sense of humor about life. These “humor” buddies will help lift your spirits when you feel down as you do the same for them.
*Maintain Hope: A comedy is usually about an ordinary person struggling against insurmountable odds without ever giving up hope. In the same way, you can maintain your faith and hope that you will win in the end—this positive, optimistic mindset can lead you to great success despite turmoil and obstacles.
*It’s Not That Bad: In comedic philosophy, you learn that everything that happens to you is OK. If you lose the relationship; you can find a better relationship, or you can learn how to be a better lover. If you lose the job, you can find a better job, or better yet, start an entirely new career or business. The things that seemed the worst often turn out to be the best things that happen to you.
*Share Who You Are: There are many different kinds of comedians: nerdy/loser types, insult comics, angry comics, depressed comics, observational comics, and so forth. The key to the success of the best ones is that they are always true to themselves. In a similar way, make sure you share your true nature with people in your everyday life—even if you think others may not like it. Some people will love your style, and you will be happy to connect with those who truly resonate with you.
*You Have Permission to Win: In improvisational acting/comedy, the participants are given permission to win utilizing whatever creative means they can to solve a practical problem or social dilemma. In the real world, you can psychologically give yourself permission to win. Tell yourself that you can win the heart of your desirable romantic partner; you can discover fortune and career satisfaction;; you can find happiness, health, and peace;. By giving yourself permission to win, your chances of actually enjoying life increase significantly.
Yes, applying the psychology of comedy and humor to your life can help you achieve an entirely new level of joy, satisfaction, and success. With joy, optimism, and humor as your guiding principles, you can go a long way to establishing a lasting positive imprint in your world.
Thursday Sep 19, 2019
Thursday Sep 19, 2019
For those of us who are experienced public speakers and radio hosts, it’s not often that we are taken aback or thrown off guard by a guest. Thoroughly researching a show guest and understanding the nuances of personality, we can take pride in our ability to “read” guests and understand their platform and where they are coming from.
Yet, when we had Stephen Tobolowsky, the great character actor on Love University (USA TODAY calls him the 9th most frequently seen actor with over 200 films), we were in for a surprise. Expecting a funny and charming character actor, we discovered an enlightening, humble, loving, and kind teacher of wisdom. A spiritual author with an amazing life story—surviving a gun held to his head for two hours, broken neck in an accident, and triple bypass heart surgery—he inspired and elevated our show with his practical, yet profound wisdom, on how to live the unexpectedly blessed life.
Here are some nuggets of excellence we gathered from Stephen’s appearance on Love University:
*Be Open to Unobserved Miracles: When Stephen broke his neck in an accident, he thought his life was ruined. One day, he asked his wife to move his bench from the patio to the backyard so he could have a different view. Amazingly, he saw things in a more beautiful way—the birds in the trees, the shadows moving across the yard—and then he made an amazing discovery: He saw beautiful parrots in his tree he had never seen before. Then, he remembered an old tale about a pet store that caught on fire 35 years earlier in Studio City (where Stephen lived), and the owner saved the parrots by releasing them into the air. No one had heard about what happened to the parrots until Stephen saw them in his own backyard—living there all this time! By moving his position—frame of mind—he found a “miracle”—something totally unexpected and wonderful that brightened his mind and elevated his spirit.
*Get Rid of the Mental (and Physical Junk): Stephen says his wife has a rule: “If you don’t wear a shirt for two years, throw it away. You’ve changed; it doesn’t fit. Move on.” In the same way, we need to do periodic mental housecleaning and get rid of our mental junk: irrational thoughts (“we’re not good enough”), downward feelings (sadness and regret), and habitual self-defeating behaviors (eating and drinking too much; procrastination, gossiping, obsession with time-wasting activities and non-productive relationships). Once we get rid of the valueless, we find the true value in our lives: affirming thoughts, uplifting emotions, and heathy and productive behaviors and relationships.
*Always Think of Creating Addition, Not Subtraction: After his neck accident, Stephen sank into a depressed state. But then he realized a great truth: “I feel better when I think in terms of addition, even if it’s a small thing.” Stephen realized that if he could change the way he looked at his yard, go on a minor audition, or make a little change in the way he did things, he could feel that he was adding to his life, instead of subtracting (losing) something. It worked. He started feeling more whole, holy, and loving. In the same way, you can think of ways that you can add to your life: Maybe spend 15 minutes a day in exercise, prayer, or meditation. Start a gratitude journal and write down three things you are grateful for every day. Say “hello” and smile to three people you encounter every day, say “I love you” to someone you care about. These little things, when added up, can be big additions in your life and will improve your psychological and spiritual health in the process.
*Realize that Death is Real, and Life is Precious: Facing death multiple times, Stephen enlightened us with the idea that “The idea of death is a wakeup call.” Once someone close to you dies (or when you face a health or life crisis), you realize that you may be next to die, and your time on earth is limited. There is no time to waste. Once you realize this, you are empowered to make the most of every day. Despite fear, weaknesses, and setbacks, you can access your God-given talents and gifts to live a joyful life and give love to others.
*Leave a Legacy: “Kadosh”: Kadosh is a Hebrew word that means “sacred” or “holy.” Kadosh occurs when we pass along our stories of wisdom, courage, suffering, and love to our children and their children (and so on). It also means creating a legacy from our life on earth—something beautiful that will stand after we are gone. After all is said and done, the one thing we have to leave behind is a legacy of love and contribution to our children/loved ones (and generations to come), as well as our spiritual family on earth (friends, neighbors, and even those we will never meet). Live your life every day as if you are leaving a fantastic legacy—a lasting imprint of your time on earth that celebrates the joy, the love, and the wonder of life as you lived it.
Yes, Stephen is an amazing and surprising guest. We loved every minute of it, and learned how to live a fun-filled, loving, and legacy-filled life. Thank you, Stephen.
Wednesday Sep 18, 2019
HOW TO SURVIVE A TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT WITH STEVEN DANLEY, DISEASE OF MANAGEMENT EXPERT
Wednesday Sep 18, 2019
Wednesday Sep 18, 2019
A toxic work environment (emotionally damaging and negative) costs billions of dollars a year and results in low productivity, high absenteeism, and early termination.
If you’re in a toxic work environment—your boss is negative or critical or your coworkers are underhanded, manipulative, or attacking—there are things you can do to protect yourself:
- Purify Yourself When You Get Home
When you get home, cleanse yourself from the negativity of work. Take a nice bath or shower, do fun things with family and friends, and engage in a positive practice such as exercise, spiritual affirmation, or a creative hobby. Doing this will help dissolve the negative feelings from work and will refresh and invigorate you.
- Find an Emotional Expression Partner
Talk to a friend you can trust and express your frustrations about work. Even if they don’t offer you a viable solution, just listening to you empathetically can make a big difference in helping you feel better.
- Look For The Positive Aspects of the Job
Even if your job is negative and the people are emotionally draining, see if you can find something useful from the job. Perhaps, the training is good or there is something you can learn that you can apply in a future job. Even dealing with negative and gossiping people can be a psychological growth-inducer as you develop tougher emotional skin.
- Have An Exit Strategy
If you can’t tolerate the job at all, write down a strategy for getting a better job, career, or even starting a new business. This will motivate you when things are tough at work, and eventually your plan can become a reality.
- Keep Your Boundaries
It’s important that you protect your emotional and physical health by saying “NO” when you have a bullying and unreasonably demanding boss. Although it may be difficult to say “No” to your employer (you fear losing your job), it’s important that you take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Take your lunch break, don’t come in too early or stay too late (unless you really want to), don’t work on weekends or from home on your time off, and don’t respond to your boss at all hours of the night. Establishing and keeping boundaries will raise your level of self-respect and will help you maintain your emotional balance.
- Make Your Workspace Positive: Although negative energy can be swirling around you from other people, you can bring some positivity into your work or office space. You can place posters that bring you peace, pictures of your loved ones, and life-affirming sayings that inspire you. Do what you can to make your space positive and relaxing so you can create a cocoon of emotional protectiveness.
- Be Authentic
Too many people lose themselves in their job and sacrifice their integrity and what is important to them. Although it’s great to work hard and be dedicated to your job, it’s more important that you act according to your true nature. If your employer is repeatedly asking you to do something that is against your deepest values and beliefs, then you need to take a step back and reaffirm your position and beliefs. Take a stand for who you really are inside.
Although a toxic work environment can take a toll on your psychological and emotional health, you can survive, and even thrive, if you take care of your emotional integrity. Eventually, when you are able to leave (financially and practically), you will do so and grow into a stronger and more loving human being. Then, you can take your experiences and help others thrive in their work as well. After all, as the great poet, Khalil Gibran once said, “Work is love made visible.” Bring love into your work, and it will never seem like work.
Saturday Sep 14, 2019
Saturday Sep 14, 2019
Loss and grief can hit us unexpectedly. A loved one gets sick and dies. We lose our job, love, or health. Grief can be overpowering and lead to feelings of sadness, despair, and hopelessness. Fortunately, there is a light that can shine on your grief and bring you to a state of healing and wholeness. In my interview with esteemed grief expert and pastor, Steve Sewell, we learned the hidden answers to moving from Grief to Gratitude:
*Carefully Pivot From Grief: Some people try to get back into their lives quickly after a loss (serious illness, death of loved one, financial setback, or relationship breakup). They want to get back to work or business, start another relationship, make a financial move. However, moving too quickly while experiencing grief can be a mistake—leading to poor decision-making. The better approach is to take your time—don’t make decisions quickly when you’re under the influence of grief. Don’t sell a house, buy a car, take a vacation, or start a new romance or relationship, until you feel you’re ready. Another mistake occurs when people try to run away from grief by distracting themselves with everyday pleasures: food and drink, relationships, travel, entertainment. Although these things can provide some comfort, in the end grief will return—perhaps even stronger. Your best approach is to experience your grief head-on and take the time you need to heal from your emotional wounds.
Do Prayer Walking; You don’t have to have a specific religion or even be overly spiritual to pray. Prayer is simply a calling to the higher; an expression of love and gratitude to a higher entity (God or nature) that brings good to you. When you prayer walk, you walk around and notice the beauty and goodness of life, and you feel happy and curious about what you see—applying the lessons to your own life. If you see a tall tree, you pray, “Let me big and strong like that tree.” If you’re at a beach, river, or lake, you say, “I would like to flow and harmonize like the water I see.” As you walk through the world, you observe the wonderfulness of nature and all living things, and you express gratitude and wonder for everything you experience.
Write Down Your Grief and Hope Points: As you go through grief (perhaps a loved one died: parent, spouse, child, sibling, friend), write down in your pad or journal your “grief and hope points”—the things that make you sad about the loss and the things that bring you hope. Although you suffer pain from the death of your loved one, you will also write down how you have grown as a human being because of the experience. Perhaps, you are more compassionate and empathetic to the suffering of others. Maybe, you are more patient, and you live life more fully, because you realize how fragile and precious thing life is.
Ask the Right Questions to Impose Meaning: Grief only has the meaning you put on it. By itself, losing a loved one, or losing something dear to you (youth, looks, health, finances, love) is painful and doesn’t appear to have any redeeming qualities. It’s up to you to find the meaning in your loss by asking meaning-filled questions. Instead of asking, “Why did this happen to me?” ask, “Now that this has happened to me, what am I going to do about it?” A mother lost her son to a violent crime and then decided to become a foster mother to give love to those children who didn’t have parents—helping in her own healing process. Place the meaning on your grief, and you will have a reason to keep living and loving.
*Move to a Higher Plane of Hope and Gratitude: It’s no easy task to fully experience grief—sadness, tears, depression, and sometimes even hopelessness and futility are common. Think of the noble man, Job, who lost his livelihood, family, and his health and wellbeing, yet still maintained his faith in a higher good. When you fully experience grief, there comes a time when the tears have started to dry and the meaning has kicked in—at this point you can have hope in a better future, and gratitude for having experienced what you had, but lost—the love of your life; your earlier successes in life; your contributions to the world. When you experience a deep loss or death, you become a “New Normal.” You won’t necessarily be the same person you were before, but you can grow into someone stronger, more compassionate, and more loving.
In the end, you realize that the only thing you can take with you in this world is the same thing you can give while you are here: Love. When a loved one dies, the only thing that truly lasts is the love you experience for them in your heart and mind. As long as you are alive on this earth—living, breathing, working, enjoying, and loving—you have a special gift called Life. This is what you can share with others as you leave a legacy of goodness, joy, love, and peace.
Wednesday Sep 11, 2019
RELAX YOURSELF INTO PARADISE: THE KEYS TO STRESS-FREE LIVING
Wednesday Sep 11, 2019
Wednesday Sep 11, 2019
We live in a stressful world. Constant overstimulation from technology, worries about our loved ones, work, career, finances, health, and happiness—all of these cause us to feel stressed out, overburdened, and stretched too thin.
Now, there’s a way to relax and bring joy and peace into your life by learning the 5 Keys of Stress-Free Living, as follows:
*MAINTAIN ONE POINT FOCUS ON THE IMPORTANT: In our increasingly complex, technology-connected world, we find ourselves overbooking, multi-tasking, and perennially distracted. The solution: Do one important thing each day. You may want to sit down and talk with your love partner, kids, or best friend. Spend time with your pet, write creatively, learn a new recipe, work on new business plan, exercise, practice a spiritual path. Whatever it is, consider this your priority for the day. If you do this one important task, you are done. You can relax, rest, and perhaps later pick up a secondary task.
*VISUALIZE SERENITY: With your eyes closed in a comfortable place at home or in a natural setting, take ten to fifteen minutes each morning and evening to visualize a beautiful and peaceful place. Maybe, you see a beach, mountain, lake, or river. See yourself there alone or with a loved one (or a special animal). Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. Ask yourself: What do you see there—what colors? What do you smell? What sounds do you hear? How do you feel emotionally? This simple exercise will brighten the beginning of your day, and leave you with a satisfied feeling at the end of the night.
*TIGHTEN AND RELAX: When your body becomes tense with stress, one simple exercise to practice is “Tighten and Relax.” For 5 to 10 minutes each day, stand with your feet shoulder length apart and extend your arms straight ahead. Now, take a deep breath through your nose (hold your breath), as you form fists with your hands, and tighten your arms and entire body. Hold this position (and your breath) for 5 to 10 seconds, then let your torso collapse (while still standing) as you exhale. Feel all of the tension suddenly leaving your body as you swing like a rag doll while standing. You will feel a tremendous release of tension and anxiety when you practice this exercise.
*WIND DOWN BEFORE BED: Many people have their cell phone in bed or nearby, TV on, and other technology in their bedroom. Yet, this overstimulates your mind and makes it difficult for you to fall asleep. The key is to turn off all of your technology devices—cell phone, pads, TVs—for 30 minutes to one hour before you go to sleep. Instead, follow a relaxing bedtime ritual. Read a book (yes, the old-fashioned kind), take a bath, make love to your partner, pet a dog, read the children a story, write in your journal. Whatever you choose as your pre-bedtime ritual, make sure it is relaxing and comforting so you can ease into a good night sleep.
*CULTIVATE YOUR MEANING PRACTICE: One of the greatest stress-relievers is to have a “Meaning Practice”—Live daily with your life’s purpose or meaning in mind. For some, people that is a religious or spiritual practice, in which they live their lives for their God, higher power, or spiritual nature. For others, it means being a compassionate, loving, and contributing human being, being loving toward their loved ones and children (and neighbors), and leaving a lasting legacy of goodness. When you have a meaning practice, the little things in life—traffic jams, technology breakdowns, rude and obnoxious people, temporary financial difficulties—don’t have the power to keep you down. Even larger challenges and obstacles—trauma, loss, suffering, even death—lose their psychological bite when you have something to live for that is higher than yourself. You feel more secure, comfortable, and loved when you know, deep down, that there is a positive and wonderful purpose for your existence on earth.
Yes, it is possible to live a relaxed and peaceful life in a world of turmoil and strife. It is said that those who can keep their heads about them, while all others are losing theirs’s (letting anxiety control them), are true powerful human beings. You can be one of those psychological invincible people who can maintain calm and peace in times of difficulty and stress. At the same time, your calmness and relaxation can inspire others around you to do the same and live with peace, love, and meaning.
Wednesday Aug 21, 2019
Wednesday Aug 21, 2019
This week we welcomed Marianne Williamson, presidential candidate and internationally acclaimed spiritual leader, to talk about love as a force multiplier for good in society. More than just a gushy or sentimental feeling, Marianne eloquently conceptualizes love as an essential political, societal, and spiritual power than can uplift our country’s collective consciousness. With the politics of love, suffering can be diminished; peace, prosperity, and well-being can be established; and humankind can be enlightened.
Here are some of the myths about love that were shattered and the fascinating insights that we learned from our interview with Marianne Williamson:
*Love is a Reversal: Unconditional love, also known as Agape, Bhakti, or Karuna, is based on reversing our attention from me to we—by developing empathy and compassion for all life forms—and seeing ourselves in those who suffer and in those who love. As we spread our loving energy outwardly, we also enhance our own inner nature and spirit—giving the love we receive and receiving the love we give.
*Love is a Weapon for Good: Much more than a romantic or sentimental feeling, Love can be used as a practical tool to redress societal injustice, reduce suffering, and bring health, peace and prosperity to our society. Adapting from the Karate Creed, we can develop a Love Creed (set of beliefs which guide our actions):
LOVE CREED
I come to you with only Agape, Unconditional Love.
I have no weapons.
But should I be forced to defend myself, my principles, or my honor,
Should it be a matter of life or death, of right or wrong,
Then, here are my weapons,
Agape: Unconditional Love
Love is a Force Multiplier: A force multiplier is a factor that allows us to accomplish greater things than we could without it. In military terms, morale—the capacity for people to pull together for a common purpose—is a powerful force multiplier which greatly maximizes the fighting capacity of its troops. In the same way, those who love are in a war against those who hate. The way to defeat hate is to collectivize love (group it together) so that it becomes a weapon of mass healing and goodness. By volunteering for charitable and political causes, being well-informed about national and international affairs, and giving a helping hand those who need it, average citizens can multiply the power of love to defeat hate, anger, and prejudice.
Love is Optimism: Optimism comes from the root word, “Optimus,” to expect the best. When we are optimistic, we are happier, healthier, and contribute more to the world. Our children are a great source of optimism since they still possess the naturalness, openness, and zest for life that some adults lose as they get bogged down in the worries of the world. By helping children—economically, politically, and spiritually—we can recapture our own lost spirit of childhood hope and enthusiasm. When children have inadequate food, education, and material necessities, the enthusiasm and optimism of the world diminishes. When our children suffer, we suffer because our hope and future is tied with them. When children prosper and are healthy—emotionally, physically, and spiritually—we as a nation, and as individuals, also prosper and feel more love inside.
Love is Atonement: When we do something wrong or owe a debt, it’s important that we correct it or pay for our wrongdoing. This is called atonement and serves to set things right and purify ourselves. In Jewish tradition, it is called Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement); in Catholic tradition, it is called Confession. In a larger scale, atonement means giving compensation to certain groups for past injustice and oppression as well as educating ourselves and others about the dangers of tyranny and hate. Atonement in a society and governmental scale can purify the spirit of a nation, just as it can rebirth the spirit of the individual. There is great love to be found in atonement because we demonstrate both empathy (putting ourselves in the minds and hearts of others) and compassion (relieving the suffering of others).
Love is Gratitude: Gratitude is when you give thanks for the good that comes to you—recognizing that it comes from outside you; from a higher power, from loved ones, and even from strangers. Grateful people are among the happiest people on earth. One thing to be grateful for are the great contributions we have received from those who have come to this country and have left their mark of goodness, love, and advancement. At the same time, those who came here can also be grateful for the wonderful opportunities they have been given in this great nation of ours. Gratitude is a connector—instead of separating us into groups based on racial, religious, or cultural differences—we see that we are all the same inside. We all fear, we all feel sad, we all feel pain; yet we also all laugh, we dream, we serve, we grow, and above all, we love.
The Power of Love is Stronger than the Love of Power: In society today, the love of power and material gain has become the “monster within.” Forgetting the elements of spirit that make us truly divine and authentically human, too many people and institutions have forsaken basic decency and kindness for profit and ego-enlargement. Yet, we can recapture and enhance the power of love in our personal lives, as well as collectively in our society and government, by being politically active, choosing worthy causes to support, and offering financial, emotional, and spiritual assistance to those who need it the most.
Some may say that a society or government based on love sounds like a fantasy dream or unrealistic utopia. But the real fantasy is that we can survive another 100 years as a civilization if we don’t bring love into our societal and governmental structures, as well as into our interpersonal lives. In the end, Love will prevail because love is all that remains of who we are and what we have accomplished on earth. With Love as a force multiplier, we can vanquish fear and move into a new world order of love, kindness, compassion, strength, and elevated humanhood.
Monday Aug 12, 2019
Monday Aug 12, 2019
We are pleased to welcome Marianne Williamson, Presidential Candidate and esteemed spiritual author, to Love University on Wednesday, August 21st at Noon Pacific Standard Time. This week as we await the arrival of Marianne, we explore her best-selling book, A Return to Love (39 weeks on the NY Times bestseller list), and its wonderful message of love and transformation.
In a world filled with stress, anxiety, anger, and sadness, there is a powerful force that can help our society return to a peaceful and joyous place: It is the power of Love—the essence of goodness, caring, and affection that we have for ourselves, others, and a higher nature. Although fear may permeate our lives at times, Love is the only thing that is real; the antidote for defeating fear.
Here are some ways to Return to Love in your life:
*Rediscover your childhood loves. Ask yourself: What did I want to be as a child? Astronaut, actor, writer, teacher, scientist, entertainer, businessperson, parent, President? Consider what it was about those dreams that excited you. Although you may not want to be those things today (or maybe you do), think about what you can do now that aligns with your earlier interests, goals, and passions. Perhaps, you will want to fly a kite, collect dolls or coins, study history, art, or nature, care for pets or children; create, write, or invent; start a business, travel, go back to school; engage in a spiritual, meditative, or exercise practice—these are just some of the things that may reignite your passion for life, for the Real You.
*Get rid of everything that is not Love in your life. In some ways, love is a ridding process. To bring more love in your life, begin to distance yourself from negative and critical people; start eliminating bad habits or addictions that limit and enslave you. Maybe, you will cut down on eating unhealthy food or ingesting substances that harm you. You will work to minimize bad habits like worrying, procrastinating, and trusting in the wrong people. At the same time, you will substitute your old patterns and behaviors with new, uplifting ones: healthy diet and exercise, a spiritual practice, fun activities, time spent with positive and loving people, doing creative or fulfilling work. As you reduce the fear and sadness-producing activities and people from your life, you will fill the gap with joyous and uplifting things, people, and activities.
*Give up your desires to the higher. From the East, we learn the marvelous idea of surrendering our need for results; to trust that God (spirit, essence, universe) will provide everything we need. For example, instead of worrying so much about how much more money or accolades you want to receive from your work, decide that you will surrender the “fruits” (results) of your efforts to a higher, benevolent force. You will work simply because you are exercising your “Don,” (God-given talent) for the good of the world. Instead of worrying about whether you will ever find a loving partner, say to yourself: “I will extend loving energy to others, and I will leave the results of finding a soul mate to the higher (God, essence, nature). In this way, you are no longer frustrated or disappointed by what comes (or doesn’t come) your way. You are content in simply doing what you have been called to do.
*Understanding relationships as levels of learning. Instead of seeing a relationship as something that will give you things—security, affection, sex, companionship—think of a relationship as a school that will teach you important lessons. Each relationship you have in life is based on a stage. Stage 1 consists of casual acquaintances; people you say “hi” to on a regular basis. Stage 2 relationships are those in which you have a lesson to teach each other—maybe the relationship or marriage ended, but you still learned something valuable. A Stage 3 relationship is your Lifelong Learning Partner—here to help you grow (as you help them grow) through your lives together. Lifelong Learning Partners are people who are well-integrated within themselves and have a deep understanding and acceptance of each other despite their flaws. Their purpose is to unite together to create light in the world—this is the most beautiful relationship to have.
*See love as the only thing of value in a situation or encounter. In any interaction, ask yourself: “Where is the love here?” If you’re negotiating with a merchant, you may decide to slightly overpay on occasion because you want to help their business or family. Realizing that money is a form of loving energy, you are confident that you are building bonds of cheery affinity with this person, and the money will flow back to you at some point. When you have empathy for another human being, you see life from their point of view. When this occurs, you realize that you are one with that person. If you do harm to them, you will harm yourself; if you give loving energy to that person, you are giving love to yourself.
Realize that love is strong, not weak. Although love is caring and patient, it is also practical, realistic, and powerful. Sometimes, you need to express tough love and tell someone, “Knock it off: I won’t tolerate that.” If the person is on the wrong track and doing the wrong things, you are being most loving when you help redirect them in the right direction. They may or may not listen to you; but you have done your duty in offering them a respectful love that can help them if they wish to take it.
In the end, Love is the only thing that matters. When you die, it is the only thing you can take with you—the love you have created on earth, which will keep regenerating in the hearts and mind of the people you touch.
ASK MARIANNE A QUESTION LIVE ON OUR SHOW AND RECEIVE A FREE GIFT (FOR THE FIRST 10 CALLERS): LET US KNOW YOUR QUESTION BY WED, 8/14/19, 6PM CALIFORNIA TIME, TO LOVEUNIVERSITYLOVE@GMAIL.COM AND 310-226-8090
Wednesday Aug 07, 2019
Wednesday Aug 07, 2019
Love is around you everywhere. In a partner’s touch, a dog’s attention, a child’s smile, work done with passion. Love is an energy, a force, that transforms our lives and makes us want to get up in the day; it can bring us joy and contentment; peace and well-being. Yet, love can also go away, especially in intimate and personal relationships, leaving us with pain, confusion, and heartache. When you’re married, or dating someone for a while, you may see that the spark of excitement and love seems to dim; you may no longer feel the same way about the person as you did in the “honeymoon stage”—when everything about your lover brought you joy and contentment.
Fortunately, here are some scientifically proven ways to keep the love alive in your relationship:
*Do a Love Self-Analysis. Ask yourself: “What kind of lover am I? What do I value in a relationship?” Is sexual attraction very important to me? Or friendship? Or practical or spiritual considerations? Am I a lovable person, as I am right now? The more you know about yourself, who you are, and what your talents and needed areas of growth are, the better you will be able to contribute to a lasting and successful love relationship,
*Love Map Your Partner: Write down the things you want in a partner (or the thing about your partner that you like). Also note the things you want that they may not have. Consider if this is something they can develop (joining you in certain activities) or if it’s something they can’t or won’t change (their social style; lifestyle habits). Decide how important these things are to you, and if the other positives your partner brings to you compensate for what is lacking.
*Establish Your Presence While Preserving Your Space. Research shows that couples thrive when they do exciting things together; traveling to new places; trying new experiences (hot air ballooning), learning new things (ballroom dancing). At the same, time, they do better when each person has a sense of personal space and independence to pursue individual hobbies and interests. A crime novelist married to a criminal court judge can share ideas with each other; yet, they can be distinguished and accomplished in their respective fields—thus feeding the attraction they have toward each other for their individual successes.
*Develop “Love Blindness.” Research shows that the number one compatibility trait that happily-in-love people have is that they see their mates in a very positive light—almost as a positive illusion—in which they idealize their mate and see them as attractive, loving, charming, funny, and a “great catch.” This may not seem to be the case to a disinterested observer, but to the mate of that individual, it is definitely so. The key, therefore, is to constantly reinforce—think about and express—what you love about your partner. Although they may have some flaws you may want to help them work on, you are much better served to focus on their strengths, as doing so feeds the love between you.
*Respond to Emotions, Not Words. When couples argue or fight, they may hurt each other’s feelings because they focus on the words (critical/judging) or tone (harsh, loud), instead of the feelings behind them. Ask yourself: “What is my partner really feeling here?” Don’t look at the obvious but go deeper into the feeling. If they’re yelling at you because you didn’t call them when you said you would, you may see anger, but underneath that, they may be fear (abandonment). By understanding their true feeling, you can respond appropriately (“Honey, I will be here for you; what would make you less afraid?”). This type of honest, deep communication can make a big difference in your relationship.
*Cultivate Joy for Life. Studies have found that couples who maintain loving, long-term relationships have an inner excitement and joy about living. Every day they wake up, they look forward to doing things with their love partner, partaking in fun and exciting activities, sharing time with loved ones, doing work they love. As a result, they bring their positive enthusiasm and joy for life into their relationship as their partner does the same. In the same way, on a daily basis, do the things that bring you joy; whether it’s exercise, meditation, creativity, a spiritual practice, caretaking, teaching, learning, or trying new things. Listen to uplifting and educational podcasts and videos; read inspirational material that can help you increase your joy and excitement for life and your partner.
It is possible to maintain, and even increase, the love you have for your romantic partner, and life itself. You just need to remember two simple principles about love:
Love is a Deep Understanding of Another. It’s a full appreciation of the person by your side; putting yourself in their shoes and feeling as they feel. It’s embracing the entire person—flaws and talents—and loving them as they are.
Give Love Without Expectations
This is the greatest secret of all. When we are kind, loving, and patient to our mate—and others—without expecting anything in return, we are practicing the highest form of love: Unconditional love (Agape). In this way, love becomes a discipline—it flows from inside us. We don’t worry if others will return our loving energy in exactly the way we want them to. We’re not disappointed, frustrated, or angry if they don’t do what we want. Instead, we have a relaxed and carefree feeling—knowing that we have a great resource of love to give. The more we give, the more it is replenished internally—and the more love those around you (especially your love partner) will give you in return.
It’s time for your daily love boost. Strive to make this a most loving and enjoyable week with your partner and the people you care about.
Tuesday Jul 30, 2019
Tuesday Jul 30, 2019
Wednesday Jul 24, 2019
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL: HOW TO DEFUSE A RELATIONSHIP TIME BOMB
Wednesday Jul 24, 2019
Wednesday Jul 24, 2019
Are you a victim of emotional blackmail? Does your love partner use your weaknesses and vulnerabilities to manipulate and pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do? Emotional blackmail occurs when your partner or mate uses fear and guilt to force you to do what they want (and what you don’t want).
In the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship, you may find it cute or romantic that your honey wants you to text them throughout the day. But later when you don’t keep it up, they may become angry and use fear (“I’ll leave you”) or guilt (“You don’t love me anymore”) to control your behavior (texting them constantly).
If you’re the victim of emotional blackmail, here are some things you can do to regain your integrity and emotional freedom:
*Recognize that you deserve a respectful “blackmail free relationship.” Realize that it takes two people to create an emotional blackmail relationship: The abuser and the victim. You can choose not to be the victim by withdrawing your participation in this unhealthy type of relationship. By doing so, you recapture your self-esteem and emotional well-being.
*Create a contract with yourself. On a piece of paper or on your iPad, tablet, laptop, or phone, write out a “No Blackmail” contract with yourself. You can write something like “I commit to getting emotional blackmail out of my life and relationships. I won’t let fear or guilt control me anymore.” Read it aloud to yourself every day and incorporate it into your interactions with your mate and the important people in your life.
*Set Boundaries and keep them. A boundary is a set of social rules you maintain for how others should treat you. For example, you won’t tolerate your partner demeaning you in public, calling your derogatory profanities, or being physically abusive. Once you set a boundary, be firm in keeping it—letting your partner know you won’t stand for it when they try to violate it (e.g. Yelling at you in front of other people).
*Practice saying “No.” When you’re by yourself, practice saying “No.” Say, “No, I won’t do that,” and “The answer is ‘no.’” You can start by saying “no” to small things you don’t want to do; for example, you may not want to see a movie your partner likes. You can say, “I don’t want to see this one; let’s choose a movie we both like.” The more comfortable you get with saying “no” in small things, the more your confidence will increase. You realize that you can be loving and committed in your relationship without having to go along with every single thing your partner wants you to do.
*Communicate with “I Feel” statements. Instead of using “you” statements in an accusatory way (“You’re so controlling”), practice saying what you feel with “I” statements. For example, you can say, “I feel stressed and less loving toward you when you try to make me things I don’t want to do.” Doing this will soften the interaction while getting your feelings across to your partner.
*Create a safe space to think. When you’re feeling emotional pressure to do what you mate wants you to do, don’t respond immediately. Take some time away from them. Go shopping, work out, take a walk. Let your cooler head prevail as you detach yourself from the situation and ask yourself, “Are they asking me to do something reasonable or unreasonable?” and “Do I really want to do this, or do I feel pressured to give in to keep the peace?” All love partners ask things of each other; the key is whether you feel you have the right to say “yes,” or “no,” and whether your partner respects that. With a clear mind, you can respond in a more intelligent and rational way to what they are asking of you.
Seek Professional Help: Your blackmailing partner may not want therapy if they don’t think they have a problem—they may blame you and say that you are the one who is causing the problem (you’re not doing what they want you to do). If that’s the case, you should seek therapy yourself so you can have the tools to deal with the emotional blackmailer and possibly leave the relationship if it’s the right thing to do.
Everything starts with loving yourself. When you love yourself with self-kindness and self-compassion (not in a selfish or egotistical manner), you have more true love to give to a partner. Loving yourself means that you won’t put up with emotional blackmail, pressure, and abuse. It means that you will treat yourself and your partner with kindness, compassion, and respect as they do the same toward you.
It’s true: Only a truly respectful and compassionate relationship—both inwardly and outwardly—can give you the satisfaction and joy you seek. Make sure you fulfill your relationship potential and maintain your emotional freedom so you can love more fully.
Tuesday Jul 16, 2019
Tuesday Jul 16, 2019
Sometimes it seems like laughter has left the world today. Problems, losses, and tragedies fill the minds and lives of many. But, amidst this turmoil and pain, there is a ray of hope and laughter as we learned when we had the privilege of listening to our guest, Barbara Saltzman, a remarkable woman who is making a miracle out of the early cancer death of her beloved 22-year- old son, David. Traveling the country, speaking on hope and laughter and giving away thousands of copies of her son’s best-selling children’s inspirational book, The Jester Has Lost His Jingle, Barbara enlightened our show with her sage words of wisdom on how to turn tragedy into triumph.
Here is some of her advice:
*Turn crying into smiling and laughter. Barbara tells us, “When you feel like crying turn sadness on its head. Sing your loudest and dance your best, even when the music is not playing.” In psychology, the Facial Feedback hypothesis tells us that by smiling, our muscles release certain brain chemical that help us feel more joyous and happy. When you’re feeling down or depressed, that’s the time to go in front of your mirror to smile and laugh. Put on some upbeat music, maybe dance a bit. Although initially you may not feel like doing it, by getting your body in motion, you release the brain chemicals to elevate your mood.
*Recognize the “Jester” inside of us. The “Jester” is the part of us that is spontaneous, fun-loving, and hopeful. It is optimistic and joyful, just like a child. No matter how old you are, you still have this Jester inside you—maybe it’s been deeply buried under a mountain of resentments, disappointments, regrets, and failures. But, it is still there. Find the activities or hobbies that can re-energize your Jester: maybe it’s writing, art, meditation, a physical activity; being with friends, animals, nature, or children; a spiritual practice; traveling, giving to others. Whatever that special activity is, spend more time doing it, and be observant as your Inner Jester comes out to play and enjoy life again.
*Practice group laughter: In psychology, mood contagion, is when we are influenced by other people’s mood (good or bad). If we walk into a room of complaining and bitter people, we may start to feel the same. On the other hand, if we associate ourselves with happy and jovial people, we can start to pick up on their joyful energy. Try this exercise: Get a group of friends or acquaintances together, and just start laughing. You don’t have to tell a joke or do anything—just laugh. Do it for several minutes—as the laughter gets louder and crazier. This will build great positive energy in the room, and you will feel great. No matter how silly you may feel in the beginning, go ahead and roar with laughter (the neighbors may think you’re a little crazy until you invite them to join in. Remember, laughter is the best medicine for whatever ails you.
*Find meaning in the tragedy: Some of us undergo heartbreaking tragedies: the breakup of families to divorce, the pain of losing a love one (especially a child) to an early death; the loss of health, dreams, and hope. Yet, underneath the pain, there are lessons to be learned; meaning to be obtained. The truth is simple: All of us will die. The difference is in what we leave behind: a heap of bitterness and sorrow or a legacy of goodness, love, and contribution. We can take inspiration from the amazing example of Barbara who took her deceased son’s children’s book and made it a national phenomenon and nonprofit organization to help children with cancer and other life-threatening illnesses.
Research science has shown that laughter, optimism, and feelings of love can help people heal faster from many types of illnesses and psychological problems. By finding the Jester inside us—the spontaneous, loving, and compassionate side of our natures—we can release all the goodness and joy we have inside us; to benefit ourselves, our loved ones, and the world itself.
Monday Jul 08, 2019
Monday Jul 08, 2019
Do you feel stuck in your life—inhibited, frustrated, or defeated? If so, there are definite steps you can take to live with guts and confidence and achieve your goals. In my fascinating interview with behavioral science expert, Amy Alkon, we delved into the scientific secrets of living successfully and joyfully.
Here are some of the tips you can incorporate to improve your life based on scientific research:
*Go for Small Wins: Instead of overwhelming yourself with big goals, start with small successes—what psychology calls “approximation to the goal.” If, for example, you want to solve a big problem (world hunger), begin by helping in small ways—give a sandwich and pair of socks to a homeless person. If you want to find your soul mate and are shy, talk to several appealing people; regardless of how they react; you secure a small win just by attempting to make contact.
*Have a Funeral for the Loser You: In the presence of a friend, take an old picture of you and tear it up (or burn it if it’s not a fire hazard)—as a symbolic gesture that you are leaving the old negativity in your life behind. You are on your way to becoming the new person you want to be. Rituals like this have power because they combine new thought with action, and help you leave old negative patterns behind.
*Be Inauthentic to Your False “Shitty” Self: If you’re authentic to your self-defeating negative self (“I’m not good enough), then you will get more of your old self-defeating thoughts, habits, and actions. Instead, choose a set of values for the type of person you want to be; for example, someone kind, confident, loving, respectful, and self-compassionate. When you select the guidelines for who you want to be—and live by those precepts—you will gain a significant amount of confidence and well-being in the process.
*Limit Your Choices for More Freedom: Research shows that we have a certain amount of daily energy for making decisions and exerting willpower. If we waste it on trying to make small choices, we won’t have enough leftover energy for the big decisions and issues in life. A good approach is to automate and pre-select certain things in your life. For example, choose beforehand what you’re going to eat or wear for the week ahead. If you have your own business, establish a consistent pattern of where you will work (home, office, coffeeshop, etc.), and at what time you will work, so you don’t have to think about it. In this way, you conserve your brainpower and have leftover cognitive capacity to decide on the important matters of the day.
*Recognize that Fear is Not Just the Problem, It’s the Solution: Instead of running from your fears, expose yourself to the fears. You will see that most of your fears are not realistic (they don’t have a high probability of occurring). If you’re shy about meeting people, expose yourself to more social situations in which you break the ice with others. If you’re hesitant about starting a new career, job, or business opportunity, expose yourself to the financial or business world; learn as much as you can; make friends with people who are already succeeding in the field. The more you expose yourself to what you fear, the less fear you will have.
It is possible to live confidently and joyfully, no matter how much you have suffered in the past, regardless of how many failures you have endured. You can change your self-talk and develop a more positive mindset by following some of the scientific principles we’ve been discussing. The aim is to get out of your own way and tap into the inner power and love you already possess.
Tuesday Jul 02, 2019
Tuesday Jul 02, 2019
On Love University, I was pleased to visit with a marvelous human being, Rebecca Forster, NY times bestselling crime author and humanitarian. Rebecca has written over 30 books, has touched many people through her philanthropic work, and has a thriving 40 + year marriage and personal life. Here are some of the valuable tips we learned from Rebecca on writing and life:
On How to Be A Great Writer:
*Find the joy in writing: Don’t just do it for money or acclaim. Find the story (or idea) that is burning inside you—that needs to get out. Root for the characters in your book—even the bad ones (make them as bad as they can possibly be). Have fun and you will create good work.
*Take baby steps: When Rebecca was just starting out, she had her toddler next to her and she would put a page in the baby’s typewriter as she put one in her’s and started writing. No matter what your situation (parent, full-time worker, student) currently is, you can make time to write. Start by writing a certain number of words per day, and soon your passion will build and you will eventually write a book you can be proud of.
*Educate Yourself: With today’s self-publishing and marketing opportunities, you can create your own cottage writing industry. Learn everything you can about writing, publishing, and marketing. Attend writer’s groups and conferences; read e-books, learn from videos about the craft and business of writing.
On How to Have a Great Relationship:
Rebecca has been married for over 40 years to a judge who helps her with background research on her thrillers. Here are some of the secrets to a healthy and happy marriage:
*Find the humor in each other: If you find each other humorous, that’s a great plus because humor can serve as a buffer against stress and conflicts. Share jokes and stories with each other; watch funny videos, shows, or comics—strive to have several times of laughter with your mate each day.
*Be curious together: Strive to learn new things together; attend classes, go on trips, vacations, and adventures. Always keep learning about each other; spend time in different situations, environments, and people. The couple that learns together, grows together.
*Realize that your differences can be strengths: Although compatibility (similarity in important values) can be important in relationships, sometimes complementary traits—opposite styles that mesh—can also work. For example, your partner is an Introvert (energy within), and you’re an Extravert (energy from social interactions), you can make it work if you respect each other’s style. The Extravert can get the Introvert out of the house and socializing, and the Introvert can calm and relax the Extravert.
*Be each other’s cheerleader and number one fan: When you are proud of your spouse or partner, and their successes (and they feel the same way about you), the relationship is stronger and smoother. Don’t let envy creep into your relationship. Every day strive to express your appreciation and admiration for your mate and what they do to keep your marriage and family strong.
On How to Be A Great Person
*Be open to experience: When Rebecca was sick in a hospital, she noticed some things that needed improvement. She told the hospital, and as a result, she was invited to be a patient advisor. This opened her up to new insights and helped her become a more compassionate person as she improved the lives of patients. In the same way, find ways to say “Yes” to people who need your help. Be open to making new connections, associations, and friendships. The more open you are, the more life will bring favorable circumstances into your life.
*Never say you don’t have the time or opportunity: When Rebecca first started writing, she was working a full-time corporate job and had a baby, but she didn’t let circumstances stop her. Initially, writing late at night, she resolved to write a certain number of pages each day before she stopped. When you have discipline and work toward a goal you desire, almost nothing can stop you—as long as you have the passion to truly express yourself.
*Give love without expectation: Volunteer at non-profit organizations, hospitals, charities, or churches. Help those who are less fortunate than you—listen empathetically to friends, acquaintances, neighbors, and even strangers. The key is to help others without expectation—without expecting that they will appreciate, praise, or even like you. You do it because love is an essence within you that is clamoring to get out. It has a self-renewable quality—the more you express it, the more of it you get back.
Yes, you can become a great writer (or excel in any other creative venture you desire), as well as becoming an excellent person. All it takes is drive, persistence, and the help of loving people around you. When you create and help others, you will discover your true inner beauty, calmness, and peace, and you can share it with the world.