Episodes
Wednesday Jul 28, 2021
Wednesday Jul 28, 2021
Are you a rushaholic—rushing everywhere and having little peace and relaxation? On our latest Love University show, we learned some tips for relaxing and enjoying your life—without constant time pressures. Here’s what you need to do:
1.Develop the Mind of Patience. There is enough time for everything. Think of relaxation instead of stress. Think about accomplishing things the right way, instead of trying to do too much. Your relaxed mind will thank you.
- Find a Patience Mentor. Spend time with elderly people who have mastered the art of patience. Strive to emulate their easy-going, relaxed approach to life, and you will feel joyful and peaceful.
- Choose the Longer Line. As an exercise, intentionally choose the longer line in a store. Become aware of your surroundings and your own thoughts and feelings (“Hurry up” your mind tells you). Listen to conversations and observe other people who seem rushed and pressured. Resolve that you will not be like them. You will be calm, patient, and loving.
Yes, it’s true. You can be patient, relaxed, and fulfilled. Leave rush behind and start an inner revolution of relaxation and well-being. You will enjoy every minute of it.
Tuesday Jul 20, 2021
Tuesday Jul 20, 2021
When life seems overwhelming, we need to find our beauty and strength within. This is the beautiful lesson we learned from our amazing guest, life coach Leena Duwadi, native of Nepal. Known as the female “Sadhguru” for her enlightening nuggets of wisdom, here is what the lovely Leena share with us:
*The world is full of good hearts. Look around you, and you will find love and charity. Help others and you will always win.
*You are spiritual even if you don’t realize it. You believe in something higher than yourself, whether it’s God, money, love, or something else. Make sure that you believe in something that will elevate you and bring you goodness.
*Be the hope you never lost. You have greatness inside you. Simply recognize that you are a creation of the Higher Nature (God, spirit, nature). When you do that, you won’t have to prove yourself to anyone. You are sufficient within yourself.
*We need more loving ears, not talking mouths. Just being with a hurting person, and listening attentively, is enough. Your energetic presence by itself can help heal those who suffer.
*Replace “Alonement” for “Loneliness.” You can be by yourself and still be content if you love yourself in an authentic way. Being alone doesn’t have to mean that you’re lonely. It can give you the opportunity to truly know yourself.
*The Higher Nature is your “Life Guard.” Sometimes, you are thrown into a pool of deep water. Life seems too difficult; you are overwhelmed by problems and difficulties. Yet, the good news is that The Higher Nature (God, spirit) is ready to jump in to save you as long as you are willing. Be willing.
The truth is that it's perfectly fine to work on your outer health and beauty. Yet, you will also receive great rewards when you focus on enhancing your inner beauty—your capacity for empathy, compassion, gratitude, and love. Make your outer face—your daily actions-- match your inner face of beauty. When you do this, you will live triumphantly, joyfully, and with complete love.
Saturday Jul 10, 2021
INVINCIBLE YOU SERIES: MASTER THE DESERT OF WEAKNESS AND LIVE TRIUMPHANTLY
Saturday Jul 10, 2021
Saturday Jul 10, 2021
Would you like to overcome negative thoughts and emotions, and achieve your greatest potential in life? You can do so by following a few simple tips from Dr. Avila’s latest book, Invincible You: Discover Your Inner Power and Achieve Your Heart’s Desires (shorturl.at/C0679). Here’s what you need to do:
1.Identify the negative inner voices that hold you back. In a journal or notebook, write down the self-defeating thoughts that attack you on a daily basis: “I’m not smart enough.” “I’m not attractive enough.” “I’m not lovable enough.” “I’m not confident enough.” “I will never succeed in life.” Once you write them down, you will realize that these self-defeating thoughts are not you. They are just temporarily invading thought entities that try to fool you into believing that they are you. Don’t believe the thought tricksters. You are something far greater than the temporary gloomy thoughts in your mind.
- Reverse the pronouns. To change your perspective about the negative thought invaders, change the pronoun you use from “I” to “You.” Now, when self-defeating thoughts enter your mind, you will say, “You (self-defeating thoughts) are not smart enough.”
“You are not lovable enough.” “You will never be able to control me.” When you do this, you turn the table on the self-defeating thoughts and put them on the defensive. You understand that they, not you, are the ones who are weak and easy to defeat.
- Create Self-Enhancing thoughts in place of self-defeating Thoughts. On a daily basis, write down and repeat self-growth thoughts to yourself. Say things like “I am smart.” “I am attractive.” “I am lovable.” “I am success and love.” When you ingrain these beautiful thoughts in your mind, your mood and motivation will improve significantly. Now you will have the mental firepower to achieve your goals and help other people along the way.
Yes, it is true that you can chart your course towards love and happiness. Along the way, you can throw away self-defeating thoughts, and you can fill your mind with joy, compassion, peace, love, and confidence. Start today to master the Desert of Weakness and start your climb toward the Mountain of Invincibility. You will enjoy every step along the way.
Monday Jul 05, 2021
INVINCIBLE YOU SERIES: IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO WIN BIG
Monday Jul 05, 2021
Monday Jul 05, 2021
Do you ever wonder if it’s too late for you to succeed in life? Perhaps, you think you’re too old and have wasted your potential. Or, you may feel that you have experienced too many failures or setbacks, and you have made too many costly mistakes. You think: “There is no way I can recover what I lost.” If you feel this way, then there is hope for you. You can achieve your dreams and live a fulfilling life, no matter how much you’ve suffered in the past; no matter how many failures or setbacks you have experienced. All you have to do is follow these three simple rules, and you can recover your joy and fulfill your heart’s desires:
Rule 1: Visualize your best future. In this exercise, you will imagine yourself in ten years as you’re living your ideal life. Take a deep breath and imagine what you will look like and feel like; what you will be doing, and who will be around you in ten years. When you open your eyes, write down what you envisioned. Perhaps, you see yourself with a loving partner and family, doing work you love, and spending time with the people you care about. You also see yourself as attractive, successful, healthy, and happy in this ideal future. With this exercise, you will be able to visualize and actualize a future of excellence and joy.
Rule 2: Learn the lessons from the Greats who overcame adversity. No matter how far you have fallen in life, you can receive great inspiration and motivation by studying the examples of high achievers who have overcome obstacles in life. There are many stories of influential, productive, and happy people who have started later in life; resilient individuals who have overcome pain and failure to leave a lasting legacy. Select one of these “Adversity Conquerors” to be your role model or mentor—whether they are dead or alive. Read books about them, watch videos, contact them if they are still around to see if you can interview them and learn from them. By applying their wisdom into your life, you can begin to progress even more, and you can overcome any obstacles that stand in your way.
Rule 3: Keep walking forward. Always remember that it is never too late to make a positive change in your life. Every time you take one small step in your favor—apply for the job, ask for the date, research a new venture, make the investment—you will move in the direction of your invincibility and walk away from your past follies, regrets, and embarrassments. You will grow every time you work on yourself by reading a self-help book, attending a personal development lecture, or listening to a transformational CD or podcast. Before long, you will realize that you are winning big and reaching a state of Invincibility in which nothing can harm you or bother you. Success will become your every step.
Yes, it’s never too late to win big. Just keep these keys in mind as you master challenges and reach your highest potential:
- Visualize your best future.
- Learn from the Greats who overcame adversity
- Keep walking forward.
Monday Jun 28, 2021
INVINCIBLE YOU: THE THREE TRIES--YOUR ROADMAP TO EXCELLENCE
Monday Jun 28, 2021
Monday Jun 28, 2021
Are you trying too hard and not getting the results you want in life? Are you constantly running into roadblocks when you try to improve your relationships, career, finances, health, or happiness? If so, then there is good news for you. As we discussed on Love University this week, you can apply scientifically proven ways to accomplish what you desire. Here are 3 powerful and effective ways to exert the right effort to achieve your dreams.
*Meditate on Greatness. If you’re not achieving your goals, a good remedy is to study and reflect on the lives of people who have already achieved what you desire; individuals who have lived happy lives and have contributed to the world. You can start by finding a person you admire in the field that you’re interested in. Once you pinpoint the person you would like to learn from, reach out to them. Call, email, text, or write them a letter. Tell them that you admire their work and have a few questions for them about achieving success in their field. Many will be glad to help you because they want to give back to those who follow in their footsteps. When you find the right mentor, listen carefully to the advice they give you. As you study what they offer you, you will incorporate the parts of them that resonate with the essence of you, while maintaining your own mindset and integrity in the process.
*Reverse your trying. When you reverse your trying, you will do the opposite of what you’ve been trying to do so you can get the opposite of what you’ve been receiving. For example, let’s say that you’ve been frustrated in trying to find a soul mate—the one you want doesn’t want you, while you often attract the individuals that you’re not interested in. At this point, you will do the opposite of searching for your soul mate: You will take a break from dating, and you will focus on yourself for a while. You may pick up a hobby, make new friends, travel, adopt a pet, or participate in a new spiritual/exercise/meditative program. Paradoxically, when you stop chasing others, you will develop a sense of peace and contentment, and you are more likely to attract the right person who resonates with your authentic and relaxed nature.
*Try for your Don—your God-given talent. Your Don is your God/nature- given talent, whether it’s teaching, writing, caretaking, selling, inventing, organizing, working with your hands, and so on. When you put effort into developing your Don, you will see positive results in many areas of your life, including your relationships, finances, career, health, and happiness. Unfortunately, many people shy away from their talent. They may think that they can’t make money from it, or that they’re not really good enough. If you feel drawn to a particular talent or ability within yourself, go ahead and develop it. Start today. Take a class, read, or listen to podcasts about your Don. Practice it, perfect it, offer your Don to others, as much as you can. You can even give others free samples of your Don. For example, if cooking is your great talent, give some of your delicacies to friends who will enjoy it. The truth is that, when you fully develop your Don, you will accomplish more in less time. You are more effective because you are tapping into your natural strengths, instead of forcing yourself to do things that you’re not good at. As you share your Don with the world, your confidence and ability will grow. You will be able to do more because you have become more.
Always remember that achieving your goals is much easier when you focus your energy on the things that truly matter. Make sure that you meditate on greatness, reverse your trying, and try for your Don (talent/gift). When you do this, you will no longer just be trying; you will be doing and succeeding. Your intention will become reality because you are on your own side.
Nothing will be able to stop you.
Monday Jun 21, 2021
INVINCIBLE YOU SERIES: HOW TO LIVE LIKE A CHAMPION
Monday Jun 21, 2021
Monday Jun 21, 2021
Would you like to live like a champion and be someone who regularly wins in life, despite problems and obstacles? This week, in our continuing Love University series on “Invincible You,” we learned how to be a Mental Champion by following these four simple steps:
- Avoid the little bads. You may not realize it, but you may be allowing “little bads”—negative thoughts—to creep into your mind. You may be thinking: “I don’t have enough time,” “Life is difficult, or “I can’t find someone to love.” The solution to these little bads is to substitute them for little goods: Positive thoughts and phrases that enliven and inspire you. Say to yourself, “I have all the time I need,” “There is an abundance of money and love," and “Life, with positive belief is easy.” As you begin to speak differently to yourself, your attitude will begin to brighten, and you will have more energy, motivation, and desire to achieve your goals.
- Start with the easy. Sometimes an important task seems too difficult for you to accomplish. If that is the case, then you can start with the easy. Do something that you can complete in a short period of time, without much effort. For example, if you want to start a new career, go online and read a couple of articles about people who have been successful in the field you’re interested in. If you want to get in shape, go to the gym for only 20 minutes, and then gradually increase the time you spend working out. As you take these easy, initial steps you will build momentum to do bigger and better things that will bring you even greater results.
- Practice the power of discard. Have you accumulated a lot of junk in your life—both physical things that you don’t need, and emotions and thoughts that hold you back? If so, then get rid of the junk. Start by discarding old items from your home: clothes that no longer fit, equipment that doesn’t work well, paperwork that is obsolete. As you get rid of these useless things, you can also decide to eliminate self-defeating and nonproductive thoughts and feelings from your mind, including regret, worry, and frustration.
- Join a mastermind group. Sometimes it seems like the whole weight of the world is on you, and you feel all alone in life. The good news is that you don't have to be alone. You can join or start a Mastermind Group—a union of like-minded people who come together to help each other reach their goals. Find people—online or off—who resonate with your values and interests, and who are willing to support you (as you support them) in achieving your dreams and objectives. Meet regularly and brainstorm ideas to solve pressing problems and fill important needs. As you harness the energy and mind power of your mastermind group, you will uplift your creativity and mood. You will come up with great solutions to your problems and challenges, and you will contribute to the lives of others in the process.
Yes, you can live like a champion. All you have to do is avoid the little bads, start with the easy, practice the power of discard, and join a Mastermind Group. If you do these things, you will not only begin to live like a Champion, but you will be one step closer to creating a life of Invincibility and impeccable excellence.
Monday Jun 14, 2021
INVINCIBLE YOU: YOU’RE A MEMBER OF THE 7% CLUB OF THE LIVING, REJOICE!
Monday Jun 14, 2021
Monday Jun 14, 2021
You may not realize it, but you’re a member of a very exclusive club. It is called the Club of the Living. It Is estimated that approximately 107 billion people have lived on earth throughout history.. With a current world population exceeding 7 billion, that means there are roughly 15 dead people for every person who is alive. Therefore, by virtue of being alive at this very moment, you are one of those lucky 7%. You are alive. You can do anything you want. Amazing.
Here are some tips to help you get the most out of your membership in the esteemed 7% Club of the Living:
*Do what you want now: Don’t wait. You don’t know how long your membership in the club will last—how long you will be alive. Therefore, you need to do all of the things you’ve always wanted to do. Do you want to go to the Himalayas and meditate? Do you want to fly an airplane? Invent something to change the world? Teach the young? Travel the world? Help the needy? Be an amazing parent, friend, or lover? Live healthy free, and joyful? This is your time to do what you’ve always dreamed of. Do it now.
*Live the good paradox. As a member of the 7% Club of the Living, you will be living a paradox. On one hand, you will take your life seriously because you have a limited amount of time on earth, and you need to put your talents and abilities to good use to help yourself and others. At the same time, you won’t take every little problem or difficulty too seriously—traffic jams, mechanical breakdowns, human conflicts—because you know they won’t be that important 10 years from now, or even one year from now. You have a bigger perspective on life, and you don’t let little things overwhelm you. You will maintain your precious peace of mind and focus on the big issues of life: loving yourself, others, and a Higher Nature, and contributing your talents to make this world a better place.
*Repeat this phrase daily to yourself: “I am alive. I am the 7%. This is my time.” When you say this phrase, you will jolt yourself out of your self-hypnosis of “stuckness"--that pity party of regrets, fears, sadness, and disappointments. You will see yourself as a living and breathing entity who has the miracle of life: You are one of the 7%. You have the power to make your life anything you want it to be.
Rejoice. You are a member of the 7% Club of the Living. This is your time now. Live each day consciously, joyfully, and with love, as you help others do the same. Remember that the sun shines on you today. Tomorrow it may go elsewhere, but as long as you are here on Earth, you should enjoy every drop of life. Savor it like the finest of wines. As long as blood courses through your veins, and thoughts flow through your mind, let your soul dance with joy, and your heart sing with love. You are one of the 7%. Be grateful and enjoy.
Wednesday Jun 09, 2021
INVINCIBLE YOU: HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR INNER POWER AND ACHIEVE YOUR HEART'S DESIRES
Wednesday Jun 09, 2021
Wednesday Jun 09, 2021
Tuesday Jun 01, 2021
UNLEASH YOUR INTUITIVE GENIUS AND MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE
Tuesday Jun 01, 2021
Tuesday Jun 01, 2021
Have you ever had a gut hunch about something that later came true? Perhaps, you didn’t feel quite right about a charming and attractive person you just met, and they later turned out to be totally wrong for you. Or, you may have had a good feeling about a business or investment opportunity, and it later turned out to be a winner. Intuition is a sense of knowing something without knowing how you know. It is a sudden flash of insight, a “thin slicing” of judgement in which you come up with a conclusion based on what seems to be a small amount of information. Intuition can be very powerful, and new research shows how you can tap into your intuitive powers to achieve your dreams by developing the 4 Pillars of Intuition, as follows:
*Believe you can develop your intuition. Think of your intuition as a muscle that you can make stronger just like you would work out your muscles at the gym. You may consider yourself to be a more practical person; perhaps you don’t think you’re very intuitive. Yet, regardless of your current level of intuition, you can develop more of it. You can learn how to trust your gut and make the right decisions. You can improve your intuition.
*Get out of your head and into your gut (Hara). You may be the overthinking type of person. Perhaps, you think about everything too much, and you have what Eastern philosophers call the “Monkey Mind,” a mind filled with worries and thoughts about the future and what will happen to you. To get reduce the monkey mind, you need to develop your Hara. In martial arts there is a point, two inches below your navel, called the Hara. It is your point of intuition, balance, and power. When martial artists, no matter how old or small, are fully concentrated on their Hara, it is very difficult to move them off their position (even by stronger and younger martial artists). Try this exercise: Imagine that there is a colored light coming from your Hara—two inches below your navel. Perhaps, it’s green, blue, white, or yellow. Think of an emotion that the light represents—perhaps peace, joy, or love. Now shine that light energy inwardly to yourself, creating relaxation and purpose, as well as outwardly to others, shining compassion and love to the world. Now ask your Hara an important question that you would like answered. Perhaps, you will ask, “How will I find love?” “What is my best career path?” or “What is my purpose in life?” When you ask the question, take a deep breath and wait for the Hara’s answer. It will come, and you may be pleasantly surprised at what you learn about yourself and what you truly want.
*Write down your intuitions. On a daily basis, jot down your ideas, hunches, and intuitive feelings in a journal; a notebook, pad, or device. Write down your dreams, the results from the Hara exercise, and sudden flashes of insight that come to you in the shower or when you’re walking down the street. The more you get used to writing down your ideas and gut reactions, the better your intuition can become. When you first write them down, don’t judge their value; simply write with as much detail as you can. Later, you can come back, in the light of realistic analysis, and determine if you can apply your intuitive insights to improve your life and the lives of others.
*Test your hunches. When you get a gut feeling or intuition, test it. Start with small things. Maybe, you have an intuition about something that happened to your friend on a particular day. Tell your friend what you think and ask them if it is true. Or, perhaps you have a good feeling about trying a new movie, restaurant, or activity. Even though you’ve never tried it before, your intuition gives you a strong “Yes.” Go ahead and do it. You can also use your intuition for more serious or weighty matters. Perhaps, you have a very strong and repetitive intuition about starting (or ending) a relationship or business/career/job. After careful study, deliberation, and counseling, you may still have that strong signal to take a particular action. If that is the case, then follow your intuition: stay in the relationship or end it; continue with the job/career/business or start a new one. Chances are, you will find that, despite your fear and trepidation, you have made the right choice. You will reap the benefits of your intuitive insight.
Yes, you can become more intuitive, and you can use your intuition to help yourself and others. Remember that your intuitive abilities, at their core, are all about love. When you trust your gut, you love yourself and believe in yourself. When you act on your intuition to help other people, you are loving others. And, when you connect with your Higher Nature (God, spirit, nature), you are uniting with the source of intuitive genius that flows through you. Start today to develop and trust in your intuition. Your life will brighten as you bring more joy and goodwill to yourself and those around you.
Tuesday May 18, 2021
Tuesday May 18, 2021
Are you spending too much time working instead of taking care of your mental, physical, and spiritual health? Do your loved ones complain that you’re not spending enough time with them? Do you feel burned out, stressed, and overwhelmed a majority of the time? If you answered “Yes,” you may be suffering from the condition known as Toxic Productivity. Toxic Productivity is the unhealthy and compulsive desire to work all of the time. When you suffer from Toxic Productivity, you are more concerned with what you didn’t do than with what you actually accomplished. People with Toxic Productivity often suffer from stress, heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity, anxiety, depression, and other compulsive behaviors (over shopping). During the pandemic, many people have stayed home, but instead of relaxing and enjoying their leisure time, they have worked even more in an attempt to find security in an uncertain world. Here are some tips to help you regain your peace of mind and joy if you feel overworked and stressed out:
- Keep a True Productivity Journal. In a notebook or tablet, keep track of the time you spend working, as well as the time you spend on enjoying leisure pursuits. Write down your feelings when you’re working and when you’re relaxing. Some people love their work so much that it feels like play; they feel happy and fulfilled. Other people find their work boring or stressful. The key is to find work that you love to do, while also making sure that you balance your work with healthy and relaxing activities such as exercise, meditation, listening to music, reading, working with your hands, being in nature, engaging in a spiritual practice, or spending quality time with loved ones, including your love partner, children, and animals. You will feel more uplifted and ready to get back to work when you take the time to relax and rejuvenate.
- Develop a Self-Compassionate Mindset. Don’t be so hard on yourself if you didn’t complete a project you had been wanting to finish. At the end of the workday, tell yourself that “I have done enough. I am sufficient as a human being, and I don’t need to work anymore to prove my worth. I can rest and start again tomorrow.”
- Reframe rest as productivity: Don’t punish yourself for being productive. You may be a very efficient person who does a lot of work in a short period of time. If that’s the case, then you may need to overcome the temptation to keep doing more work. When you’ve completed an important task or project, reward yourself with an enjoyable activity—perhaps talking to friends, playing with your dog, or watching your favorite show. Also, you need to rethink you way you view “rest.” Instead of perceiving rest as a distraction from your work, view it as a way to increase your productivity because you feel more relaxed and focused after you’ve taken a relaxation break. A very successful business was hired to save a company on the verge of bankruptcy. The first thing he did was book a ticket to an island resort. After relaxing on the beach for a week, the frantic company CEO finally got ahold of him and wanted to know what he was doing lying on the beach. He replied: “The bigger the problem, the more I need to relax to clear my mind.” When he came back, he was able to quickly turn the company around and save it from bankruptcy. He knew that relaxation increased his mental focus and power to do his best work. You can do the same. Go ahead and take a mini-vacation (or a bigger one); go to a nearby day spa or wilderness area, spend a few hours doing your favorite activity, whether it’s playing sports, gardening, working with your hands, or spending time with loved ones. When you take care of yourself first, you will come back reenergized and ready to take on the world.
- Manage energy, not time. Are you a morning or an evening person? Determine when you have the strongest energy and do your most challenging or creative work at that time. Perhaps, you have the most energy in the morning. If that’s the case, when you wake up in the morning, make sure you immediately start working on the most difficult project or task of the day. Later in the day when your energy wanes, you can handle less mentally challenging tasks such as texts, emails, or paperwork. In this way, you can maximize your energy, your life force, and accomplish more in less time while feeling invigorated and competent in the process.
- Extend Loving Energy without expectation. On a daily basis, strive to give love without expecting anything in return. Smile, offer sincere compliments, and help those who need it. Be kind and compassionate without expecting other people to give you anything back. When you give love without expectations like this, you will gain a tremendous amount of emotional and psychological power. You will no longer desperately seek the approval or recognition of others; you won’t be at the beck and call of other people’s unreasonable demands and unrealistic expectations. You are independent and self-sufficient because your source of energy and power is within; you give love simply because that is what you have inside you. In the same way, when you work with love without expecting anything from the fruits of your work (money, accolades), you are capable of infinite work. Because your self-esteem is not tied to your work, you won’t suffer from constant stress and unfulfilled expectations. You are free to do your work spontaneously, creatively, and authentically because your true nature, your authentic self, comes from a higher source. You may call this Higher Source a certain name such as God, Nature, Spirit, Nature, or Love. Regardless of the name you use, when you tap into the goodness and love of this Higher Nature, everything you do, including your work, will be lighter, easier, and more joyous.
Start today to change your attitude toward work and leisure. Do work that you love, but don’t work at the expense of your mental and spiritual health—maintain a healthy balance between work and relaxation. Take the time to rejuvenate your mind, body, and spirit by doing things that uplift you. Spend quality time with your mate, children, family, and friends; participate in fun leisure activities and hobbies, rest, exercise, eat healthy, and get a good night’s sleep. When you do this, you will have more energy to do the work you love. You will also bring more love to the world as you love yourself at the same time. As the famous poet, Khalil Gibran, once said: “Work is love made visible.” This week, strive to enjoy your work and your life, as much as you possibly can.
Tuesday May 04, 2021
Tuesday May 04, 2021
Do you love to travel? Although it may be more difficult these days due to the virus, there is hope that the world will open up more in the near future. The good news is that new research shows that traveling can improve your mental and physical health, improve your romantic relationships, and even increase your financial and career opportunities. Our delightful guests on Love University, Dave and Deb (the planetd.com), Forbes Top 10 Travel Influencers, shared some of their secrets for happy travel that can change your life (traveling saved their marriage). Here is what we learned from Dave and Deb:
*Traveling can improve your confidence, self-esteem, and career/business prospects. Dave used to be more Introverted and self-focused and Deb used to lack confidence (she was intimidated by all of the stars she worked with in the entertainment industry). After traveling to over 100 countries, they have transformed their personalities. Dave is now more empathetic and outgoing as he feels for those who are less fortunate in the world, and appreciates what he has back home. Deb is more confident because she feels like she is a more interesting person and can talk about more things because of her travels and life experiences. Also, when they return from their trips, they find that they have more business opportunities; they get great ideas while traveling and are more creative when they return. In the same way, traveling can improve your confidence, creativity, and relational skills. Start planning your future trip today.
*Traveling can save your marriage. After ten years of marriage, Dave and Deb were overworked professionals in the Canadian entertainment industry, and on the verge of divorce, until they discovered traveling. Heeding a friend’s advice, they traveled to Thailand and fell in love with the country, as well as the idea of seeing the world and making a living out of it. Now millions of people read their comprehensive and entertaining travel advice blog. Their most romantic destination? Maldives, a chain of islands off the coast of India and Sri Lanka. Going there is like being transported to a beautiful island paradise, where there is turquoise water, and each hotel its own island. It was made for romance (get your couples massage). Their best couple traveling advice? “When you’re fighting with your partner on a trip, let it go. Say to each other, ‘I don’t want to fight anymore,’ and find something you like to do in common. Remember: One huge argument doesn’t have to ruin a great relationship.”
*Take care of your health, safety, and security when you travel. According to Dave and Deb, it’s important to get travel insurance, including medical evacuation insurance—for any emergency you will be flown back home. Also, make sure you get your vaccines—certain countries require proof upon entry—and avoid eating food that can make you sick. Dave and Deb say that eating street food is OK if it is properly cooked, but don’t eat things that are peeled (an orange is OK if not peeled). Also, be wary of ice and make sure you purify the water you drink. For ladies, Deb has this advice: “Take an extra credit card and cash, wrap it in toilet paper, and put it in your tampons. A thief probably won’t think of looking there for your money.” Dave and Deb add: “Make sure you split up your cards and money. Put them in carry-ons, checked luggage, and backpacks so you have money in different places in case some things get lost or stolen.”
*Learn and be compassionate. One of the greatest things about traveling is learning about other cultures and developing relationships with interesting and fascinating people. Deb says that one of her fondest travel memories is becoming friends with a tuk-tuk driver in Sri Lanka (drives a three-wheeled motor vehicle used as a taxi). He drove them everywhere and they got to know his family. During their friendship, they learned that, although he was poor by Western standards, the driver was a great humanitarian. He helped raise money for schools and brought shoes to children in poverty. They fell in love with his heart of gold. Dave and Deb advises that when you’re traveling, you should be patient, courteous, and empathetic to the people you meet, including service providers (be kind; realize how hard they work to make a living). If you have the opportunity, donate and volunteer (teach English) to help the people you visit. It’s a great thing to leave a loving contribution in every place you visit. You will uplift lives and you will feel better as a human being who loves others and contributes to their well-being.
Dave and Deb conclude by saying that you don’t have to be rich or a celebrity to travel. It is possible to travel on a budget (even seniors are staying at hostels these days; it’s a great social experience). You can enjoy your time without spending an enormous amount of money. Also, traveling with kids and pets can be a fun and rewarding experience, although it takes a bit more preparation and planning. In the end, traveling is a way to expand yourself, gain new memories and experiences (travel memories are among the most beloved), and create positivity, love, and new friendships. It’s true that traveling and meeting people from other cultures is what unites us as human beings. By traveling and connecting with others who are different, we realize that, deep down, we are all alike—we all live, we all laugh, and we all love.
Friday Apr 23, 2021
Friday Apr 23, 2021
In our tumultuous world of differences and conflicts, it’s good news when we can find love and harmony. On Love University (loveuniversity.love), we had the pleasure of listening to a special guest, Martin Sawa, Bay Area real estate entrepreneur and author. During his appearance on the show, Martin shared his insights on loving despite differences, and beyond death, as we discussed his fascinating memoir of money, life, tragedy, and love: The Other Side of Success: Money and Meaning in the Golden State (martinsawa.com). Here are some of the useful lessons we learned from Martin’s courageous and insightful book:
Successful Interracial marriages are about love, not differences. Martin married interracially three times, with two African American women and a Choctaw Native American (his first wife). He says he loved his wives dearly in different ways, yet their racial/cultural differences were not the most important thing. He says that once you get down to the business of day-to-day living, the keys for a successful marriage are the shared values you have with your mate, and the ability to treat each other as loving equals. Also, Martin advises, “Choose someone you can’t live without; a soul mate who is also a friend, lover, mentor, and spiritual partner. When you choose correctly, you will enjoy lasting love compatibility and a happy marriage.
Mental illness or psychological problems don’t have to define you. Martin admitted that he was an alcoholic, as was his father. Although he was a successful real estate entrepreneur, making deals on multimillion-dollar properties, he was also drinking excessively. The turning point was when he had a one night stand with an ex-girlfriend and admitted it to his wife (she was intuitive and already knew). Giving him one more chance, his wife offered Martin the motivation to quit drinking and to be the husband and father he wanted to be. Also, by reuniting with his paranoid schizophrenia sister (she disappeared for 20 years), Martin learned how to love and accept her as she was, and they enjoyed a marvelous five years together before she died.
You can love after death and beyond eternity. When his beloved second wife, Anita, died suddenly in the bathroom just before they were about to meet a couple for dinner, Martin was grief-stricken and shattered. Searching desperately for answers, he consulted spiritual intuitives, studied Eastern religions, and delved into philosophy and psychology. The spiritual intuitives reassured him that “She fluffs the pillows of you (supports you even after her death)” and “She is waiting for you; when you die, you will join her as if no time had passed.” In an amazing revelation, one of the spiritual intuitives told Martin that Anita had left a rose petal in her bible for him. He opened her bible and for the first time saw the rose petal as well as scriptures she had highlighted for him before her death. It was as if she had prepared for her departure and wanted to comfort her husband in her passing. Martin says he learned many valuable lessons from the death of his beloved wife: 1. Don’t take life for granted. Because today could be your last day, make sure you say “I love you” to your loved ones and go for your dreams, 2. Be good and do better, and 3. Pray daily in gratitude for the good things you have received and the well-being of others.
Martin concludes by advising you to “Have skin in the game.” Whatever you get involved with, whoever you are in a relationship with, give it your all. Make sure you invest the majority of your time, energy, money, and spiritual attention on the project or person you care the most about. When you do this, you will create a loving energy that lasts beyond death and leaves a legacy for all to see.
Tuesday Apr 06, 2021
Tuesday Apr 06, 2021
In a world of evil and strife, there is a silver lining. We can find good and love in the world if we look for it and develop it within ourselves. This was the message we learned from our good friend and acclaimed author, Pablo Zaragoza (PABLOZARAGOZABOOKS.COM), on Love University. In his latest blockbuster novel, The Reluctant Nazi, Pablo tells the story of a young Nazi SS officer, Hans, who turns against the evil of the Third Reich and helps bring healing to those who suffer and justice to those who oppress. In the process, Hans redeems himself and discovers a new way to live based on love and compassion. Here are some of the lessons of triumph over evil and redemption and that we learned from Pablo:
*We don’t have to follow evil leaders. In the famous Milgram shock experiment, nearly 2/3 of student volunteers followed the instructions of the experimenter and gave a maximum 450 volts of electric shock to a middle-aged man, which may have been enough to kill him (he said he had a heart condition). Although the middle-aged man didn’t exist (it was a tape recording), the results shocked the world. How could supposedly normal college students exhibit such cruelty? The answer is that we are conditioned in society to obey authority, no matter how wrong or evil. Although this concept has some truth, those who disobeyed and didn’t shock the man did so under certain conditions: 1.When two experimenters gave conflicting instructions to the students (“Shock” and “Don’t shock”), the student didn't shock as much 2. When the middle-aged man was seated next to the student, fewer students shocked all the way to the maximum (they saw him as a real human being), and 3. When other students in the room said, “Don’t shock,” only 10% of the students obeyed the experimenter's command to shock the man. These variations reveal a powerful truth: When we are faced with evil and hatred, we can resist these destructive forces by banding together with compassionate and conscientious individuals to do the right thing. In this way, we can bring love where there was hate, and compassion where there was cruelty.
*We can find meaning in tragedy and love in suffering. Esteemed psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl, survived the horrors of the Nazi concentration camps. He witnessed frail-looking prisoners who were able to survive several years in the most dehumanizing circumstances, while some strong, sturdy-looking prisoners died very quickly. The difference was that the survivors had “a will to meaning”; they had an overriding purpose for their lives and faith that they would experience good things in the future. Perhaps, they wanted to write a book, be with their spouse again, or see their children/grandchildren graduate from the university. This overriding mission or purpose is what drove them to live, despite a horrible and hopeless environment. In the same way, you need to find a purpose or meaning for your life. Perhaps, it’s to be a good parent, to create something valuable for the world, or to be a caring and loving person who helps others. On a daily basis remind yourself of your mission and take the steps to accomplish it. By doing so, you will achieve your fullest potential and experience joy, love, and peace.
*We can redeem ourselves by doing good. As a medical doctor, Pablo worked in the Florida prisons with some of the most vicious and hardened prisoners, including murderers like serial killer, Aileen Wuornos, the twisted inspiration behind the Academy Award winning performance by Charlize Theron in the movie Monster. In his work with the prisoners, Pablo observed cases of redemption and transformation. In one case, he remembers a medical doctor who had been sentenced to prison for overprescribing certain drugs. He lost his liberty, reputation, and medical license, among other things. Yet, in his apparently hopeless situation, the doctor stopped thinking about his own plight and started helping other inmates who had medical issues. In one incident, he diagnosed an inmate with a serious venereal disease and helped save the patient’s eyesight. After helping many inmates with his medical knowledge, he eventually left prison, regained his medical license, and started working for a nonprofit clinic. Pablo reminds us that we, as human beings, have the capacity to change. Instead of getting down on yourself, and feeling bad and worthless about your past mistakes, realize that you can change given the right circumstances. You can redeem yourself from the bad things you have done by doing good. You can give to the homeless and needy, volunteer at charitable/humanitarian organizations, and provide emotional support to your loved ones and those who are suffering.
Pablo’s message is simple, but powerful. You can triumph over evil and bad circumstances by finding meaning in your life and believing in the power of redemption. As a creation of a Higher Nature, you have the capacity to find the love and compassion that exists within you. You can vanquish darkness and replace it with loving energy as you leave a lasting legacy of goodness and love for all to see.
Wednesday Mar 24, 2021
Wednesday Mar 24, 2021
It’s Spring and love is in the air. Would you like to improve your relationship and keep your love strong and fulfilling? Now you can with some of the valuable tips we learned from our guest on Love University, Kyle Benson, intimate relationship coach. Kyle worked with Dr. John Gottman, the world-renowned marriage researcher who can accurately predict whether a marriage will fail or succeed by observing a couple's communication style for a short period of time. Now a popular relationship coach, Kyle shared his insights on how to become a “Master Couple,” and build a harmonious and joyful relationship. Master couples are those who can manage conflict well and are each other’s best friends. Master couples are able to:
*Know each other’s Love Maps: Master couples know each other intimately and thoroughly—they have a “Love Map” to their partner. On an everyday basis, you can learn your partner’s love map by asking open-ended questions and getting to know your love partner’s deepest values, preferences, fears, joys, and desires (“What are you afraid of? What makes you happy?”). Love is really a “deep understanding of another.” The more you know about each other, the closer you will feel.
*Turn toward each other: Master couples listen to and support each other. When one of them makes a remark, “Look at that beautiful bird over there,” the other may reply, “Yes, it’s beautiful.” Disaster couples, on the other hand, either argue (“Stop wasting your time; get the chores done), or ignore each other (stay on their phone). Turning toward each other is important because it shows that you care enough to listen to your partner and affirm them.
*Give each other the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes your partner may make a mistake or may do something that irritates or bothers you. When they don’t do something that you asked them to do (go to the store), don’t be too quick to jump on them with criticism (“You’re lazy”). Instead, give them the benefit of the doubt and ask, “Are you tired? Did you have a tough day at work?" When you demonstrate empathy like this, your partner will appreciate your kindness and will return the favor.
*Fill their love bank. Master couples make more positive than negative statements to their partner (“Honey, I love the way you make love,” “You’re so smart”). Disaster couples do the opposite. They start their conversations with negatives (“You never…Why do you did this?”) and continue with more negatives (“You’re stupid; you’re a jerk”). When you and your partner sincerely compliment and express gratitude for each other's good traits and helpful behaviors, you build a love bank: a repository of all the good energies and feelings that can help your relationship get through the tough times. Make a daily deposit—say something nice, loving, and heartfelt to your mate—and you will fill your love bank account. In the process, you will build a strong and loving relationship.
*Repair the relationship. Even Master couples disagree and fight with each other—sometimes quite loudly and forcefully. The difference between them and the disaster couples is that they know how to repair the relationship. In the midst of a heated argument, one of them will say something funny, or perhaps offer a soothing physical gesture (hug or touch) to de-escalate the situation. They may also take an intelligent timeout (“Honey, this is getting heated. I’m going for a walk and will be back in ten minutes. Is it OK if we talk then?”). As a result of their repair attempts, the relationship can survive hurt feelings, and the couple can work things out without harboring resentments that will come back later to damage the relationship.
Yes, you and your partner can become a Master Couple—a romantic pairing of truth, light, and love. You and your mate can practice the techniques of Kyle and Gottman to create a powerful, lasting, and loving relationship that stands the test of time. Start today and tell your partner how much you love them and can’t live without them—then demonstrate your love with small gestures and actions. When you do this, you will ride the wave of a beautiful love that serves as an example of relationship greatness for your children and everyone around you. Enjoy: Love is the greatest gift of all.
Friday Mar 19, 2021
Friday Mar 19, 2021
There is a lot of misinformation out there about dating, romance, and love. Our guest on Love
University, Marni Battista, dating and relationship expert, shed some light on some of the
misconceptions about dating and how to break through to find the love of your life. Here are some
of the nuggets of wisdom that we learned from Marni:
*Find your love center. Your love center is the strong and powerful part of you; confident, sexy, and lovable. To find your love center, practice self-care. Eat right, exercise, meditate or engage in a spiritual practice. Love yourself and you will have the confidence and energy to attract the love of your life.
*Erase your negative self-talk. Negative self-talk, what you say to yourself, is one of the biggest stumbling blocks when it comes to finding love. Perhaps, you’ve indulged in negative self-talk about finding a love partner, thinking, “All the good ones are taken,” “Or I live in a terrible place to find the right match.” According to Marni, there is no wrong place or right place, geographically, to find your love partner. You can find love in Alaska just as easily as you can find it in Manhattan. The important factor in finding your soul mate is your self-talk—what you say to yourself in your inner thoughts. Instead of believing that “All the good ones are taken,” you can say, “I will find the right one for me by doing the things I love and being authentically me.” With a positive self-talk mentality about dating and love, you will be more motivated, confident, and persistent in your soul mate journey. Also, by maintaining a positive attitude and good humor, you will be more attractive to others. Consequently, you will have a better chance of finding an ideal partner who is attracted to your good charm and positive energy.
*Get out of your cozy comfortable condo. Mani uses the condo metaphor to describe a single person who is comfortable staying home and not risking emotional rejection or failure in the dating world. Yet, this existence is not really comfortable because the pangs of loneliness and lovelessness gnaw at the isolated single person. The key is to get out of your shell and think of the positive energy you’re able to generate when you do something you love, whether it’s art, science, exercise, working with your hands, helping people, or a meditative/spiritual practice. Imagine that when you go out and meet eligible singles, you are carrying the same energy with you. Once you visualize this powerful and attractive energy within you, it’s time for you to go out and meet quality people. You can go out physically or online and meet like-minded people who share similar interests and hobbies. When you do that, you’ll increase your likelihood of meeting a compatible person who resonates with your style.
*Date with dignity. Marni tells her coaching students to believe in their own dignity and self-worth. Instead of having the “Pick me” desperate mentality (hoping someone will choose them for love), they can rearrange their thinking and create an “I am irresistible” vibe about themselves. When singles increase their self-worth, they will naturally attract the person who harmonizes with their authentic nature.
Yes, you can find date with dignity and live courageously. Dating and finding the right person takes
effort and courage, but you can accomplish your love goals. According to Marni, the love quest is
based on a paradoxical approach. On one hand, you need to treat dating like your career and put
effort on achieving clearly defined goals (getting your wardrobe and pictures together for dating
apps, participating in social groups with like-minded people; going on x number of dates to find the
right love match). On the other hand, you need to give up the fight. Stop trying so hard to make
that special someone like you, or to get married by a certain time. Instead, you should focus on
loving yourself, being the best you can be, and extending your positive and loving energy without
expectation into the world. When you do that, you will attract the right love partner for you, and
you will enjoy a lifetime of happiness.
Sunday Mar 14, 2021
Sunday Mar 14, 2021
In our fascinating discussion with Dr. Donald Hoffman, renowned cognitive scientist, we learned some fascinating insights about the future of artificial intelligence and robots, and how they will impact our lives. Here’s what we learned:
*In the future, artificial intelligence can beat us at everything. Already, companies are creating mobile robots that are no longer stuck in the mainframe. These AIs can run, do gymnastics, and in the future will be able to create amazing art, write insightful prose, and compose beautiful music. Dr. Hoffman predicts that an artificial intelligence will one day win the Nobel Prize for art or literature.
*People are interested in robots as love mates. According to Dr. Hoffman, inventors are working on very human-like, realistic “robot mates” that are even more attractive than humans. Dr. Hoffman uses the term, Supernormal Stimuli, to describe these robots. Supernormal stimuli refers to natural stimuli that have been enhanced in some way; something that is larger than life and stimulates our desire and attraction for it. Dr. Hoffman cites the example of the male Jewel Beetle in Australia. Male Jewel Beetles in Western Australia look to mate with females who are dimpled, glossy, and brown (this is their shortcut to knowing it’s a female). However, when Australians started throwing their beer bottles that looked like the females—but more enhanced—the males preferred the bigger, browner, and glossier bottles instead of the real females. The males tried to mate with the bottles while ignoring the actual female Jewel Beetles, and they almost became extinct as result. In a similar way, humans may be more attracted to these enhanced robot mates because the robot version has the best elements and features of the human form, without any of its imperfections (no bad hair, bad skin, or moody disposition). Love with a robot, anyone?
*Can Robots rule the world? In the classic “Terminator” series with Arnold Schwarzenegger, a company creates an artificial intelligence network, Skynet, that develops awareness and then starts a nuclear war against humans. Dr. Hoffman believes that artificial intelligence may be able to adopt certain negative human traits such as deception and taking advantage of others. At the same time, Dr. Hoffman is skeptical that we can infuse robots/AI with what makes us human—unconditional love and spiritual awareness—or that we can take unconscious ingredients (software, circuits) and turn them into consciousness. However, he does see a possibility where we can open up new portals in existing consciousness in which we can see something that looks like Artificial Intelligence with human elements.
Artificial intelligence will continue to develop and can be used to enhance our lives in many ways, including life-saving medical applications. At the same time, we need to remember that the one thing that differentiates us from artificial intelligence is our capacity to love without expectation. As long as we maintain and extend our positivity and loving energy, we can use technology, artificial intelligence, and other innovations to make this world a better and happier place.
Monday Mar 01, 2021
Monday Mar 01, 2021
Would you like to be the best lover you can possibly be? Now you can become an ideal lover in every sense of the word: romantically, sexually, and lovingly. You can earn a black belt in the bedroom and become a luscious lover if you follow the advice of our guest on Love University: Jacqueline Hellyer, internationally renowned sex and love expert. During our delightful talk, Jacqueline enlightened us on the seven stages of loving fully and deeply:
*Find your love center. Take an inventory of the kind of person and lover you are right now. What do you want in a love relationship? What do you have to offer? Recognize your strengths—sense of humor, intelligence, compassion, and so forth—and make sure that you respect and appreciate who you are as a human being, and as a lover.
*Engage other people with confidence. Once you’re aware of your strengths and talents, your next step is to lead with your talents when you interact with others or spend time with your loved one. If you’re funny, tell jokes and engage in humorous and spicy wordplay to break the ice and show your romantic interest in someone. If you’re good at arranging sensual and aesthetic details, make sure you create a romantic and sexy environment for you and your love mate, with dim lights, relaxing music, soothing lotions, aromatic fragrances, and tasty morsels.
*Be light and playful. Nothing is sexier than being light-hearted, spontaneous, and playful with your love partner. Tickle each other, chase each other around the house, and play fun games in which you award prizes to the winner (a kiss, massage). When you have fun and play with your mate like this, you will remember that you are light-hearted spirits who reside in biological bodies. As you play, you can drop the seriousness and pretentiousness of adult life and enjoy the joy of being alive with your love.
*Offer Empathy: Empathy is a powerful aphrodisiac. Empathy means putting yourself in your love partner’s shoes—feeling as they feel. The truth is that lovemaking doesn’t just start in the bedroom; it begins with empathy in everyday moments. Empathy is the foreplay that sparks romantic attraction and arousal. Lovemaking begins when you make coffee for your partner to help them start their day; when you rub their feet after they’ve had a hard day at work. When you’re empathetic, you align yourself with your lover’s heart and mind, and they will feel that you truly care about them. You want what is best for them as they feel the same about you. When a couple has empathy for each other, they will feel more sexual attraction and passion because they know that their love is secure.
*Seduce your partner. Even if you’ve been married or together for a number of years, it’s important that you keep seducing your partner—romance them like you did when you first met. Sadly, many people take love for granted. They work at their day job for forty hours per week, and they exercise for several hours per week, but they don’t take even one hour to work on their love relationship—one of the most important contributors to their happiness in life. Decide today that you will keep seducing and romancing your partner just like you did in the honeymoon stage. Take them to special places, make homemade gifts, please them in the bedroom, show them that you love them in special and creative ways. If you keep seducing your partner, your love and sex life will continue to be strong and satisfying.
*Become a master of love. Study love in all of its variations. Observe happy couples who have been together a long time and still have that spark in their relationship and love life. Notice the secrets that keep their love strong and apply them to your own love life. Read e-books, and listen to podcasts and videos, about how to have great love and sex. Use what you learn to enhance your own relationship. Keep a journal in which you write down the things that you and your partner enjoy the most in the bedroom. Also, note the romantic adventures that bring both of you the greatest pleasure. Be sure to implement the tips and tactics you have learned on a weekly basis to enhance your sex and love life with your mate.
*Let go of control and surrender to your love. This last phase is the most delicious and the most delicate. Many people are afraid to fully fall in love and surrender their heart to another person. They are too afraid of being hurt. Even if they’ve been with someone for a long time, they still hold back a part of themselves—their trust; their vulnerability—fearful that the other person will end up hurting them. This is the wrong approach. Once you’ve established a sense of security and trust with your love mate, it’s important that you let go of your preconditions and defenses. Be open, honest, and vulnerable with your partner—as they do the same with you—and you will enjoy a wonderfully passionate and sensual relationship that keeps getting better every day.
One of the greatest lessons we can learn is to fuse sexuality, love, and spirituality together into a powerful instrument of joy and happiness. Unfortunately, many people try to separate them. They see sex as either something to be ashamed about, or something to pursue without reservation, until it becomes an obsession or even an addiction. Others see spirituality as a separate holy vehicle for transcendence that doesn’t include carnal or bodily pleasures like sex. In reality, the Higher Nature (God, spirit, energy) created sex for humans, not just to procreate or to experience pleasure, but to bond with each other at the deepest level of spiritual connection. The next time you make love with your partner, think of your lovemaking as a form of spiritual meditation in which you imagine that you and your loved one are floating on clouds as spiritual entities. When you come down from the clouds, you will say to your partner, “Hello, it’s you,” as you recognize that your spiritual natures are inhabiting your bodies. On a regular basis, make it your goal to enjoy the best love, sex, and joy you possibly can with the person you care the most about. When you do this, you will have one of the greatest gifts you can receive during your lifetime on earth. You will experience the joy of loving and being loved—deeply, and without holding anything back.
Wednesday Feb 24, 2021
DR. AVILA’S LIVE VALENTINE’S EVENT: FIND YOUR SOUL MATE: ASKING THE 4 MAGIC QUESTIONS
Wednesday Feb 24, 2021
Wednesday Feb 24, 2021
Tuesday Feb 09, 2021
Tuesday Feb 09, 2021
Did you know that what you see is not real? Most of us think that our senses tell us the truth. You see the moon and think that the moon exists even if you don’t. That is not necessarily true, says our distinguished guest on Love University, Donald Hoffman, world-leading cognitive scientist and evolutionary theorist. According to Dr. Hoffman’s theory of conscious realism, what we see is only an interface—an icon or desktop—that simplifies our perception. What lies beyond is a mystery we haven’t yet solved. During his appearance on Love University (apple.co/2KMhRbe), Dr. Hoffman enlightened and amazed us with his science-based observations of human life, the Universe, and our future, as follows:
*How to be a lion and not a rabbit. Lions sleep up to 18 hours a day because they are the King of the Jungle—they can rest easy knowing that they are not about to be eaten by another animal. The rabbit, on the other hand, is always looking around worried that it could be someone’s meal. In today’s society, many people are rabbits—dominated by fear, worry, and stress. To become a lion--confident and secure—Dr. Hoffman recommends practicing silent meditation. Dr. Hoffman meditates silently for three hours every day, which helps him develop a mindset of creativity, peace, and personal power. Follow Dr. Hoffman’s example and meditate 15 minutes a day at first and then gradually increase it. Close your eyes and let the thoughts come in and out of your mind without focusing on any one thought. As you practice this, your thoughts will diminish and you will have a peaceful and relaxed mind.
*Go for the evolutionary shortcut. According to Evolutionary Game Theory, there are certain strategies that can help organisms live long enough to mate and reproduce—to pass along their genes. These strategies are shortcuts that conserve valuable resources such as time and energy. For example, humans learned how to distinguish between a nutritious plant and a poisonous one by its shape, color, and texture. With this rule of thumb, or heuristic, they could save a lot of time (and prevent sickness and death) by only gathering the plants that would be healthy and nutritious while avoiding the poisonous plants that could harm them. In the same way, you need to find what works best for you in relationships, business, and health, and keep doing what is most effective and efficient for you. If you want to lose weight, and you hate exercise, then it would be wise for you to learn the best diet approaches that work with your taste buds and metabolism. Therefore, if you want to make a lasting change in your life, invest in shortcuts that meet your needs and match your personality. Stop wasting time, energy, and emotional resources on plans and strategies that don’t work for you,
*Why we’re attracted to supernormal stimuli. Drawing from examples in the animal kingdom and human life, Dr. Hoffman tells us why organisms, including humans, are often attracted to natural stimuli that have been enhanced in some way, also known as Supernormal Stimuli. He tells us about the Jewel Beetle in Western Australia who look to mate with females who are dimpled, glossy, and brown (this is their shortcut to knowing it’s a female). However, when Australians started throwing their beer bottles that looked like the females—but more enhanced—the males preferred the bigger, browner, and glossier bottles to the real females. The males tried to mate with the bottles while ignoring the actual female Jewel Beetles, and they almost became extinct as result. In a human example, Dr. Hoffman talks about the future rise of robots as love and romantic companions—perhaps even life partners—as some humans may be more attracted to the robots because they are enhanced versions of the human form. In everyday life, Dr. Hoffman talks about how humans use makeup, plastic surgery, and eye-catching clothes—supernormal stimuli—to enhance their desirability and attractiveness for mating purposes as well as for social advantage. Advertisers are also skilled at using supernormal stimuli to sell their products by making their commercials and advertisements appear larger than life.
*Can Artificial Intelligence develop a human Mind and take over the world? In the classic “Terminator” series with Arnold Schwarzenegger, a company creates an artificial intelligence network, Skynet, that develops awareness and then starts a nuclear war against humans. Could that happen to us? Although it seems far-fetched, Dr. Hoffman tells us that artificial intelligence is no longer just in the computer mainframe—now there are mobile robots that can walk, run, and even do gymnastics. Someday, Dr. Hoffman says, AI will beat us at everything—creating great art, poetry, literature, and music; making scientific discoveries; and winning the Pulitzer Prize. Also, he believes that AI may be able to mimic certain negative human traits such as deception and taking advantage of others. At the same time, Dr. Hoffman is skeptical that we can infuse robots/AI with what makes us human—unconditional love and spiritual awareness—or that we can take unconscious ingredients (software, circuits) and turn them into consciousness. However, he does see a possibility where we can open up new portals in existing consciousness in which we can see something that looks like Artificial Intelligence with human elements. The future awaits us, says Dr. Hoffman.
*God is infinite possibility and endless exploration. Dr. Hoffman, the son of a minister, is working on a mathematical formula for God. His goal is to create a way to measure an objective reality known as “God.” Initially, he has defined God as an infinite conscious agent (a conscious actor) with infinite possibilities. He says this is a good start but we need to explore deeper. There are important aspects that need to be considered in the mathematical formula of God, including unconditional love, also known as Agape, Karuna (compassion), or Karuna (devotion. Dr. Hoffman says that one promising idea that incorporates the necessary depth for the theory is to consider that God consists of an endless exploration of all possible varieties of consciousness. Dr. Hoffman agrees that there is much more we need to learn about this infinite consciousness which we call God. It’s like many great thinkers have said at the end of their lives “The one thing I have learned is that I know nothing.” There is always more for us to learn and explore in this beautiful and amazing cosmos of ours.
Dr. Hoffman leaves us with the idea that there are many possibilities and situations in life, and we need every type of human being to make this world a great place. We need Introverts to think deeply, Extroverts to communicate ideas, Feelers to give us warmth and caring, and Thinkers to analyze and solve problems. The key to human evolution into a state of unity—what Pierre Teilhard de Chardin called the Omega point—is to constantly adapt. We need to keep learning, growing, giving, and above all, extending loving energy without expectation. More than simply passing along our genes to the next generation, our aim should be to leave a lasting legacy of love and peace for all who follow us. That is the true inheritance we can leave the world.
Wednesday Feb 03, 2021
ARE YOU ADDICTED TO YOUR PHONE: HOW TO BE THE MASTER OF TECHNOLOGY AND NOT ITS SLAVE
Wednesday Feb 03, 2021
Wednesday Feb 03, 2021
Are you addicted to your phone? 2/3 of phone users have “Nomophobia” –the fear of being without their phone or phone service. In some ways, excessive phone use is like other forms of addiction in which you experience pleasure (dopamine brain chemicals), but then suffer from withdrawals (anxiety, sadness) when you’re not able to use your phone. If you find yourself wasting too much time on your phone, and your work or relationships are suffering, then it may be time for you to try the Phone Addiction Cure. Apply these techniques so you can use your phone for useful and beneficial purposes, instead of using it too much for the wrong reasons: negative news, distractions, compulsive activities, or excessive social media comparisons.
*Keep track of your phone use. You can use an app or journal to become aware of how often you use your phone daily and what you do on the phone. With this awareness, you can decide to limit your phone use to your most important goals or objectives.
*Take a phone fast. If you discover that you're using the phone too much for nonproductive or harmful activities (comparing yourself to people who seem better off on social media), then it's time to turn off your phone or devices for a while. You can turn them off for an hour or for a few hours at a time. When you first do this, you may have the feeling of "FOMO”—fear of missing out—but you will soon realize that most of the time, you didn't really miss out on anything important. Instead, you will start to experience a tremendous feeling of relaxation and peace. You will realize that you no longer have to constantly and immediately respond to the demands of other people; you don’t have to keep up with every single piece of information in the Universe. You can relax and be at peace.
*Substitute healthy activities. When was the last time you had a long talk with a good friend, or leisurely enjoyed reading an interesting book? Instead of being on your phone all the time, do activities that refresh and energize you. Exercise, spend fun time with family and friends, read, meditate, do creative projects, hobbies, and crafts; engage in a spiritual practice. When you’re tempted to reach for your phone to distract yourself, or to alleviate your sadness or loneliness, do a fun and healthy activity instead.
*Love yourself, others, and a higher nature. Addictive phone users may not feel good about themselves so they use the phone—and all the things connected with it (gaming, shopping, social media, gambling)—to feel better about themselves. Short circuit these negative patterns by loving yourself. Take good care of your health—diet, exercise, sleep, meditative/spiritual practice—and tell yourself that you are a strong and loving person. Also, give love to others without expectation—smile, pay sincere compliments, help others—without expecting anything in return. Finally, love a Higher Nature (God, spirit, nature, goodness)—something that is beyond you. When you do this, you will have a greater perspective and meaning in life, and you will feel better about your existence on earth.
Yes, you can be the master over your phone. Your phone can be a very wonderful servant that brings you great convenience, opportunities, connections, information, entertainment, and inspiration. But, you must be the one that controls the phone and technology—using it as tool for growth, contribution, enjoyment, and love. Make your phone an instrument of goodness and love, and you will enhance your life and help make the world a better place.
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Tuesday Jan 26, 2021
Tuesday Jan 26, 2021
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Do you feel like you’re cursed when it comes to dating and finding love? The one you're attracted to doesn’t want you, and the person you’re not interested in wants you. Or, you date someone for a while, and everything seems great, but then they suddenly lose interest or disappear. If this has happened to you, cheer up. There is good news coming your way—a cure for the dating curse. Our guest on Love University, Jess McCann, renowned dating love expert, offered us the solution to breaking negative dating patterns and finding the love of your life. Here are some important tips we learned from Jess:
*Determine your dating curse and find your solution. According to Jess, singles have different kinds of self-defeating mental dating patterns (curses). It’s important that you pinpoint which curse you have so you can break bad psychological habits and enjoy success in your soul mate search. Here are some common dating curse types and how to break the psychological spell:
Worrier: You over worry about how the relationship will turn out. From the beginning, you want to ask a date if they're interested in marriage, family, and children; you also worry if they are a faithful or committed person. Worrying too much makes you seem desperate and can push a potential love partner away. SOLUTION: Focus on the present—develop awareness of what you can enjoy about the person you’re with right now (or what you can learn from them).
Lamenter: You have a lot of regret and are stuck in the past. You remember how your past partner cheated on you, and you fear that your present dating partner will do the same. Or, you blame yourself for making mistakes in your previous relationships, and you are worried that you will make a similar mistake in the present one. SOLUTION: Forgive yourself (and others) for the past so you can have a clear mind and conscience as you begin a new relationship.
Inferior Mind: You put yourself down: “I’m not good enough for them (to find love).” As a result you’re fearful of rejection, and you avoid interacting with the person you’re truly attracted to. Solution: Shift your focus from yourself to others—be more kind, giving, and loving. Smile at other people, help them with a task, compliment them sincerely. Doing so will reduce your self-consciousness and increase your social confidence. Also, think of your favorite actor and practice acting like them at home in front of your mirror—imitate their posture, nonverbal expression, and speech; adopt their confidence and charisma. As you do this, you will develop more of the Actor (confident and spontaneous) part of your personality, and you will express it in everyday social encounters.
Wanter: You try to get an emotional “fix” from people, objects, and circumstances; you rely on external things to make you happy: shopping, dating, making money, or being recognized by others. Yet, once you get what you want (car, house, clothes, attractive person), you may get bored and lose interest. Then, you’re off to the next conquest. Unfortunately, you are never quite happy because you're not able to fully appreciate what you already have; you’re rarely satisfied. As a result, you may overlook the nice, emotionally stable mate because you are always in search of someone better. SOLUTION: Learn how to be mentally still—meditate quietly—without adding anything to your roaming and rushing thoughts. With practice, you can learn how to become satisfied with what you have. You will realize that your joy and contentment come don’t come from external sources—they come from within. Now, you can be open to that nice, emotionally healthy and committed partner who fulfills you at the deepest level.
Contestant: Everything is a competition or challenge for you. You want to prove that you’re better than other people. If your best friend got married to a tall, handsome, successful man. you want to capture the heart of an even handsomer, taller, and more successful man. You may even be tempted to try to steal a love partner away from another person just for the challenge and thrill of it—to prove that you can win. Thinking this way is a terrible trap because you will never be satisfied with what you have, and you will hurt yourself and others in the process. SOLUTION: Instead of comparing yourself to other people who may have more than you, make sure you only compare yourself to yourself (previous self). See how much you can grow as a human being, and how much you can improve along the way. You will be much happier as a result, and you will have a better chance to attract the love of your life.
Superior Mind: Whereas the Contestant wants to prove that they’re better than everyone else, the Superior Mind already knows they are superior. As a result, they have a certain arrogance and entitled sense about them. If you’re a Superior Mind, you may not think you need any advice because you believe everyone else has the problem—it’s not your fault if other people can’t recognize how brilliant and attractive you are. Unfortunately, you pay a big price for this attitude because you select mates based on superficial characteristics—looks, money, status—and how well they can complement your “greatness.” As a result, you may miss out on someone who may not have those exact traits, but who could be a wonderfully loving and loyal mate for you if you only gave them a chance. SOLUTION: Keep a “Judgmental Journal”: Write down how much it hurts you when you quickly prejudge others in the dating world: “He doesn’t have enough hair,” “She’s not tall enough,” “He/she doesn’t make enough money.” When you do this, you realize how you may be eliminating great romantic prospects based on superficial reasons. Also, decide that you will experiment with dating a less physically attractive person who may have great inner traits—compassion, kindness, loyalty, spirituality. When you do this, you may find yourself falling in love with a beautiful person in the true sense of the word.
Yes, you can get rid of those frustrating dating and love curses—self-defeating thinking styles—that have held you back from finding the relationship of your dreams. Once you identify the negative mindset that is holding you back, you can take steps to liberate yourself from unproductive thinking patterns. As you do this, you will get rid of your old self-absorption (“Poor me” or “Look how great I am”), and you will start to see yourself and others in a more realistic and loving manner. Ultimately, you will realize that you can live in acceptance—of yourself and others. You will also be able to give love without expectations, which is the greatest secret for finding and keeping love. Start today to be kind, nice, and loving to others, without expecting anything in return. When you do this, you will have deeper human interactions, and you will be one step closer to discovering the love of your life.
Friday Jan 15, 2021
Friday Jan 15, 2021
Have you ever wondered what guys are thinking when it comes to dating, sex, and relationships? If you’re a guy, have you ever wondered what women were thinking when it came to romance and relationships? With so much confusion and discord between the sexes today, we need to find a point of harmony and balance in the search for true, lasting love. Now we have some insightful and important answers from our guest on Love University, Robert Manni, top dating podcaster and the male’s successor to “Sex and the City.” Here are some of the nuggets of dating/love wisdom we learned from Robert:
The Guy’s Guy: the New Male standard. According to Robert, the ideal male for our new generation is the Guy’s Guy. He has a complementary blend of traits including casual confidence, unassuming strength, seductive integrity, and timeless style. He also highly respects women (and himself), and he has emotional intelligence—he knows how to manage his feelings and relate to the feelings of others. The Guy’s Guy is a strong man—he’s not a wimp—but he is also sensitive and empathetic to the concerns of women. He is a fun guy that both men and women like and want to be around.
How to be a Successful Single Guy’s Guy. Robert instructs men on how to succeed in the competitive singles dating world. He tells men to pay attention to the woman (her preferences), practice dating etiquette (tip well, don’t drink too much, don’t overtalk), be a gentleman (open doors if she prefers it; text to make sure she got home safely; respect her sexual boundaries). Also, if you find yourself in the “friend zone,” be patient. Over time, she may find you more attractive and a romantic relationship can ensue. If not, you can always benefit from having a friend. However, you also need to realize when it’s time to move on romantically—don’t keep investing your emotional and romantic energy in someone who is not interested in you. Love yourself and find someone who loves you in the same way.
How to be a Successful Married Guy’s Guy. Before tying the knot, the Guy’s Guy needs to ask several important questions: 1. Am I ready to commit? 2. What do I visualize in my future with this person—can I fulfill their expectations as well as my own by being together? Do they make me laugh? Are we compatible in the areas of values, children, sex, money, politics, and religion/spirituality? Do I want to grow old with them—remembering that looks fade, but inner beauty lasts forever. Robert shares that he was happily single for many years living in New York City. One day, he was with his Italian family, and they asked him for the umpteenth time, “Robert, when are you going to get married?” On this occasion, he said, “Next year.” They asked him, “Who is it?” He replied “No one yet.” However, within the year he was engaged and married to his lovely wife. The secret: He had decided to “Make room in my heart for someone special in my life.” Once he made that mental commitment to find lasting love and get married, he created an open space for that beautiful person who became his wife to appear in his life.
According to Robert, the new Guy’s Guy can be male or female. Regardless of gender the Guy’s Guy is a quality person who is confident, kind, respectful, fun, and loving. The key to being a true Guy’s Guy is to love yourself, others, and a higher nature, without expectation. With this mindset, you won’t expect anything in return when you love because you already have loving energy inside you. You can give as much loving energy as you want because you have more love where that came from. In a practical way, strive every day to extend your loving energy outwardly to others and the Universe. Smile at others, be kind and helpful, listen attentively and empathetically. As you become a more loving person, you will find yourself attracting the love you desire, and you will eventually meet the soul mate of your dreams.
Tuesday Dec 29, 2020
Tuesday Dec 29, 2020
In our turbulent and conflict-ridden world, you may ask yourself: If God exists, why does God allow all of the bad and evil things to happen in the world? We learned some fascinating answers in our interview with Neale Donald Walsh, modern day spiritual messenger and NY Times Bestselling author of the Conversations with God series. In our enlightening discussion, Neale shared his wisdom about the God Solution based on his latest book, The God Solution: The Power of Pure Love. According to Neale, by re-envisioning God as a God of Pure Love, your life can change instantly. Here’s what we learned:
*God is Pure Love. Many religious/spiritual traditions talk about God as love. Yet, in a deeper sense, God is Pure Love, or unconditional love. Known by different terms—Bhakti (devotion), Karuna (compassion), or Agape (unconditional love), this Pure Love is constantly expressed by God, and is always within us since we were created in the image of God. God simply loves to create, and God wants to empower all sentient beings to create what they wish to experience. This type of Pure Love is one with no strings attached. Just like we love our small child, no matter what, God loves us in the same way. Although we make mistakes and act human, God understands that and still loves us. With this knowledge, you can stop beating yourself up for mistakes and regrets—recognizing that you are a special child of divinity who is made up of Pure Love.
*Forgiveness is not necessary at the highest level. At a certain beginner’s level of spiritual development, forgiveness can be useful. Someone close to you is hurt by your actions, and they feel better when you say, “I’m sorry.” Yet, at a higher spiritual level, forgiveness is not necessary. If someone hurts you emotionally or physically (they said a cruel thing), they may hurt your ego, but they cannot hurt your soul or spirit. Similarly, if you engaged in a self-destructive habit or addiction, you may have hurt your mental, emotional, or physical state, but you can never hurt your everlasting spirit or soul. What you need at this point is understanding—a deep knowledge of how you are hurting yourself so you can stop doing it and take better care of yourself. Once you fully understand yourself and others, you don’t need to forgive or be forgiven. It’s like a grandpa who is at the dinner table about to eat a delicious piece of apple pie made by mom. The 4-year-old is so eager to give grandpa a piece of her pie that she accidentally spills milk on grandpa. Grandpa doesn’t need to forgive the four year-old because he understands that she acted like a four-year-old. He would only comfort her when she cried. In the same way we can comfort those who act like immature children because they don’t know any better. Our understanding leads to empathy—putting ourselves in their shoes—and to Pure Love.
*Every act is an act of love, even bad and evil actions. People do everything for love, even bad and self-destructive acts based on misguided love. A car thief loves a car so much that he will try to steal it, even though he knows doing so could cost his freedom. A drug addict loves the feeling they receive when they partake in their addiction. The key to joy and happiness is to redirect your love to the Higher Nature (God, spirit) so that your life will be filled with Pure Love (unconditional). Every day, strive to build up your reservoir of Pure Love. Read spiritual materials, listen to self-help podcasts or videos, practice meditation, and engage in acts of Loving Kindness: smile at others, listen empathetically, and help those who are needy, disadvantaged, or lonely. When you extend loving energy without expectation on a daily basis, you build up a habit of Pure Love. With Pure Love in your mind and heart, you cannot be hurt by the actions of others or by the random events of the world. You simply overflow with a positive and benevolent energy that only wants to give, love, serve, and grow. You can never lose when you live from the mind of Pure Love.
*Always ask yourself: How would God respond? When you face obstacles and challenges in the world, you may be tempted to react with fear, sadness, regret, or anger. Someone cuts you off on the road, and you feel like exploding with anger. At this moment, you need to ask yourself how God would react here. Since God is Pure Love, God would understand and empathize with the inconsiderate driver. Perhaps, they are rushing to the hospital to see their dying elderly parent or injured child, and that is why they are driving that way. Or, maybe they’re just having a bad day and can’t help themselves from driving this way. When you start to see people from their point of view, and treat them as they would like to be treated, suddenly your world changes. You now feel connected and united to others as division and conflicts fall away. You realize that others are just like you—they fear, they hope; they get angry, they love; they live; they die; they grow and they learn. Since you see yourself in others, you will no longer feel a need to fight, envy, or hate. If you love yourself, you love others; if you love others, you love yourself. Since God can only respond with Pure Love, and you are an individualized aspect of God, the Creator, then you can only respond with Pure Love. Always remember that Pure Love is your solution to all that ails you and the world.
When Neale was facing a quintuple bypass heart surgery and was being wheeled into the surgery room, he had only one thought: “Either way, it’s OK.” If he lived, he would be happy; if he died, he would be with God. In this moment of realization, he understood the power of God’s Pure Love. As a result, he was inspired to write a new book to spread his message of healing and inspiration to others who are also facing pain, uncertainty, and suffering.
Neale leaves us with four powerful questions you should ask yourself every day:
- Who am I? Think about how you define your nature, your core essence. Is it Pure Love, or is it something else (envy, fear, regret, or anger)?
- Where am I? Consider where you are in life right now: in your job, relationship, living environment, and lifestyle. Maybe you feel stuck in a bad career or marriage. Perhaps you’re unhappy with your lifestyle or health habits. Or, you’re not satisfied with your spiritual or philosophical practice. Take an inventory of yourself and your life today.
- Why am I here? Think about all of the actions you took that lead you to where you are now. Perhaps, you didn’t listen to your gut instinct about that relationship, career, or financial choice. You knew better but you still fell for that bad habit, self-defeating action, or unhealthy relationship.
- What do I intend to do about this? Think of your options to change your life. Maybe you will get marriage counseling; leave a bad career, start a business, or travel; begin a new spiritual practice; give more to others and extend loving energy to the world; say goodbye to toxic people and find those who harmonize with your authentic nature. In your plan to transform your life, think of ways you can align yourself with the Pure Love and creativity of God so you can fulfill your greatest potential as a happy and productive human being.
Live with Pure Love today, and you will manifest the power of God in your heart and soul. Despite any obstacles and problems you may face, everything in your life will be brighter and more joyful. Enjoy.
Tuesday Dec 22, 2020
Tuesday Dec 15, 2020
Tuesday Dec 15, 2020
Are you born to win? Although you may have your doubts at times, the answer from the Universe is a resounding “Yes.” As a soul in the human container known as a body, you have been given certain gifts by virtue of being a child of the Higher Nature (God/spirit/nature). Your “brand”—your unique mission statement—is your sacred opportunity to intersect with the people you care about and to express your authentic nature. On Love University (loveuniversity.love, https://apple.co/2KMhRbe), we had the pleasure of welcoming Amber Lilyestrom, Marketing Dream Guru and Mamapreneur (www.amberlilyestrom.com) as she shared her secrets for finding your soul’s calling and creating success in your money, business, and personal life. Let’s take a look at some of her insights:
*Find your soul’s purpose in the space between. While delivering her child, Amber had a near death experience—she couldn’t breathe. She left her body momentarily and saw her loved ones gathered around. When she surrendered to her Higher Nature, she came back into her body and asked herself the question: What would I want to hear at my eulogy—on the day of my funeral? She realized that “Sports marketer” was not enough. She wanted to be an inspirer, dream creator, visionary author and speaker, as well as a mother and family woman. In the same way, ask yourself what you want to hear at your eulogy and what would be said now if you died today. If you are not happy with where your life is now, decide to change today. Change careers, start a business, find true love, travel, help humanity. Instead of struggling and chasing to live a life that does not reflect your soul’s purpose, relax, slow down, and meditate; find your big vision in the space between your efforts. By taking a self-inventory with the eulogy exercise, you will be surprised at the clarity you can gain about your life mission and what you want to accomplish while you are still alive in your body.
*Master your money mind. Your money mind is a conglomeration of all the thoughts and feelings you have ever had about money, wealth, and prosperity. You may have inherited negative money messages from your parents, peers, or teachers while growing up: “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” “Too little money, too much work,” or “It’s too expensive.” By incorporating the negative money voices of others into your mind, you may develop a “poverty mentality” in which you fear that you will never have enough money in life, and you and money will never get along. Or, you could develop an obsession or worship of money in which you think that money will solve all your problems (it won’t). The right approach is to develop a “wealth mentality”—to recognize all of the abundance of resources in the universe, including money, love, creativity, health, and goodwill. At the same time, you can decide to have a creative, instead of a competitive mindset, in which you realize that all of us have unique talents and abilities, and there is enough money and resources to go around for everyone. All you need to do is find your unique niche in the world, your creativity and talent, and expand it—do what you love to do and the money and resources will come to you in abundance and ever-growing quantities. Then, use that money and resources to help yourself, your family, and your community—making the world a better and more loving place along the way.
*Try softer. Many times, we struggle, chase, and work too hard. You may be the type of person who is known as a perfectionist or workaholic—always trying to cram even more into an ever- decreasing day. Or, you may be someone who feels lethargic and unmotivated—you tried before to succeed in finances, career, and love, but you failed. Now you feel there is no use in trying anymore because you have only tasted failure, frustration, and rejection in the past. The good news is that there is a middle way—a path of balance—known as “effortless effort.” Recognized in Eastern approaches as “going with the flow” or “uniting with the energy force (Ki or Chi energy), effortless effort means that you will exert effort toward your goal but you will not be attached to your goal. Instead of chasing and struggling toward certain goals, you will relax and stop trying so hard. You will pray, meditate, and think about your Higher Nature—God, nature, spirit—and ask your Higher Nature to guide you toward the right direction in your life, in the areas of finances, career, relationships, health, and lifestyle. Just like the lilies of the field who are beautifully clothed but don’t think about their life, you will relax and accept the goodness, love, and peace that the Higher Nature has to offer you—naturally and without strain and effort. You will still work diligently and have discipline to achieve your objectives, but you will no longer worry and fret about the outcome. With your new relaxed, yet focused mindset, you will attract many of the wonderful blessings you desire, including lasting love with a soul mate, family and children, loyal friends, a great career, abundance in finances and resources, and wonderful life experiences. The world is yours when you relax into the true power of your Higher Nature.
*Extend loving energy without expectation. We live in a world of fear, doubt, and “What if.” On a daily basis, we are bombarded with negative news that start with phrases such as “What if (something terrible or bad happened)—the result is that our nerves are on edge and we are fearful for our future and the future of our children and their children. In this world of fear, we have an antidote: it is called Loving Energy without expectation. To love without expecting anything in return is the most powerful force in the Universe. It has been called many things by different traditions: Agape (unconditional love), Bhakti (devotion), and Karuna (compassion). When you give love without expecting anything back, you are acting like the Higher Nature—the loving and powerful protector of the Universe. The Higher Nature loves you because you are its creation—and that is all—you don’t have to prove your worth or do anything to earn your place on this earth. In the same way, you can extend loving energy to others without expectation on a daily basis. Smile, say “Hi,” give someone a sincere compliment. Listen empathetically to someone who is hurting. Help a friend with a practical problem. Open the door for someone; help an elderly person cross the street; give to charity; volunteer to help the needy and disadvantaged. The key is that when you help others, you won’t expect anything in return—not even a smile or thank you. You give love because you are love—this love is the natural force that is already inside you and expands itself outwardly. When you extend loving energy without expectation, you will heal yourself, others, and the planet, and you will receive more love in return. In this way, the loving energy becomes an always-expanding cycle that continues even beyond your life on earth.
Yes, you were born for this. “This” means your ability to love, grow, learn, teach, experience, help, and create. You were born for your dream business or career, for your loving soul mate, family, and friends; for your health, prosperity, and happiness. As Amber says, you need to awaken to your soul’s calling and activate your talents for the good of the world. When you do this, you will have momentum (moving forward), magnetism (attracting everything you need) and mastery over your own mind (no more fear and worry). You can create magic in the world because you are the magic that makes fear and problems disappear, and makes love and happiness miraculously appear in your life forevermore.
Sunday Dec 06, 2020
HOW TO BE FILTHY RICH WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY OR BAD ABOUT IT
Sunday Dec 06, 2020
Sunday Dec 06, 2020
Would you like to be rich—financially, emotionally, and spiritually? When you are truly rich, in every sense of the word, you are able to help yourself, your loves ones, and society itself. You can express your true nature and live to the fullest. Yet, the term “riches” or “money” has negative connotations for some people. Some think rich people are greedy, arrogant, or unhappy (not true, wealthy businesspeople are surprisingly well-adjusted). Or they think that they can never enjoy financial security because of a limitation they have (often, it’s their poverty thinking). Here’s the good news: By studying the mindset of happy wealthy people, you can learn some of their secrets for enjoying both financial success and psychological health (love and joy). Money, used rightly, can do many good things for yourself and others. Here are some wealth mentality tips you can apply to your life:
1.Determine your Rich Type. There are different personality types among the rich and wealthy. Maybe you’re a “Thrillionaire”—if you were rich, you would use your money to enjoy the pleasures of life and show off your wealth—travel, enjoy fine dining and entertainment, buy fancy cars, mammoth homes, and expensive items. Or you could be the “Coolionaire”—you want your money to express your artistic tastes and desire for the beautiful—you would decorate your gorgeous house in a most elegant way, including the most prestigious art you can buy. Another possibility: You are the “Realionaire”—you are the realistic, down-to earth rich person (think Warren Buffet) who invests in big things, but is also practical and savings conscious. Your wealth reflects your low key and relaxed nature. Finally, you could be the Wellionaire—someone who uses your money to feel good and do good—contributing to charitable and philanthropic causes to leave the world a better place (consider Bill and Melinda gates and their humanitarian work).
- Create a prosperity mental script. Many people grow up with a scarcity or poverty mentality, parroting statements and beliefs they heard growing up: “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “Too much work, too little money.” Over time, these negativistic, poverty mentality phrases become embedded in your mind, and as an adult, you feel insecure or frustrated about money—you worry that you will never have enough. Yet, there is a better way to think: The Prosperity Mentality—believing that there is an abundance of money and resources in the world—and that you can access the money you need to accomplish your goals and dreams. Start by substituting poverty mental phrases for prosperity thoughts. You can write the new thoughts in a journal, tablet, or computer, or you can put them on your bathroom wall or somewhere you will see them daily. Instead of “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” you will write, “Money grows abundantly from my ability to create good things for others.” Instead of “Too much work, too little money,” you will write, “A lot of love and joy from my work leads to an abundance of money.” As you ingrain these new prosperity thoughts into your mind, you will see that your financial and money endeavors will flourish and you will be more prosperous than ever before.
- Think of Money as Loving Energy. In my book, “Invincible You,” I talk about a new way to look at money: as Loving Energy, or Loving Money Energy (LME). When you do something you love for work, you receive money—paper or electronic—as an appreciation (love) of the value of the work you provided. Then, you take that money and you send it to someone else for goods or services—as you spread your gratitude and love for what you are receiving. Seen in this way, money is a form of loving energy that flows and passes from person to person, society to society, to provide goodness and satisfaction to those it touches. Instead of thinking that you have to compete and fight for money, and fearing that you may lose it or not have enough, you realize that loving money energy has no limits and will keep circulating as long as you can utilize your talents for the good of others. For example, when you have a transaction with a merchant or storekeeper, consider that you are creating bonds of cheery affinity with that businessperson. With this mindset, you don’t always have to fight to get the lowest possible price; you may even overpay a little at times—as you realize that you are expressing love to this person by helping them with their finances. Maybe they’re putting a child through college or taking care of their frail elderly parent. Although you want to get your money’s worth, and not be taken advantage of, this way of thinking actually will help you financially in the long-run. The merchant you gave a little extra money to may reciprocate by giving you a great deal on your next transaction. Or others who learn about your generosity will want to do business with you because they see that you are a fair-minded and empathetic person.
Yes, you can be rich—both in the material and spiritual sense. As a creation of the Higher Nature (God, spirit, nature), you are already rich—by virtue of being born into this world and being alive. Every day, remind yourself of the things you are grateful for—your life, family, friends, pets, talents, career, hobbies, experiences, and the world itself. When you do this, you will feel rich internally and you will project that wealth mentality outwardly—as you attract true financial and monetary riches. You will also attract the greatest wealth of all: Love.
Wednesday Dec 02, 2020
Wednesday Dec 02, 2020
They say beauty is only skin deep, but if it is, what really attracts you to a love partner? Is it primarily someone’s looks, character, personality, faith, beliefs, or financial resources? New research provides insight into the true nature of dating, physical attraction, and long-term relationship success, and reveals interesting truths about how men and women choose to date and mate. Let’s take a look at some of the findings:
*Men and women differ in how good-looking their mate must be. Men tend to prioritize female beauty in choosing a mate, yet will often settle for a less physically attractive partner for both short-term (sex, companionship) and long-term relationships (love, marriage; “She has a good heart”). Women, on the other hand, will not usually get romantically involved with a man they consider physically unattractive—he will stay forever in the “friend zone.” She will usually make sure that she is physically attracted to a man before she allows it to go to the next romantic step.
*Choose a physically less attractive man and be happy for the rest of your life. Research indicates that when a woman marries a man who is not as physically attractive as she is, she will likely be more happy and satisfied in the relationship. A very good-looking man, although desirable, may have more opportunities and desire to cheat or take the woman for granted—or at least she will be jealous toward him. A less physically attractive man may be more devoted and doting to her. Also, research indicates that more masculine men who have a higher level of testosterone may make undesirable mates: 31% of them are likely to have marital problems, 38% are likely to cheat, and 43% of them are likely to get divorced.
*True beauty is within—develop it for yourself and find it in another person. In reality, there are no ugly or unattractive people—we are all beautiful in our own way as creations of a Higher Nature (God, spirit, nature). True beauty consists of inner traits such as compassion, empathy, kindness, gentleness, and patience. Make sure you develop these traits in yourself and find a mate who possesses similar qualities. If you’re already with a partner, both of you can strive to increase your inner beauty together. As you and your partner actualize your inner beauty—including loving each other unconditionally—you will find yourself more attracted to each other in every way: physically, romantically, and spiritually.
It’s true that being physically attractive and in good physical shape—looking and feeling good—is often a great advantage in society and life. Yet, in romantic relationships, looks often fade, but the inner qualities of the person—compassion, empathy, and lovingness—are what remain. After all, it’s your inner beauty that will make you more outwardly beautiful—this is what you should develop in yourself and discover in your love partner. In this way, you can build a love partnership that stands the test of time and leaves a lasting legacy of goodness and contribution for all to see.
Sunday Nov 22, 2020
Sunday Nov 22, 2020
Are you Introvert or shy? Is so, this is becoming your world. Currently, 50% of the population is classified as Introvert (seeking energy within) while 50% are classified as shy (strongly sensitive to the social environment). As technology grows, and people do more things from home, we’re becoming a more internal species—spending a great portion of our time on our technological devices and in our own thoughts.
Introversion and shyness are somewhat different. Introverts have a limited amount of social energy to spend, yet they can be sociable in smaller doses. In fact, they can be very good leaders because they often take the time to listen to people carefully and encourage them to keep improving. A shy person, on the other hand, is an individual who is very sensitive to the environment, and who may have a self-conscious side—worrying that they will be rejected and criticized by others. Although being shy can have its challenges, in my book, The Gift of Shyness (rb.gy/l7zjmm), I talk about the positive traits of the shy person. Shy people are often sensitive, good listeners, reflective, and loyal, among other positive traits. The key for the shy person’s success and happiness is for them to reduce the self-conscious (self-critical) part of their mind while increasing their spontaneous and natural side.
Here are some tips for you to claim your shyness or Introversion as a superpower that you can utilize for your good and the good of others:
If you’re shy:
*Become the Actor. The Actor is the part of your mind that is spontaneous, natural, and confident. Think of your favorite actor—how they act, walk, talk, and dress. Imagine that you are that actor. At home, practice, talking, acting, and walking like them—feeling their confidence and charisma. When you go out socially, imagine that your Actor is alive within you. You are ready to meet any social challenge because you have the Actor inside you as your best companion. In Israeli culture, children are encouraged to have Chutzpah, audacity or social courage—to go for what they want, to speak their mind—without the fear of failure or rejection. Chutzpah is a good skill for shy people to develop—to know that there is nothing to fear when they take a social risk. To develop Chutzpah, keep expressing your actor, the powerful and spontaneous part of you, regardless of how others may react. When you do this, you will eventually find people who resonate with your style and will want to be connected to you in a quality relationship.
*Start with small human exchanges. If you’re shy, you may feel awkward breaking the ice and starting conversations. To become more socially fluent, begin small in your conversational exchanges with others. Start by looking people in the eye, smiling, and saying “Hi,” even if you don’t know them. Progress to making a few observational comments; for example, to a passerby, you can say, “It sure is windy (or sunny) today.” Or, you can try paying a sincere compliment, “That color looks good on you,” when you see someone who looks friendly. Think of each conversational exchange as a social experiment in which you gain more knowledge about human interaction as you grow your conversational muscles. Talk to someone every day and you will get better at it.
*If you’re an Introvert:
*Embrace your internalness. Even before the virus, you may have been the type of person who did things alone—and enjoyed it. Whether it was going out to eat, walking around, or even watching a movie, you enjoyed your alone time—to think, observe, and reflect. At the same time, as an Introvert, you can enjoy the special company of a few long-term, loyal friends. The important thing is for you to embrace your Introvert nature, and don’t wish that you were more Extraverted like a lot of society appears to be (remember they will soon be in the minority). Accept and love yourself as you are—a proud Introvert—and realize that you may not need a lot of people around you, but you can do just fine with a few close friendships. Enjoy your internal nature—that is who you are.
*Manage your energy. As an Introvert, you have a limited amount of social energy. You can even be the life of the party for a certain amount of time: talkative, outgoing, and very social as long as your social energy lasts. At a certain point, however, you will have used up your social gas tank, and you need to get away from the environment to recharge your batteries by yourself (hot tub, anyone?). Therefore, as an Introvert, your best approach is to measure your social energy carefully. You will only say “Yes,” to the social engagements and activities that mean the most to you, while saying "No" to less impactful or meaningful social obligations. As you free up more social energy, you will only participate in social activities and connections that fulfill you and help you become your best self (maybe you join a writer’s or reader’s club).
For both Introvert and Shy people:
*Offer loving energy without expectation. This is one of the greatest secrets of social success: Give loving energy to others without expectation. Help someone with their groceries or opening a door; assist an elderly person cross the street; listen attentively to people when they tell you their problems. Help friends connect with each other. Volunteer for a charitable or humanitarian organization that helps the disadvantaged. When you help people and give love without expecting anything in return, you unleash a tremendous positive power in the universe. Often, even though you weren’t expecting anything in return, people will come out of nowhere to help you. Your life will become more pleasurable and exciting, and you will be happier and more content, when you extend your loving energy to the world because that is who you are inside (love).
As more people are forced to stay home because of the virus, there is a silver lining: We’re learning new ways to connect online: virtual activities, groups, and events; video chatting and video conferencing. At the same time, we’re learning how to value our private, alone time—how to think deeper, understand others and ourselves more thoroughly, and love more deeply. Now we can no longer take the ordinary good things in life for granted—time spent with loved ones at fun outings; the ability to explore the world and see its beauty. Regardless of whether you’re Introvert or Extravert, shy or nonshy, the key to happiness is to embrace your nature and love yourself. When you do that, you can love others and a Higher Nature (God, spirit) with all of your heart and soul. Yes, the world—both inner and outer—can be yours. Enjoy it.
Tuesday Nov 10, 2020
Tuesday Nov 10, 2020
Imagine if your mom was a drug addict, your dad was a drug dealer, and you had to live on the run in abandoned roach-infested houses—one step away from the law. Or, what if you were tortured and abused by your biological dad for years and then later learned that you mom had committed suicide when you thought she had been killed in an accident. These are the true stories of Justin and Alexis Black, an amazing young married couple who overcame foster care, horrid abuse, neglect, and obstacles to graduate from college and become inspirational leaders for youth throughout America. On Love University, we were honored to hear their stories and how they came together to form a “Love Power” couple who are inspiring millions of youth through their speaking and writing (Redefining Normal: How Two Foster Kids Beat The Odds and Discovered Healing, Happiness, and Love: www.re-definingnormal.com). Here are some of the lessons we learned for overcoming abuse and trauma from Alexis and Justin:
*Be intentional and love yourself first. Before they could come together as a young happily married couple, Justin and Alexis had to heal their own wounds. Through group and individual therapy, they learned that they had value and were worthy of love. Loving themselves first before they could fully love their partner became an important element of their mental health recovery. Part of being emotionally healthy is to be aware of your triggers—the things that remind you of your past pain and trauma. Through awareness of what reactivates the pain, says Alexis and Justin, you can have clear communication with your partner and establish boundaries and respect so that mutual healing can take place in a safe and nurturing love environment.
*Let go of the past of those who hurt you. After being abused and betrayed by her biological dad for years, Alexis had thoughts of killing him. One night she had a knife and was looking at the back of his head, but she didn’t do it. Although she felt suicidal and was hospitalized later on, she never gave up hope. One of the things that helped her was a beautiful song by Gospel singer, Kirk Franklin, “Imagine Me,” which says, “Imagine me letting go of all the ones who hurt me ‘Cause they never did deserve me…Because of your love, fear’s gone away. Can you imagine me?” Although she experienced terrible things at the hands of her biological father, she has been able to move forward from the pain and leave it in the past. Likewise, Justin has begun to forgive his dad who let down his family many times, and now they are rebuilding their relationship. Forgiveness is not just for the one who did you harm, but for your own healing. It’s for liberating yourself from the memory chains to the person who hurt you; it’s for forgiving yourself for the past and looking forward to a bright and hopeful future.
*Find love in the Higher. One of the things that saved Justin and Alexis from even more despair and even death was their Christian faith. Believing in a higher Nature or cause (God, spirit, destiny) is one of the most powerful aids in overcoming trauma and pain to live a loving and fearless life. Justin quotes one of his favorite passages from Psalms 23: “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want…. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.” When he was young, Justin says he looked up to drug dealers who gave him money; they seemed to have all the success, but were really failures in life. His drug-addicted/drug-dealing parents were also not good “shepherds” or guides. The one guide who never let him down, according to Justin, was God, whose love is always faithful, kind, patient, and forgiving. Regardless of your religious or spiritual background, having a belief in something higher than yourself –a benevolent and loving force that doesn’t let you down—is an important part of psychological healing and recovery. As Justin and Alexis believe, “Humans can let you down, but God never does. He will find a way for you in His own way.”
*Create your new “better normal.” The title of Alexis’s and Justin’s Book is Redefining Normal. In their past, their normal was defined by sexual and physical abuse, domestic violence, teen pregnancy drug abuse, poverty, aggression, and fear. Their advice is to create a “Better Normal”—raise your expectations for yourself and those you love; reverse the cycle of fear, violence, and negativity that plagues you, your family, and your community. One way to do this is by finding positive role models—mentors who can help guide you to live a more elevated and positive life. Justin found successful black professionals in his college mentoring program who had higher expectations for him than he had for himself. Alexis found a loving foster family who adopted her at age 26 and loved her unconditionally. She changed her “old normal” concept of “Love Hurts” to “Love heals, feels good, and is healthy.” Once you have raised your own standard of mental well-being, your calling is to become a healthy and positive role model for others, as Justin and Alexis are doing. This helps to create a cycle of love and emotional excellence in place of the old downward cycle of fear, despair, and failure.
Although the love and transformation story of Justin and Alexis is unique and beautiful, it is not the only one that exists. Others have overcome trauma and pain to live healthy and loving lives, and so can you. Follow the path of Justin and Alexis and be intentional about loving yourself, let go of the past of those who hurt you, find a Higher Nature love, and create your “Better normal.” If you do these things, you will be able to overcome the emotional chains that bound you and achieve your dreams of love, joy, and contribution.
Wednesday Nov 04, 2020
HOW TO BEAT BURNOUT AND WORK WITH ENERGY, LOVE, AND POWER
Wednesday Nov 04, 2020
Wednesday Nov 04, 2020
Are you burned out at work? On top of the stress and turmoil of the current worldwide virus situation, many workers are increasingly burned out in their jobs and careers—stressed-out, overwhelmed, disillusioned, and detached. If that sounds like you, practice the following strategies to recapture your energy, positivity, and sense of accomplishment:
*Take a technology fast. In our rapid 24 hour-7-days a week technology-obsessed society, it is rare to find a relaxed time when you’re not checking your phone or devices for texts, emails, phone messages, social media, or news. Although technology can be useful in many ways, all of the input into your mind can overwhelm you and add to your feeling of being burned out and stressed-out. To counteract this, take a technology fast: Turn off your phone and other devices for a period of time—maybe an hour or several hours. This will give you an opportunity to relax and recharge your batteries so you can get back to work with a refreshed mind.
*Spend time with positive energy friends. Emotional contagion is the phenomena which occurs when people affect each other’s moods. You can walk into a room of nervous and gloomy people and start to feel the same way. Or, you can associate with positive and uplifting people, and you begin to feel more cheery and optimistic. Therefore, it’s important that you choose to spend time with friends and family members who support you with a positive and helpful energy. These are the people who help you relax, de-stress, and enjoy the lighter moments of life.
*Do the things you love. When you’re burned out, you may work so much that you neglect to do the things you really enjoy—the activities that bring you pleasure and joy. Think of the things you love to do, but haven’t done much of lately: Spending quality time with family and friends, being in nature, doing a fun or creative activity or hobby; exercising, or engaging in a spiritual or meditative practice. The more you go back to your “passion spot”—doing the things that uplift you to be your best—the less stressed and burned out you will feel, and the more motivation and passion you will have to do the work you need to do.
*Give loving energy without expectations. One of the greatest secrets of peace and joy is to “Give loving energy without expectations.” This means that you will smile at other people and say “Hi,” do small favors (open a door), help needy people, listen attentively with empathy and compassion, and serve the needs of others. When you give love to others in this way, you won’t expect anything in return—a favor, approval, or even acknowledgement. You will simply express your loving energy because that is who you are inside. Moreover, the more you extend love without expectation, the more loving and powerful you will be because your love regenerates from the inside. You will feel refreshed and recharged when your loving energy leads the way.
Yes, you can beat burnout. If you take a technology fast, spend time with positive energy friends, do the things you love, and give love without expectations, you can defeat stress, worry, and the feeling of being overwhelmed. At the same time, you will have renewed energy, motivation, and optimism. You will feel more content, and you will accomplish greater things, when you have a refreshed and positive outlook on your work and life. Now it’s your turn: Make sure you practice the burnout-busting techniques we just discussed so you can enjoy a week that is filled with relaxation, accomplishment, and good feelings. Enjoy.
Wednesday Oct 28, 2020
Wednesday Oct 28, 2020
Gandhi once said, “Where there is love, there is life.” Love is the marvelous special ingredient that makes life worth living. It comes in many forms: Love of self, love of work, love of others, and love of a Higher Nature (God/spirit). When you have love in your life, you live with peace, joy, and contribution—knowing that you are fulfilling your potential and making a positive difference in the world. Our guests on Love University, Dean Warren and Isabele Hazan, married podcasters (URlife.live) and world travelers, offered us insight into the nature of love, health, and happiness. Here are some of the things we learned.
*Practice the four pillars of healthy living. In Ayurvedic thought, we learn the four pillars of excellent health: Good Sleep, Good Nutrition, Movement, and Silence (Emotional Wellness). When you sleep peacefully, eat the right things, move your body, and take time out for contemplation, you enjoy a healthier and happier life. Consider your body a sacred temple that houses your spirit, your very essence. Before you go to bed, practice a relaxation ritual—put away all of your technological devices and sit or lie quietly—praying, meditating, or focusing on a pleasant image or memory. Throughout the day, make sure you take time out to eat slowly and put healthy ingredients into your body. Also, move your body—whether it’s through formal exercise at a gym, walking, or stretching. Finally, start and end your day with silence as you become aware of your thoughts and calm your “Monkey Mind,” the chattering thoughts and worries that fill your mind throughout the day. Each day aim to maintain peace, calmness, and love in everything you do.
*Recognize your energy style: All of us have different energy styles according to Ayurvedic tradition. If you are Vata, your primary element is air. You are a spontaneous and light person who is fast-moving, but may be prone to agitation. In my LoveTypes (personality compatibility) system, you are known as an “Excitement Seeker”—you crave novelty, stimulation, and excitement. If you are Pitta, your main element is fire, and you desire power and knowledge—to learn, learn, create and improve. In the LoveTypes system, you are known as a “Knowledge Seeker”—you value competence, knowledge, science, technology, and innovation. Finally, you may be Kaffa—your main element is earth. You are the practical, realistic, concrete, and grounded person. In LoveTypes, you are known as a “Security Seeker”—you value security, family, tradition, responsibility, and commitment. Of course, you could have a combination of more than one type, although generally you have a primary energy style that you use on a daily basis. Once you know your energy style, you can select the people and activities that best resonate with your nature, and you can plan your work and daily activities based on your particular strength. For example, a Vata person would likely want to choose a career that offers them maximum flexibility and spontaneity, while a Kaffa individual may prefer a more structured 9 to 5 job with good benefits and long-term security.
*Love yourself so you can love others. People who are natural givers and caretakers often burn out because they may give all they have to help others at the cost of their personal health and happiness. Although it’s wonderful to be giving and loving to others, it’s important that you practice self-care and recharge your batteries; get adequate exercise, eat healthy, enjoy recreational and social time, and participate in a spiritual or meditative practice. Remember that the more you love yourself—in a healthy, not egotistical way—the more you can love and give to others. On a daily basis, make sure you replenish your inner psychological plate—feed yourself with self-compassion and self-care—so you can fill the emotional plate of others with your practical help, empathy, compassion, and love. Remember: You can only give to others what you already have inside.
Dean and Isabel married late in life and are now in their 50’s. Their goal is to be healthy and happy together, enjoying another 50 years of life as a united couple. By focusing on improving your health—spiritual, physical, and emotional—you, too, can live a longer and happier life as you contribute to the world and leave behind a legacy of love and contribution.
Tuesday Oct 20, 2020
Tuesday Oct 20, 2020
Are you addicted to love? For some people, being in love is like a drug—a high they constantly yearn for. Like a drug, being in love can elevate you to a pleasurable state of mind, and then bring you down—leaving you with feelings of pain and withdrawal. When you first fall in love, certain brain chemicals such as dopamine are released in your brain. After a period of time with your love partner, the chemicals will tend to go away. When this happens, you may find that you’re with someone who is totally wrong for you, even though you had great chemistry in the beginning.
Now it’s your turn: Take the Love Addiction Quiz and find out if you’re addicted to romantic love.
- Do you think about your love partner all of the time?
- Do you have a very strong longing for them when you’re not with them?
- Do you feel dependent on them—you have to get multiple texts or calls from them to feel good about your day?
- Do you have an intense fear that they will leave you or reject you?
- Do you have physical symptoms when you think about your love mate, including shortness of breath, fast heart rate, and excessive sweating?
- Do you focus so intently on your love partner that everything else, including your career, family, and friends, fades into the background?
- Do you see only your partner’s good qualities and ignore (or don’t see) any of their bad traits?
If you scored 4 out of 7 on the quiz, you may be love-addicted. Although most romantic relationships begin with a honeymoon stage, in which most of the above elements are present, some people have these traits for a longer period of time (and more intensely) than others. In psychological terms, this is known as Limerence—a type of obsession or infatuation with a love partner that has some features often found in other forms of addiction (substance, gambling, etc.).
Although there is no formally recognized disorder known as "Love Addiction,” it is an interesting phenomena to examine, especially if you feel like you may have some or all of the traits described above. The good news is that there are remedies you can use to get yourself out of a love-obsessed mindset so you can have a balanced and healthy love relationship. Stay tuned to our next blog on “How to Cure Yourself of Love Addiction.”
Friday Oct 09, 2020
Friday Oct 09, 2020
In a world of turmoil and strife, we need more laughter in our lives and our relationships. Married couples who laugh together tend to stay together and are happier. Moreover, it’s possible to marry your enemy and keep the joy alive. These are some of the fun and fascinating tidbits we learned on Love University from our good friend, Bob Eckstein (bobeckstein.com), award-winning illustrator and cartoonist (“All’s Fair in Love and War”). Bob brightened our day and enlightened us on how to bring more laughter, joy, and love into our everyday life. Here is what we learned:
*Humor is a turn-on. Research shows that women are more attracted, and have more sexual satisfaction, when they’re with men who make them laugh. Moreover, when wives used humor in the relationship, and it lowered their husband’s heart rate, their marriage had more stability and satisfaction. Also, the key is not whether the couple share the same type of humor (slapstick, wordplay), but whether they create humor together through their shared life experiences. Overall, humor is seen as a sign of intelligence, creativity, and fun—making the humorous person a more attractive and desirable mate. Santa Claus was reaching for his wife in bed, and she said: “Take a shower first; you smell like chimney.”
*Humor gives us perspective. When you are hurting and in pain, humor and laughter can be the balm that soothes you. Taking a difficult and painful situation, and turning it on its head, gives you the comforting feeling that “Everything will be OK.” Research shows that wartime survivors with a sense of humor report lower levels of PTSD after experiencing wartime trauma. Also, singles who suffer from dating difficulties can have a good laugh and feel better about their experiences. Two panda bears were in a room together—one said to another: “Look, until there’s a Tinder for pandas, we have to meet the old-fashioned way: being locked in a room together by scientists.”
*Look for the inner beauty. When Bob was in school, he was in art class with a young lady who was very competitive with him. He says they were competitive enemies and couldn’t stand each other. Twelve years later, they were invited by mutual friends to a funeral, and they fell in love and eloped. The turning point, says Bob, was when he saw her good heart—she volunteered for “Meals on Wheels” –a program bringing meals to people who need them. Her inner beauty is what sealed the deal. When it comes to choosing a potential friend or love partner, therefore, it’s a good idea to place importance on their inner goodness—compassion, optimism, kindness—more than their surface charm or looks. Their inner qualities are what will last in a long-term friendship or love partnership. One snail was talking to another as they looked at a tape dispenser. The snail said: “I know she’s a tape dispenser, but I love her.”
Things can’t get any worse but they can get funnier. Laughter is contagious and uplifting. You can walk into a room full of gloomy people, and if you can make them laugh, they will be grateful to you. To sharpen your funny bone, keep a funny notebook. Write down things that bug you or make you curious about people, and turn it into a humorous joke or story. Watch funny videos, shows, movies, or stand-up by yourself (or with your love partner), and note the things that make you laugh. Practice your humor with your love partner and close friends and family members. Then, try it out with acquaintances and even strangers. Have a “Laughter Party” in which you get a group of friends together and just start laughing for no reason. Do it for about 5-10 minutes and you will see an immediate uplift of everyone’s mood. You don’t need a reason to laugh—just laugh. Research shows that you release pleasure brain chemicals (dopamine) when you laugh, even if there’s nothing particularly funny to laugh at. Two rats are speaking to an auditorium with hundreds of rats. One of them says, “Your father and I have decided to explain why we’ve decided to part.” Imagine the child support for all of them.
Remember to laugh and look at the humorous side of life every day. Doing so will elevate your mood, make you sexier and more attractive, and improve your relationships. Best of all, laughter and humor is a great gift you can give to yourself and others—the comforting feeling that “Life will be just fine. I can make it through this.” After all, the timeless phrase is true: “Laugh and the whole world laughs with you.”
Note: All humor excerpted from Bob Eckstein’s (editor) “All’s Fair in Love and War: The Ultimate Cartoon Book” (Princeton Architectural Press, 2020)
Tuesday Sep 22, 2020
THE POWER OF ALTRUISM: HOW HELPING OTHERS CAN TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE
Tuesday Sep 22, 2020
Tuesday Sep 22, 2020
Did you know that helping others without expectation, also known as Altruism, can boost your happiness and success? Research shows that when you help others—smile, hold open a door, volunteer, listen with empathy—you will tend to have reduced stress, greater mental well-being, less physical illness, and even a longer life. Not only that, but when you help others, it becomes contagious and others “pay it forward”—creating a society of giving people who help each other and spread loving energy. In times of trouble and turmoil, giving is often the best remedy to what ails us. Here are some ways you can become more altruistic and create a positive impact in your life and the lives of others:
*Increase your empathy. Empathy is when you put yourself in the shoes of another—when you see life as they see it; feel life as they feel it. Empathy is a beautiful thing. In fact, the more empathetic you are, the more altruistic you are likely to be. The more you see another person’s point of view, their joys and suffering, the more you will want to help them. Try this: On a daily basis, ask people questions about their life dreams and what bothers them (and what makes them happy)—listen carefully to their answers. Maybe that waitress you see regularly tells you that she is a single mom who is struggling at working two jobs to make ends meet. Perhaps, your car mechanic confides that he is a devoted son who is caring for his dying elderly parents. Put yourself in the mindset of others, and you will have a stronger desire to help them and relieve their suffering, also known as having compassion.
*Give what you do best. If you want to volunteer for a charitable or humanitarian cause or organization, give based on your best talent. If you’re not good at working with your hands, then perhaps helping to build a house for homeless people may not be the best use of your talents. But, if you’re good with numbers or words, you can help with the organization’s needs for accounting or writing press releases. Think about your best skill and give that to others. You may be a good writer, teacher, organizer, or caretaker; maybe you’re good with numbers or working with your hands. Whatever your skills or talent is, donate that to help others. You will feel better when you give something you’re good at, and you will be more effective in giving something of value to others.
*Imagine giving love without expectation. Try this exercise: Imagine that you are smiling and giving loving energy to the most beloved person(s) in your life, perhaps your spouse or children. See them smiling and laughing—expressing joy and love to you in return. Next imagine smiling with love toward your close friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. Visualize them smiling and laughing as they send joy and positive energy your way. As you do this, you will start to fill your heart with joyful and loving energy, and you will be more inspired and motivated to help others.
*Help one person each day. Now go out and help people—strive to help at least one person every day. Your altruistic act can be as small as smiling, holding open a door, or paying someone a sincere compliment. Perhaps, you will give advice, money, energy, or time. Or you can offer one of the greatest gifts of all: Listening with love and acceptance to someone who is in pain. Your loving and accepting presence may be exactly what they need for their healing process to begin.
Remember: the more altruistic you are—the more you give to others without expecting anything in return—the stronger and more loving you will become. You will realize that you have an abundance of love and energy to give, and you will find that the universe will often reciprocate and give back to you great benefits in the form of love and material and spiritual help, as well as favorable circumstances. It’s simple: All the world loves a giver, and the giver loves all the world. Start today and join the Love University Altruism Team of loving individuals. Decide that you will make a positive difference every day of your life and you will have everything you need.
Monday Sep 14, 2020
LEARN THE 3 SECRETS OF HAPPINESS: FOREVER JOY CAN BE YOURS TODAY, RIGHT NOW.
Monday Sep 14, 2020
Monday Sep 14, 2020
You can be happy, despite the circumstances. No matter how much you have suffered in the past, you can learn now to be happy as a consistent habit. All you have to do is learn 3 time-tested, research-proven secrets of happiness: They are:
*Gratitude: Be thankful for the good that comes to you—from your loved ones, the Higher Nature, even strangers (help you on the side of the road). Keep a gratitude journal and write down three things you're grateful for every day: Your life, family, friends, career, hobbies, talents and interests; for the air, sunshine, birds, and trees—everything you can think of. Research shows that keeping a gratitude journal increases your happiness by 30% and improves your sleep by 40%. Try it this week and notice the difference in your daily mood.
*Joyful Optimism: Optimism comes from the root word, “Optimus,”—"the best." When you are optimistic, you expect the best; you anticipate that things will work out well for you; you feel that “I am going to be OK.” Research shows that optimistic people are also luckier in life. They’re more likely to win the lottery, make money in business deals, pick the right love partner and friends, and make the best health and financial decisions. Because they are more open to experience, and can turn problems into possibilities, they are more flexible, motivated, and perseverant. As a result, they usually get better results and are happier.
*Forgiveness: Forgiveness erases the pain of your past. When you forgive others for wrongs committed against you, you liberate yourself from resentment, anger, and hatred. Although you may have nothing more to do with those who hurt you, you are forgiving them so you can be mentally free of them and the harms they committed against you. By doing this, you can move on with your life with a free and positive mind. Although you may be able to forgive others, one of the hardest things to do is to forgive yourself—for your flaws, mistakes, and blunders. You are probably your harshest critic. Start today to forgive yourself for all of your real or imagined errors. Realize that there is no need to regret your past mistakes. The truth is that you can only act at your current level of psychological awareness. When you’re in 6th grade, you make 6th grade mistakes; now that you’re in college (higher level of psychological development), you won’t make the same mistakes. Resolve that you will learn from your errors and grow as a human being—looking forward, not backward, to a bright and promising future.
There you have it: Practice the 3 Secrets of Happiness today and live with joy and success. Let us know your results by writing to us at loveuniversitylove@gmail.com. To get your copy of the 3 Secrets of Happiness go to Amazon at shorturl.at/mwD89. We welcome your success stories.
Thursday Sep 03, 2020
Thursday Sep 03, 2020
In our world of turmoil and strife, we need more positivity; more miracles, more loving energy—to lighten our minds and lift our spirits. Recently, Wendell Miracle, happiness influencer and author, appeared on Love University and inspired us with his story of triumph over tragedy. Born in The Philippines, when Wendell became a US citizen he decided to change his last name to “Miracle” because he wanted to be an inspiration to many suffering people worldwide. After losing his beloved mother to breast cancer, and being broke and suicidal, Wendell transformed his life by giving to others through his inspirational pieces of advice, Hope Nuggets (#hopenuggets) on Instagram. Here are some of the Hope Nuggets we discussed on the show:
- Gratitude is your magic elixir. Research shows that keeping a gratitude journal—writing three things you’re grateful for every day—can reduce your depression by 30% and improve your sleep by 40%. When Wendell wakes up each morning, he gives thanks for two gifts—his eyes—and then proceeds to list all of the things he’s grateful for: his bed, toothpaste, car, life, friends, family, health, career, spirituality, and so on. As a result, he feels constantly blessed and joyful. If you’re feeling down, start a Gratitude Journal and write down all of the things that you’re grateful for, starting with your life, loved ones, and so forth. When you bring more gratitude into your life on a consistent basis, you will uplift your mood and reclaim your spirit of positivity.
- Use generosity as a reversal to eradicate feelings of deprivation and sadness. When you’re feeling sad or lonely, and engaging in self-pity, there is a sure-fire solution: Go out and help people, be generous, and give them what you believe you are lacking. If you’re lonely and want love, find the loneliest person in the room and cheer them up with loving energy. If you’re lacking finances, give time or money to a charity or a needy person. Being generous when you feel you have nothing to give will transform your mindset—from a mentality of lack and scarcity to one of glorious abundance. When you give loving energy to others, you realize that you already have love inside you. After all, you can’t give something you don’t already have. If you are short of money, yet give money or practical resources to others, you start to stimulate a prosperity mindset in yourself. You begin to believe that there is enough money to go around. You will understand how the world is an abundant place where there is constant growth: there can always be more money, more creativity, and more love.
- Love and forgive yourself. You may be able to forgive others, but you probably find it difficult to forgive yourself—for your mistakes, inadequacies, and weaknesses. Yet, one of the most important elements of success and happiness is to be compassionate with yourself—to love yourself enough to forgive your past errors and blunders. When you are self-compassionate you accept yourself as you are—with your strengths and weaknesses. You also realize that you can contribute a great deal to the world if you utilize your Don—your God/nature-given talent or gift—to help others. It’s also important that you take good care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs—don’t neglect your health just to get more work done or to meet other people’s expectations. On a regular basis, take time for self-care. Get a massage or facial, spend time with loved ones, do your favorite hobby, engage in an exercise or spiritual practice; take a break from working too hard and just relax. When you love and take care of yourself, you will have more energy and ability to love and help others. In fact, the most selfless thing you can do is to nurture and reenergize yourself so you're able to redirect your loving and nurturing energy outwardly to others.
- Say “I am” and follow it with great things. The words “I am” are very powerful. What follows them can determine your greatness or futility in life. When you say, “I am sick,” “I am ugly,” “I am poor,” or “I am unloved,” you will plant these self-defeating thoughts in your mind, and you will tend to act accordingly: Sick, unattractive, poor, and unloved. On the other hand, when you add powerful and uplifting words to the “I am” sentence, you will be uplifted and encouraged. You will say, “I am healthy.” “I am rich—both materially and spiritually.” I am loved.” When you speak positives after “I am” your entire mindset changes—from futility to success; from scarcity to abundance; from fear and doubt to love and optimism. The sky is the limit when you add powerful statements of success, love, and happiness to “I am.”
- Do your car dance daily. Wendell shared one of his secrets of success—he became the top 1% salesman in his company by doing one simple thing daily: the Car Dance. In the morning after his prayers, Wendell gets into his car and starts dancing and celebrating as if he just had the best sales day of his life. Wendell has a great time dancing to his favorite songs as he imagines the success he has already had during the day. With his car dance, Wendell fine-tunes his mental antenna to receive only positive messages during the day. Although there are days when the sales don’t come, and success seems distant, he still celebrates with the car dance. He knows that his faith and confidence will be rewarded. He trusts in the goodness of life and his Higher Nature to bring him the results he needs as long as he "Keeps dancing.”
Now it’s your turn to have a magical week. Try out the tips we discussed, and you will see how bright and successful your life can become. Here are the four keys again: Practice gratitude daily. Use generosity as a reversal to give loving energy to others without expectation. Love and forgive yourself—be self-compassionate and take care of your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. And top it all off with a daily Car Dance—in the morning, afternoon, or evening. When you dance in your car in celebration and joy, you’re not just dancing for yourself. You’re also dancing for the world of people—for them to prosper, enjoy, and love. In the end, your dance becomes a joyous song of love that reverberates throughout the universe and before all creation: Dance and the whole world dances with you.
Wednesday Aug 26, 2020
Wednesday Aug 26, 2020
Thursday Aug 20, 2020
Thursday Aug 20, 2020
Imagine if your soul mate had terminal cancer and were about to die soon—would you marry them? That is exactly what our amazing guest on Love University, Ashley Jackson, did when her fiancé, Troy, was diagnosed with stage 4 nasal cancer—two months after he proposed to her. Not only did they marry, but they are still happily married three years later and Troy has made a full recovery. Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom we learned from Ashley on how to survive and thrive when hearing about a loved one’s terminal diagnosis:
*Match and lead. When a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness, shock, anger, and despair often follow. The loved one may feel like they have a “death sentence” and that their life has ended. Regardless of how they feel, it’s important that you initially match their feelings. If they are sad, you can have empathy for their sadness, and you will speak slower and in a more somber tone to mirror their depleted energy. When they are more optimistic, you can match their optimism and speak in a brighter and cheerier tone. Being sensitive to your loved one’s feeling is part of being empathetic—putting yourself in their shoes. If you try to cheer them up too soon, they may not react well to it because they are mired in a lower emotional state (sadness). The key is to mirror their emotions (match how they are feeling)—whether sad, hopeful, fearful, or peaceful. Then, once you have met them at their emotional level, you can slightly elevate your response. You can offer them your own positive emotions, including optimism and faith, to raise their emotional state. Remember, however, that you will only upgrade your emotional reaction—smile, laugh, joke, be positive—when your loved one is ready to receive it.
*Jump out of the box and live fearlessly. When we hear about a loved one’s cancer diagnosis, or other catastrophic news, the tendency is to give in to fear, worry, and anxiety. Yet, Ashley counsels us to jump out of the small box that fear tries to put us in. You need to realize that life is meant to be lived with love, faith, and courage, and that you can express those sentiments, despite the fear that tries to grip you. Make a list of all the things you want to do with your loved one, including traveling, learning a new skill or hobby, starting a business project or venture, helping others, or trying a new experience. As long as your loved one is physically able to do so, give it a try. Maybe you can throw them a special “life” party, celebrating their life and love. Or, you can take them on a fun treasure hunt on the beach or participate in fun outings and get- togethers with loving family and supportive friends. The important thing is to bring loving energy and fun into your activities together as you recognize that love is the perfect antidote to fear; and joy is the ideal cure for despair.
*Don’t be Happy, Be Joyful. Ashley tells us about a fascinating reversal: Don’t seek to be happy with your loved one—focus on being “in joy” with them. When you’re happy, you need something to “happen” for you to maintain that feeling. Your loved one needs to do or say something that you want them to do or say; this is a form of conditional love that depends on their words and actions matching exactly what you want of them. On the other hand, when you are in joy with your loved one—whether it’s a love partner, child, family member, animal, or close friend—you simply love being with them; you have joy when you’re together. When this happens, you are in the moment in your joyfulness and love—and simply say, “Wow.” With this type of loving energy without expectation, there is never a thought that you will leave that person (or animal)—or that they will leave you—your loving energy is what will always keep the two of you together, even in the plane beyond this life.
In the end, Ashley concludes, love is what helps you pull through whatever ails you in life. She says that her husband, Troy, always tells her that it was her love that made all the difference in his recovery. He says: “I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for you.” Take the example of Ashley and Troy to heart and remember to say “I love you” to your loved ones every time you leave them. In this way, you won’t have the regret that you didn’t say it often enough while they were here on this earth. Keep the love alive in your heart every day, and you will never lose the most important things: the memories of your loved one, the joy you shared, and the positive difference you made in the world by the example of your love.
Wednesday Aug 12, 2020
THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP: HOW GOOD FRIENDS CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE
Wednesday Aug 12, 2020
Wednesday Aug 12, 2020
Friends can save your life. Aristotle, the great philosopher once said: “In poverty and other misfortunes in life, true friends are a sure refuge.” When you’re feeling down, depressed, or worried, an empathetic and supportive friend can be the balm you need to soothe your mind and get you back on track—helping you survive and thrive in times of turmoil. Loneliness—disconnection from self, others, and a higher nature—is one of the biggest problems and diseases in the world. Our primary mission at Love University is to eradicate loneliness by building a community of like-minded “Love Givers.” Research indicates that having strong social support can reduce loneliness, which in turn, lowers dementia and blood pressure, while increasing self-confidence, gratitude, and optimism, and even helping you live longer. In our difficult and turmoil-filled world, we need great friends to combat social isolation and loneliness. With loving and committed friends motivating us to be our best, we can prosper and enjoy life to the fullest. Here are some ways to have more amazing friends in your life:
*Assess Your Friendship Level. Make an inventory of your circle of friends. On a pad, tablet, or journal write down your total number of friends and rate their level of emotional closeness, from 1 to 100. You might have 2 100 level friends (long-term, emotionally close friends), 4 at the 80 level (close friends), and 7 at the 50 level (acquaintances). Or, if you’re Introverted (enjoy your alone time), you might have lower numbers. Regardless of your number and quality of friends, your next step is to decide if you want to increase either the number and/or the quality of your friends. Perhaps, you decide to reach out to new people by joining groups of like-minded individuals (science, psychology, crafts, politics, business). Or you may want to reconnect with old friends from school, work, church, or the neighborhood that you haven’t spoken to in a while. As your measure your friend circle, you will be able to make improvements in the number and quality of your friends so you can have stronger and more enjoyable social support.
*Be a Friend to Yourself. One of the most important keys to having good friends is to be a friend to yourself. This means that you fully understand, accept, embrace, and love yourself as you are—with all your foibles, weaknesses, and idiosyncrasies. When people are isolated and lonely, they tend to get down on themselves—they criticize, attack, and reject themselves, saying “I’m not worthy of love and success.” On the other hand, when you’re a friend to yourself, you focus on your good qualities and how much you can contribute to others and the world. Although you recognize your needed areas of improvement, you concentrate on loving yourself for who you are right now—at this very moment. You say to yourself, “I am lovable, and I can be a great friend to others; I deserve the friendship and love of others.” When you think like this, a miraculous door to friendship opens, as you attract people by the power of your personality and the depth of your loving energy.
*Look Within the Person. Many times we judge too quickly. We meet a new person and immediately form an impression of them: jerk, cool, attractive, nice, arrogant. Yet, we may make a superficial assumption and reject a person who could have been a great friend to us (or perhaps more, even a romantic partner). In psychology, this quick to judge attitude is known as “Primacy Effect,”—the idea that first impressions are the only impression. Have you ever met someone you initially thought was mean, unkind, or harsh, and then later you turned out to be totally wrong about them? Perhaps, when you met the person they were having a bad day—they just had a fight with their love partner or coworker. Later, you became better acquainted with them, and you learned that they were a wonderful person and loyal friend. When you meet people, start to look beneath your initial impression and give them the benefit of the doubt—get to know the real person. You may be pleasantly surprised that underneath that initially sour persona lies a wonderful and loving person who can be a great friend to you.
*Extend Loving Energy Without Expectation. This is one of the greatest secrets of Love University (or LoveQ): Loving others without expecting anything in return. When you smile at other people, say “Hi,” pay them sincere compliments, help them, and listen to them with empathy (putting yourself in their shoes), you are extending loving energy to them. Your goal is to give love without expecting anything in return—not a smile, “hello,” or even response. You do this because you have loving energy inside you, and you are simply extending what you already have. If someone doesn’t reciprocate, you simply extend your loving energy elsewhere. Eventually, you will connect with friends who harmonize with your loving energy and return it in kind. In psychology this is known as “Reciprocal Liking”—we tend to like people who like us first. You will be the one to make the first friendship move—without fear of rejection or judgement. You will open the door for a select number of compatible and loving people to enter your life with the power of your loving energy (LoveQ). Once this happens, your world will overflow with wonderful and caring friends and you will gladly share your joy and love with others.
It is possible to have compassionate, loving, and loyal friends—no matter how old you are, or what your situation is in life. Even if you have a mate, children, and other family members, it’s still important to have a friend who deeply understands and embraces who you really are. If you’re an Introvert (get more energy from your own thoughts), you may need fewer friends, but you still want to have a few deep and close relationships. When friendship permeates your world, you will have the security, comfort, and emotional support you need to develop your talents and share them with others. This week decide that you will make a new quality friend, and that you will be a loyal and loving friend to those who are already in your life. When you befriend the world, the world will love you in return.
Thursday Jul 30, 2020
Thursday Jul 30, 2020
Many people believe that leaders are born, not made. Yet, the truth is that most people become leaders because they are chosen by the people who see them as leaders. Their followers see the leader as authentic and strong and capable of leading them in the right direction. In our uncertain and topsy-turvy world, we need more strong leaders, including in our families, to help guide us to a place of security, peace, and love. Our special guest, Natasha Todorovic-Cowan, owner of the groundbreaking Spiral Dynamics system, shared valuable insights how to be a capable and loving leader in uncertain times. Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom we learned from Natasha:
*Good leaders know who they can lead. A successful leader is only as good as the fit between themselves and the people they lead. When a great leader moves to a new context—work, social, or political environment—they are only effective 50% of the time. The reason? Just because they were successful in one context (situation) doesn’t mean they will have equally good results in another. It all depends on the match between themselves and the people they lead. Therefore, a good leader needs to be constantly aware of how their leadership style (sensitive, tough, etc.) fits with the people they are leading. If there is not a good fit, the leader needs to adjust their style or find new people to lead.
*Successful leaders are polite, caring, and empathetic With a rise in incivility in business and work harassment incidents, it seems like the workplace has become a psychological war zone where people are trying to emotionally survive. In fact, 70% of employees say they would rather see their boss fired than get a raise. Consequently, the quality leader knows how to be polite and caring—to demonstrate empathy and put themselves in the shoes of their employees. By doing so, they are able to understand their employee’s concerns and find ways to help them be more comfortable, confident, and productive.
*Great leaders tap into a person’s “Zone of Genius.” All of us have a special talent or ability, "a zone of genius," even if we don’t recognize it. You may be good with numbers, words, concepts, working with your hands, sales, or taking care of people. Whatever your talent is, your “Don” (from the phrase “Don Divino—gift from God) is what makes you uniquely “You” and can activate your passion for excellence. The intelligent leader knows how to discover and encourage each person’s unique gift or talent. Although 75% of managers say they are satisfied with the talent utilization of their subordinates, only 30% of employees said they are fully using their abilities. The key, therefore, is for the business leader to pinpoint their employee’s greatest strength and encourage them to develop it. Likewise, a parent can be a great leader by helping a child discover and nurture their gift or talent. Also, parents need to find a balance between being a “Tiger mom or dad”—forcing discipline and practice on a child—and being too easy-going (permissive): spoiling the child and letting them do anything they want to do (play video games all day). Being a gentle and empathetic encourager of the child, while setting limits to instill discipline and hard work, is the best way for a parent to lead a child to fulfill their potential.
In difficult and fearful times, we need more strong leaders—in business, government, education, science, religion/spirituality—and especially in our own families and communities. You, too, can be a strong leader if you believe in a good cause and find like-minded people to join you—individuals you can help empower to achieve their fullest potential. It can be as simple as leading your friend out of a bad habit or relationship, leading your child toward good study habits, or leading your employees and associates to produce more and love the work they do. And, most importantly, you need to learn how to lead yourself—to find what motivates and inspires you, and keep yourself on the right track toward positivity, love, and contribution. Lead yourself, and you can lead those around you, especially when you do it with love and compassion.
Thursday Jul 23, 2020
Thursday Jul 23, 2020
Who is your daily companion? Fear or Love? This is the fundamental question you need to answer on a daily basis. For many people, fear, worry, and stress are their daily tormenters—harassing them with the dark and catastrophic possibilities of what could go wrong in our uncertain and topsy-turvy world. Now there is hope in the form of love and miracle lessons, courtesy of our Love University friend, Alan Cohen, bestselling spiritual author and contributor to the inspirational Chicken Soup for the Soul series. Here some nuggets of wisdom that Alan shared with us on how to live our life like a miracle and receive the love and riches the universe has to offer us.
*Kill your ego. Our ego is the false perception of who we are—an accumulation of critical thoughts from our past, societies’ expectations, and labels (name, physical appearance, social status). According to Alan, we need to get rid of this false ego and substitute it for our true self: Our loving, powerful, and intuitive higher nature. You can do this by doing the things you love: a meditative/spiritual practice, spending time with loved ones—love partner, children, animals—doing creative and humanitarian work; making a contribution to the world. When you live from your higher self, your lower self of fear, doubt, and self-pity will disappear—leaving you free to be who you really are: A lover of life and others.
*End the world. In our current world crisis, some people fear that the world is going to actually end—in a physical sense: Destruction, war, pestilence, and mass death are their predictions. Yet, according to Alan, that is not the end of the world we need or want. What is required is that we end the false world (our mistaken mental image) of fear, hate, sadness, and division—leaving behind the previous nasty world of strife, fear, and pain. Instead, says Alan, we need to ask (pray) for a new world—one of peace, unity, and humanhood. By asking for a miracle—a transformative collective change of mind—we can bring the positive elements of love, compassion, and empathy into the earth and into our personal lives as well.
*Love attracts riches. Many people have money and wealth all wrong. They think that if they have money, they will find happiness, love, or peace. Alan explains that we need a reversal. We need to feel and express love, and then the money and prosperity will come to us. "Do what you love and the money will flow to you" is a classic, but true, statement. Be generous and give your customers, clients, employees, and associates more than they expect, and you will receive abundance in return—maybe not from the person you gave to, but from some other source you didn’t expect. The truth is that the universe rewards you when you use money as a form of loving energy. When you buy a product or service you want, you pay for it with this symbol called “money.” When you see money as a form of loving energy, instead of merely a financial transaction, you visualize yourself expressing gratitude and love for the product or service you just received. Then, the person who receives your money can feel gratitude and appreciation for what you gave them. Now, they can use that money to buy products and services with loving appreciation. On and on, this loving money energy is spread around the world and becomes an instrument for contribution, comfort, and joy to the earth’s inhabitants.
*Give up struggle; burn with the fire of purpose. In our workaholic, 24-7 technology society, it is commonly believed that we have to struggle, sacrifice, and suffer pain to accomplish our dreams and goals. That is false, says Alan. The word “struggle” refers to a mentality, not an action. It is a mindset based on fear, chasing, and insecurity—in which you frantically strive after things, people, and outcomes without knowing when you can ever rest. Struggle is a painful mindset. On the other hand, hard work toward a beloved goal is action combined with faith and vision. You can accomplish great things if you work hard, persevere, and overcome obstacles from the perspective of celebrating your vision—building a great family or career (business), fulfilling your creative (spiritual) potential, leaving a legacy of love and goodness. In reality, struggle is not required for success; in fact, it can debilitate you and take away your energy. What is needed is that you burn with your purpose in life—your meaning for being here on earth—while at the same time relaxing and allowing your Higher Nature (God, spirit, reality) to bring you the things you really need. Working in partnership with your Higher Nature, you can have the best of both worlds: a calm, secure, and peaceful mind that is still determined, hardworking, and achievement-oriented. When you achieve this ideal balance, obstacles will evaporate before your very eyes, and you will see the results you want sooner than you could ever have imagined.
*Practice inward comparison. Mark Twain said, “Comparison is the death of joy.” Yet many people compare themselves with others to try to feel better. Social psychology tells us about upward and downward comparison. When people compare themselves to another person who is doing better than them, they’re likely to feel inferior in comparison. When they compare themselves to someone who is doing worse (making less money, less attractive spouse, smaller house), they’re likely to feel better—until the next person comes along who has more than they do. When they live from outer comparison, they will undoubtedly end up feeling shaky and insecure—always looking over the shoulder to see if the next comparison will be in their favor. The solution is to practice inward comparison—only compare yourself to yourself. Ask yourself: How much have I improved, grown, or learned since my previous days? Perhaps, you still need to grow and improve, but chances are, you can point out some areas where you are better, or at least grateful, for what you have. Think of your accomplishments, successes, and lessons learned—be grateful for your talents, your loved ones, your experiences. The more you compare yourself to your own inner growth, the more positive you will feel about your life and the more motivated you will be to achieve even more.
Yes, you can live a miraculous life worth living, despite the turmoil and uncertainty of the world. By ending your false perception of yourself and the world, and substituting a vision of love, contribution, and unity, you can start to achieve your fullest potential and help others achieve theirs. Along the way, you will reverse your old way of thinking: You will relax instead of struggle, give instead of frantically trying to receive, love instead of waiting to be loved. Once you do this, you will realize that the miracle was inside you all along: Love has always been your companion; the door to miraculous living has always been open. All you have to do is walk through the entrance and claim the world of joy, happiness, and contribution that belongs to you.
Wednesday Jul 08, 2020
Wednesday Jul 08, 2020
In our frenzied and turbulent world, many of us are becoming more frustrated and angrier by the day. How do you recapture your peace, calmness, and love in the frustrating and lonely environment we are currently living in? Here are some tips to reclaim your peace, joy, and love in today’s upside down world:
*Analyze your anger and frustration. Write down the things that make you mad—your anger triggers—and rate them from 1 to 100. Perhaps, you’re ticked off by rude people, traffic jams, waiting in lines, or mechanical failures (car, phone, computer). Once you’ve identified your anger triggers, note how often you experience them and how angry they make you feel.
*Ask yourself the question: Am I about to act from my higher self? When you’re tempted to explode with anger at one of your triggers, ask yourself if you’re acting from your highest, most noble, peaceful, and loving self. Or, are you lowering yourself to the level of an animalistic and lack of control person who is whipsawed by aggression? Will you regret what you are about to say or do?
*Give yourself a space between frustration and reaction. If you recognize that your lower, primitive instincts are kicking in, then you need to take a “time out,” –remove yourself mentally or physically from the anger-provoking situation. Take a deep breath, pause, go exercise, or take a walk in nature. If you’re in the midst of an angry argument with a loved one, tell them that you’re getting heated and are going to be gone for a while—shopping, exercising, walking. Explain that you will pick up the conversation when you are calmer and more relaxed. Doing so will help you avoid saying and doing things you will later regret, and allows you to return with a calmer and more peaceful mind to resolve the conflict.
*Create a calm down kit. Get a nice box and put all the things you can think of that can help you relax and calm down when you’re feeling stressed, angry, or frustrated. Perhaps, you can include rocks that have special significance to you, scented lotions, a picture of a beautiful landscape, a CD with soothing music, or spiritual writings. Create a nice “mental getaway” package that you can access anytime you’re feeling angry or stressed, and you will start to bring more relaxation and peace into your day.
*Express empathy. Empathy—putting yourself in the shoes of another—is one of the best antidotes to feeling frustrated and angry toward others. When someone cuts you off on the road, or drives too slowly, instead of yelling at them, put yourself in their shoes. Maybe, they’re having a bad day—perhaps, they just had a fight with their spouse, are worried about their children, or are concerned about financial or health issues. You may not know exactly what they’re going through, but you can give them the benefit of the doubt, with your desire to understand them as an imperfect human being (just like you) who is trying to live as best they can. With this empathetic understanding, you are less likely to harshly judge and get angry at them—you can replace your anger with kindness and compassion—bringing love into the situation. When you do this, your own out of control anger will be healed, and you will bring a peaceful conclusion to the encounter.
Yes, it is possible to live with a minimal amount of frustration and anger. It’s true that some anger can be useful to right wrongs and protect the defenseless; a certain amount of frustration can motivate you to get off your rear and do what you need to do. Yet, many times, frustration and anger develop a negative momentum of their own—causing havoc in your health, relationships, and self-esteem. If you learn how to monitor and control your anger reactions, while extending loving energy instead of unproductive aggression, you can take a great step toward recapturing your love, joy, and peace. With more love and joy in your mind and heart, you can offer your loving energy to others and help bring the collective consciousness of the world to a higher frequency of love and compassion.
Friday Jul 03, 2020
Friday Jul 03, 2020
Can you live without your phone? Today, an increasing number of people say they can’t. 81% of people have their phone on all the time, 44% fall asleep with their phone, and 67% look at it even when it doesn’t vibrate or ring. Moreover, a significant number of people have “Nomophobia”—a fear of not having their phone or phone service that causes them to have withdrawal symptoms like a drug; they become anxious, irritable, and miserable.
Although a phone can connect you to an amazing world of opportunities, it can also make you addicted to using it so you miss out on other wonderful parts of life like family, leisure and creative activities, physical exercise, and a meditative/spiritual practice. Here are some tips on how to be the master of your phone instead of letting your phone control you:
*Be aware of how much time you spend on the phone: The average person spends 8 hours a day on their phone or laptop. Find an app that tracks the time you spend on your phone, and determine if it’s excessive, or if you’re spending too much time doing certain things that are not very productive for you (video games, social media, YouTube binging). Ask yourself on a daily basis: “Is what I’m doing life-taking or life-enhancing?” You may be surprised to discover that you’re spending several hours a day on “life-taking” activities—watching mindless video entertainment, repeatedly checking social media profiles, ingesting negative news—instead of on “life-enhancing” things like writing a book, redecorating your house, learning a new skill, practicing your favorite hobby, contributing to charity, or spending quality time with loved ones.
*Recondition your phone use for a positive purpose. If you track your phone use and determine that you’re wasting a lot of time on unproductive activities, decide that you will alter your phone use to more beneficial things. You can install an app that helps you meditate, or a notification that tells you it’s time to exercise, read, or listen to music. At the same time, you can use an app that turns notifications off for a certain period of time, and eliminates phone distractions, so you can focus on rewarding activities like spending time with your family, playing with animals or children, or simply relaxing without any technology around.
*Take a phone fast. Although it may sound difficult or even impossible to do, you can take a “fast” and turn off your devices for a period of time. You may decide to be phoneless for an hour or a few hours, or even a day. Of course, when you do this, you can make sure that you have alternative forms of communication in case of an emergency. The good part about a phone fast is that you will discover an interesting fact: Most of the messages and emails you receive aren’t that important or urgent. It’s true that many people have a lottery mentality when it comes to their phone—they hope the next text or message could be my “dream date saying ‘yes’,” or “a great financial or career opportunity.” Yet, most of the time, you get junk messages and emails or everyday communications that aren’t that urgent or important. On the other hand, when you take a phone fast, you will reap the benefits—you will be more sociable, creative, aware, and relaxed—and best of all, you will feel in control of your life.
Yes, your phone can be a marvelous tool in many ways. It can bring you new opportunities in love, finances, business, health, and travel. It can help you connect with friends and family who live far away; it can guide you on where you need to go, what restaurant or movie to select, how to find the best worker, employee, or helper. It can teach you valuable things and help improve your health and happiness. But, the phone can also detract from your life—decreasing your ability to focus on just one task, overstimulating your mind, taking you away from real human connection, and making you feel more impatient, irritable, and overwhelmed.
The good news is that you can find a good balance—a middle ground—in which you are able to use your phone as a tool for growth, enjoyment, and connection, while giving yourself an occasional break from digital life to engage with real people in the real world. Remember that your mind is the most powerful tool you have—your phone is simply an extension of your thoughts, and you can control your phone just as you control your mind. And most importantly, you can recognize that one of the most important uses of the phone is to bring people together—in the spirit of harmony and caring—as we become one world and one mind propelled by the ultimate source: the power of love.
Tuesday Jun 23, 2020
Tuesday Jun 23, 2020
If you had a gigantic magic wand that could give you anything you wanted, what would you suddenly change in your life and the world? Perhaps, you would create more love, joy, and peace. Or, you would materialize more success, prosperity, and goodwill. Now, you can use your mental magic wand to achieve what you desire. All you have to do is follow a few steps given to us by our special guest on Love University: Bernandette Giacomazzo, publicist extraordinaire, author, music journalist, and digital content queen. Here are some of the secrets to help you accomplish your greatest mission in life:
*Recognize that what unites us is greater than what divides us. In times of turmoil, it’s important to remind ourselves that we and our fellow humans have more in common than we have differences. We all seek love, want to take care of our families, enjoy life, make a contribution, and leave behind something of value. Although we also have worries, fears, regrets, sadness, and suffer losses, as humans we can unite to help each other during troubled times and uplift one another in a family of humanhood. Start today by thinking of how you can connect with others based on similarities. Talk to someone from a different background—find out what you have in common and develop a friendship based on mutual interests. Get involved in charitable and humanitarian ventures in which you help the disadvantaged and make like-minded friends who also share a desire to help the world. The more people you connect with others based on deep core values, the stronger relationships you will have and the more you will feel like you are part of a great genuine human family of love and caring.
*Control technology, don’t let it control you. Like anything else that brings pleasure, technology can be an addiction. The problem with an addiction—whether it’s based on substance, relationships, food, or technology—is that once you are hooked, you now have two problems. You have the original problem that drove you toward the addiction, and now you have the problem of addiction. The key is to see technology—cell phones, internet, devices—as simply tools, blank slates that you can use anyway you like. Use technology to help, create, and connect, instead of wasting your time with gossip, social comparison, and dwelling on negative news. Decide that your mental freedom is more important than any temporary technology thrill, and apportion your life accordingly. One way to do this is to take a technology fast—turn off your devices for a certain period of time (one hour, several hours, all day). Then, do something different: spend time with your love partner, play with your children or animals, take a walk in nature, engage in a spiritual or creative process; engage in a hobby you enjoy. Your goal is to establish a new connection with your true, authentic self, and release the energy and passion that comes from doing what you love to do. Now, when you go back to your technology, you will be refreshed and ready to take on the world—confident in your knowledge that you have mastery over your mind and nothing can get in the way of your true passion and authenticity.
*Speak the universal language of love. At the end of the day, our greatest desire is to give and receive love, whether it’s from our loved partner, family, work, friends, or higher power. When you start your day, plant this idea in your mind: “I will make love the basis of everything I do—from sunrise to sunset.” With this mindset, you will love what you do for work (or you will find work you love). You will love your children, love partner, animals, nature, friends, neighbors, and higher power. You will love to take care of your home—cleaning and organizing it—and love to prepare healthy meals that improve your health and nourish you (and your loved ones). Always remember that love is the essential ingredient that makes food taste better, relationships more enriching, work more joyous, and contributing and helping society so magnificent. On a daily basis, seek to extend loving energy without expectation: Smile, give sincere compliments, listen attentively, and give practical and emotional advice when needed. Do all of this without expecting anything back from others. You extend loving energy because that is who you are inside, not because of any results you want to obtain or approval you want to gain. As you give out this pure, unfiltered love, you will become a stronger and more united human being and you will see that your love is often given back to you by the universe—in often mysterious and unexpected ways (you help a stranger who becomes a dear friend). In the end, you think with love, speak with love, act with love, and dream with love. There is nothing else that exists in you.
Yes, you can ruthlessly promote the causes of love, joy, and success. While some people push the agenda of negativity, greed, selfishness, and criticism, you will be different. You will speak the universal language of love, unite with other like-minded humans, and master the things that pull you away from your true authenticity. In the end, you will achieve your highest potential, and you will be a warrior for love, peace, and genuine, lasting contribution.
Wednesday Jun 17, 2020
Wednesday Jun 17, 2020
Imagine being next to the most notorious female serial killer in history and having compassion for her. That is exactly how Dr. Pablo Zaragoza, chief medical doctor in the Florida prisons, felt when he attended to serial killer, Aileen Wuornos, the wicked inspiration for the Academy Award winning performance by Charlize Theron in “Monster.” Dr. Zaragoza, also an award-winning novelist with over 21 books published joined us on Love University and shared his secrets of love, compassion, and empowerment, even in the worst of circumstances. Here are some of the fascinating tips he gave us:
*Listen with empathy. Everyone, even the most notorious killer, was a child at one time in their lives. Although they may lack empathy due to narcissistic/sociopathic tendencies, there was a time in their lives when they had innocence and naturalness. When you deal with difficult or annoying people, remember that there is a soft spot somewhere within that person—a wound or hurt feeling that you can tap into by listening with full attention and empathy (putting yourself in their shoes). The more you listen with empathy, the better you will be able to connect with others and build a conduit of love where none existed before.
*Guard your sensitivities. At the same that you are compassionate and empathetic to others, you also recognize that you have to protect your emotional nature, especially if you’re a naturally sensitive and giving person. You will be aware when a person has dangerous or manipulative intentions toward you, and you will redirect your loving energy to a different place—you will leave or detach yourself from the negative person or situation. At the same time, you will extend your love to people and situations that will reciprocate in kind and provide you with a safe and secure place to plant your loving energy.
*There is hope where there is faith. In his book, Armageddon, about demon possession, the Prince of Hell comes to earth to possess the souls of human in a desperate bid for its own redemption. The humans who are invaded don’t give up; they fight against the forces of evil to recapture hope in the hopeless. On an everyday basis, possession—being taken over by an uncontrollable force—is not usually done by actual demonic forces, but by the person’s own wrongly fixated thoughts: self-criticism, bad habits, and addictions. According to Dr. Pablo, we can rewire our brains with positive elements—faith, love, spiritual practice, service to humanity—to drown out the negative inner voices of the Thought Demons (critical inner thoughts) that torment us. We can tap into the power of our Higher Nature (God, spirit, destiny) to increase our faith in the good and liberate ourselves from the dark forces of evil. We can be free if we choose to be free.
Dr. Pablo summarizes it nicely: Happiness, joy, and love are within your reach. All you have to do is recognize the authentic power within you as children of a Higher Nature. Live simply, help people, and find a passion that drives you, and you can free yourself from the negative people and situations that control you. With a few simple shifts in your thoughts and actions, you can master your mind and live a glorious life of love, peace, and power, no matter where you’ve been, no matter where you presently are in life. Practice faith, hope, and love, and you can be free from the mental prison that holds you. You can live joyfully—with absolute purpose and power.
Tuesday Jun 09, 2020
Tuesday Jun 09, 2020
Are you single and feel stuck at home—unable to find your soul mate or a quality dating partner? Now, there is a new way to date and find a compatible mate utilizing features in Facebook that are geared to singles and dating. We had our good friend, acclaimed dating psychologist, Paulette Sherman, on Love University, as she spoke to us about her new book, Facebook Dating, and advanced dating techniques for finding the right one. Here are some tips Paulette shared with us:
*Do Conscious Dating. Think of each date as a growing experience in your love consciousness. You can learn from even a lousy date. You learn what you don’t want so you can find the partner who is truly compatible with you. Try meditating before and after a date and get clear about the things about that person that triggered you—either in a positive or negative way. Maybe, you become aware that you’re unconsciously attracted to “bad boys” or “dramatic queens” just like your mom or dad. You see that they’re exciting at first, but then make you feel miserable and like your “walking on eggshells.” As you realize this, you can start to look for the steady and loving person who can provide emotional safety and comfort in the relationship instead of excitement that quickly turns negative.
*Get Involved in Facebook Groups or Events That Resonate With Your Personality. In the LoveTypes approach (lovetype.com), singles learn how to identify their unique LoveType, or romantic style, and meet like-minded singles and a compatible partner. For example, you may be a Meaning Seeker (psychology, philosophy, arts, meaning in life), Excitement Seeker (fun, parties, outdoor adventures, travel), Security Seeker (family, country, tradition, community), or Knowledge Seeker (science, technology, business, achievement). To find someone who resonates with your style, you can participate in Facebook groups or events that match your personality interests. Your chances of finding a compatible love partner are much greater when you get involved in activities and discussions that match your deeply held values and interests because you will have a great deal in common with like-minded people.
*Utilize the Facebook Dating Features: Facebook has a lot of cool features for singles to meet each other and develop a relationship. These include the opportunity to ask questions and read people’s posts—doing so can give you a wealth of information about the other person and whether they are compatible with you. Security Seekers, for example, like to post about their children and family; whereas Knowledge Seekers like to post about their achievements or new developments in society. You can also reveal your secret crushes (and find out if they have a crush on you), create a bucket list (see if they match yours), and make a scrapbook with your relationship history—once you find the right one.
The secret to finding a compatible soul mate begins with understanding and loving yourself—recognize your unique personality and love style—and accept yourself for who you are. Then, use a platform like Facebook to get involved in groups, activities, and discussions that help you connect with quality, like-minded singles who share your interests and are compatible with you at the deepest level. The end result is that you will enjoy one of the most marvelous experiences known to humanity: True, lasting love that creates a legacy of light and goodness for all to see.
Tuesday Jun 02, 2020
Tuesday Jun 02, 2020
Is your husband or wife driving you crazy during these difficult stay-at-home times? Now, there’s a way to create a happy love partnership with the breakthrough Imago technology of Drs. Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt, NY Times bestselling authors of the classic, “Getting the Love You Want.” We were fortunate to have this amazing married couple (together 40 years) on Love University as they educated us on how to heal childhood wounds and create a love that lasts a lifetime. Let’s take a look at their wisdom for happy long-term relationships, even in times of stress and turmoil:
*Make an appointment with your partner: Instead of reacting emotionally to something your partner said or did (“You’re a jerk”), slow down your (and your partner’s) emotional reflexes by asking, “Is this a good time to talk?” By doing so, both of you can get into your rational brain (cerebral cortex) instead of reacting from the emotional part (amygdala) that is reactive and defensive. This makes for safer and nonjudgmental communication that can help both of you feel better about each other and the relationship.
*Be each other’s therapists: Through Imago training with a competent practitioner, you can learn how to heal your and your partner’s childhood wounds. According to Imago, we tend to pick a love partner who has the positive and negative qualities of the parent we had the most difficulties with. Therefore, you might pick a cold man just like your distant father, or an overprotective woman like your emotionally unhealthy mother. The first step to develop a healthy relationship is for the partners to help each other discover their inner childhood wounds. Then, they can help each other heal through communication and hands-on exercises designed to process their feelings and get their needs met in a safe and nonjudgmental environment.
*Express Empathy and Compassion toward your partner. In a set of structured communication Imago exercises, you can express empathy and compassion toward your mate by mirroring your partner (“I think what you’re saying is…Is there more?”), validating (“Makes sense”) and empathy (“You must be feeling…). In this way, the couple moves from competition to cooperation; from conflict to compassion. They can see each other’s points of view in a real way and have open and honest communication without the fear of being judged or criticized. Now they can have safe conversations that protect and enhance the relationship.
*Have a Negativity Free Agreement. One of the main things that saved Harville and Helen from divorce (yes, they were on the verge) was maintaining a “No Negativity Agreement.” For a certain period of time—hours, days, or more—you and your partner agree not to speak negatively or critically to each other. Most unhappy couples tend to say several negative things to each other for every positive statement they make (the reverse is true for happy couples). Some couples have nothing positive to say about each other at all. Yet, to have a happy marriage or long-term relationship, it’s important that you accentuate the positive—have fun, appreciation, and caring days; give each other unexpected surprises, and eliminate negative criticisms and complaints from your everyday conversation with your partner. When you want to work on something in the relationship, use the structured dialogue exercises mentioned above to communicate in a safe and nonjudgmental way in which hurts and pains are minimized and love is enhanced.
*Bring the Higher Nature into your relationship. Regardless of their religious or spiritual beliefs, most people recognize that there is something sacred and holy in the deepest and most fulfilling love relationships and marriages. Recognized by various terms, Imago Dei (image of God), agape (unconditional love), or light creation (leaving a legacy of goodness), the best relationships have this special and beautiful quality. When you allow the Higher Nature (God spirit, nature) into your relationship, it’s no longer just about two people as individuals; it’s about the sacred space between them—the all-encompassing representation of sacrificial love in which each person is willing to give their life for the welfare of their partner.
In these times of trouble and upheaval, there is a silver lining. We are moving toward an Omega point (spiritual unification) in which the whole world is coming together to fight common enemies (disease, hate, and inequality). In the same way, couples who have been fighting each other can find the unity and similarity within their uniqueness and create a love that is more than just romance and fairy tales. It is a love that stands the test of all time and leaves a legacy of light and goodness through the children created, the friends made, the experiences shared, and the contributions made. In the end, there is only one thing left when couples separate through circumstance or death: It is called Love.
Tuesday May 26, 2020
Tuesday May 26, 2020
Are you stuck in the house and yearning to find companionship, love, and intimacy? In our recent Love University visit with expert dating coach, Cheryl Besner, we learned some great tips for smart dating and finding a compatible soul mate. Here’s what we learned:
*Look for inner chemistry. While instant attraction is great, many times true long-term attraction and compatibility is a slow burn—starting with your head and growing into your heart. Find someone you can be great friends with—compatible, loyal, committed, and fun. You will find yourself growing more attracted to them over time as you develop a great and lasting relationship with your best friend.
*Be open to expressing your feminine/masculine side. In Eastern philosophy, “yang” represents the masculine part of us (assertive, protective, providing), while yin symbolizes the feminine side (yielding, receiving, nurturing). In dating, according to Cheryl, it’s a good idea for a woman to tap into both sides of her personality—at work, she can display yang (directive) traits, and on romantic encounters she can express her more yin (receptive) side to the men she meets; thereby resonating with her date’s masculine side. In the same way, men can learn how to express their yin (sensitive) side to women in the right circumstances, which can create a stronger bond.
*Move quickly from texts and email to video chatting. Too many singles get stuck in a “text” zone where they keep texting but never take the relationship further. Cheryl advises singles to video chat as soon as they can to check chemistry, connection, and authenticity (they are who they said they are), and then meet in person (as safety permits). In this way, singles can move into the phase of developing a real relationship instead of being stuck in a fantasy (imagination only) dating world.
There are no rules for dating—be authentic and true to yourself. Cheryl says the old dating rules—wait three days to call after a date and prepare to have sex after three dates—no longer apply. If you wait too long to call after the first date, the other person may think you’re not interested and may move on. If the couple feels pressured to have sex after three dates, they may not give their emotional intimacy a chance to grow, and their relationship may stagnate on the physical level. The best approach is to call after a date as soon as you feel the desire, while communicating in a polite and non-pushy way: “I really enjoyed meeting you; look forward to next time.” As for sex, it is recommended to wait until both parties feel a strong sense of intimacy and connection before they have sex so they can develop a more balanced and lasting relationship.
Dating is never easy, especially in our present times when we must remain socially isolated. Yet, there is hope for the single person who genuinely wants to find a compatible and long-lasting love partner. Looking for inner chemistry, moving the relationship into the personal meeting stage as soon as it’s safe, and remaining true and authentic to yourself—these are all keys for turning that first date into a potential soul mate. Remember, that encountering and keeping true love is a journey well worth taking.
Tuesday May 19, 2020
Tuesday May 19, 2020
In these stressful and challenging times, wouldn’t it be nice to just relax and be at peace? Now, you can do that, based on advice provided by our guest on Love University, Amanda J. Scott, international stress expert. Try these techniques and you can enjoy a more stress-free and relaxing life:
*Realize that some stress can be good. Not all stress is bad. Sometimes a little stress can motivate you to get off your rear and get something done. The key is to realize when you’re letting stress get to you in a negative way—paralyzing you and making you doubt yourself. When you feel frantic, rush, worried, and pressured, you know that bad stress is controlling you. When that happens, practice relaxation and self-care techniques to soothe your mind and body and re-energize your soul.
*Keep a Fear to Reality Journal. Bad stress is motivated by fear: The fear of losing something or someone, or the nagging worry that something bad will happen to you. The truth is that much of what you fear doesn’t happen to you in the way you imagined. To counteract the fantasy world of imagined fears, keep a Fear to Reality Journal, in which you write down all of your fears, and then note what actually happened. You will find that a high percentage of the time, there was nothing to fear in the first place—things often turned out perfectly fine, one way or another. Either what you feared didn’t happen, or you learned a valuable lesson. In either case, you are just fine.
*Practice Self-Care. Every day, do something to help your mind and body relax and rejuvenate. Exercise, meditate, pray, listen to music, play a sport, spend time with children or animals; take an excursion into nature; get a facial or massage; go on a shopping spree for clothes that make you feel good. Talk to a good friend; listen to and help people who are hurting. Volunteer for a charity; help a homeless person; work for a humanitarian organization. Do whatever you need to do to recharge your emotional batteries and get your mind and body back on track. The more you take care of yourself and do what you love, the less bad stress you will feel, and the more love you can give to yourself and others.
Yes, it is possible to live a minimally stressed life. Although some stress can help you perform better, too much stress can harm your health—causing you to experience heart problems, high blood pressure, migraines, and even an early death. On the other hand, when you master your fear and practice self-care, you can get rid of bad stress and live a relaxed and pleasurable life. With your new relaxed mindset, you can give to yourself the same thing you can offer others: peace, love, and understanding.
Wednesday May 13, 2020
Wednesday May 13, 2020
We just did the show of the decade with Neale Donald Walsch, modern day spiritual messenger, and NY Times bestselling author of Conversations with God, over two-and-a-half years on the bestseller list. In our times of turmoil and fear, Donald was gracious and loving in his answers as he taught us what God taught him: We are loved and can live joyfully, despite the circumstances. Here are some nuggets of wisdom we learned from the show:
*We’re spiritual beings having a physical body experience. When we’re tempted to feel angry at our partner, or sad about a setback, we can ask ourselves: “What does my reaction have to do with my soul agenda?” and “What would I do from my highest self?” Quickly, we see that our life has greater meaning than a momentary dispute or setback: We are souls in human clothes and our mission is to spread love and goodness in the world.
*Ask with Gratitude. God has one word in God’s vocabulary: “Yes.” When you ask for something, ask as if you are grateful for already receiving it (love, money, health, happiness), and God’s answer will be “Yes.” You will be asking from a prosperity mentality instead of one of lack, and you will receive what you already have (abundance).
*We are One: When Neale was homeless and suicidal at 50 years of age, he asked God for answers. God replied: “Your life is not about you; it’s about the people you touch.” Neale tells us that we can ask ourselves the question: “Is there anything going on over there that is happening here with me?” In this way, we can develop empathy—the ability to put ourselves in the shoes of another. As we are all now in the same position worldwide—isolated from our loved ones and treasured activities; worried about our health and finances—we recognize that we are all one. As humans, we share the same fears, doubts, joys, pleasures, and love for ourselves, our loved ones, and our Higher Nature. The more we recognize this unity of thought and spirit the more we can heal ourselves and the world.
According to Neale, we are all having conversations with God, although we may not always recognize or apply God’s wisdom (our intuition, genius, or hidden inner voice). During the current world crisis of isolation and fear, Neale’s message from God is enlightening and uplifting: We are loved, we can love, and we can be love. All we have to do is recognize our true authenticity as divine creations of a higher source. Our mission: to spread love and leave a lasting legacy of goodness on earth.