Love University with Dr. Alexander Avila

HOW TO BE FILTHY RICH WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY OR BAD ABOUT IT

Would you like to be rich—financially, emotionally, and spiritually?  When you are truly rich, in every sense of the word, you are able to help yourself, your loves ones, and society itself. You can express your true nature and live to the fullest. Yet, the term “riches” or “money” has negative connotations for some people. Some think rich people are greedy, arrogant, or unhappy (not true, wealthy businesspeople are surprisingly well-adjusted). Or they think that they can never enjoy financial security because of a limitation they have (often, it’s their poverty thinking). Here’s the good news: By studying the mindset of happy wealthy people, you can learn some of their secrets for enjoying both financial success and psychological health (love and joy).  Money, used rightly, can do many good things for yourself and others. Here are some wealth mentality tips you can apply to your life:

 

1.Determine your Rich Type. There are different personality types among the rich and wealthy.  Maybe you’re a “Thrillionaire”—if you were rich, you would use your money to enjoy the pleasures of life and show off your wealth—travel, enjoy fine dining and entertainment, buy fancy cars, mammoth homes, and expensive items. Or you could be the “Coolionaire”—you want your money to express your artistic tastes and desire for the beautiful—you would decorate your gorgeous house in a most elegant way, including the most prestigious art you can buy. Another possibility: You are the “Realionaire”—you are the realistic, down-to earth rich person (think Warren Buffet) who invests in big things, but is also practical and savings conscious. Your wealth reflects your low key and relaxed nature. Finally, you could be the Wellionaire—someone who uses your money to feel good and do good—contributing to charitable and philanthropic causes to leave the world a better place (consider Bill and Melinda gates and their humanitarian work).

2. Create a prosperity mental script. Many people grow up with a scarcity or poverty mentality, parroting statements and beliefs they heard growing up:  “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “Too much work, too little money.” Over time, these negativistic, poverty mentality phrases become embedded in your mind, and as an adult, you feel insecure or frustrated about money—you worry that you will never have enough. Yet, there is a better way to think: The Prosperity Mentality—believing that there is an abundance of money and resources in the world—and that you can access the money you need to accomplish your goals and dreams. Start by substituting poverty mental phrases for prosperity thoughts. You can write the new thoughts in a journal, tablet, or computer, or you can put them on your bathroom wall or somewhere you will see them daily.  Instead of “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” you will write, “Money grows abundantly from my ability to create good things for others.” Instead of “Too much work, too little money,” you will write, “A lot of love and joy from my work leads to an abundance of money.”  As you ingrain these new prosperity thoughts into your mind, you will see that your financial and money endeavors will flourish and you will be more prosperous than ever before.  

3. Think of Money as Loving Energy. In my book, “Invincible You,” I talk about a new way to look at money: as Loving Energy, or Loving Money Energy (LME).  When you do something you love for work, you receive money—paper or electronic—as an appreciation (love) of the value of the work you provided.  Then, you take that money and you send it to someone else for goods or services—as you spread your gratitude and love for what you are receiving.  Seen in this way, money is a form of loving energy that flows and passes from person to person, society to society, to provide goodness and satisfaction to those it touches.  Instead of thinking that you have to compete and fight for money, and fearing that you may lose it or not have enough, you realize that loving money energy has no limits and will keep circulating as long as you can utilize your talents for the good of others. For example, when you have a transaction with a merchant or storekeeper, consider that you are creating bonds of cheery affinity with that businessperson. With this mindset, you don’t always have to fight to get the lowest possible price; you may even overpay a little at times—as you realize that you are expressing love to this person by helping them with their finances. Maybe they’re putting a child through college or taking care of their frail elderly parent.  Although you want to get your money’s worth, and not be taken advantage of, this way of thinking actually will help you financially in the long-run. The merchant you gave a little extra money to may reciprocate by giving you a great deal on your next transaction. Or others who learn about your generosity will want to do business with you because they see that you are a fair-minded and empathetic person.

Yes, you can be rich—both in the material and spiritual sense. As a creation of the Higher Nature (God, spirit, nature), you are already rich—by virtue of being born into this world and being alive.  Every day, remind yourself of the things you are grateful for—your life, family, friends, pets, talents, career, hobbies, experiences, and the world itself.  When you do this, you will feel rich internally and you will project that wealth mentality outwardly—as you attract true financial and monetary riches.  You will also attract the greatest wealth of all: Love.

HOW TO MARRY AN "UGLY" PERSON (WITH A BEAUTIFUL SPIRIT) AND BE HAPPY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

They say beauty is only skin deep, but if it is, what really attracts you to a love partner?  Is it primarily someone’s looks, character, personality, faith, beliefs, or financial resources? New research provides insight into the true nature of dating, physical attraction, and long-term relationship success, and reveals interesting truths about how men and women choose to date and mate. Let’s take a look at some of the findings:

 

*Men and women differ in how good-looking their mate must be.  Men tend to prioritize female beauty in choosing a mate, yet will often settle for a less physically attractive partner for both short-term (sex, companionship) and long-term relationships (love, marriage; “She has a good heart”).  Women, on the other hand, will not usually get romantically involved with a man they consider physically unattractive—he will stay forever in the “friend zone.”  She will usually make sure that she is physically attracted to a man before she allows it to go to the next romantic step.

 

*Choose a physically less attractive man and be happy for the rest of your life. Research indicates that when a woman marries a man who is not as physically attractive as she is, she will likely be more happy and satisfied in the relationship.  A very good-looking man, although desirable, may have more opportunities and desire to cheat or take the woman for granted—or at least she will be jealous toward him. A less physically attractive man may be more devoted and doting to her. Also, research indicates that more masculine men who have a higher level of testosterone may make undesirable mates:  31% of them are likely to have marital problems, 38% are likely to cheat, and 43% of them are likely to get divorced.

 

*True beauty is within—develop it for yourself and find it in another person. In reality, there are no ugly or unattractive people—we are all beautiful in our own way as creations of a Higher Nature (God, spirit, nature).  True beauty consists of inner traits such as compassion, empathy, kindness, gentleness, and patience. Make sure you develop these traits in yourself and find a mate who possesses similar qualities. If you’re already with a partner, both of you can strive to increase your inner beauty together. As you and your partner actualize your inner beauty—including loving each other unconditionally—you will find yourself more attracted to each other in every way: physically, romantically, and spiritually.

 

It’s true that being physically attractive and in good physical shape—looking and feeling good—is often a great advantage in society and life.  Yet, in romantic relationships, looks often fade, but the inner qualities of the person—compassion, empathy, and lovingness—are what remain.  After all, it’s your inner beauty that will make you more outwardly beautiful—this is what you should develop in yourself and discover in your love partner. In this way, you can build a love partnership that stands the test of time and leaves a lasting legacy of goodness and contribution for all to see.  

HOW SHY AND INTROVERT PEOPLE CAN RULE THE WORLD: THE NEW PARADIGM FOR SOCIAL INTERACTION, CONNECTION, AND HAPPINESS

 

Are you Introvert or shy?  Is so, this is becoming your world. Currently, 50% of the population is classified as Introvert (seeking energy within) while 50% are classified as shy (strongly sensitive to the social environment). As technology grows, and people do more things from home, we’re becoming a more internal species—spending a great portion of our time on our technological devices and in our own thoughts.  

 

Introversion and shyness are somewhat different. Introverts have a limited amount of social energy to spend, yet they can be sociable in smaller doses. In fact, they can be very good leaders because they often take the time to listen to people carefully and encourage them to keep improving.  A shy person, on the other hand, is an individual who is very sensitive to the environment, and who may have a self-conscious side—worrying that they will be rejected and criticized by others. Although being shy can have its challenges, in my book, The Gift of Shyness (rb.gy/l7zjmm), I talk about the positive traits of the shy person. Shy people are often sensitive, good listeners, reflective, and loyal, among other positive traits.  The key for the shy person’s success and happiness is for them to reduce the self-conscious (self-critical) part of their mind while increasing their spontaneous and natural side.

 

Here are some tips for you to claim your shyness or Introversion as a superpower that you can utilize for your good and the good of others:

 

If you’re shy:

 

*Become the Actor. The Actor is the part of your mind that is spontaneous, natural, and confident. Think of your favorite actor—how they act, walk, talk, and dress. Imagine that you are that actor. At home, practice, talking, acting, and walking like them—feeling their confidence and charisma. When you go out socially, imagine that your Actor is alive within you. You are ready to meet any social challenge because you have the Actor inside you as your best companion.  In Israeli culture, children are encouraged to have Chutzpah, audacity or social courage—to go for what they want, to speak their mind—without the fear of failure or rejection. Chutzpah is a good skill for shy people to develop—to know that there is nothing to fear when they take a social risk. To develop Chutzpah, keep expressing your actor, the powerful and spontaneous part of you, regardless of how others may react.  When you do this, you will eventually find people who resonate with your style and will want to be connected to you in a quality relationship.

 

*Start with small human exchanges.  If you’re shy, you may feel awkward breaking the ice and starting conversations. To become more socially fluent, begin small in your conversational exchanges with others.  Start by looking people in the eye, smiling, and saying “Hi,” even if you don’t know them. Progress to making a few observational comments; for example, to a passerby, you can say, “It sure is windy (or sunny) today.” Or, you can try paying a sincere compliment, “That color looks good on you,” when you see someone who looks friendly. Think of each conversational exchange as a social experiment in which you gain more knowledge about human interaction as you grow your conversational muscles. Talk to someone every day and you will get better at it.

 

*If you’re an Introvert:

 

*Embrace your internalness.  Even before the virus, you may have been the type of person who did things alone—and enjoyed it.  Whether it was going out to eat, walking around, or even watching a movie, you enjoyed your alone time—to think, observe, and reflect. At the same time, as an Introvert, you can enjoy the special company of a few long-term, loyal friends. The important thing is for you to embrace your Introvert nature, and don’t wish that you were more Extraverted like a lot of society appears to be (remember they will soon be in the minority). Accept and love yourself as you are—a proud Introvert—and realize that you may not need a lot of people around you, but you can do just fine with a few close friendships. Enjoy your internal nature—that is who you are.

 

*Manage your energy.  As an Introvert, you have a limited amount of social energy. You can even be the life of the party for a certain amount of time: talkative, outgoing, and very social as long as your social energy lasts.  At a certain point, however, you will have used up your social gas tank, and you need to get away from the environment to recharge your batteries by yourself (hot tub, anyone?).  Therefore, as an Introvert, your best approach is to measure your social energy carefully. You will only say “Yes,” to the social engagements and activities that mean the most to you, while saying "No" to less impactful or meaningful social obligations. As you free up more social energy, you will only participate in social activities and connections that fulfill you and help you become your best self (maybe you join a writer’s or reader’s club).

 

For both Introvert and Shy people:

 

*Offer loving energy without expectation.  This is one of the greatest secrets of social success: Give loving energy to others without expectation. Help someone with their groceries or opening a door;  assist an elderly person cross the street; listen attentively to people when they tell you their problems. Help friends connect with each other. Volunteer for a charitable or humanitarian organization that helps the disadvantaged. When you help people and give love without expecting anything in return, you unleash a tremendous positive power in the universe.  Often, even though you weren’t expecting anything in return, people will come out of nowhere to help you.  Your life will become more pleasurable and exciting, and you will be happier and more content, when you extend your loving energy to the world because that is who you are inside (love).

 

As more people are forced to stay home because of the virus, there is a silver lining: We’re learning new ways to connect online: virtual activities, groups, and events; video chatting and video conferencing. At the same time, we’re learning how to value our private, alone time—how to think deeper, understand others and ourselves more thoroughly, and love more deeply. Now we can no longer take the ordinary good things in life for granted—time spent with loved ones at fun outings; the ability to explore the world and see its beauty. Regardless of whether you’re Introvert or Extravert, shy or nonshy, the key to happiness is to embrace your nature and love yourself. When you do that, you can love others and a Higher Nature (God, spirit) with all of your heart and soul. Yes,  the world—both inner and outer—can be yours. Enjoy it.  

FROM FORGOTTEN FOSTER KIDS TO FABULOUS MARRIED COUPLE: THE AMAZING TRUE STORY OF ALEXIS AND JUSTIN BLACK, AMERICA'S NEW YOUTH EMPOWERMENT LEADERS

Imagine if your mom was a drug addict, your dad was a drug dealer, and you had to live on the run in abandoned roach-infested houses—one step away from the law. Or, what if you were tortured and abused by your biological dad for years and then later learned that you mom had committed suicide when you thought she had been killed in an accident.  These are the true stories of Justin and Alexis Black, an amazing young married couple who overcame foster care, horrid abuse, neglect, and obstacles to graduate from college and become inspirational leaders for youth throughout America.  On Love University, we were honored to hear their stories and how they came together to form a “Love Power” couple who are inspiring millions of youth through their speaking and writing (Redefining Normal: How Two Foster Kids Beat The Odds and Discovered Healing, Happiness, and Love: www.re-definingnormal.com).   Here are some of the lessons we learned for overcoming abuse and trauma from Alexis and Justin:

*Be intentional and love yourself first. Before they could come together as a young happily married couple, Justin and Alexis had to heal their own wounds. Through group and individual therapy,  they learned that they had value and were worthy of love.  Loving themselves first before they could fully love their partner became an important element of their mental health recovery.  Part of being emotionally healthy is to be aware of your triggers—the things that remind you of your past pain and trauma.  Through awareness of what reactivates the pain, says Alexis and Justin, you can have clear communication with your partner and establish boundaries and respect so that mutual healing can take place in a safe and nurturing love environment.

*Let go of the past of those who hurt you.  After being abused and betrayed by her biological dad for years, Alexis had thoughts of killing him.  One night she had a knife and was looking at the back of his head, but she didn’t do it. Although she felt suicidal and was hospitalized later on, she never gave up hope.  One of the things that helped her was a beautiful song by Gospel singer, Kirk Franklin, “Imagine Me,” which says, “Imagine me letting go of all the ones who hurt me ‘Cause they never did deserve me…Because of your love, fear’s gone away. Can you imagine me?”  Although she experienced terrible things at the hands of her biological father, she has been able to move forward from the pain and leave it in the past. Likewise, Justin has begun to forgive his dad who let down his family many times, and now they are rebuilding their relationship.  Forgiveness is not just for the one who did you harm, but for your own healing. It’s for liberating yourself from the memory chains to the person who hurt you; it’s for forgiving yourself for the past and looking forward to a bright and hopeful future.

*Find love in the Higher.  One of the things that saved Justin and Alexis from even more despair and even death was their Christian faith.  Believing in a higher Nature or cause (God, spirit, destiny) is one of the most powerful aids in overcoming trauma and pain to live a loving and fearless life.  Justin quotes one of his favorite passages from Psalms 23:  “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want…. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.”  When he was young, Justin says he looked up to drug dealers who gave him money; they seemed to have all the success, but were really failures in life.  His drug-addicted/drug-dealing parents were also not good “shepherds” or guides.  The one guide who never let him down, according to Justin, was God, whose love is always faithful, kind, patient, and forgiving. Regardless of your religious or spiritual background, having a belief in something higher than yourself –a benevolent and loving force that doesn’t let you down—is an important part of psychological healing and recovery.   As Justin and Alexis believe, “Humans can let you down, but God never does. He will find a way for you in His own way.”

*Create your new “better normal.”  The title of Alexis’s and Justin’s Book is Redefining Normal.  In their past, their normal was defined by sexual and physical abuse, domestic violence, teen pregnancy drug abuse, poverty, aggression, and fear.  Their advice is to create a “Better Normal”—raise your expectations for yourself and those you love; reverse the cycle of fear, violence, and negativity that plagues you, your family, and your community.  One way to do this is by finding positive role models—mentors who can help guide you to live a more elevated and positive life.  Justin found successful black professionals in his college mentoring program who had higher expectations for him than he had for himself.  Alexis found a loving foster family who adopted her at age 26 and loved her unconditionally. She changed her “old normal” concept of “Love Hurts” to “Love heals, feels good, and is healthy.”   Once you have raised your own standard of mental well-being, your calling is to become a healthy and positive role model for others, as Justin and Alexis are doing. This helps to create a cycle of love and emotional excellence in place of the old downward cycle of fear, despair, and failure.

Although the love and transformation story of Justin and Alexis is unique and beautiful, it is not the only one that exists.  Others have overcome trauma and pain to live healthy and loving lives, and so can you.  Follow the path of Justin and Alexis and be intentional about loving yourself, let go of the past of those who hurt you, find a Higher Nature love, and create your “Better normal.” If you do these things, you will be able to overcome the emotional chains that bound you and achieve your dreams of love, joy, and contribution.

HOW TO BEAT BURNOUT AND WORK WITH ENERGY, LOVE, AND POWER

Are you burned out at work?  On top of the stress and turmoil of the current worldwide virus situation, many workers are increasingly burned out in their jobs and careers—stressed-out, overwhelmed, disillusioned, and detached. If that sounds like you, practice the following strategies to recapture your energy, positivity, and sense of accomplishment:

*Take a technology fast. In our rapid 24 hour-7-days a week technology-obsessed society, it is rare to find a relaxed time when you’re not checking your phone or devices for texts, emails, phone messages, social media, or news. Although technology can be useful in many ways, all of the input into your mind can overwhelm you and add to your feeling of being burned out and stressed-out. To counteract this, take a technology fast: Turn off your phone and other devices for a period of time—maybe an hour or several hours.  This will give you an opportunity to relax and recharge your batteries so you can get back to work with a refreshed mind.  

 

*Spend time with positive energy friends.   Emotional contagion is the phenomena which occurs when people affect each other’s moods. You can walk into a room of nervous and gloomy people and start to feel the same way. Or, you can associate with positive and uplifting people, and you begin to feel more cheery and optimistic. Therefore, it’s important that you choose to spend time with friends and family members who support you with a positive and helpful energy. These are the people who help you relax, de-stress, and enjoy the lighter moments of life.

 

*Do the things you love. When you’re burned out, you may work so much that you neglect to do the things you really enjoy—the activities that bring you pleasure and joy. Think of the things you love to do, but haven’t done much of lately: Spending quality time with family and friends, being in nature, doing a fun or creative activity or hobby; exercising, or engaging in a spiritual or meditative practice. The more you go back to your “passion spot”—doing the things that uplift you to be your best—the less stressed and burned out you will feel, and the more motivation and passion you will have to do the work you need to do.

 

*Give loving energy without expectations.  One of the greatest secrets of peace and joy is to “Give loving energy without expectations.” This means that you will smile at other people and say “Hi,” do small favors (open a door), help needy people, listen attentively with empathy and compassion, and serve the needs of others. When you give love to others in this way, you won’t expect anything in return—a favor, approval, or even acknowledgement.  You will simply express your loving energy because that is who you are inside. Moreover, the more you extend love without expectation, the more loving and powerful you will be because your love regenerates from the inside. You will feel refreshed and recharged when your loving energy leads the way.  

 

Yes, you can beat burnout. If you take a technology fast, spend time with positive energy friends, do the things you love, and give love without expectations, you can defeat stress, worry, and the feeling of being overwhelmed. At the same time, you will have renewed energy, motivation, and optimism. You will feel more content, and you will accomplish greater things, when you have a refreshed and positive outlook on your work and life. Now it’s your turn: Make sure you practice the burnout-busting techniques we just discussed so you can enjoy a week that is filled with relaxation, accomplishment, and good feelings.  Enjoy.

WHERE THERE IS LOVE, THERE IS LIFE: HOW TO INCREASE YOUR LOVE AND MAXIMIZE YOUR HAPPINESS, WITH SPECIAL GUEST HOSTS, DEAN WARREN AND ISABEL

Gandhi once said, “Where there is love, there is life.”   Love is the marvelous special ingredient that makes life worth living.  It comes in many forms: Love of self, love of work, love of others, and love of a Higher Nature (God/spirit). When you have love in your life, you live with peace, joy, and contribution—knowing that you are fulfilling your potential and making a positive difference in the world. Our guests on Love University, Dean Warren and Isabele Hazan, married podcasters (URlife.live) and world travelers, offered us insight into the nature of love, health, and happiness. Here are some of the things we learned.

 

*Practice the four pillars of healthy living. In Ayurvedic thought, we learn the four pillars of excellent health: Good Sleep, Good Nutrition, Movement, and Silence (Emotional Wellness).  When you sleep peacefully, eat the right things, move your body, and take time out for contemplation, you enjoy a healthier and happier life.  Consider your body a sacred temple that houses your spirit, your very essence. Before you go to bed, practice a relaxation ritual—put away all of your technological devices and sit or lie quietly—praying, meditating, or focusing on a pleasant image or memory. Throughout the day, make sure you take time out to eat slowly and put healthy ingredients into your body.  Also, move your body—whether it’s through formal exercise at a gym, walking, or stretching. Finally, start and end your day with silence as you become aware of your thoughts and calm your “Monkey Mind,” the chattering thoughts and worries that fill your mind throughout the day. Each day aim to maintain peace, calmness, and love in everything you do.  

 

*Recognize your energy style:  All of us have different energy styles according to Ayurvedic tradition.   If you are Vata, your primary element is air. You are a spontaneous and light person who is fast-moving, but may be prone to agitation.  In my LoveTypes (personality compatibility) system, you are known as an “Excitement Seeker”—you crave novelty, stimulation, and excitement. If you are Pitta, your main element is fire, and you desire power and knowledge—to learn, learn, create and improve. In the LoveTypes system, you are known as a “Knowledge Seeker”—you value competence, knowledge, science, technology, and innovation. Finally, you may be Kaffa—your main element is earth. You are the practical, realistic, concrete, and grounded person. In LoveTypes, you are known as a “Security Seeker”—you value security, family, tradition, responsibility, and commitment. Of course, you could have a combination of more than one type, although generally you have a primary energy style that you use on a daily basis. Once you know your energy style, you can select the people and activities that best resonate with your nature, and you can plan your work and daily activities based on your particular strength. For example, a Vata person would likely want to choose a career that offers them maximum flexibility and spontaneity, while a Kaffa individual may prefer a more structured 9 to 5 job with good benefits and long-term security.

 

*Love yourself so you can love others.  People who are natural givers and caretakers often burn out because they may give all they have to help others at the cost of their personal health and happiness. Although it’s wonderful to be giving and loving to others, it’s important that you practice self-care and recharge your batteries; get adequate exercise, eat healthy, enjoy recreational and social time, and participate in a spiritual or meditative practice. Remember that the more you love yourself—in a healthy, not egotistical way—the more you can love and give to others.  On a daily basis, make sure you replenish your inner psychological plate—feed yourself with self-compassion and self-care—so you can fill the emotional plate of others with your practical help, empathy, compassion, and love. Remember: You can only give to others what you already have inside.

 

Dean and Isabel married late in life and are now in their 50’s. Their goal  is to be healthy and happy together, enjoying another 50 years of life as a united couple. By focusing on improving your health—spiritual, physical, and emotional—you, too, can live a longer and happier life as you contribute to the world and leave behind a legacy of love and contribution.

ARE YOU ADDICTED TO LOVE? TAKE THE LOVE HIGH QUIZ AND LEARN HOW TO FIND HEALTHY LOVE

Are you addicted to love?  For some people, being in love is like a drug—a high they constantly yearn for. Like a drug, being in love can elevate you to a pleasurable state of mind, and then bring you down—leaving you with feelings of pain and withdrawal. When you first fall in love, certain brain chemicals such as dopamine are released in your brain. After a period of time with your love partner, the chemicals will tend to go away. When this happens, you may find that you’re with someone who is totally wrong for you, even though you had great chemistry in the beginning.

Now it’s your turn: Take the Love Addiction Quiz and find out if you’re addicted to romantic love.

1. Do you think about your love partner all of the time?
2. Do you have a very strong longing for them when you’re not with them?
3. Do you feel dependent on them—you have to get multiple texts or calls from them to feel good about your day?
4. Do you have an intense fear that they will leave you or reject you?
5. Do you have physical symptoms when you think about your love mate, including shortness of breath, fast heart rate, and excessive sweating?
6. Do you focus so intently on your love partner that everything else, including your career, family, and friends, fades into the background?
7. Do you see only your partner’s good qualities and ignore (or don’t see) any of their bad traits?

If you scored 4 out of 7 on the quiz, you may be love-addicted.  Although most romantic relationships begin with a honeymoon stage, in which most of the above elements are present, some people have these traits for a longer period of time (and more intensely) than others. In psychological terms, this is known as Limerence—a type of obsession or infatuation with a love partner that has some features often found in other forms of addiction (substance, gambling, etc.).

Although there is no formally recognized disorder known as "Love Addiction,” it is an interesting phenomena to examine, especially if you feel like you may have some or all of the traits described above. The good news is that there are remedies you can use to get yourself out of a love-obsessed mindset so you can have a balanced and healthy love relationship. Stay tuned to our next blog on “How to Cure Yourself of Love Addiction.”

HOW TO MARRY YOUR ENEMY AND LAUGH YOUR WAY TO HAPPINESS: WITH BOB ECKSTEIN, NY TIMES BESTSELLING CARTOONIST AND HUMORIST

In a world of turmoil and strife, we need more laughter in our lives and our relationships.  Married couples who laugh together tend to stay together and are happier. Moreover, it’s possible to marry your enemy and keep the joy alive. These are some of the fun and fascinating tidbits we learned on Love University from our good friend, Bob Eckstein (bobeckstein.com), award-winning illustrator and cartoonist (“All’s Fair in Love and War”).  Bob brightened our day and enlightened us on how to bring more laughter, joy, and love into our everyday life. Here is what we learned:

 

*Humor is a turn-on.  Research shows that women are more attracted, and have more sexual satisfaction, when they’re with men who make them laugh. Moreover, when wives used humor in the relationship, and it lowered their husband’s heart rate, their marriage had more stability and satisfaction. Also, the key is not whether the couple share the same type of humor (slapstick, wordplay), but whether they create humor together through their shared life experiences. Overall, humor is seen as a sign of intelligence, creativity, and fun—making the humorous person a more attractive and desirable mate. Santa Claus was reaching for his wife in bed, and she said: “Take a shower first; you smell like chimney.”

 

*Humor gives us perspective.  When you are hurting and in pain, humor and laughter can be the balm that soothes you.  Taking a difficult and painful situation, and turning it on its head, gives you the comforting feeling that “Everything will be OK.”  Research shows that wartime survivors with a sense of humor report lower levels of PTSD after experiencing wartime trauma. Also, singles who suffer from dating difficulties can have a good laugh and feel better about their experiences.  Two panda bears were in a room together—one said to another: “Look, until there’s a Tinder for pandas, we have to meet the old-fashioned way: being locked in a room together by scientists.”

 

*Look for the inner beauty.  When Bob was in school, he was in art class with a young lady who was very competitive with him.  He says they were competitive enemies and couldn’t stand each other. Twelve years later, they were invited by mutual friends to a funeral, and they fell in love and eloped. The turning point, says Bob, was when he saw her good heart—she volunteered for “Meals on Wheels” –a program bringing meals to people who need them. Her inner beauty is what sealed the deal. When it comes to choosing a potential friend or love partner, therefore, it’s a good idea to place importance on their inner goodness—compassion, optimism, kindness—more than their surface charm or looks. Their inner qualities are what will last in a long-term friendship or love partnership. One snail was talking to another as they looked at a tape dispenser.  The snail said: “I know she’s a tape dispenser, but I love her.”

 

 

Things can’t get any worse but they can get funnier.  Laughter is contagious and uplifting.  You can walk into a room full of gloomy people, and if you can make them laugh, they will be grateful to you. To sharpen your funny bone, keep a funny notebook.  Write down things that bug you or make you curious about people, and turn it into a humorous joke or story.  Watch funny videos, shows, movies, or stand-up by yourself (or with your love partner), and note the things that make you laugh. Practice your humor with your love partner and close friends and family members. Then, try it out with acquaintances and even strangers. Have a “Laughter Party” in which you get a group of friends together and just start laughing for no reason. Do it for about 5-10 minutes and you will see an immediate uplift of everyone’s mood. You don’t need a reason to laugh—just laugh. Research shows that you release pleasure brain chemicals (dopamine) when you laugh, even if there’s nothing particularly funny to laugh at.  Two rats are speaking to an auditorium with hundreds of rats.  One of them says, “Your father and I have decided to explain why we’ve decided to part.”  Imagine the child support for all of them.

 

Remember to laugh and look at the humorous side of life every day.  Doing so will elevate your mood, make you sexier and more attractive, and improve your relationships.  Best of all, laughter and humor is a great gift you can give to yourself and others—the comforting feeling that “Life will be just fine. I can make it through this.”  After all, the timeless phrase is true:  “Laugh and the whole world laughs with you.”

 

Note: All humor excerpted from Bob Eckstein’s (editor) “All’s Fair in Love and War: The Ultimate Cartoon Book” (Princeton Architectural Press, 2020)

THE POWER OF ALTRUISM: HOW HELPING OTHERS CAN TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE

Did you know that helping others without expectation, also known as Altruism, can boost your happiness and success? Research shows that when you help others—smile, hold open a door, volunteer, listen with empathy—you will tend to have reduced stress, greater mental well-being, less physical illness, and even a longer life. Not only that, but when you help others, it becomes contagious and others “pay it forward”—creating a society of giving people who help each other and spread loving energy. In times of trouble and turmoil, giving is often the best remedy to what ails us. Here are some ways you can become more altruistic and create a positive impact in your life and the lives of others:

 

*Increase your empathy.  Empathy is when you put yourself in the shoes of another—when you see life as they see it; feel life as they feel it. Empathy is a beautiful thing. In fact, the more empathetic you are, the more altruistic you are likely to be. The more you see another person’s point of view, their joys and suffering, the more you will want to help them. Try this: On a daily basis, ask people questions about their life dreams and what bothers them (and what makes them happy)—listen carefully to their answers. Maybe that waitress you see regularly tells you that she is a single mom who is struggling at working two jobs to make ends meet. Perhaps, your car mechanic confides that he is a devoted son who is caring for his dying elderly parents. Put yourself in the mindset of others, and you will have a stronger desire to help them and relieve their suffering, also known as having compassion.

 

*Give what you do best. If you want to volunteer for a charitable or humanitarian cause or organization, give based on your best talent.  If you’re not good at working with your hands, then perhaps helping to build a house for homeless people may not be the best use of your talents.  But, if you’re good with numbers or words, you can help with the organization’s needs for accounting or writing press releases. Think about your best skill and give that to others. You may be a good writer, teacher, organizer, or caretaker; maybe you’re good with numbers or working with your hands.  Whatever your skills or talent is, donate that to help others. You will feel better when you give something you’re good at, and you will be more effective in giving something of value to others.

*Imagine giving love without expectation. Try this exercise: Imagine that you are smiling and giving loving energy to the most beloved person(s) in your life, perhaps your spouse or children.  See them smiling and laughing—expressing joy and love to you in return.  Next imagine smiling with love toward your close friends, acquaintances, and even strangers. Visualize them smiling and laughing as they send joy and positive energy your way. As you do this, you will start to fill your heart with joyful and loving energy, and you will be more inspired and motivated to help others.

 

*Help one person each day.  Now go out and help people—strive to help at least one person every day.  Your altruistic act can be as small as smiling, holding open a door, or paying someone a sincere compliment. Perhaps, you will give advice, money, energy, or time. Or you can offer one of the greatest gifts of all: Listening with love and acceptance to someone who is in pain. Your loving and accepting  presence may be exactly what they need for their healing process to begin.

Remember: the more altruistic you are—the more you give to others without expecting anything in return—the stronger and more loving you will become. You will realize that you have an abundance of love and energy to give, and you will find that the universe will often reciprocate and give back to you great benefits in the form of love and material and spiritual help, as well as favorable circumstances.  It’s simple: All the world loves a giver, and the giver loves all the world. Start today and join the Love University Altruism Team of loving individuals. Decide that you will make a positive difference every day of your life and you will have everything you need.

LEARN THE 3 SECRETS OF HAPPINESS: FOREVER JOY CAN BE YOURS TODAY, RIGHT NOW.

You can be happy, despite the circumstances.  No matter how much you have suffered in the past, you can learn now to be happy as a consistent habit. All you have to do is learn 3 time-tested, research-proven secrets of happiness: They are:

 

*Gratitude:  Be thankful for the good that comes to you—from your loved ones, the Higher Nature, even strangers (help you on the side of the road). Keep a gratitude journal and write down three things you're grateful for every day: Your life, family, friends, career, hobbies, talents and interests; for the air, sunshine, birds, and trees—everything you can think of. Research shows that keeping a gratitude journal increases your happiness by 30% and improves your sleep by 40%. Try it this week and notice the difference in your daily mood. 

 

*Joyful Optimism: Optimism comes from the root word, “Optimus,”—"the best."  When you are optimistic, you expect the best; you anticipate that things will work out well for you; you feel that “I am going to be OK.”  Research shows that optimistic people are also luckier in life. They’re more likely to win the lottery, make money in business deals, pick the right love partner and friends, and make the best health and financial decisions. Because they are more open to experience, and can turn problems into possibilities, they are more flexible, motivated, and perseverant. As a result, they usually get better results and are happier.

 

*Forgiveness:  Forgiveness erases the pain of your past.  When you forgive others for wrongs committed against you, you liberate yourself from resentment, anger, and hatred. Although you may have nothing more to do with those who hurt you, you are forgiving them so you can be mentally free of them and the harms they committed against you. By doing this, you can move on with your life with a free and positive mind. Although you may be able to forgive others, one of the hardest things to do is to forgive yourself—for your flaws, mistakes, and blunders. You are probably your harshest critic. Start today to forgive yourself for all of your real or imagined errors.  Realize that there is no need to regret your past mistakes. The truth is that you can only act at your current level of psychological awareness.  When you’re in 6^th grade, you make 6^th grade mistakes; now that you’re in college (higher level of psychological development), you won’t make the same mistakes. Resolve that you will learn from your errors and grow as a human being—looking forward, not backward, to a bright and promising future.

There you have it: Practice the 3 Secrets of Happiness today and live with joy and success. Let us know your results by writing to us at loveuniversitylove@gmail.com.  To get your copy of the 3 Secrets of Happiness go to Amazon at shorturl.at/mwD89. We welcome your success stories.

 

MAKE YOUR LIFE A MAGICAL MIRACLE: 7 KEYS TO A HAPPY LIFE, WITH SPECIAL GUEST WENDELL MIRACLE, HAPPINESS INFLUENCER

In our world of turmoil and strife, we need more positivity; more miracles, more loving energy—to lighten our minds and lift our spirits. Recently, Wendell Miracle, happiness influencer and author, appeared on Love University and inspired us with his story of triumph over tragedy. Born in The Philippines, when Wendell became a US citizen he decided to change his last name to “Miracle” because he wanted to be an inspiration to many suffering people worldwide. After losing his beloved mother to breast cancer, and being broke and suicidal, Wendell transformed his life by giving to others through his inspirational pieces of advice, Hope Nuggets (#hopenuggets) on Instagram. Here are some of the Hope Nuggets we discussed on the show:

1. Gratitude is your magic elixir. Research shows that keeping a gratitude journal—writing three things you’re grateful for every day—can reduce your depression by 30% and improve your sleep by 40%. When Wendell wakes up each morning, he gives thanks for two gifts—his eyes—and then proceeds to list all of the things he’s grateful for: his bed, toothpaste, car, life, friends, family, health, career, spirituality, and so on. As a result, he feels constantly blessed and joyful.  If you’re feeling down, start a Gratitude Journal and write down all of the things that you’re grateful for, starting with your life, loved ones, and so forth. When you bring more gratitude into your life on a consistent basis, you will uplift your mood and reclaim your spirit of positivity.
2. Use generosity as a reversal to eradicate feelings of deprivation and sadness.  When you’re feeling sad or lonely, and engaging in self-pity, there is a sure-fire solution: Go out and help people, be generous, and give them what you believe you are lacking.  If you’re lonely and want love, find the loneliest person in the room and cheer them up with loving energy. If you’re lacking finances, give time or money to a charity or a needy person. Being generous when you feel you have nothing to give will transform your mindset—from a mentality of lack and scarcity to one of glorious abundance. When you give loving energy to others, you realize that you already have love inside you. After all, you can’t give something you don’t already have. If you are short of money, yet give money or practical resources to others, you  start to stimulate a prosperity mindset in yourself. You begin to believe that there is enough money to go around. You will understand how the world is an abundant place where there is constant growth: there can always be more money, more creativity, and more love.  
3. Love and forgive yourself.  You may be able to forgive others, but you probably find it difficult to forgive yourself—for your mistakes, inadequacies, and weaknesses. Yet, one of the most important elements of success and happiness is to be compassionate with yourself—to love yourself enough to forgive your past errors and blunders. When you are self-compassionate you accept yourself as you are—with your strengths and weaknesses. You also realize that you can contribute a great deal to the world if you utilize your Don—your God/nature-given talent or gift—to help others.  It’s also important that you take good care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs—don’t neglect your health just to get more work done or to meet other people’s expectations. On a regular basis, take time for self-care. Get a massage or facial, spend time with loved ones, do your favorite hobby, engage in an exercise or spiritual practice; take a break from working too hard and just relax. When you love and take care of yourself, you will have more energy and ability to love and help others. In fact, the most selfless thing you can do is to nurture and reenergize yourself so you're able to redirect your loving and nurturing energy outwardly to others.
4. Say “I am” and follow it with great things. The words “I am” are very powerful. What follows them can determine your greatness or futility in life. When you say, “I am sick,” “I am ugly,” “I am poor,” or “I am unloved,” you will plant these self-defeating thoughts in your mind, and you will tend to act accordingly: Sick, unattractive, poor, and unloved. On the other hand, when you add powerful and uplifting words to the “I am” sentence, you will be uplifted and encouraged. You will say, “I am healthy.” “I am rich—both materially and spiritually.” I am loved.” When you speak positives after “I am” your entire mindset changes—from futility to success; from scarcity to abundance; from fear and doubt to love and optimism. The sky is the limit when you add powerful statements of success, love, and happiness to “I am.”
5. Do your car dance daily. Wendell shared one of his secrets of success—he became the top 1% salesman in his company by doing one simple thing daily: the Car Dance. In the morning after his prayers, Wendell gets into his car and starts dancing and celebrating as if he just had the best sales day of his life. Wendell has a great time dancing to his favorite songs as he imagines the success he has already had during the day.  With his car dance, Wendell fine-tunes his mental antenna to receive only positive messages during the day. Although there are days when the sales don’t come, and success seems distant, he still celebrates with the car dance. He knows that his faith and confidence will be rewarded. He trusts in the goodness of life and his Higher Nature to bring him the results he needs as long as he "Keeps dancing.”

 

 Now it’s your turn to have a magical week. Try out the tips we discussed, and you will see how bright and successful your life can become. Here are the four keys again: Practice gratitude daily. Use generosity as a reversal to give loving energy to others without expectation. Love and forgive yourself—be self-compassionate and take care of your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. And top it all off with a daily Car Dance—in the morning, afternoon, or evening. When you dance in your car in celebration and joy, you’re not just dancing for yourself. You’re also dancing for the world of people—for them to prosper, enjoy, and love.  In the end, your dance becomes a joyous song of love that reverberates throughout the universe and before all creation: Dance and the whole world dances with you.

CAN MARIJUANA ELEVATE YOUR LIFE? WITH SPECIAL GUEST, MARIJAYNE, CANNABIS ADVOCATE AND EDUCATOR

WOULD YOUR MARRY YOUR SOUL MATE IF THEY WERE ABOUT TO DIE? SPECIAL GUEST ASHLEY JACKSON, CREATOR OF TIMELESS DREAM EVENTS FOR TERMINALLY ILL PEOPLE

Imagine if your soul mate had terminal cancer and were about to die soon—would you marry them? That is exactly what our amazing guest on Love University, Ashley Jackson, did when her fiancé, Troy, was diagnosed with stage 4 nasal cancer—two months after he proposed to her.  Not only did they marry, but they are still happily married three years later and Troy has made a full recovery. Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom we learned from Ashley on how to survive and thrive when hearing about a loved one’s terminal diagnosis:

 

*Match and lead.  When a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness, shock, anger, and despair often follow. The loved one may feel like they have a “death sentence” and that their life has ended. Regardless of how they feel, it’s important that you initially match their feelings.  If they are sad, you can have empathy for their sadness, and you will speak slower and in a more somber tone to mirror their depleted energy. When they are more optimistic, you can match their optimism and speak in a brighter and cheerier tone. Being sensitive to your loved one’s feeling is part of being empathetic—putting yourself in their shoes. If you try to cheer them up too soon, they may not react well to it because they are mired in a lower emotional state (sadness).  The key is to mirror their emotions (match how they are feeling)—whether sad, hopeful, fearful, or peaceful. Then, once you have met them at their emotional level, you can slightly elevate your response. You can offer them your own positive emotions, including optimism and faith, to raise their emotional state. Remember, however, that you will only upgrade your emotional reaction—smile, laugh, joke, be positive—when your loved one is ready to receive it.  

 

*Jump out of the box and live fearlessly. When we hear about a loved one’s cancer diagnosis, or other catastrophic news, the tendency is to give in to fear, worry, and anxiety. Yet, Ashley counsels us to jump out of the small box that fear tries to put us in. You need to realize that life is meant to be lived with love, faith, and courage, and that you can express those sentiments, despite the fear that tries to grip you.  Make a list of all the things you want to do with your loved one, including traveling, learning a new skill or hobby, starting a business project or venture, helping others, or trying a new experience. As long as your loved one is physically able to do so, give it a try. Maybe you can throw them a special “life” party, celebrating their life and love.  Or, you can take them on a fun treasure hunt on the beach or participate in fun outings and get- togethers with loving family and supportive friends.  The important thing is to bring loving energy and fun into your activities together as you recognize that love is the perfect antidote to fear; and joy is the ideal cure for despair.

 

*Don’t be Happy, Be Joyful.   Ashley tells us about a fascinating reversal: Don’t seek to be happy with your loved one—focus on being “in joy” with them. When you’re happy, you need something to “happen” for you to maintain that feeling. Your loved one needs to do or say something that you want them to do or say; this is a form of conditional love that depends on their words and actions matching exactly what you want of them. On the other hand, when you are in joy with your loved one—whether it’s a love partner, child, family member, animal, or close friend—you simply love being with them; you have joy when you’re together.  When this happens, you are in the moment in your joyfulness and love—and simply say, “Wow.” With this type of loving energy without expectation, there is never a thought that you will leave that person (or animal)—or that they will leave you—your loving energy is what will always keep the two of you together, even in the plane beyond this life.

In the end, Ashley concludes, love is what helps you pull through whatever ails you in life.  She says that her husband, Troy, always tells her that it was her love that made all the difference in his recovery. He says: “I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for you.”  Take the example of Ashley and Troy to heart and remember to say “I love you” to your loved ones every time you leave them. In this way, you won’t have the regret that you didn’t say it often enough while they were here on this earth. Keep the love alive in your heart every day, and you will never lose the most important things:  the memories of your loved one, the joy you shared, and the positive difference you made in the world by the example of your love.  

THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP: HOW GOOD FRIENDS CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE

Friends can save your life.  Aristotle, the great philosopher once said: “In poverty and other misfortunes in life, true friends are a sure refuge.” When you’re feeling down, depressed, or worried, an empathetic and supportive friend can be the balm you need to soothe your mind and get you back on track—helping you survive and thrive in times of turmoil. Loneliness—disconnection from self, others, and a higher nature—is one of the biggest problems and diseases in the world. Our primary mission at Love University is to eradicate loneliness by building a community of like-minded “Love Givers.”  Research indicates that having strong social support can reduce loneliness, which in turn, lowers dementia and blood pressure, while increasing self-confidence, gratitude, and optimism, and even helping you live longer.  In our difficult and turmoil-filled world, we need great friends to combat social isolation and loneliness. With loving and committed friends motivating us to be our best,  we can prosper and enjoy life to the fullest.  Here are some ways to have more amazing friends in your life:

 

*Assess Your Friendship Level.   Make an inventory of your circle of friends. On a pad, tablet, or journal write down your total number of friends and rate their level of emotional closeness, from 1 to 100. You might have 2 100 level friends (long-term, emotionally close friends),  4 at the 80 level (close friends), and 7 at the 50 level (acquaintances). Or, if you’re Introverted (enjoy your alone time), you might have lower numbers. Regardless of your number and quality of friends, your next step is to decide if you want to increase either the number and/or the quality of your friends. Perhaps, you decide to reach out to new people by joining groups of like-minded individuals (science, psychology, crafts, politics, business). Or you may want to reconnect with old friends from school, work, church, or the neighborhood that you haven’t spoken to in a while. As your measure your friend circle, you will be able to make improvements in the number and quality of your friends so you can have stronger and more enjoyable social support.

 

*Be a Friend to Yourself.  One of the most important keys to having good friends is to be a friend to yourself.  This means that you fully understand, accept, embrace, and love yourself as you are—with all your foibles, weaknesses, and idiosyncrasies.  When people are isolated and lonely, they tend to get down on themselves—they criticize, attack, and reject themselves, saying “I’m not worthy of love and success.” On the other hand, when you’re a friend to yourself, you focus on your good qualities and how much you can contribute to others and the world. Although you recognize your needed areas of improvement, you concentrate on loving yourself for who you are right now—at this very moment. You say to yourself, “I am lovable, and I can be a great friend to others; I deserve the friendship and love of others.” When you think like this, a miraculous door to friendship opens, as you attract people by the power of your personality and the depth of your loving energy.

 

*Look Within the Person.  Many times we judge too quickly. We meet a new person and immediately form an impression of them: jerk, cool, attractive, nice, arrogant. Yet, we may make a superficial assumption and reject a person who could have been a great friend to us (or perhaps more, even a romantic partner). In psychology, this quick to judge attitude is known as “Primacy Effect,”—the idea that first impressions are the only impression. Have you ever met someone you initially thought was mean, unkind, or harsh, and then later you turned out to be totally wrong about them? Perhaps, when you met the person they were having a bad day—they just had a fight with their love partner or coworker. Later, you became better acquainted with them, and you learned that they were a wonderful person and loyal friend. When you meet people, start to look beneath your initial impression and give them the benefit of the doubt—get to know the real person. You may be pleasantly surprised that underneath that initially sour persona lies a wonderful and loving person who can be a great friend to you.

 

*Extend Loving Energy Without Expectation.  This is one of the greatest secrets of Love University (or LoveQ):  Loving others without expecting anything in return.   When you smile at other people, say “Hi,” pay them sincere compliments, help them, and listen to them with empathy (putting yourself in their shoes), you are extending loving energy to them.  Your goal is to give love without expecting anything in return—not a smile, “hello,” or even response.  You do this because you have loving energy inside you, and you are simply extending what you already have. If someone doesn’t reciprocate, you simply extend your loving energy elsewhere. Eventually, you will connect with friends who harmonize with your loving energy and return it in kind.  In psychology this is known as “Reciprocal Liking”—we tend to like people who like us first.  You will be the one to make the first friendship move—without fear of rejection or judgement. You will open the door for a select number of compatible and loving people to enter your life with the power of your loving energy (LoveQ).  Once this happens, your world will overflow with wonderful and caring friends and you will gladly share your joy and love with others.

 

It is possible to have compassionate, loving, and loyal friends—no matter how old you are, or what your situation is in life.  Even if you have a mate, children, and other family members, it’s still important to have a friend who deeply understands and embraces who you really are.  If you’re an Introvert (get more energy from your own thoughts), you may need fewer friends, but you still want to have a few deep and close relationships. When friendship permeates your world, you will have the security, comfort, and emotional support you need to develop your talents and share them with others.  This week decide that you will make a new quality friend, and that you will be a loyal and loving friend to those who are already in your life. When you befriend the world, the world will love you in return.

HOW TO BE A GREAT LEADER IN AN UNCERTAIN WORLD: WITH NATASHA TODOROVIC-COWAN, ACCLAIMED BUSINESS CONSULTANT AND OWNER OF THE REVOLUTIONARY “SPIRAL DYNAMICS” SYSTEM FOR LEADERSHIP AND SUCCESS

Many people believe that leaders are born, not made.  Yet, the truth is that most people become leaders because they are chosen by the people who see them as leaders. Their followers see the leader as authentic and strong and capable of leading them in the right direction. In our uncertain and topsy-turvy world, we need more strong leaders, including in our families, to help guide us to a place of security, peace, and love. Our special guest, Natasha Todorovic-Cowan, owner of the groundbreaking Spiral Dynamics system, shared valuable insights how to be a capable and loving leader in uncertain times. Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom we learned from Natasha:

 

*Good leaders know who they can lead. A successful leader is only as good as the fit between themselves and the people they lead.  When a great leader moves to a new context—work, social, or political environment—they are only effective 50% of the time. The reason? Just because they were successful in one context (situation) doesn’t mean they will have equally good results in another.  It all depends on the match between themselves and the people they lead. Therefore, a good leader needs to be constantly aware of how their leadership style (sensitive, tough, etc.) fits with the people they are leading. If there is not a good fit, the leader needs to adjust their style or find new people to lead.

 

*Successful leaders are polite, caring, and empathetic  With a rise in incivility in business and work harassment incidents, it seems like the workplace has become a psychological war zone where people are trying to emotionally survive.  In fact, 70% of employees say they would rather see their boss fired than get a raise. Consequently, the quality leader knows how to be polite and caring—to demonstrate empathy and put themselves in the shoes of their employees. By doing so, they are able to understand their employee’s concerns and find ways to help them be more comfortable, confident, and productive.

 

*Great leaders tap into a person’s “Zone of Genius.” All of us have a special talent or ability, "a zone of genius," even if we don’t recognize it. You may be good with numbers, words, concepts, working with your hands, sales, or taking care of people. Whatever your talent is, your “Don” (from the phrase “Don Divino—gift from God) is what makes you uniquely “You” and can activate your passion for excellence. The intelligent leader knows how to discover and encourage each person’s unique gift or talent.  Although 75% of managers say they are satisfied with the talent utilization of their subordinates, only 30% of employees said they are fully using their abilities.  The key, therefore, is for the business leader to pinpoint their employee’s greatest strength and encourage them to develop it. Likewise, a parent can be a great leader by helping a child discover and nurture their gift or talent.  Also, parents need to find a balance between being a “Tiger mom or dad”—forcing discipline and practice on a child—and being too easy-going (permissive): spoiling the child and letting them do anything they want to do (play video games all day). Being a gentle and empathetic encourager of the child, while setting limits to instill discipline and hard work, is the best way for a parent to lead a child to fulfill their potential.

 

In difficult and fearful times, we need more strong leaders—in business, government, education, science, religion/spirituality—and especially in our own families and communities. You, too, can be a strong leader if you believe in a good cause and find like-minded people to join you—individuals you can help empower to achieve their fullest potential. It can be as simple as leading your friend out of a bad habit or relationship, leading your child toward good study habits, or leading your employees and associates to produce more and love the work they do. And, most importantly, you need to learn how to lead yourself—to find what motivates and inspires you, and keep yourself on the right track toward positivity, love, and contribution.  Lead yourself, and you can lead those around you, especially when you do it with love and compassion.

IF THE WORLD ENDED TODAY WOULD YOUR LIFE BE A MIRACLE? LESSONS OF HOPE, RICHES, AND LOVE WITH ALAN COHEN, BESTSELLING SPIRITUAL TEACHER AND CONTRIBUTOR TO #1 NY TIMES CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL SERIES

Who is your daily companion?  Fear or Love?  This is the fundamental question you need to answer on a daily basis. For many people, fear, worry, and stress are their daily tormenters—harassing them with the dark and catastrophic possibilities of what could go wrong in our uncertain and topsy-turvy world. Now there is hope in the form of love and miracle lessons, courtesy of our Love University friend, Alan Cohen, bestselling spiritual author and contributor to the inspirational Chicken Soup for the Soul series. Here some nuggets of wisdom that Alan shared with us on how to live our life like a miracle and receive the love and riches the universe has to offer us.

 

*Kill your ego.   Our ego is the false perception of who we are—an accumulation of critical thoughts from our past, societies’ expectations, and labels (name, physical appearance, social status). According to Alan, we need to get rid of this false ego and substitute it for our true self: Our loving, powerful, and intuitive higher nature.  You can do this by doing the things you love:  a meditative/spiritual practice, spending time with loved ones—love partner, children, animals—doing creative and humanitarian work; making a contribution to the world. When you live from your higher self, your lower self of fear, doubt, and self-pity will disappear—leaving you free to be who you really are:  A lover of life and others.

 

*End the world. In our current world crisis, some people fear that the world is going to actually end—in a physical sense: Destruction, war, pestilence, and mass death are their predictions.  Yet, according to Alan, that is not the end of the world we need or want.  What is required is that we end the false world (our mistaken mental image) of fear, hate, sadness, and division—leaving behind the previous nasty world of strife, fear, and pain. Instead, says Alan, we need to ask (pray) for a new world—one of peace, unity, and humanhood.  By asking for a miracle—a transformative collective change of mind—we can bring the positive elements of love, compassion, and empathy into the earth and into our personal lives as well.

 

*Love attracts riches.  Many people have money and wealth all wrong. They think that if they have money, they will find happiness, love, or peace.  Alan explains that we need a reversal. We need to feel and express love, and then the money and prosperity will come to us.  "Do what you love and the money will flow to you" is a classic, but true, statement.  Be generous and give your customers, clients, employees, and associates more than they expect, and you will receive abundance in return—maybe not from the person you gave to, but from some other source you didn’t expect.  The truth is that the universe rewards you when you use money as a form of loving energy.  When you buy a product or service you want, you pay for it with this symbol called “money.”   When you see money as a form of loving energy, instead of merely a financial transaction, you visualize yourself expressing gratitude and love for the product or service you just received. Then, the person who receives your money can feel gratitude and appreciation for what you gave them. Now, they can use that money to buy products and services with loving appreciation. On and on, this loving money energy is spread around the world and becomes an instrument for contribution, comfort, and joy to the earth’s inhabitants. 

 

*Give up struggle; burn with the fire of purpose.   In our workaholic, 24-7 technology society, it is commonly believed that we have to struggle, sacrifice, and suffer pain to accomplish our dreams and goals. That is false, says Alan.  The word “struggle” refers to a mentality, not an action. It is a mindset based on fear, chasing, and insecurity—in which you frantically strive after things, people, and outcomes without knowing when you can ever rest. Struggle is a painful mindset. On the other hand, hard work toward a beloved goal is action combined with faith and vision.  You can accomplish great things if you work hard, persevere, and overcome obstacles from the perspective of celebrating your vision—building a great family or career (business), fulfilling your creative (spiritual) potential, leaving a legacy of love and goodness.   In reality, struggle is not required for success; in fact, it can debilitate you and take away your energy. What is needed is that you burn with your purpose in life—your meaning for being here on earth—while at the same time relaxing and allowing your Higher Nature (God, spirit, reality) to bring you the things you really need. Working in partnership with your Higher Nature, you can have the best of both worlds: a calm, secure, and peaceful mind that is still determined, hardworking, and achievement-oriented.  When you achieve this ideal balance, obstacles will evaporate before your very eyes, and you will see the results you want sooner than you could ever have imagined.

 

*Practice inward comparison.  Mark Twain said, “Comparison is the death of joy.”  Yet many people compare themselves with others to try to feel better. Social psychology tells us about upward and downward comparison. When people compare themselves to another person who is doing better than them, they’re likely to feel inferior in comparison. When they compare themselves to someone who is doing worse (making less money, less attractive spouse, smaller house), they’re likely to feel better—until the next person comes along who has more than they do.  When they live from outer comparison, they will undoubtedly end up feeling shaky and insecure—always looking over the shoulder to see if the next comparison will be in their favor. The solution is to practice inward comparison—only compare yourself to yourself. Ask yourself: How much have I improved, grown, or learned since my previous days?  Perhaps, you still need to grow and improve, but chances are, you can point out some areas where you are better, or at least grateful, for what you have.  Think of your accomplishments, successes, and lessons learned—be grateful for your talents, your loved ones, your experiences. The more you compare yourself to your own inner growth, the more positive you will feel about your life and the more motivated you will be to achieve even more.

 

Yes, you can live a miraculous life worth living, despite the turmoil and uncertainty of the world. By ending your false perception of yourself and the world, and substituting a vision of love, contribution, and unity, you can start to achieve your fullest potential and help others achieve theirs. Along the way, you will reverse your old way of thinking: You will relax instead of struggle, give instead of frantically trying to receive, love instead of waiting to be loved.  Once you do this, you will realize that the miracle was inside you all along: Love has always been your companion; the door to miraculous living has always been open. All you have to do is walk through the entrance and claim the world of joy, happiness, and contribution that belongs to you.

ARE YOU ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED? HOW TO RECAPTURE YOUR PEACE, CALMNESS, AND LOVE IN TURBULENT TIMES

In our frenzied and turbulent world, many of us are becoming more frustrated and angrier by the day. How do you recapture your peace, calmness, and love in the frustrating and lonely environment we are currently living in? Here are some tips to reclaim your peace, joy, and love in today’s upside down world:

*Analyze your anger and frustration. Write down the things that make you mad—your anger triggers—and rate them from 1 to 100. Perhaps, you’re ticked off by rude people, traffic jams, waiting in lines, or mechanical failures (car, phone, computer). Once you’ve identified your anger triggers, note how often you experience them and how angry they make you feel.

*Ask yourself the question: Am I about to act from my higher self? When you’re tempted to explode with anger at one of your triggers, ask yourself if you’re acting from your highest, most noble, peaceful, and loving self. Or, are you lowering yourself to the level of an animalistic and lack of control person who is whipsawed by aggression? Will you regret what you are about to say or do?

*Give yourself a space between frustration and reaction. If you recognize that your lower, primitive instincts are kicking in, then you need to take a “time out,” –remove yourself mentally or physically from the anger-provoking situation. Take a deep breath, pause, go exercise, or take a walk in nature. If you’re in the midst of an angry argument with a loved one, tell them that you’re getting heated and are going to be gone for a while—shopping, exercising, walking. Explain that you will pick up the conversation when you are calmer and more relaxed. Doing so will help you avoid saying and doing things you will later regret, and allows you to return with a calmer and more peaceful mind to resolve the conflict.

*Create a calm down kit. Get a nice box and put all the things you can think of that can help you relax and calm down when you’re feeling stressed, angry, or frustrated. Perhaps, you can include rocks that have special significance to you, scented lotions, a picture of a beautiful landscape, a CD with soothing music, or spiritual writings. Create a nice “mental getaway” package that you can access anytime you’re feeling angry or stressed, and you will start to bring more relaxation and peace into your day.

*Express empathy. Empathy—putting yourself in the shoes of another—is one of the best antidotes to feeling frustrated and angry toward others. When someone cuts you off on the road, or drives too slowly, instead of yelling at them, put yourself in their shoes. Maybe, they’re having a bad day—perhaps, they just had a fight with their spouse, are worried about their children, or are concerned about financial or health issues. You may not know exactly what they’re going through, but you can give them the benefit of the doubt, with your desire to understand them as an imperfect human being (just like you) who is trying to live as best they can. With this empathetic understanding, you are less likely to harshly judge and get angry at them—you can replace your anger with kindness and compassion—bringing love into the situation. When you do this, your own out of control anger will be healed, and you will bring a peaceful conclusion to the encounter.

Yes, it is possible to live with a minimal amount of frustration and anger. It’s true that some anger can be useful to right wrongs and protect the defenseless; a certain amount of frustration can motivate you to get off your rear and do what you need to do. Yet, many times, frustration and anger develop a negative momentum of their own—causing havoc in your health, relationships, and self-esteem. If you learn how to monitor and control your anger reactions, while extending loving energy instead of unproductive aggression, you can take a great step toward recapturing your love, joy, and peace. With more love and joy in your mind and heart, you can offer your loving energy to others and help bring the collective consciousness of the world to a higher frequency of love and compassion.

ARE YOU ADDICTED TO YOUR PHONE? HOW TO ENJOY THE BENEFITS OF TECHNOLOGY WITHOUT BECOMING A ROBOT

Can you live without your phone? Today, an increasing number of people say they can’t. 81% of people have their phone on all the time, 44% fall asleep with their phone, and 67% look at it even when it doesn’t vibrate or ring. Moreover, a significant number of people have “Nomophobia”—a fear of not having their phone or phone service that causes them to have withdrawal symptoms like a drug; they become anxious, irritable, and miserable.  

Although a phone can connect you to an amazing world of opportunities, it can also make you addicted to using it so you miss out on other wonderful parts of life like family, leisure and creative activities, physical exercise, and a meditative/spiritual practice. Here are some tips on how to be the master of your phone instead of letting your phone control you:

*Be aware of how much time you spend on the phone: The average person spends 8 hours a day on their phone or laptop. Find an app that tracks the time you spend on your phone, and determine if it’s excessive, or if you’re spending too much time doing certain things that are not very productive for you (video games, social media, YouTube binging).  Ask yourself on a daily basis: “Is what I’m doing life-taking or life-enhancing?”  You may be surprised to discover that you’re spending several hours a day on “life-taking” activities—watching mindless video entertainment, repeatedly checking social media profiles, ingesting negative news—instead of on “life-enhancing” things like writing a book, redecorating your house, learning a new skill, practicing your favorite hobby, contributing to charity, or spending quality time with loved ones.  

*Recondition your phone use for a positive purpose.  If you track your phone use and determine that you’re wasting a lot of time on unproductive activities, decide that you will alter your phone use to more beneficial things.  You can install an app that helps you meditate, or a notification that tells you it’s time to exercise, read, or listen to music.   At the same time, you can use an app that turns notifications off for a certain period of time, and eliminates phone distractions, so you can focus on rewarding activities like spending time with your family, playing with animals or children, or simply relaxing without any technology around.  

*Take a phone fast. Although it may sound difficult or even impossible to do, you can take a “fast” and turn off your devices for a period of time.  You may decide to be phoneless for an hour or a few hours, or even a day.  Of course, when you do this, you can make sure that you have alternative forms of communication in case of an emergency.  The good part about a phone fast is that you will discover an interesting fact:  Most of the messages and emails you receive aren’t that important or urgent. It’s true that many people have a lottery mentality when it comes to their phone—they hope the next text or message could be my “dream date saying ‘yes’,” or “a great financial or career opportunity.”  Yet, most of the time, you get junk messages and emails or everyday communications that aren’t that urgent or important.  On the other hand, when you take a phone fast, you will reap the benefits—you will be more sociable, creative, aware, and relaxed—and best of all, you will feel in control of your life.

Yes, your phone can be a marvelous tool in many ways. It can bring you new opportunities in love, finances, business, health, and travel. It can help you connect with friends and family who live far away; it can guide you on where you need to go, what restaurant or movie to select, how to find the best worker, employee, or helper.  It can teach you valuable things and help improve your health and happiness. But, the phone can also detract from your life—decreasing your ability to focus on just one task, overstimulating your mind, taking you away from real human connection, and making you feel more impatient, irritable, and overwhelmed.

The good news is that you can find a good balance—a middle ground—in which you are able to use your phone as a tool for growth, enjoyment, and connection, while giving yourself an occasional break from digital life to engage with real people in the real world. Remember that your mind is the most powerful tool you have—your phone is simply an extension of your thoughts, and you can control your phone just as you control your mind. And most importantly, you can recognize that one of the most important uses of the phone is to bring people together—in the spirit of harmony and caring—as we become one world and one mind propelled by the ultimate source: the power of love.

HOW TO RUTHLESSLY PROMOTE THE CAUSES OF LOVE, JOY, AND SUCCESS: WITH SPECIAL GUEST, BERNADETTE GIACOMAZZO, PUBLICIST FOR 50 CENT/G-UNIT LABEL, ACCLAIMED AUTHOR, AND DIGITAL GANGSTER

If you had a gigantic magic wand that could give you anything you wanted, what would you suddenly change in your life and the world?  Perhaps, you would create more love, joy, and peace. Or, you would materialize more success, prosperity, and goodwill.  Now, you can use your mental magic wand to achieve what you desire. All you have to do is follow a few steps given to us by our special guest on Love University: Bernandette Giacomazzo, publicist extraordinaire, author, music journalist, and digital content queen.  Here are some of the secrets to help you accomplish your greatest mission in life:

 

*Recognize that what unites us is greater than what divides us.  In times of turmoil, it’s important to remind ourselves that we and our fellow humans have more in common than we have differences. We all seek love, want to take care of our families, enjoy life, make a contribution, and leave behind something of value. Although we also have worries, fears, regrets, sadness, and suffer losses, as humans we can unite to help each other during troubled times and uplift one  another in a family of humanhood. Start today by thinking of how you can connect with others based on similarities. Talk to someone from a different background—find out what you have in common and develop a friendship based on mutual interests. Get involved in charitable and humanitarian ventures in which you help the disadvantaged and make like-minded friends who also share a desire to help the world. The more people you connect with others based on  deep core values, the stronger relationships you will have and the more you will feel like you are part of a great genuine human family of love and caring.

 

*Control technology, don’t let it control you. Like anything else that brings pleasure, technology can be an addiction. The problem with an addiction—whether it’s based on substance, relationships, food, or technology—is that once you are hooked, you now have two problems. You have the original problem that drove you toward the addiction, and now you have the problem of addiction. The key is to see technology—cell phones, internet, devices—as simply tools, blank slates that you can use anyway you like.  Use technology to help, create, and connect, instead of wasting your time with gossip, social comparison, and dwelling on negative news. Decide that your mental freedom is more important than any temporary technology thrill, and apportion your life accordingly.  One way to do this is to take a technology fast—turn off your devices for a certain period of time (one hour, several hours, all day).  Then, do something different: spend time with your love partner, play with your children or animals, take a walk in nature, engage in a spiritual or creative process; engage in a hobby you enjoy.  Your goal is to establish a new connection with your true, authentic self, and release the energy and passion that comes from doing what you love to do. Now, when you go back to your technology, you will be refreshed and ready to take on the world—confident in your knowledge that you have mastery over your mind and nothing can get in the way of your true passion and authenticity.  

 

*Speak the universal language of love.  At the end of the day, our greatest desire is to give and receive love, whether it’s from our loved partner, family, work, friends, or higher power. When you start your day, plant this idea in your mind:  “I will make love the basis of everything I do—from sunrise to sunset.”   With this mindset, you will love what you do for work (or you will find work you love).  You will love your children, love partner, animals, nature, friends, neighbors, and higher power. You will love to take care of your home—cleaning and organizing it—and love to prepare healthy meals that improve your health and nourish you (and your loved ones). Always remember that love is the essential ingredient that makes food taste better, relationships more enriching, work more joyous, and contributing and helping society so magnificent.  On a daily basis, seek to extend loving energy without expectation: Smile, give sincere compliments, listen attentively, and give practical and emotional advice when needed. Do all of this without expecting anything back from others.  You extend loving energy because that is who you are inside, not because of any results you want to obtain or approval you want to gain. As you give out this pure, unfiltered love, you will become a stronger and more united human being and you will see that your love is often given back to you by the universe—in often mysterious and unexpected ways (you help a stranger who becomes a dear friend). In the end, you think with love, speak with love, act with love, and dream with love. There is nothing else that exists in you.

 

Yes, you can ruthlessly promote the causes of love, joy, and success.  While some people push the agenda of negativity, greed, selfishness, and criticism, you will be different. You will speak the universal language of love, unite with other like-minded humans, and master the things that pull you away from your true authenticity. In the end, you will achieve your highest potential, and you will be a warrior for love, peace, and genuine, lasting contribution.

BREAK FREE FROM THE DARKNESS THAT POSSESSES YOU: WITH SPECIAL GUEST, PABLO ZARAGOZA, AUTHOR AND MEDICAL DOCTOR FOR SERIAL KILLER, AILEEN WUORNOS, THE REAL “MONSTER” FROM THE FILM WITH CHARLIZE THERON

Imagine being next to the most notorious female serial killer in history and having compassion for her. That is exactly how Dr. Pablo Zaragoza, chief medical doctor in the Florida prisons, felt when he attended to serial killer, Aileen Wuornos, the wicked inspiration for the Academy Award winning performance by Charlize Theron in “Monster.” Dr. Zaragoza, also an award-winning novelist with over 21 books published joined us on Love University and shared his secrets of love, compassion, and empowerment, even in the worst of circumstances. Here are some of the fascinating tips he gave us:

*Listen with empathy. Everyone, even the most notorious killer, was a child at one time in their lives. Although they may lack empathy due to narcissistic/sociopathic tendencies, there was a time in their lives when they had innocence and naturalness. When you deal with difficult or annoying people, remember that there is a soft spot somewhere within that person—a wound or hurt feeling that you can tap into by listening with full attention and empathy (putting yourself in their shoes). The more you listen with empathy, the better you will be able to connect with others and build a conduit of love where none existed before.

*Guard your sensitivities. At the same that you are compassionate and empathetic to others, you also recognize that you have to protect your emotional nature, especially if you’re a naturally sensitive and giving person. You will be aware when a person has dangerous or manipulative intentions toward you, and you will redirect your loving energy to a different place—you will leave or detach yourself from the negative person or situation. At the same time, you will extend your love to people and situations that will reciprocate in kind and provide you with a safe and secure place to plant your loving energy.

*There is hope where there is faith. In his book, Armageddon, about demon possession, the Prince of Hell comes to earth to possess the souls of human in a desperate bid for its own redemption. The humans who are invaded don’t give up; they fight against the forces of evil to recapture hope in the hopeless. On an everyday basis, possession—being taken over by an uncontrollable force—is not usually done by actual demonic forces, but by the person’s own wrongly fixated thoughts: self-criticism, bad habits, and addictions. According to Dr. Pablo, we can rewire our brains with positive elements—faith, love, spiritual practice, service to humanity—to drown out the negative inner voices of the Thought Demons (critical inner thoughts) that torment us. We can tap into the power of our Higher Nature (God, spirit, destiny) to increase our faith in the good and liberate ourselves from the dark forces of evil. We can be free if we choose to be free.

Dr. Pablo summarizes it nicely: Happiness, joy, and love are within your reach. All you have to do is recognize the authentic power within you as children of a Higher Nature. Live simply, help people, and find a passion that drives you, and you can free yourself from the negative people and situations that control you. With a few simple shifts in your thoughts and actions, you can master your mind and live a glorious life of love, peace, and power, no matter where you’ve been, no matter where you presently are in life. Practice faith, hope, and love, and you can be free from the mental prison that holds you. You can live joyfully—with absolute purpose and power.

 

FACEBOOK DATING: THE ULTIMATE NEW WAY TO FIND LOVE IN CORONAVIRUS TIMES, WITH SPECIAL GUEST, DR. PAULETTE SHERMAN, AWARD-WINNING DATING PSYCHOLOGIST

Are you single and feel stuck at home—unable to find your soul mate or a quality dating partner? Now, there is a new way to date and find a compatible mate utilizing features in Facebook that are geared to singles and dating. We had our good friend, acclaimed dating psychologist, Paulette Sherman, on Love University, as she spoke to us about her new book, Facebook Dating, and advanced dating techniques for finding the right one.  Here are some tips Paulette shared with us:

 

*Do Conscious Dating. Think of each date as a growing experience in your love consciousness.  You can learn from even a lousy date. You learn what you don’t want so you can find the partner who is truly compatible with you.  Try meditating before and after a date and get clear about the things about that person that triggered you—either in a positive or negative way. Maybe, you become aware that you’re unconsciously attracted to “bad boys” or “dramatic queens” just like your mom or dad.  You see that they’re exciting at first, but then make you feel miserable and like your “walking on eggshells.” As you realize this, you can start to look for the steady and loving person who can provide emotional safety and comfort in the relationship instead of excitement that quickly turns negative.   

 

 *Get Involved in Facebook Groups or Events That Resonate With Your Personality.  In the LoveTypes approach (lovetype.com), singles learn how to identify their unique LoveType, or romantic style, and meet like-minded singles and a compatible partner.  For example, you may be a Meaning Seeker (psychology, philosophy, arts, meaning in life), Excitement Seeker (fun, parties, outdoor adventures, travel), Security Seeker (family, country, tradition, community), or Knowledge Seeker (science, technology, business, achievement). To find someone who resonates with your style, you can participate in Facebook groups or events that match your personality interests. Your chances of finding a compatible love partner are much greater when you get involved in activities and discussions that match your deeply held values and interests because you will have a great deal in common with like-minded people.

 

*Utilize the Facebook Dating Features:  Facebook has a lot of cool features for singles to meet each other and develop a relationship.  These include the opportunity to ask questions and read people’s posts—doing so can give you a wealth of information about the other person and whether they are compatible with you.  Security Seekers, for example, like to post about their children and family; whereas Knowledge Seekers like to post about their achievements or new developments in society. You can also reveal your secret crushes (and find out if they have a crush on you), create a bucket list (see if they match yours), and make a scrapbook with your relationship history—once you find the right one.

 

The secret to finding a compatible soul mate begins with understanding and loving yourself—recognize your unique personality and love style—and accept yourself for who you are. Then, use a platform like Facebook to get involved in groups, activities, and discussions that help you connect with quality, like-minded singles who share your interests and are compatible with you at the deepest level. The end result is that you will enjoy one of the most marvelous experiences known to humanity: True, lasting love that creates a legacy of light and goodness for all to see.

IS YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE DRIVING YOU CRAZY DURING CORONAVIRUS? LEARN THE SECRETS OF HAPPY LOVE FROM OPRAH FAVORITES, DR. HARVILLE HENDRIX & DR. HELEN HUNT, AMERICA’S TOP MARRIAGE PSYCHOLOGISTS

Is your husband or wife driving you crazy during these difficult stay-at-home times? Now, there’s a way to create a happy love partnership with the breakthrough Imago technology of Drs. Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt, NY Times bestselling authors of the classic, “Getting the Love You Want.” We were fortunate to have this amazing married couple (together 40 years) on Love University as they educated us on how to heal childhood wounds and create a love that lasts a lifetime. Let’s take a look at their wisdom for happy long-term relationships, even in times of stress and turmoil:

 

*Make an appointment with your partner: Instead of reacting emotionally to something your partner said or did (“You’re a jerk”), slow down your (and your partner’s) emotional reflexes by asking, “Is this a good time to talk?” By doing so, both of you can get into your rational brain (cerebral cortex) instead of reacting from the emotional part (amygdala) that is reactive and defensive. This makes for safer and nonjudgmental communication that can help both of you feel better about each other and the relationship.

 

*Be each other’s therapists: Through Imago training with a competent practitioner, you can learn how to heal your and your partner’s childhood wounds. According to Imago, we tend to pick a love partner who has the positive and negative qualities of the parent we had the most difficulties with. Therefore, you might pick a cold man just like your distant father, or an overprotective woman like your emotionally unhealthy mother. The first step to develop a healthy relationship is for the partners to help each other discover their inner childhood wounds. Then, they can help each other heal through communication and hands-on exercises designed to process their feelings and get their needs met in a safe and nonjudgmental environment.

 

*Express Empathy and Compassion toward your partner. In a set of structured communication Imago exercises, you can express empathy and compassion toward your mate by mirroring your partner (“I think what you’re saying is…Is there more?”), validating (“Makes sense”) and empathy (“You must be feeling…). In this way, the couple moves from competition to cooperation; from conflict to compassion. They can see each other’s points of view in a real way and have open and honest communication without the fear of being judged or criticized. Now they can have safe conversations that protect and enhance the relationship.

 

*Have a Negativity Free Agreement. One of the main things that saved Harville and Helen from divorce (yes, they were on the verge) was maintaining a “No Negativity Agreement.” For a certain period of time—hours, days, or more—you and your partner agree not to speak negatively or critically to each other. Most unhappy couples tend to say several negative things to each other for every positive statement they make (the reverse is true for happy couples). Some couples have nothing positive to say about each other at all. Yet, to have a happy marriage or long-term relationship, it’s important that you accentuate the positive—have fun, appreciation, and caring days; give each other unexpected surprises, and eliminate negative criticisms and complaints from your everyday conversation with your partner. When you want to work on something in the relationship, use the structured dialogue exercises mentioned above to communicate in a safe and nonjudgmental way in which hurts and pains are minimized and love is enhanced.

 

*Bring the Higher Nature into your relationship. Regardless of their religious or spiritual beliefs, most people recognize that there is something sacred and holy in the deepest and most fulfilling love relationships and marriages. Recognized by various terms, Imago Dei (image of God), agape (unconditional love), or light creation (leaving a legacy of goodness), the best relationships have this special and beautiful quality. When you allow the Higher Nature (God spirit, nature) into your relationship, it’s no longer just about two people as individuals; it’s about the sacred space between them—the all-encompassing representation of sacrificial love in which each person is willing to give their life for the welfare of their partner.

 

In these times of trouble and upheaval, there is a silver lining. We are moving toward an Omega point (spiritual unification) in which the whole world is coming together to fight common enemies (disease, hate, and inequality). In the same way, couples who have been fighting each other can find the unity and similarity within their uniqueness and create a love that is more than just romance and fairy tales. It is a love that stands the test of all time and leaves a legacy of light and goodness through the children created, the friends made, the experiences shared, and the contributions made. In the end, there is only one thing left when couples separate through circumstance or death: It is called Love.

HOW TO DATE AND FIND LOVE DURING CORONAVIRUS TIMES: WITH SPECIAL GUEST, CHERYL BESNER, DATING COACH EXTRAORDINAIRE

Are you stuck in the house and yearning to find companionship, love, and intimacy? In our recent Love University visit with expert dating coach, Cheryl Besner, we learned some great tips for smart dating and finding a compatible soul mate. Here’s what we learned:

 

*Look for inner chemistry. While instant attraction is great, many times true long-term attraction and compatibility is a slow burn—starting with your head and growing into your heart. Find someone you can be great friends with—compatible, loyal, committed, and fun. You will find yourself growing more attracted to them over time as you develop a great and lasting relationship with your best friend.

 

*Be open to expressing your feminine/masculine side. In Eastern philosophy, “yang” represents the masculine part of us (assertive, protective, providing), while yin symbolizes the feminine side (yielding, receiving, nurturing). In dating, according to Cheryl, it’s a good idea for a woman to tap into both sides of her personality—at work, she can display yang (directive) traits, and on romantic encounters she can express her more yin (receptive) side to the men she meets; thereby resonating with her date’s masculine side. In the same way, men can learn how to express their yin (sensitive) side to women in the right circumstances, which can create a stronger bond.

 

*Move quickly from texts and email to video chatting. Too many singles get stuck in a “text” zone where they keep texting but never take the relationship further. Cheryl advises singles to video chat as soon as they can to check chemistry, connection, and authenticity (they are who they said they are), and then meet in person (as safety permits). In this way, singles can move into the phase of developing a real relationship instead of being stuck in a fantasy (imagination only) dating world.

 

There are no rules for dating—be authentic and true to yourself. Cheryl says the old dating rules—wait three days to call after a date and prepare to have sex after three dates—no longer apply. If you wait too long to call after the first date, the other person may think you’re not interested and may move on. If the couple feels pressured to have sex after three dates, they may not give their emotional intimacy a chance to grow, and their relationship may stagnate on the physical level. The best approach is to call after a date as soon as you feel the desire, while communicating in a polite and non-pushy way: “I really enjoyed meeting you; look forward to next time.” As for sex, it is recommended to wait until both parties feel a strong sense of intimacy and connection before they have sex so they can develop a more balanced and lasting relationship.

 

Dating is never easy, especially in our present times when we must remain socially isolated. Yet, there is hope for the single person who genuinely wants to find a compatible and long-lasting love partner. Looking for inner chemistry, moving the relationship into the personal meeting stage as soon as it’s safe, and remaining true and authentic to yourself—these are all keys for turning that first date into a potential soul mate. Remember, that encountering and keeping true love is a journey well worth taking.

SPECIAL GUEST INTERVIEW: CREATE SUCCESS FROM STRESS: HOW TO MASTER OVERWHELM IN A CHAOTIC WORLD WITH AMANDA J. SCOTT, STRESS EXPERT

In these stressful and challenging times, wouldn’t it be nice to just relax and be at peace? Now, you can do that, based on advice provided by our guest on Love University, Amanda J. Scott, international stress expert. Try these techniques and you can enjoy a more stress-free and relaxing life:

 

*Realize that some stress can be good. Not all stress is bad. Sometimes a little stress can motivate you to get off your rear and get something done. The key is to realize when you’re letting stress get to you in a negative way—paralyzing you and making you doubt yourself. When you feel frantic, rush, worried, and pressured, you know that bad stress is controlling you. When that happens, practice relaxation and self-care techniques to soothe your mind and body and re-energize your soul.

*Keep a Fear to Reality Journal.   Bad stress is motivated by fear: The fear of losing something or someone, or the nagging worry that something bad will happen to you. The truth is that much of what you fear doesn’t happen to you in the way you imagined. To counteract the fantasy world of imagined fears, keep a Fear to Reality Journal, in which you write down all of your fears, and then note what actually happened. You will find that a high percentage of the time, there was nothing to fear in the first place—things often turned out perfectly fine, one way or another. Either what you feared didn’t happen, or you learned a valuable lesson. In either case, you are just fine.

 

*Practice Self-Care. Every day, do something to help your mind and body relax and rejuvenate. Exercise, meditate, pray, listen to music, play a sport, spend time with children or animals; take an excursion into nature; get a facial or massage; go on a shopping spree for clothes that make you feel good. Talk to a good friend; listen to and help people who are hurting. Volunteer for a charity; help a homeless person; work for a humanitarian organization. Do whatever you need to do to recharge your emotional batteries and get your mind and body back on track. The more you take care of yourself and do what you love, the less bad stress you will feel, and the more love you can give to yourself and others.

 

Yes, it is possible to live a minimally stressed life. Although some stress can help you perform better, too much stress can harm your health—causing you to experience heart problems, high blood pressure, migraines, and even an early death. On the other hand, when you master your fear and practice self-care, you can get rid of bad stress and live a relaxed and pleasurable life. With your new relaxed mindset, you can give to yourself the same thing you can offer others: peace, love, and understanding.  

SHOW OF THE DECADE: CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD IN CHALLENGING TIMES: “YOU ARE LOVED,” WITH NEALE DONALD WALSCH, NY TIMES BESTSELLING MODERN SPIRITUAL MESSENGER

We just did the show of the decade with Neale Donald Walsch, modern day spiritual messenger, and NY Times bestselling author of Conversations with God, over two-and-a-half years on the bestseller list. In our times of turmoil and fear, Donald was gracious and loving in his answers as he taught us what God taught him: We are loved and can live joyfully, despite the circumstances. Here are some nuggets of wisdom we learned from the show:

 

*We’re spiritual beings having a physical body experience. When we’re tempted to feel angry at our partner, or sad about a setback, we can ask ourselves: “What does my reaction have to do with my soul agenda?” and “What would I do from my highest self?” Quickly, we see that our life has greater meaning than a momentary dispute or setback: We are souls in human clothes and our mission is to spread love and goodness in the world.

*Ask with Gratitude. God has one word in God’s vocabulary: “Yes.” When you ask for something, ask as if you are grateful for already receiving it (love, money, health, happiness), and God’s answer will be “Yes.” You will be asking from a prosperity mentality instead of one of lack, and you will receive what you already have (abundance).

*We are One: When Neale was homeless and suicidal at 50 years of age, he asked God for answers. God replied: “Your life is not about you; it’s about the people you touch.” Neale tells us that we can ask ourselves the question: “Is there anything going on over there that is happening here with me?” In this way, we can develop empathy—the ability to put ourselves in the shoes of another. As we are all now in the same position worldwide—isolated from our loved ones and treasured activities; worried about our health and finances—we recognize that we are all one. As humans, we share the same fears, doubts, joys, pleasures, and love for ourselves, our loved ones, and our Higher Nature. The more we recognize this unity of thought and spirit the more we can heal ourselves and the world.

 

According to Neale, we are all having conversations with God, although we may not always recognize or apply God’s wisdom (our intuition, genius, or hidden inner voice). During the current world crisis of isolation and fear, Neale’s message from God is enlightening and uplifting:  We are loved, we can love, and we can be love. All we have to do is recognize our true authenticity as divine creations of a higher source. Our mission: to spread love and leave a lasting legacy of goodness on earth.

UNLEASH YOUR INVINCIBLE MIND AND LIVE VICTORIOUSLY: THE INVINCIBLE YOU SERIES WITH DR. AVILA

Would you like to live victoriously and achieve your goals and dreams despite the circumstances? Now you can.  In today’s uncertain and anxiety ridden-world, you learn to live with the Mind of Invincibility—with absolute confidence, peace, and power, regardless of the turmoil and anxiety around you. Here are some tips for overcoming obstacles and living to your fullest, as we learned in our new series: “Invincible You”:

 

*Give What You Want Most:  You may be disappointed and frustrated that you are not getting what you want—in your relationships, career, finances, health, or personal happiness. You ask: “Why do people get all the luck and I don’t?”  If that’s the case, here’s a simple solution: Give what you want most.  If you want love, be more loving to others. Find the loneliest or shyest person and smile at them; talk to them; comfort them.  If you want more money, give some money to charity or a humanitarian organization. Give away some of your material items, volunteer your time.  You will find that the more you give what you want, the more abundant and fulfilled you will feel. Instead of approaching the world form a mind of scarcity (“never enough”) you will realize that when you can give to others, you have more than enough for yourself. Now, the Universe will work in your favor to give you the exact same things you are giving away—love, money, happiness and more.

 

*Forgive Yourself for Your Past and Your Future.  You may be hard on yourself for your past mistakes, and regret may fill your mind. You ask: “Why did I stay with that incompatible (abusive) partner for so long?” “Why didn’t I stay with the person I truly loved?”  “Why did I stay with that unfulfilling career so long (or not pursue the career I really wanted)?” On and on, regrets can torment you if you don’t forgive yourself. When you forgive yourself for your past mistakes (and any mistakes you may make in the future), you suddenly feel lighter, freer, and stronger.  When you are weakened by regret, you tend to repeat the same mistakes—over and over—because you don’t feel that you can do any better, that you deserve any better.  On the other hand, self-forgiveness opens the path for you to have a brighter future that is not burdened by regret. Think of it this way.  When you were in 6^th grade psychologically, you made 6^th grade mistakes (maybe you hurt people without realizing it); now that you are in college, you won’t make those 6^th grade mistakes again.  You have learned the lessons from your errors and you will act differently because you are different. You have moved beyond past regrets and errors into a complete acceptance of yourself as someone who can learn and grow from your past. You are regret-free.

 

*Make Gratitude Your Best Friend.  Gratitude is the understanding that the good that comes to you comes from outside you—perhaps a higher power, your loved ones, or even a stranger who helps you when you’re stranded on the side of the road.  Psychology tells us that gratitude is a tremendous tool for self-growth.  Research shows that people who keep a gratitude journal—write down things they are grateful for every day—have 30% less depression and 40% better sleep.  Start right now: What are you grateful for?  For your life, your loved ones, your body, your health, your career or talents, your ability to breathe fresh air, hear the birds sing; for the love of lovers; the love of parent and child; the bliss of communing with a Higher Nature, and for the slice of eternity (your life) that you have been given to make a difference in the world and leave a lasting legacy of love and goodness. These are just some of the things you can be grateful for. Even if you think that your life sucks right now, chances are, you can find a few things to be grateful about (maybe you have a loving pet).  When you uplift your mind to gratefulness and count your blessings, you focus suddenly changes from “Poor me,” to “Blessed I.”  You move away from thinking constantly about how unfairly life has treated you to reveling in the good of the Universe and the Higher nature (God/spirit/nature) that takes care of you and loves you.  Now your mood is brightened and you can go out and achieve your dreams.

 

Yes, you can have an Invincible Mind—a mind that is incapable of being defeated.  Being invincible in the psychological sense doesn’t mean that you will be perfect, or that you will never face loss, pain, or suffering (you will).  The difference is that your Invincible Mind gives you resilience, the ability to bounce back from any adversity so you can love yourself and others, despite the turmoil and problems you face.  In the end, your psychological and spiritual strength will envelop you as you extend your loving energy to others, without expectation—helping to make this world a better place because you were in it.

LOVE CAN BE A DREAM: SECRETS OF LASTING LOVE AND DREAM INTERPRETATION, WITH SPECIAL GUEST HOST KELLY SULLIVAN WALDEN, THE DEAR ABBY OF DREAMS

On Love University, I had the pleasure of being interviewed by a special guest host, Kelly Sullivan Walden, the Dream Doctor. She interviewed me about dreams, love, and the meaning of life. Here are some nuggets of knowledge we shared on the show:

 

*Dreams can guide you. You may think that you don’t dream, but research shows that you spend approximately two hours per night in the state known as REM sleep, where dreams are most likely to happen. The key to remembering your dreams is to keep a notebook next to your bed and write down everything you can think of about the dream when you wake up. Write down any emotions, colors, or sequences. The more you write down, the more you will remember. Dreams can provide insight into problems and can be a type of hidden intuition that guides you in what to do about relationships, careers, or lifestyle decisions. To learn more, read books, listen to podcasts and videos about dream interpretation, or talk to a dream coach (dream therapist) about your dreams and what they mean. You may be surprised about how much you can learn about yourself and your life when you interpret your dreams—"the royal road to your unconscious.”

 

*Accept yourself as you are. In my classic bestseller, LoveTypes (shorturl.at/qxFU3), I taught readers how to determine and embrace their unique LoveType, one of 16 romantic personality styles, so they could find lasting love. The first step is to accept yourself as you are. Maybe you are the Idealistic Philosopher who loves psychology, philosophy, and the meaning of life. Or, you are a Caretaker who loves to take care of people. Perhaps, you are the Craftsperson who enjoys hands-on excitement, or the General who has a commanding presence. To find a compatible mate, you first need to appreciate who you are. If you’re an Idealistic Philosopher, be a proud one who takes pleasure in finding the meaning in life and talking about higher level ideas to help humanity. If you’re a General, embrace your powerful nature and don’t worry that some insecure people may be intimidated by your; there are plenty of individuals who will respect and admire your inner strength. In the dating world, don’t try to change yourself to win someone’s heart—what I call the “Dating Masquerade (putting on a psychological mask to impress a potential mate).” Instead, from the beginning of meeting someone, express your true, authentic self, and naturally connect with the person who resonates with your style.

 

*Find a similar type to love. Although opposites may seem to attract in dating situations, research shows that couple similarities in values, preferences, and beliefs seem to work better for successful long-term relationships. The reason is that similarities in key areas of a relationships tend to minimize conflict and ensure a more compatible and harmonious love partnership. This doesn’t mean that you have to be exactly the same as your mate—you may love bowling while your partner craves opera—that’s perfectly fine. The important thing is that you share similarities in the important things in life—how you view the world, how you make decisions, how you organize your life. In my latest book, GuyTypes (shorturl.at/gjoP2), I talk about the four Love Groups—Meaning Seekers, Excitement Seekers, Security Seekers, and Knowledge Seekers. Once you know which group you fall into, you can network and get involved with groups, activities, and organizations that have a significant number of individuals who share the same type. If you’re a Meaning Seeker, for example, you can meet a like-minded Meaning Seeker at psychology or spirituality talks, events, or meetup groups. If you’re a Knowledge Seeker, you can find a fellow Knowledge Seeker at activities and groups related to science, technology, business, and innovation. Regardless of your type, the good news is that there is someone for you who matches your nature and can be a wonderful long-term compatible love partner.

 

Yes, you can make your dreams come true—in love, finances, career, health, and happiness. You need to embrace who you are—your unique personality style—and make the effort to understand your complete nature, including the unconscious parts of our mind that are expressed in your dreams. By fully acknowledging who you are—your wishes, dreams, desires, values, and goals—you can achieve what you want in life, including finding and keeping a lasting love relationship with the person of your dreams.

HOW TO HAVE THE BEST SEX AND LOVE EVER: WITH SPECIAL GUEST ANN GADD, THE LOVE ENNEAGRAM EXPERT

Would you like to have great sex and romance? Now you can by fully understanding your partner with the power of Enneagram personality analysis. We just had a wonderful guest on Love University, Ann Gadd, who illuminated the secrets of wonderful sex and love through the power of Enneagram Types—a fascinating system of human understanding and connection. The first step is to discover your own type and your partner’s type. Next, by applying the knowledge of Enneagram types, you will be able to harmonize with your partner, help them grow, and deeply connect with them. In the end, you will learn how to fully appreciate, and be grateful, for each other’s uniqueness as you work together to build an amazingly loving and sexy relationship that lasts.

 

Here are the 9 Enneagram types in sex and love:

 

#1’s:  Structured Perfectionists: These are the meticulous people who love to organize, mobilize, and keep the rest of us safe. Their challenge is that they may put perfectionism over pleasure. During lovemaking, they may criticize you for leaving clothes on the floor, instead of enjoying the moment. KEY TO GREAT SEX AND LOVE: Teach them to let go of their need for control and, instead, to focus on the moment—to think about what is going right with the relationship right now.

 

#2’s: Considerate Caretaker: They are the earth mother or earth father who takes care of you and have a strong desire to please you. In sex, they are eager to please but may not ask for their needs to be met, eventually resulting in frustration and resentment.  KEY TO GREAT SEX AND LOVE: Show them how to acknowledge their own love and sexual needs, and encourage them to receive.

 

3’s: Achieving Promoters: These are the irresistible people with enormous drive, ambition, and charisma. They can light up any room they walk into. KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Show them that sex and love is not always a performance (“Look at how many orgasms we got”). Teach them how to relax and let go of the need for control so they can fully enjoy passion and romance.

 

4’s: The Romantics:   These are the sensitive, artistic, creative, and spiritual souls. They often suffer from the feeling that something is missing in their relationships—even if it is an excellent one. KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Help them focus on reality instead of fantasy, so they can learn to appreciate the good things they already have in the relationship—without always yearning for an unattainable and unrealistic fantasy world in their heads.

5’s: The Lonely Intellectual: These are the brilliant thinkers who believe that knowledge is power, competence is everything, and brains are sexy. KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Help them realize that sex and love consists of more than just mind—it encompasses body, mind, and soul. Perhaps have them study up on Tantric sexuality, soulful sex, or romantic love expressions (poetry). Even though they may not grasp the emotional aspects at first, they can begin to think their way to their deepest emotions.

 

6’s:   Loyal Lovers: These are the security conscious people who are loyal, committed, and long-term lovers. They believe they must always do things right. They worry a lot, “Will the condom break? Will I lose my erection? Will something go wrong in the relationship. Will my partner will leave me?” KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Help them let go of the need to earn love; reassure them that you will always have their back as they have yours. Your love is secure.

 

7’s: Spontaneous Enthusiasts: These are the playful, spontaneous, and fun-loving types. They are always looking at the future—how to have more fun, joy, and pleasure. KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Give them an outlet for their quest for more—whether it’s in career, hobby, or entertainment pursuits. You can join them or give them their “individual hobby” time. Then, they can come back to you with more sexual passion because they have indulged their need for freedom, fun, and spontaneity.

 

8’s The Big Boss: These are the powerful, commanding, and larger than life people. They can tend to dominate and shine in any situation, and they don’t like losing. Ever. They know what they want, and they will do anything to get it—rejection is not something they even consider. KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Teach them to embrace the vulnerable side of themselves (it’s there deep down), so they can be your equal as opposed to your superior.

 

9’s Sensual Sweethearts:   These are the sweet, good-natured, and flexible peacemakers of the world. They can merge into whatever their partner is into, and they are a calm, healing presence in the relationship. KEY TO GREAT LOVE AND SEX: Teach them how to recognize their needs as much as they want to please you. In this way, they will not be sexually and romantically frustrated, and they can settle into a comfortable feeling of satisfaction and contentment.

 

There you have it. Which type are you and which one is your partner? You may see yourself in one or more of these types and you may be attracted to someone who is opposite to you—that is perfectly fine. Often, opposites do attract in the Enneagram approach because they are looking for the hidden part of themselves—they want to harmonize and balance (for example a Big Boss female with a male Sensual Sweetheart). The one exception is the 4’s (Romantics), who tend to do well with each other because they are both yearning for that perfect, higher love.

 

Regardless of your type (and your partner’s type), the good news is that you can have an amazing relationship with your mate by deeply understanding and respecting each other’s personality styles and harmonizing together to create a strong relationship. It’s your turn now: Make it your mission to have the best sex and love possible with the partner of your choice. No matter what is going on in the world, you can appreciate the awesome truth: Everything is better with Love.

PSYCHOLOGICAL UTOPIA: HOW TO LIVE WITH PEACE, LOVE, AND POWER IN DIFFICULT AND CATASTROPHIC TIMES

Has the world got you down—making you feel anxious, sad, and worried?   Now, there is hope and promise in a new way to live. It is called Psychological Utopia—a mental and emotional state of inner invincibility, love, and joy. You’ve heard of a Utopia—a perfect and loving world.  Now, despite the turmoil and fear faced by the world in the current health crisis, you can learn how to create your own Inner Utopia, a state of peace, love, confidence, and emotional security. Here are some things you can do to bring this Psychological Utopia into your life and the lives of those you care about:  

*Recognize the Paradox of Adversity. When you face adversity, you may suffer from fear, worry, and sadness. But, you are also able to learn from your circumstances and become a stronger and more loving human being in the process. After a tragedy or serious challenge, you can start to recognize the importance of simple things:  hugging and kissing your loved ones; time spent with friends, children, and animals; doing the things you love; exercising, having a spiritual or meditative practice, helping others. Once our world goes back to normal, you will have a greater appreciation of these things that you may have taken for granted in the past. Like a breath of fresh air, you will feel elevated.

 

*Beware the Second Arrow. The first arrow of life is the difficult or painful circumstance—a health or financial setback, a broken relationship, frustration in career or work. You feel the pain of losing something you consider important in your life.  This is normal and natural.  The problem occurs when your mind adds the second arrow—your negative and even catastrophic interpretation of the event.  A friend stops calling—you feel pain from the lost friendship.  Now, you can stab yourself with a second mental arrow—“I will never have another friend like this,” or “I’m not lovable.” You have added to your own pain by your mental interpretation. A more healing approach is to say to yourself, “I will not allow the second arrow to hurt me. Maybe, it was time for our friendship to end. Although it hurts now, I know this experience can open the door for an even stronger and more beautiful friendship to enter my life. I am content as I am right now.” Now, you have cancelled the second arrow and have brought more peace into your life.

 

*Practice Virtual Closeness: In our current times, we are called to be physically distant from each other for health reasons.  Although we need to be physically separated, we can still be emotionally connected. Research shows that loneliness and emotional isolation is one of the biggest causes of depression, poor health, and even an early death.  Our goal is to maintain emotional closeness to people, regardless of how physically apart we are. We can still do virtual hangouts or virtual game nights; we can exercise, worship, and play together by video chatting.  We can connect with long-lost friends and relatives and share our favorite things online—movies, books, songs—with others. Although we are physically apart, we can be connected through our hearts and minds and the advantages of technology.  We can feel that we are united and connected, no matter where we are.

 

*Extend Loving Energy Without Expectation. One of the most beautiful mindsets to have for Psychological Utopia is to give love without expecting anything back.  Smile at others, offer sincere compliments, help them with practical or financial matters, and listen attentively and empathetically to their concerns. Strive to bring light and goodness into other people’s lives, without asking for anything in return. The person you are kind and compassionate to may not return your favor, but perhaps someone you don’t even know will offer you loving energy when you need it the most.  Your goal is to be like the sun—shining your loving energy everywhere you go. Of course, some people don’t like the sun—they cover up—but the sun doesn’t mind; it never gets mad. It just keeps shining on everyone. Although some may avoid the sun, there are plenty of people who love the sun and will lie out to receive its rays. In the same way, you can listen, volunteer, help, and love people like the sun—no matter what happens—because that is who you are: Loving energy.

 

Although this is a difficult and challenging time for many people, the good news is that our world society can become stronger and better once we come out of this crisis.  As we all suffer from a common malady, we can become closer as human beings—as we recognize that we all share the same fears and pains, but we also share the same joy and love for our loved ones and our place on this earth.  Also, this crisis is allowing us to go within—to become more internal—and ponder our place in the world and the meaning of our lives. This can also be a healthy and productive development.  Finally, we begin to fully realize just how much we need each other, and how the power of love can transform lives.

 

Our mission at Love University is to help eradicate loneliness by the year 2025. At we unite as one world, one people, one love, through the power of technology, we can begin to accomplish this grand goal.  As people learn how to love themselves, others, and a Higher Nature (God/spirit/nature), we can begin to eradicate loneliness, fear, and despair.  Love indeed becomes the ultimate power for good.  Share in it, and make this world the Psychological Utopia that will bring hope and light for all.  

LOVE OF FAMILY, COUNTRY, AND YOUR HIGHER POWER: THE THINGS THAT MAKE LIFE WORTH LIVING: WITH SPECIAL GUEST J. THOMAS ROMPEL, AWARD-WINNING MILITARY THRILLER AUTHOR, “CITIZEN WARRIOR”

In times of trouble and turmoil we often turn to the things that brings us comfort and guidance: Our higher power, family, loved ones, and country. With our special guest on Love University, J. Thomas Rompel, award-winning military thriller author (“Citizen Warrior”), we discussed how love can get us through the darkest days. Here are the important types of Love that can make life worth living:

 

Love of A Higher Nature: Many of us believe in a higher power or nature that loves and guides us. Some call it God, spirit, nature, essence, or simply the goodness of humanity. Regardless of what you call it, it’s important to commune with this Higher nature on a daily basis—expressing gratitude, faith, hope, and loving connection toward the Higher Nature and receiving the same in return. When life gets difficult, and we feel like we can no longer make it on our power, our Higher Nature is what we can rely on to carry us the rest of the way. Every day, make sure you pray, meditate, read spiritual blogs, listen to inspirational YouTube videos, and share your spiritual views with like-minded individuals. Most importantly of all, but your faith and spirituality in practice by being kinder to others—patient, forgiving, gentle, and loving. Strive to help people in any way you can and live by the higher principles you study. When you do this, you put your spirituality into application, and you will see amazing results in your life. Where before, you may have felt depressed, now you feel contentment and joy. Where before, you may have had doubt and uncertainty, now you have purpose and mission. Now you have the best of all worlds: You are living through your Higher Nature and your Higher Nature is living through you.

 

Love of Family and Friends:   This is the rock-solid part of the lives of many: their spouses, children, family members, and close friends. We rely on these people as our rock-solid emotional and spiritual support. Of course, the reality is that not everyone has a family they can count on—due to divorce, illness, death, or addiction/mental health problems. Perhaps, you don’t have much of a family you can trust, but you have close friends who are like family. Or, you may feel lonely and let down because you believe that you have no one to love. If that is the case, you can create your own adult family—join an online group that relate to your favorite hobbies or interests and connect with like-minded friends. Perhaps, adopt a pet—dog, cat, bird, or fish—and express your affection toward your new animal friend. Get involved in a spiritual practice you resonate with and get to know those who share a similar tradition or belief. Spend as much time—online or off—with your loving family of biological relatives or friends doing the things you love to do, and your life will be much brighter.

 

Love of Country: Sometimes we forget the marvelous privilege of living in a country that provides us with the opportunity to be our best selves. A country is a collection of human souls who have either been born into, or came to a place, which they believed offered them and their children the best possible opportunities for love, security, and the pursuit of happiness. When an international crisis occurs, people can band together within their country, and worldwide, to help each other, and express a collective spirit of caring, compassion, empathy, and contribution It is a beautiful thing to feel part of a united whole in which we recognize the humanity and similarity of our values, beliefs, and dreams. No matter where we are from, we understand that we all want the same things: to love and be loved, to provide for our children, and to make a meaningful impact and contribution during our time on earth. The truth is that we belong to each other, and, working together, we can make the world a better place.

 

Yes, love in its many forms is the psychological vaccine that can save us from feelings of despair, regret, and fear when we face troublesome and challenging times. And, of course, to make it all work, we need to love ourselves as well. We love ourselves, not in an egotistical or self-centered way, but in a self-caring way that allows us to generate more energy and strength to help others. In your everyday life, make sure you practice self-care—good diet, exercise, sleep, spiritual practice—and forgive yourself for any errors you have may have made. Be self-compassionate just as you are compassionate to others and you will have more love to give to the world.

Remember: Love and the whole world loves with you. That is the best way to live.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF THE WORLD CAME TO AN END? LESSONS OF HOPE, LOVE, AND COURAGE FROM MIA KINGSELY, AWARD-WINNING POST-APOCALYTPIC AUTHOR: "SURVIVORS OF THE SUN"

With recent events and the current pandemic gripping the world, many people are in shock, panic, and sadness. Yet, there is reason for hope and positive expectation as the human spirit has survived mind-bending catastrophes in the past and will continue to thrive in many times to come. This is the lesson we learned from our guest on Love University, Mia Kingsley, author of the award-winning post-apocalyptic novel, Survivors of the Sun. Here are some tips we learned from Mia about how to survive in the worst of times—even when we think the world may be coming to an end.

 

*We have to evolve:  The world is constantly changing, and we need to change with it. As humans, we try to hang on to mental and emotional security, only to realize that constancy is fleeting. Everything changes and evolves. We grow older, hopefully wiser, and the things we had before we may not have tomorrow. Yet, we can also expand our consciousness, give and receive more love, and make a positive contribution—no matter what type of world we live in. Growth is an absolute.

 

*We need to be prepared: Catastrophic world events are no longer just seen in science fiction or some futuristic scenario. We are currently living in a world where dangers may come from unknown and different directions. In the current health crisis, we must have needed supplies, practice good hygiene, and limit our exposure to the virus until the health authorities tell us it’s OK to carry on as usual. Preparation eases our minds and helps us face the new challenges that await.

 

*Make something beautiful. All of us have something beautiful inside—perhaps a talent, ability, or attribute. Maybe, you’re good at music, sports, art, science, writing, teaching, business, crafts, or caretaking. Perhaps, you’re humorous and can make people laugh, or you’re an inspiring and motivating person who can help others be their best. Or, you just may be a strong, silent type who comforts people by your presence. Whatever your talent—in Spanish it is called “Don,” (gift from God)—use it to help yourself and others. If you’re stuck at home, engage in your hobbies and interests to enliven the lives of those around you. Make a new song, artwork, or crafts handiwork that you can give to others; bake a cake, write a story, teach a child something. Whatever you do, make it come from inside your own beauty, and you will enliven everyone’s day.

 

*It’s all about love. In the end, love is the ultimate prize and the ultimate solution. Spending time with your family and loved ones in difficult times is the silver lining behind the clouds of fear and despair. Giving love to others without expectation is one of the golden secrets to your everyday happiness. Smile at people, give them sincere compliments, do a video chat session with a hurting friend as you attentively listen to their problems. These are all ways you can extend loving energy to others on a daily basis. The key is that you will give love without expectation—without expecting that others will smile back, like you, or even be attentive to you. You give loving energy because you have it inside—and the more you give it, the more it grows. It’s true: Love is the only thing that can combat the darkness of fear and despair. Use it as your sword against suffering and you will be victorious.

 

Yes, it is possible to survive, and even thrive, in difficult and dark times. Whether you are suffering because of the current world health situation, or because you may have other personal challenges in your life, there is a solution—there is hope. Loving yourself, others, and a higher nature; putting your talents to use for the good of humanity; and evolving into the best human being you can possibly be. These are all solutions to fear, sadness, and loneliness. You will have joy in your heart and confidence in your step when you fully become who you were meant to be and project a shining example to all who cross your path. You will not just survive—you will prosper and a leave a lasting legacy of love and goodness to the world.

HOW I OVERCAME MAJOR DEPRESSION TO LIVE WITH PASSION, PURPOSE, AND POWER: WITH SPECIAL GUEST, JENNIFER AYERS-BELINKIS, AUTHOR OF "ME"

Do you ever feel sad, depressed, or down-in-the dumps? It’s a common feeling for many people at certain times in their lives. Now, there is hope in the form of a new approach to self-love, as explained to us by a joyful woman, Jennifer Ayers-Belinkis on Love University. After recovering from Major Depression—a severe depressive disorder—she wrote a book of self-love and awakening called “Me.” Here are some of the lessons we learned for how to turn sadness into triumph:

 

See people as your teachers. Everyone we come into contact with—even difficult, annoying, and mean people—have a lesson to teach us. Instead of losing our mind with anger and frustration in our interactions with difficult people, we can slow down our mental movements and become aware of our thoughts and feelings, as we begin to understand the lesson we need to learn. Perhaps, we need to develop the skill of patience, or we need to have more compassion for the suffering of others—realizing how much the angry person destroys themselves with their own anger. When we learn the lesson, we can move our minds to a higher and safer place.

 

Smile every day. Make it a point each day to smile at family, friends, acquaintances, even strangers. When you smile, you express loving energy; you create a daily habit of extending your joy to others. As you do this, you may see different reactions: some will smile back and start a conversation; some will mumble a quick “hi,” and others will avoid your smile and walk hurriedly away. Regardless of their reaction, you will keep smiling because you have an inner warmth that you are expressing outwardly. The more you smile, the more joyful you will feel inside, and eventually you will discover those individuals who resonate with your smile.

 

Ask yourself: Was I in connection to my joy?   Before you go to sleep at night, reflect on your day and think about whether you did the things that brought you happiness. Did you meditate, pray, exercise, listen to music, create something, play, or express love to your loved ones (humans or animals)? Did you take the time to savor that cup of your favorite drink; smell the flowers; breathe in fresh outdoor air? If you find yourself rushing around and spending most of your time on distracting and petty things that don’t contribute much to your happiness, then resolve to make tomorrow different. As you lie in bed, write down the one most important thing you can do tomorrow that will bring you joy; resolve to do that one thing at the very beginning of your day. Maybe it’s as simple as sitting quietly outside and reading your favorite book, while listening to the birds. Strive to do one thing you love, or have a strong affinity for, each day, and you will be a happier and more joyous person with more love to give to others.

 

 

 

*Ask yourself: What am I grateful for today? When you wake up each morning, think about all of the things you are grateful for. Now, you may say, “I don’t have much to be grateful for.” Perhaps, you’re struggling in your career, finances, relationships, health, or emotional well-being. Maybe, people have let your down and betrayed you, or you have been your own worst enemy as you let bad habits, poor mental thinking patterns, and out-of-control addictions hinder and enslave you. Yet, no matter how far down you have fallen down in the well of despair, if you look up, you can still see the sun. Think about it: Are you alive? Yes, then you can be grateful for that. Can you breathe fresh air; yes, you can be grateful for that. Can you savor the taste of food; if so, you can be grateful for that. Do you have anyone in your life—human or animal—that you can call a friend? If it’s “yes,” then be grateful for that. Have you been given any talent, ability, or advantage in life? If so, you can be grateful for that. Regardless of your current condition in life, chances are, you can find one or more things to be grateful for. The power of gratitude is that it lifts you from feeling sorry about yourself into feeling good about the gifts and blessings you have been given while you’re on earth. Research shows that keeping a gratitude journal—writing three things you’re grateful for every day—can reduce depression by 30% and increase sleep by 40%. Practice gratitude every day and you will find plenty in your life to be content about.

 

Yes, you can start to change your life by loving yourself, “Me,” not in a selfish or egotistical way, but in a way that renews your inner power so you can give more love to others and contribute to the world. Too many people sacrifice themselves to please others, or maintain the image that they think the world wants them to be, while neglecting their true authenticity—who they really are inside. Now, it’s time to “unmask yourself”—drop your artificial personality meant to impress others—and be your true self. Understand yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself. Once you do that, you can shine your loving light to others and make this world a better place.

 

HOW THERAPY CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE: JOY AND CONTENTMENT CAN BE YOURS

For the average person, the idea of going to a therapist for psychological help can be intimidating: “I’m not crazy; I’m not talking to a shrink.” Yet, therapy can be very helpful and healing for people with psychological issues (anxiety, depression, PTSD), as well as for those who are OK psychologically, but want to reach higher levels of happiness and success. In my work as a forensic psychologist, I help a lot of people recover who have suffered trauma from a personal injury or accident. In my work at Love University, we have helped many individuals eradicate loneliness and fear to achieve a higher state of excellence. In our current state of mass worldwide anxiety due to the Coronavirus, it is reassuring to know that therapy can help many of us reduce our feelings of anxiety and helplessness so we can create a brighter future for ourselves and our loved ones.

 

Here are some ways you can get the most from psychotherapy:

 

*Screen Your Therapist Carefully: After receiving a referral from a friend or family member, or searching online for highly reviewed therapists, set up a phone interview. See how comfortable you are talking to them by phone. You can also try them out for a couple of sessions in person to see how well you connect and if you feel empathy and understanding from them.

 

*Be Authentic: In your therapy sessions, express how you really feel—don’t hold anything back. If you’re angry or intimidated by your therapist, let them know. If you don’t think therapy is helping you, speak up. Your therapist, if skilled, can use everything you tell them as material to help you psychologically, even unpleasant or shameful things you are feeling. Don’t try to please or impress the therapist—be open to who you really are and what you’re really thinking.

 

*Think of Therapy Like a Mental Laboratory:   Try out things in therapy you would never do in public. If you’re shy, roleplay being assertive. If you’re too aggressive, practice being more patient and a better listener. A good therapy session is like a laboratory of the mind in which you’re free to experiment with being whoever you want to be—in a safe and nonjudgmental place. With the lessons you learn from the therapy session, you can then go out into the world and try out your new persona: Ask that attractive person for a date; request a raise at work; take a risk on a new business or lifestyle venture.

 

*Set Milestones: With your therapist, you can establish a treatment plan—detailing what you want to accomplish in therapy. Set goals such as getting a new job, finding a compatible romantic partner, getting rid of bad habits or addictions, and developing a more positive mindset. You can even rate yourself on a scale—for example you’re currently a 5 out of 10 on self-confidence, but your goal is to get to a 9 out of 10. Each week after your therapy session, reflect on the lessons you have learned about yourself, and apply them to your daily life. As you track your progress with a journal or notebook, you can derive additional motivation to achieve even more internal and external objectives.

 

*Be Prepared to Work Hard and Grow: Therapy can be hard work. You may face parts of yourself that you’ve kept hidden for a long time—painful elements of your life that you’ve tried to forget. Feelings of regret, fear, sadness, and futility may all come up as you strive to become the person you really are inside. Yet, all the work you do in therapy will definitely be worth it. Just like the pain of childbirth yields a beautiful child, the struggle of therapy done well will create a new “You,” and help you accomplish everything you have ever wanted in life.

 

Although therapy may not be for everyone, many people can use this powerful tool to solve everyday problems and foster human growth and contentment. Start by choosing the right therapist—someone you can have confidence in—doing your work weekly and applying what you’ve learned in your daily actions. With the right therapist, you can perform wonders in your life, as you begin to reach your highest potential and live joyfully.

 

 

 

 

 

 

SECRETS OF LASTING PASSION AND LOVE, WITH SPECIAL GUEST, DR. PAULETTE SHERMAN: LOVE PSYCHOLOGIST EXTRAORDINAIRE

On Love University, we had the pleasure of talking to our good friend, Dr. Paulette Sherman, Love Psychologist Extraordinaire. In these times of uncertainty and turmoil, we all need more loving relationships as a buffer against uncertain, fear, and doubt. Dr. Paulette has written 22 books on love and relationships, and had these words of wisdom on how to have great love and passion in our relationships:

*Marry Yourself First: When choosing a mate, make sure you are certain about your must-haves (and deal-breakers) before you let yourself fall for the chemical attraction to a person. If they don’t have what you need, it may be time to look elsewhere. What is your must list? Does your ideal partner need to be gentle, kind, and caring, or do you prefer someone who is smart, powerful, and committed? Nobody has every single personality quality, and your partner doesn’t need to be perfect, but you want someone who can match you in your deepest values, preferences, and lifestyle choices (i.e. your LoveType—your compatible personality style).

 

*Be Authentic: Some dating programs suggest that you play hard to get and hide your true feelings about the person—some research indicates that doing so may make you more attractive to others. However, this approach also creates a mask of insincerity that later comes off, potentially leading to hurt feelings and thoughts of being manipulated. On the other hand, being too vulnerable and open in the beginning can be a turn-off because you may come across as too needy. The best approach is to choose a middle ground—be authentic and honest about your interests and feelings, yet wait until you have an established relationship until you completely open yourself up emotionally.

 

*Pay Attention to What Your Partner Likes: You don’t have to like everything your partner enjoys; they may love football, while you love opera. But, it’s important to acknowledge their interest and passions even though you don’t share them. Although you know very little (and don’t care much) for the topic, you may ask “How was the opera (ball game)?” No, you are not being insincere or feigning interest in what they like. Instead, you are paying attention to your partner’s feelings about what they like—and giving them validation for being your unique partner who has their own interests, which makes them a more well-rounded and interesting person.

 

*Make Your Date Night Sacred:   According to Dr. Paulette, research shows that couples who have a weekly date night have two to three times better sex and tend to divorce three times less often. Whether you are married, living together, or have been partnered for a long time, it’s important that you renew your love and connection by spending special time together. As of this writing, people are staying home because of the Coronavirus, but you can still have your special time. One reenergizing activity you can do at home is the sacred bath. While in the bathtub together for 20-30 minutes, you and your partner can relax as you lie in detoxifying bath salt and enjoy beautiful scents. You can center your minds around a positive intention of togetherness as you bring higher energy to your relationship: combining romance, intimacy, relaxation and spirituality into your time together.

What a wonderful relief and comfort it is to have a great love relationship in times of strife and trouble, as well as in good times to celebrate milestones and mutual accomplishments. The secrets of lasting love are as simple as loving yourself, putting yourself in the shoes of your partner (empathy), and extending loving energy without expectation to your mate.

 

And, of course, working on your relationship is very important. Think about it: You may work out several hours a week on your body, 40 hours or more on your job, but how many hours do you actually work on your relationship: talking, doing fun things together, expressing “I love you’s,” and engaging in sexual intimacy, romantic gestures and affection? The secret is that the more you invest in your love relationship, the more benefits you will receive. Your relationship can become like a never-ending gold mine that keeps bringing you treasure daily: love, happiness, and fulfillment.

LIVE FROM MIAMI BOOK FAIR: CANDYFREAK AND OTHER AMAZINGLY WEIRD AND LIFE-TRANSFORMING STORIES FROM STEVE ALMOND: NY TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR AND MIND SHIFT THINKER

We had the pleasure of having a brilliant mind, Steve Almond, on Love University. Steve is the bestselling author of Candyfreak, and former cohost of the multi-million listener advice podcast, “Dear Sugar” with Cheryl Strayed, #1 NY Times bestselling author. Approaching his writing with a deep psychological understanding, Steve shared some fascinating insights on society, life, and happiness in America today.

 

*What Would You Tell Your 20-Year-Old Self? According to Steve, you could tell them to read, explore, and try different things to discover who they really are and want in life. But, Steve cautions, the 20-year-old self probably wouldn’t listen to the older self because they want to do things “their way.” The good news is that there is no need to regret mistakes you made in the past because when you’re in 2^nd grade psychologically, you make 2^nd grade mistakes. When you’re in college, you won’t make those same mistakes. Therefore, as you grow with life experiences, you will act differently than before—better and more aware—as long as you learn from your mistakes and help others learn from your mistakes (mentor them). As you do this, you become a happier human being.

 

*You Have an Obsession for a Reason: Steve admits that he is addicted to candy, and he went cross-country finding candies from his youth, as documented in his bestseller, Candyfreak. He says that we have obsessions for a reason—to try to end pain and struggle—things that are unbearable. Whether it’s a food or substance addiction, relationship addiction, or work addiction, we use the thing, person, or activity as an attempt to mask the pain we have deep inside. The problem is that the pain doesn’t go away; it is only temporarily covered up. The solution, Steve says, is to face the issue behind the pain (low self-worth, abusive background, and so forth) through reading, therapy, and self-analysis. Once we start growing inwardly, the obsession will tend to fall away by itself because we have something new to take its place: self-love.

 

*Pay Attention to Your Own Life: In book, William Stoner and the Battle for the Inner Life,   , Steve talks about one of the biggest problems in society today: We’re so focused on getting attention from others, that we neglect to pay attention to our own inner life. Consequently, we make unhealthy and even self-destructive decisions. We think consuming a product or trying to win other’s approval will make us happy. It won’t. Steve say we need to be aware of who we are and what we stand for, so we can take the necessary steps to fully accept and represent our authentic selves, as we strive to help make the world a better place.

 

Yes, you can be happy and healthy as long as you accept who you really are, with full acceptance, and without regrets. Instead of covering up your fears and pains with external things, and trying to put on a false appearance to be appealing for others, you need to look within and develop love and courage as inner forces for good. When you do this, you can be truly authentic to your pure nature, and you can bring more love and happiness into your world and the worlds of those around you.

CODEPENDENT OR CARING? HOW TO AVOID A RELATIONSHIP CATASTROPHE

Have you ever found yourself in a codependent relationship—in which you sacrifice yourself for someone who is emotionally immature, addicted, or underachieving? Codependency goes beyond just caring for someone; it can become an unhealthy relationship pattern in which you give up your own needs to try to fill your partner’s needs (which can’t be met).   Here are some ways out of a codependent relationship:

 

*Establish Boundaries and Practice Direct Communication: Make your partner know that you won’t tolerate substance abuse, addictions, or emotional/physical abuse in the relationship. You will not allow your partner to use shame and guilt into pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do (“If you loved me, you would do this). Also, communicate directly. Codependent people tend to “beat around the bush” instead of saying what they really feel (they don’t want their partner to dislike or disapprove of them). When you say what you really think and feel, you are authentic with yourself and your partner, and you feel better as a result.

 

 

*Be Like a Visitor At a Mental Zoo: Recognize that you’re not responsible for your partner’s negative emotional reactions (anger, fear, sadness). You can be compassionate and empathetic to a point, but you also need to protect yourself from their negativity and attempts to manipulate your feelings. To do this, imagine that you’re a visitor to a zoo, and you see a lion who is roaring. Instead of feeling fearful, you are relaxed because you know the lion is in its cage, and you are safe. In the same way, when your partner roars at you and tries to intimidate you, visually imagine that there is a solid steel cage that protects their negativity from entering you—you are entirely safe and comfortable.

 

*Practice Self-Compassion: Love yourself and you can love others in the right way. Instead of making your life revolve around your partner, rediscover your passions in life—what makes you happy. Maybe, it’s writing, art, crafts, science, psychology, exercise, travel, caretaking, being with animals or children in nature, a spiritual practice. When you do what you love, you will rejuvenate yourself and recognize that you don’t have to rely on someone else to make you happy—you can find contentment within.

 

Caring and compassionate people can fall into the trap of being in a codependent relationship in which they try to “change” or “rescue” another person. This usually leads to emotional pain and turmoil because the other person may not want to be rescued, and you waste your time, energy, and spirit trying to change someone else. The key to having a healthy relationship is to extend loving energy to yourself, directly communicate your needs and desires, and set up psychological boundaries to protect yourself from someone else’s negative energies. When you do these things, you can be caring without being co-dependent; compassionate without being stuck in a bad, emotionally draining relationship. You can be free and loving and the same time.

SPECIAL GUEST FROM MIAMI BOOK FESTIVAL: ANDREA BARTZ, ACCLAIMED JOURNALIST: THE HIPSTER MOVEMENT IN TODAY’S SOCIETY: LESSONS OF EQUALITY, LOVE, AND CREATIVITY

We were pleased to have on Love University: Andrea Bartz, acclaimed magazine editor, author (The Lost Night and The Herd, March 2020), and expert on “Hipster” culture. Here are some of the interesting tidbits we learned about the new generation of Hipsters (emphasizing style, authenticity and uniqueness), and the impact they’re having on society.

 

*Hipsters don’t call themselves “Hipsters.” Because they value uniqueness and “out of the box thinking,” they don’t like labels or attempts to categorize them or “put them in a box.” They are simply free-spirited, authentic, and creative individuals.

 

*Hipsters sprang from disillusionment: In the late 2000’s, the real estate collapse and recession in the US wiped out the stability dreams (education, job, house, security) of many young people. Many youths began to question the myth that society would take care of them if they did the right things (get an education, work hard). Consequently, the Hipsters began to develop an anti-consumerism/anti-commercialism outlook, while emphasizing equality and fairness in both economic and social terms.

 

*Hipsters are creative and look for new patterns: Much of our new technology and lifestyle innovations are driven by Hipster demand for creative, egalitarian, and eco-friendly ways of living, working, and loving. Hipsters today are positive and hopeful, making calls for saving the earth and creating progressive change in society—making things better for all people.

 

Although there are challenges in our new technology-driven world (more time demands, higher expectations), we can learn positive things from our younger generation of Hipsters. With an innovative, fair-minded, and hopeful outlook, they can inspire people of all ages to search for their best life and give back to those who need it the most.

SPECIAL GUEST FROM MIAMI BOOK FAIR: BOB ECKSTEIN: NY TIMES BESELLING CARTOONIST AND HUMORIST: HOW TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A SNOWMAN AND MARRY YOUR ENEMY (AND OTHER FUNNY TALES)

 

 

This week, we posted a great interview with a special friend of Love University, Bob Eckstein, America’s beloved cartoonist, humorist, and New York Times bestselling author. Through his funny tales and whimsical sense of humor, we learned some valid truths about love and life, as follows:

 

*Humor is a Turn-On: Research shows that having a sense of humor can attract a romantic partner. We tend to recognize humor as a sign of intelligence, which is also an attractive trait to have in a mate. Moreover, when we laugh, we release the hormone cortisol, which lowers our stress level and makes us feel better. It’s true that we like to be around others who make us laugh. If you’re single, expand your “funny muscles”—go to comedy clubs, listen to the best comedians, read funny books, take an improv (improvisational acting) class. Try writing someone of your own jokes and humorous stories, and practice them first on people you know and trust. Then, tell them to people you don’t know. Eventually, you can become a funnier person who brings light and joy to others—and can potentially attract someone who resonates with your sense of humor.

 

*Marry Your Enemy and Get Them to Love You: In Bob’s case, he met his wife in college, but they were “competitive enemies” who disliked each other. 12 years later, they reconnected by random at a funeral and the romantic sparks flew between them—today they are very much in love and happily married. According to Gottman’s groundbreaking research on marriage success, couples who fight and have conflicts don’t necessarily get divorced or have bad marriages. Sometimes, the passion in the relationship sparks conflict, but the happy couples are equally skilled at defusing and softening conflicts (humor, a timely physical touch) so that it doesn’t escalate into something mean-spirited and hurtful. Some differences, and even conflict at times, can add a touch of energy and passion to a relationship as long as the couple fully understand and respect each other, and place each other first in each other’s hearts.

 

*Look for the Joy and Wonder in the World:   Bob wrote two well-received books on topics he was passionate about: bookstores and snowmen. He traveled around the US finding small independent bookstores and interviewing the owners—learning about the passion they had for that endangered species: the brick-and-mortar bookstore. Then, he spent 7 years traveling around the world—museums and libraries—to discover the history of the snowman (figure made from snow). He learned that prehistoric man made snowmen as a form of communication—covering a variety of topics from social to political. Also, according to Bob, going to a snowy place, and making a snowman, can have therapeutic benefits. You can recapture the childhood spontaneity of play and develop your creativity. According to Bob, all of us can benefit by making a snowman at some point in our life.

 

Bob’s message is simple, but powerful: Find your passion and become an expert at it, whether it’s cooking, writing, gardening, meditation, exercise, art, technology, and so on. You can do it for a living or just for fun. The key is to learn as much as you can about your passion, and immerse yourself in the thing you are most fascinated about. It’s true: the more you practice and apply your passion in your daily life, the happier and more joyful you will feel, and the more love you can give to yourself and others.

 

 

 

 

LIVE FROM MIAMI BOOK FAIR: SPECIAL GUEST, NELSON DIAZ, FIRST LATINO JUDGE IN PENNYSVANIA AND PRESIDENTIAL APPOINTEE: FROM ILLITERATE TO INVINCIBLE

“SHOW OF THE YEAR”: THE NEW GENDER REVOLUTION WITH DR. JOHN GRAY: MULTI-MILLION BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF “MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS” AND “BEYOND MARS AND VENUS”

On Love University, we had the great pleasure of having an amazing interview with Dr. John Gray, one of the most influential self-help/relationship authors in the last century. In a jam-packed and enlightening discourse about Dr. Gray’s groundbreaking new book, Beyond Mars and Venus, we learned great wisdom about male-female relationships and how to have deeper love and greater sex and intimacy. Here are some of the secrets we discovered at Love University with Dr. Gray:

 

Why Women are Becoming More Masculine and Men More Feminine: According to Dr. Gray, society has guided women onto their male side by encouraging work and independence (which is a great thing), but has not supported them to return to their female side of nurturing and love when they get home from work. Therefore, women are more stressed than ever, suffering from more health problems usually seen in men, and having difficulties in their romantic relationships.   In the same way, men have been guided by society to their feminine side (which can be a wonderful thing) by embracing home chores and child care, but they are not always encouraged to replenish their male energies (go into their “cave” and tinker with toys, driving, sports, aggressive humor with other men, competitive activities based on competence, and reading and meditating for more Introverted men). If men don’t replenish their male side, says Dr. Gray, they feel weaker, less capable of protecting and providing for their loved ones, and less attracted to their mates.

 

How to Balance our Masculine and Feminine Energies to Have Great Relationships: Dr. Gray teaches that both men and women need to balance their masculine sides (assertive, competent, confident) with their feminine sides (yielding, nurturing, receptive) to be happy with themselves and in their relationships. According to Dr. Gray, men have 10 to 50 times more testosterone than women, and it’s important that they keep their testosterone levels high to be healthy and happy by feeling successful and needed. On the other hand, women need 10x more estrogen than men for their well-being and they need 20x more estrogen to fall in love when they’re with a man who makes them feel safe and secure.

 

Why A Man’s Ejaculation During Sex Can Lower His Charisma and Confidence: According to Dr. Gray, when a man ejaculates during sex, his testosterone levels decrease significantly (as much as 50% by the next day). As a result, after ejaculation during sex, he feels the need to pull away and be by himself for a while to replenish his testosterone, while the woman usually wants to cuddle because the bonding hormone, oxytocin, has increased her estrogen levels (she feels good). Dr. Gray says that by not ejaculating during the first 6 days of the week, on the 7^th day, the man’s testosterone level doubles—thereby making him more charismatic, confident, and attractive. Dr. John talks about his program that can help men have satisfying sex daily without ejaculating, while helping a woman have multiple orgasms.

 

*How A Man Can Contribute to a Woman’s Emotional and Sexual Happiness: According to Dr. John Gray, there are a few simple things a man can do to help raise his woman’s emotional and sexual happiness. These include complimenting her (“I love you; you’re beautiful”), hugging her in a nonsexual way, and listening to her expressing her emotions without judgement. These activities increase estrogen in her and make her feel more attracted to him. In one excellent exercise for couples, Dr. Gray outlines an estrogen-increasing paradigm for women in their relationships. Step one: She vents emotionally about something aside from her partner (he listens) for about 8 minutes. Step Two: She talks for two minutes about positive things; what’s she grateful for in life and in the relationship. Step Three: He hugs her. Step Four: They separate for a while (to prevent him from trying to fix things)—then they come back together again.

 

The Secrets of Lasting Soul Mate Relationships—the New Mating Paradigm in the Age of Technology: According to Dr. Gray, the old paradigm of role mate relationships (woman relies on man as a provider to be happy; he relies on her as a homemaker to be happy) has given way to a new soul mate relationship: men and women provide emotional support to each other through intimacy and authenticity. The soul mate relationship fosters a greater sense of freedom, interdependence, passion, and sexual intimacy because the partners are not tied to a specific role to be happy. According to Dr. Gray, a couple can still have a traditional relationship (he’s the provider; she stays home with the children) within a soul mate relationship in which both partners help each other grow emotionally and psychologically.

 

Yes, it is possible to have lasting passion and romance in our love relationships today. The key is to balance our male and female sides and take time to replenish our masculine/feminine energies (respectively for males and females), while respecting our partner and giving them loving energy without expectation. By developing a greater sense of empathy, we can see our partner’s side and needs, and by fostering greater compassion, we can do what we can to relieve their suffering and bring them joy as they bring us joy.

 

Here’s to a forever Valentine’s day for you and your present (or future) soul mate. Enjoy!

SPECIAL GUEST FROM MIAMI BOOK FAIR: SUSANNAH CHARLESON, NY TIMES BESTSELLER AUTHOR AND POSSIBILITY DOG EXPERT: HOW A DOG CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE

 

 

                                         By Dr. Alex Avila

 

Is your dog a possibility dog—a marvelous creature that can help humanity? If so, it can be not only be an amazing companion but can also help save lives—both emotionally and physically. Our special guest, rescue dog expert extraordinaire, Susannah Charleson, trains dogs for three purposes: 1) to find lost people with special needs (e.g. Alzheimer’s), 2) to serve as service dogs to help people with psychological disorders, and 3) to help find other lost dogs. Here Susannah shares some fascinating inside information on how special “possibility” dogs can help save us from the worst and inspire us to be our best.

 

*Dogs can help find people with special needs. According to Susannah, some people with conditions such as Alzheimer’s, dementia, and autism don’t even know they’re lost—they could be wondering in the street far away from home without a clue as to how they got there. Specially trained dogs can help find them by scent (pillow or shoe, for example). Also, because they are super loving and nonthreatening (golden retrievers are a favorite), they don’t scare the lost person and give them comfort when they find them.

 

*Service dogs can help those with psychological disorders. Specially trained service dogs are taught to perform specific tasks that counteract the person’s psychological disability. For example, a dog can put their paws on their obsessive-compulsive owner to break their pattern of constantly checking things in the house (stove, e.g.). Another dog can nudge the owner with their nose to play with them (or bring their leash to go outside) when the owner is suffering from depression and doesn’t want to get out of bed.

 

*Dogs can provide us emotional support and help us reconnect with others. Susannah shares the story of how she reconnected with her separated family through a small rescue dog that they shared love for. When we pet a dog, the bonding hormone, Oxytocin, is released in us and the dog—making us feel more loving and loved. In fact, rescued dogs can be the most loving because they are immensely grateful to be rescued and have a safe home.

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Overall, Susannah says, dogs can teach us marvelous lessons of unconditional love (dogs love us no matter what), forgiveness (they forgive earlier abusive owners), and patience (they wait forever for us by the door). In fact, we can even follow the example of “magnet dogs” (caring dogs that find other lost dogs), by being “magnet people”—we can make others feel comfortable and at ease by providing empathy and compassion to them. By giving love without expectation, we can model the nature of that most marvelous of creatures, one of our best friends in life, the dog. Go play with a dog today and feel the love!

 

 

 

SPECIAL GUEST FROM MIAMI BOOK FAIR: MACARENA LUZ BIANCHI, VIRTUAL FAIRY GODMOTHER: SECRETS OF GLORIOUS LIVING: UNLEASH YOUR POWER WITHIN

Would you like to live gloriously and achieve your heart’s desires? Now, you can, with the help of our special guest on Love University: Macarena Luz Bianchi, esteemed author, spiritual teacher, and lighthearted empowerment coach. In our everyday life, many of us feel distracted and stressed; anxious and sad that we are not worthy enough to get what we truly want. With the marvelous truths we learned from Macarena, we can begin to reclaim our birthright as the Kings or Queens we really are.  

 

*Think of Life as a Theme Park of Experience: Consider your life to be like a theme park in which you try different rides. Some are relaxing; some are scary; some are boring; some are tremendous fun and joyful. If you’ve had enough of a particular ride, then you can switch to a new one—from fear to joy; from anger to forgiveness. Always remember that you are the amusement park operator of your own mind, and you can get on the ride that will bring you (and those around you) the most contentment and peace.

 

*Shine Your Love to Attract Love: Many people desperately look for a love partner to fill their heart. The solution to finding a true loving romantic partner is to first discover what you love inside yourself. Maybe, you have a talent or gift—writing, technology, persuasion, technology, speaking, entertainment, crafts—whatever it is, express it and meet people like-minded people who resonate with your talent. Chances are, you will eventually discover a partner you can share your love with as you learn and grow together—shining brighter together than you do individually.

 

*Measure the Energy in a Situation: Many times, we are focused on action—doing, accomplishing, achieving—yet we often feel stressed, overburdened, and confused. When we try to impress other people in a work setting, or win over a potential romantic partner, we may feel too eager, or even desperate, to make a good impression. The solution is to take a moment and ask yourself: “What is the energy I’m experiencing at this moment? Is it a happy and flowing energy, or do I feel tight, constrained, and joyless—forcing something that is not natural?” By taking an energy inventory in any situation or social encounter, you can center yourself in a calm and loving way. You can play instead of being tense; giving positive vibes, instead of retreating into your own self-consciousness. When you do this, you will naturally influence others and attract the right people and circumstances into your life.

 

*Claim Your Birthright as a Queen or King: By virtue of being born into this world, you are a miracle of creation. You are a Queen or King in your truest nature. The problem is that we don’t often claim our own inner worth. We ask questions out of fear or anxiety: “What will happen to me?” “Why don’t I get what I want?” The correct approach is to make statements to the Universe: “I will love to the fullest; I will create, give, and experience everything I possibly can.” “I will live a glorious life.” When you make statements like this, you claim your place in life—you take a stance and say, “This is what I love; this is what I have now.” Now, you are establishing a firm foundation for who you really are: a wondrous creation of joy and love.

 

Yes, you can experience glorious living. With persistence and play (being spontaneous and authentic), you can reclaim your inner royalty and be the best, happiest, and most loving person you can possibly be. Start today and decide that you will live gloriously every single moment—giving as much love and joy as you receive in return.

 

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: IS IT POSSIBLE IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?

It is said that unconditional love is possible between pet owner and pet (and parent to young child), but is it possible in adult human romantic/love relationships?  Many of us would like to have that type of deep, intimate, and spiritual love with our chosen love partner or spouse.  For those of you who are single, you may look at the divorce rate and wonder if unconditional love—love that stands the test of obstacles and differences—is possible in our fast-moving, multi-option society. After all, the next partner is only a click away—can love last?

 

Yes, unconditional love between romantic partners is possible if you follow these steps:

 

*Love Yourself Unconditionally:  It’s important to love yourself unconditionally first—without constantly attacking yourself or regretting your past mistakes.  You may be harsh and critical with yourself—which then may resonate to the people around you (including your love partner), as you criticize them for their flaws. When you love yourself unconditionally, you are more gentle and forgiving with yourself and others. Also, when you love yourself in the way we are describing, you are not doing so in a selfish or egotistical manner, but in a way that is self-healing. When you take care of your emotional core, you have more energy and power to give to others—to help others—especially your love partner.

 

*Buy or borrow a pet:  Whether you’re a dog lover, cat lover, or some other type of animal lover, being around an animal can give you a glimpse of unconditional love. Your pet will love you—no matter what, even if you kick them out of the house for a while. They are always eager to be petted, to lick you, to jump on you, and to play with you. In turn, you can have love for them as you care for, and play with them. If you have no one else in your life to love unconditionally, start with a pet—the more you give love unconditionally and receive it, the more your unconditional love muscles will grow.

 

*Practice Loving Kindness Meditation: Research has documented various physical benefits (decreased headaches, stress, and effects of aging) and psychological benefits (increase positive emotions) for those who practice Loving Kindness Meditation (LKM). Even ten to fifteen minutes a day can do wonders in your mental and physical health if you practice LKM. Try this:  Close your eyes, sit in a comfortable position, and imagine that you are sending love without expectations to a loved one (parent, child, love partner) sitting in front of you. Imagine that you are shining a light with a certain color (perhaps yellow or blue) that represents that loving energy. Now imagine that you are spreading that loving energy to other members of your immediate circle (family member, close friends), then to acquaintances and coworkers, and finally to people you don’t even know (everyday people; homeless, neglected, lonely, sick, abandoned). Take a deep breath each time you expand your loving energy to more people. Then, open your eyes and feel the love you just projected filling you up inside.

 

*Express Love Unconditionally Daily as an Action:  Realize that love is more than a feeling—it is an action that should be practiced daily, even when it’s uncomfortable to do so.  Listening with love to your partner when you’re stressed or angry at them is not easy, but it’s important to do so to keep the relationship strong. When you set up a hot bath for your tired mate or surprise them with their favorite musical CD; when you take the time to solve a problem they have—without expecting anything in return—that is Unconditional Love.  Strive daily to express unconditional love to your romantic partner, and to those around you (family, friends, acquaintances, strangers). Practice, being kind and helpful to others—smile, say “hello”; help people with practical or psychological issues. Every day can be a training ground for you to express more loving energy without expectations to your love partner and the world around you.

 

 

Yes, it is possible to love your romantic partner or spouse unconditionally, as they do the same for you.  You can also express love unconditionally to others, and the world itself. Loving unconditionally doesn’t mean that you accept abuse from others, or that you agree with everything they say.  It means that you will understand and accept them as they are. In a love relationship, you will love your partner in sickness and health, in wealth or poverty, despite disagreement, conflicts, and problems in life. Your love will flow from your inner nature—as their love flows the same way—until you both intersect in the zone of pure, unadulterated joyful love; the greatest feeling in life. 

SPECIAL GUEST FROM MIAMI BOOK FAIR: PRESIDENT OBAMA’S INAUGURAL POET: RICHARD BLANCO: BEING PROUDLY AMERICA, GAY, AND LATINO

We had the pleasure of having a distinguished guest on the show, Ricard Blanco, the inaugural poet for President Barack Obama’s second inauguration in 2013. One of only five inaugural poets ever selected, and the only gay and Latino poet to recite a poem at a President’s inauguration, Richard spoke to us about this great honor and the work he has done to help unite all Americans through the written word. Here are some nuggets of wisdom we learned from Richard:

 

 

*He was selected to be the Obama’s Inaugural Poet Out of the Blue: There was no competition, no notice, no formal process for being selected as the Inaugural Poet. He was simply called by the administration to write three poems for President Obama, and they selected “One Today,” a poem about how all Americans—from all backgrounds—can unite to make this a great country. According to Richard, presenting his poem and speaking personally with President Obama for over twenty minutes was one of the greatest honors of his life.

 

*His grandmother wanted him to be a “man”: In his funny and poignant memoir, The Prince of los Cocuyos: A Miami Childhood, Richard talks about being raised by a traditional Cuban grandmother who constantly told him to be more “manly.” His grandmother bribed him to go to a Quinceañera (15^th birthday celebration) with a girl, and told him that American oatmeal wasn’t manly. Although he loved his grandmother, Richard started to explore who he was and what he belonged to during his upbringing. In the end, he went from hating, forgiving, and then loving his grandmother in his inspiring coming-of-age story.

 

 

*His advice to writers and readers: Journal and write something every day. Even if you never publish it, you will learn something new about yourself, relationships, and the world. Writing makes it so that life doesn’t pass you by—you press the pause button, and question your existence, as you make amazing discoveries along the way. The power of the written word is that you learn how to accept yourself. The power for the published writer is that your words can live forever—in the heart and souls of those who read your work.

 

*Find time for life: In our busy world, you may say, “I don’t have enough time.” Instead, you can say to yourself that you have time for the really important things in your life—for your loved ones, your craft, your personal health and happiness, and to give love to others.

 

In the end, as Richard eloquently expressed in his Inaugural poem, we are all One. Regardless of our gender, sexual orientation, race/ethnicity, age, or socio-economic status, we are all Americans who live in the US, we are all humans on the planet, and we are all souls in the higher existence. Our ideal aim is to live in the country of our choice—peacefully, lovingly, and happily—by contributing to make it a better place for all.

 

REINVENT YOURSELF IN 2020: THE POWER TO BE TRULY YOU

It’s time to become the best you can possibly be. Here are some tools to help you reach your greatest potential in 2020 and beyond:

 

*Discard the Little Bads: Be aware of the all the little negative and nagging thoughts in your mind: “I can’t afford it.” “I don’t have enough time.” “I can’t find love.” These are the “little bads”—self-defeating small thoughts that proliferate in your head. Replace them with “big thoughts”: “I have enough time and money for everything I need.” “I am love, and I will attract the right love into my life.” Switch a few small thoughts for big thoughts daily, and you will see a world of difference in your attitude, vision, and motivation.

 

*Take Easy Action: 90% of New Year’s Resolutions fail because people try too many things and expect too much, too soon: “Lose 50 pounds in a few months,” “Find a soul mate in 6 months,” “Make a Million this year.” Although big goals can be motivating, you also need to take easy, digestible steps toward those goals. If you want to lose weight, agree to go to the gym for 15 minutes a few times a week. If you want to save more money, start by paying yourself first—a certain percentage of your income—and put it in a separate investment account. Whatever your goal is, focus on taking small, easy-to-do steps daily. The cumulative effect of the simple actions will lead you to achieving great goals.

 

*Write Your Future Story: Meditate on your greatest self—how you will be in one year or five years as you become who you were meant to be. Close your eyes and visualize what you will look like, where you will be, what you will be doing, who is around you, and what you will be feeling in the near future as you achieve your goals. See yourself surrounded by loved ones, doing the work you love, and looking and feeling great. You can also write this in a journal or put it up on a vision board with pictures that represent the new, best you, and the type of life you’re leading (beautiful home, travels, creative and humanitarian ventures; great friends, a loving partner, happy and healthy children and animals). The more you visualize greatness, the more you can actualize your dreams—making them come true.

 

*Extend Loving Energy Without Expectation: This is one of the greatest secrets to success and happiness: Give to others without expecting anything back. Volunteer, join a charitable or humanitarian organization, help the people around you (friends, loved ones, business associates), or even those you don’t know (homeless, strangers). When you extend your loving energy, you are learning more about yourself—your ability to give; the resources you never thought you had. You will also elevate your mood, connect better with others, and serve as a positive role model to elevate the mood of those who see your loving example.

 

Yes, you can reinvent yourself in 2020 (and beyond). You may still have the same body and name, but your spirit and mind will be different, better, and more fulfilled. Take steps every day to make each year better for yourself and others. Give of your greatest self and you will receive everything you need in return. Enjoy the new You!

SPECIAL GUEST FROM MIAMI BOOK FAIR: “STRANGE MAGIC” AMANDA YATES GARCIA, LEGACY WITCH, ON HOW TO TAP INTO THE NATURAL MAGIC OF YOUR LIFE AND ACHIEVE YOUR DESIRES

LIVE FROM MIAMI BOOK FESTIVAL: SPECIAL GUEST ANTHONY STULTZ "SENSEI TONY": THE SECRETS OF PEACE AND MINDFULNESS

In a world of strife and stress, what can we do to live peacefully, lovingly, and with power? Our special guest, Buddhist Minister Anthony Stultz, gave us some excellent pointers on how to master our “Monkey Mind” (chattering thoughts) and start the year with true excitement and contentment. For a great new year of patience and peace, practice the 4 Steps of Mindfulness (awareness of our thoughts and human experience):

 

*Recognize Your Emotional Hooks: All of us have something, a psychological trigger or hook, that lures us (chocolate cake) or makes us angry (bad drivers), sad (we’re getting older), or fearful (financial concerns). These events, circumstances, or people trigger self-defeating thoughts in us that limit us and make us feel bad. The solution is to be aware of these “emotional hooks” as they arise. For example, when a rude driver cuts you off on the highway, be aware of the thought, “That idiot cut me off. How dare they?”

 

*Realize That You Don’t Have to Act on the Negative Thought: In the example of the rude driver, you can realize that you don’t have to yell, flip them off, or do anything about your anger thought and reaction. You can simply feel the burning sensation of anger, and even see it as a color (perhaps red), without having to do anything about it; just look at it as a foreign mental entity that is invading you for the moment.

 

*Do Something to Bring You Out of the Negative Space: When the negative thought attacks you, take an action that moves you away from the present negativity. Be aware of your breath, think of something absurdly humorous about the lousy driver and laugh, breathe deeply in and out as you visualize breathing out anger and breathing in peace. Put on some of your favorite music; think of a beautiful place you can go. Realize that you can lift yourself from your stuck emotional place at the very moment that the negative feeling (excessive anger) is attacking you. This gives you tremendous power.

 

*Extend Compassion and Empathy: Although it may be difficult to do at first, your final step is to extend compassion and empathy to the person or circumstance that is causing you distress. See the impatient driver as a frenzied mother or father who is having a bad day. Feel compassion for their suffering—see how much they suffer from their own impatient and frantic nature. Extend loving energy to them—even have an inner smile—in which you wish them peace, joy, and happiness. When you do this, an emotional miracle occurs in which you no longer feel the self-destructive feelings of unreasonable anger; now you experience the healing and light feeling of loving energy.

 

Yes, it is possible to get out of your own way mentally and master the inner workings of your mind. Awareness, meditation, breathing, and realizing that everything is impermanent—all things change—are excellent tools of inner transformation and growth that you can apply to make your life better on a daily basis. Regardless of your faith belief or spiritual practice, the truth is simple: The energy you bring to a situation usually influences the way it turns out. If you see the world with eyes of love, compassion, and success, you will attract more of the same into your world. Do this every day, and vow to make this your best year ever.

CONQUER BURNOUT: RECAPTURE YOUR JOY IN WORK AND LIFE

     Are you burned out?  It’s the end of the year, and you may have had a tough or challenging time. Perhaps, you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, depleted.  Now, there’s a way to conquer burnout—that feeling that you have nothing more to give—and recapture your energy, joy, and motivation again.  Apply these tips to your life and get back on track to a powerful new year:

 

*Focus on Your Don:  All of us have a “Don”—a God-given gift or ability. It may be teaching, writing, business, science, the arts, working with your hands, or taking care of people. This is the activity or ability that comes natural to you and brings you joy. Focus on doing more of it at work, or find work that allows you to express your passion and talent on a daily basis. Even if you only exercise your Don as a hobby, the energy and joy that comes when you do it will fill you up and reduce any feelings of doubt and frustration.

 

*Say “No” to Overcommitment: Maybe you’re a people-pleaser who finds it hard to turn down assignments at work or unwelcome social invitations.  If you have a hard time saying “No” to people, start by saying “No” to small requests for time, money, or energy.  Say “No” to people who want to gossip and waste your time; say “No” to tasks that are better delegated to people who can do them better than you.  As you do this, you will begin to liberate your time and energy for the things that really matter—your loved ones, your passions, and your health and spiritual practice.

 

*Practice Self-Compassion:  Take time out every day to take care of yourself—mentally, physically, and spiritually. Recognize your “resistant” point—the moment when you have no more energy for a task or social encounter.  When you reach that point, stop and take a break.  Get a massage, facial, or go shopping.  Write, read, meditate, listen to music. Exercise, engage in a spiritual or meditative practice, spend time with animals, children, or loved ones, take an excursion into nature. Tell yourself that you have done enough work for the day; you have dealt with enough problems or difficult people; now it’s time to take care of yourself and recharge your batteries.  

 

*Take a Power Nap:  One of our greatest inventors, Thomas Edison, had over 1000 patents, including the incandescent light built.  His secret: Power naps. Although he only slept a few hours a night, he would take periodic 15 minute naps during the day to energize himself so he could get back to his creative and brain intensive work.  You can do the same. Perhaps, you can put a cot in your office, or go to a park or quiet place where you can take a short nap during the day. Doing so will re-energize you and get your back on track for a great day.

 

*Give Love Without Expectations:  This is one of the greatest secrets, not just to reduce burnout, but to live a fantastic and contribution-filled life.  It is also a great reversal. When you’re feeling burned-out, find a burned-out person and help them feel better—give them comfort, advice, and practical help (maybe help them organize their office or house). If you’re lonely or broke, find a person who is lonelier and more broke, and help them in any way you can. By doing this, you will reverse your flow of energy from inward—tight, scared, frustrated—to outward: Loving, giving, and helpful. By extending your loving energy outward, you will replenish your own inner energy, and you will find that the Universe of people will often give you back more than you give them.

 

Yes, you can diminish and even eradicate the feeling of burn-out. You can have maximum energy, desire, and joy to live your best possible life.  As the New Year arrives, decide that you will live with passion, purpose, and power, and you will not let anything get in your way.  This is your year: Live with maximum power and absolute love.

FOR THE LOVE OF DOGS: HOW DOGS CAN IMPROVE YOUR LIFE AND GIVE YOU JOY

Does your dog love you? Research shows that it probably does. In one study, they showed dogs how to open a box, then put the dog’s owner in the box. When the owner screamed for help, the majority of dogs went to the rescue. In another study, the brain of dogs had more activity in their reward centers when they were close to their owner—even more than when they had food in front of them.  And, of course, your dog may cuddle and lick you when you’re feeling down—a loving feeling if there ever was one.  

 

Of course, not everyone loves dogs, but it you’ve thought about getting one, here are some good reasons to put a Fido into your life.

 

*Increase Your Mindfulness:  The dog can teach you how to live in the moment.  Forever smelling everything in their way, dogs can teach you to “slow down and smell the roses”—to be aware of your body and all the sensations you’re feeling; to relax and take time out of your busy schedule to appreciate the beauty of life. Relaxation and feelings of joy and well-being will follow when you live in the moment.

 

*Improve Your Physical Health:  Being around a dog can reduce your stress, lower your blood pressure, and improve your cholesterol levels. It can even help you recover quicker from a heart attack. And, walking a dog will give you needed exercise—studies show that dog owners take 2700 more steps daily, which translates to nearly ½ hours of exercise daily.  Walk your dog and live healthier.

 

*Improve Your Mood:  The affection and companionship dogs provide have been shown to reduce depression and anxiety, and increase feelings of well-being, comfort, and meaning. Lonely and depressed people feel better when they have a dog. Instead of being stuck in their own negative thoughts, they can focus their attention outwardly on their furry friend—playing with them, taking care of them, and receiving love in return.    

 

*Give You Unconditional Love:  Dogs offer the rarest of gifts: Love without conditions.  They love you no matter what—even if you put them in the doghouse for a while. Also, being around a dog increases the presence of the love bonding hormone—oxytocin—in both you and the dog.   Through the power of touch—caressing and hugging your dog—you will have more of these feel-good chemicals in your brain and experience the warm feeling of being close to another creature who loves you back.

 

Yes, dogs can be smelly, messy, and require a lot of time, money, and energy. But, the payoffs of dog ownership are more than worth the investment you make.  If you choose the right dog for you and take care of it in the way you need to (plenty of attention and exercise), you and the dog will benefit greatly—physically, emotionally, and psychologically. After all, they say, it’s a dog’s world, and we’re just living in it.

 

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LIVE FROM MIAMI BOOK FESTIVAL: M.J. FIEVRE, HAITI'S BELOVED AUTHOR, SPEAKS UP ABOUT OVERCOMING MENTAL ILLNESS, HATRED, AND FEAR AND FINDING THE LOVE VOICE WITHIN

We had the privilege of having M.J. Fièvre, Haiti’s beloved author, educator, and publisher on Love University at the Miami Book Festival. Raised in an environment of silence, trauma, guilt, and violence, M.J. Fievre signed her first book contract at age 19 and was able to find the love within—inspiring many people worldwide with her fiction and nonfiction artistic creations.

 

Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom we learned from M.J at Love University:

 

*Own Your Past: When M.J. wrote her memoir about her difficult childhood, many of her family members turned against her—she had violated the taboo of speaking up about personal issues. Yet, her advice to would-be writers and those who need to tell their story is this: “You own everything that has happened to you.” In other words, don’t hide, deny, or feel guilty about your past, share your story with others—whether in written or verbal form—and you will discover relief, peace, and inner acceptance.

 

*Tomorrow will be better: Growing up in Haiti, she was exposed to protests, looting, shooting, and home invasions. Fear was her daily companion. Yet, M.J. advises us to realize that, although life can be difficult at times, the bad things will pass—good things will come. Our aim is to work daily to bring good, optimism, love, and gratitude into our lives as we do the same for others. That is one of the true secrets of happiness.

 

*Light Your Own Fire/Accept Your Nature: M.J. describes her lifelong struggle with depression, and gives readers hope in her book of poetry about mental illness: “Happy, Ok?” She says we can shake off the stigma of mental illness and accept who we are—and that we can get better—by finding our unique inner voice. If we constantly look toward others to validate our happiness, we will rarely be happy for long—people disappoint us, leave us, and eventually die. The key is to accept our true selves—the good, the bad; the beautiful,. the not-so beautiful, and love ourselves as the special divine creatures that we are.

 

*Lovingness is Greatness: M.J describes how she helped soldiers find survivors after Haiti’s earthquake and gave writing workshops to children in Haiti so they could use writing and reading to escape negativity and live creatively and joyously. She says that, although some of these activities were hard and cost her a price, by giving love to others, she tapped into an ultimate healing force. She says our society encourages the self-centered ego to flourish, but giving to, and helping others, allows our inner greatness—our lovingness—to flourish—as we humbly use our special talents and abilities to make this world a more loving and better place.

 

 

The beauty of M.J.’s message is simple: Give a voice to others and you give a voice to yourself. Love others, and you love yourself. Look in the mirror and say, “I can help and I can grow and I can give,” and your life will be a rising tide of contribution and joy, washing away the seeds of discontent and the mist of sadness. Together, we can help create a world worthy of love.